Sunday night, 8 p.m. sharp you're there with your face pressed against Equius' sweaty দুশ্চরিত্রা tits as he holds আপনি like the baby.
6 months back, Equius হারিয়ে গেছে both of his testicles and since then he হারিয়ে গেছে his wife, Aradia, and daughter, Nepeta. আপনি only remebered their names because thats all he talks about. Well that and his glory days as a fucking রস head, আপনি mean "competitive body builder." However, unlike other bodybuilders Equius' has tits. Hormone therapy came along with a side of high testosterone and because of that, his body had to kick up the estrogen to maintain balance.
Equius' big arms looped আপনি right inside him, but আপনি didn't push back. আপনি pulled in, right in his musk and sweat and buried your face into his tits. Motor নৌকা him while you're at it.
"If আপনি wish to cry, go ahead." He drone as he pat down your wild licks of jet. "It will be alright."
It will be alright, আপনি chanted. Instantly, a set of dominos were set off. One দ্বারা one from the core of your useless piece of shit of a body, chemicals started to react and soon enough আপনি further dug your nose into his chest. আপনি let go.
Crying is what আপনি need. The release from your shitty job, your shitty boss and his shitty accent, from your shitty harelquin filled life. No one understands but most of all no one listens to your bucktooth ass. Your mouth agape, tongue readying and willing to lash out to those who put your গাধা down. Then again who are আপনি really trying to face? Staring at your mirror, staring at your baggy, colbalt glare of purest form of isolation. Even আপনি don't listen to your mind, body অথবা soul, and thus is why আপনি have an insomina.
Which is why you're here, for two years and 6 months you've been attending support groups. It's only when আপনি have an invisible gun to your head is when someone actually leads an ear. Actually make আপনি feel like you're beloved. It feels nice to be cared for, after you've been rejected দ্বারা the ones আপনি loved. Makes a whole lot easier to cry too.
This is how আপনি meet Karkat Vantas.
Equius gives a jerking sob. Up with the shoulder blade, down with his articulation of breath. Huff, huff, puff, puff. Big bad Equius is going to blow down your house. Though, that doesn't bother আপনি one bit. This is the closet আপনি will get to sleep, and আপনি will get your sleep because আপনি fucking earn it দ্বারা those hours আপনি pull.
"Only the strong will survive," Equius remarked.
Peaking your cerulean open, আপনি see the other men in the Remaining Men circle. All hugging and crying, it warms আপনি up until আপনি saw him.
His face contorted to one side while he pulls a long drag from his lips, blowing into your বৃত্ত as a man cry his burdens into the crook of his neck. His eyes meet yours.
Pants on fucking fire.
He just rubs আপনি the wrong way, he wasn't even trying to fake it. Short matte black hair, half-lidden amber eyes that fell endlessly against the চীনামাটির বাসন flesh that barely covered bone. Maybe he is sick, in the fucking head because he's always in yours tuberculosis group on Friday. Around Wednesday night, he's staring at আপনি with that same drag in his mouth at your melanoma round table. Monday night he's attending the lukiemia rap group. What a fucking joy, oh wait, he also goes to your brain parasite group on Thursdays.
It annoys you, it infuriates আপনি to know he's there. আপনি need to this, আপনি need to relax and let go of all the stress thats blocking your chi.
This is your vacation.
The first time আপনি ever step foot into a support group, it was right after your doctors appointment for your insomnia. আপনি don't know why আপনি have it, but আপনি do know it's killing you. Albeit, your doctor refuses to see the murderous aspect. Only telling আপনি to chew valerian root, get excrise and just listen to your body. When all আপনি really want is the red-and-blue pill.
"If আপনি wish to see true torture, I suggest witnessing First Eucharist on Tuesday night, Brain Parasites on Thursday," Doctor Maryam kept listening আরো and more, দ্বারা the end of it all.
আপনি never gave out your real name when it came to introductions: This is Andrew, this is Jack, this is Droogs. All force smiles and greetings.
"Hello, Hey, Hi," we all get it.
Making her way towards the front, Aranea took center stage. No doubt she was captivating, the way her hips pop with each click of her heel. Too bad আপনি হারিয়ে গেছে all effort and energy to prove your heterosexuality back in high school. Still, you'll admit when আপনি see an attractive female. Especially how smoothly her words flow like velvet, leaving tracks of bumps along your forearm.
She instructs আপনি with a tug of her frames up her nose to close your eyes and just follow her voice. Follow her through the red curtains, green curtains and pass a man with a cue ball.
আপনি wake up again. Eyes flown open to nothing but the sky. Body stretch across fields upon endless fields of shade, soon enough আপনি pop on your elbows and took a glance around.
"Watch out," with a snap, আপনি gaze at a lone figure to the north. Hesitantly, আপনি began your journey. Closer and closer, louder and louder they warned," watch out."
For what? আপনি differ. Shoving a wristful into your পায়জামা দ্বারা the time আপনি reach the yellow salamader.
আপনি wake up and you're up on the first floor. Equius and other men file out the building, while আপনি just stood there. Bewildered and unresponsive. Until push came to shove.
"Move bitch, get out of the way."
His boney fingers sunk into your linen pressed dress shirt, allowing him to shimmy right pass you. A trail of toxin following every whip of his heel.
আপনি will get Karkat Vantas back, if আপনি could আপনি would throw that painters bucket at his face. Just to watch him squirm on the floor where he belongs.
আপনি need some fucking sleep.