The Chick Code
প্রবন্ধ 1: Chicks before dicks. The bond between two women is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, women are আরো willing and able to commit than men. Unfortunate for our প্রণয় lives, but true.
প্রবন্ধ 2: A Chick is always entitled to do something wild, as long as the rest of her Side-Chicks* are all doing it. For example: partaking in "WOOO!"-ing.
প্রবন্ধ 3: A Chick never divulges the existence of the Chick Code to a man. It is a sacred document not to be shared with guys for any reason...no, not even that reason. (Note: if আপনি a man পাঠ করা this, first, let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so many big words. Second, I urge আপনি to look at this document for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe অথবা adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.** Oh, and have আপনি been working out?)
প্রবন্ধ 4: A Chick shall not stare inappropriately if she and other Chicks must get naked in front of one another in a locker room, etc. আপনি may gossip, joke around, and many other fun activities but never should আপনি stare at another Chick's breasts, "No-No Square", and/or bum.
প্রবন্ধ 5: A Chick never admits that she's PMSing to a guy, not even when she is PMSing.
প্রবন্ধ 6: Should a Chick be critically injured, her Side-Chicks are to never make jokes about it, unless the hurt Chick does first.
প্রবন্ধ 7: A Chick will drop whatever she's doing and rush to help her Side-Chick when and if she gets dumped. Things required to ensure maximum comfort for your dumped Side-Chick: a shoulder to cry on, arms to hug, things to break, tissues, chocolate, alcohol, chick flicks, angry chick music, popcorn, mani/pedi kit, facial kit, and words aimed to describe what a douche what's-his-face was.
প্রবন্ধ 8: A Chick always asks for a guy's help when moving. For আরো effective results (aka getting a reluctant guy friend to সরানো your massive পালঙ্ক and California king) মাখন him up about how strong and able and manly he is. For even আরো effective results, it is acceptable to slut it up a little অথবা "unintentionally" প্রদর্শনী off your assets while buttering him up. Pouting and begging in a sexual manner are also acceptable in this situation.
প্রবন্ধ 9: On ডিনার dates, do not eat like a pig, but do not be peck-ish either. When মিষ্টান্ন rolls around, and you're hoping for an "active" night, nonchalantly licking something off your finger(s) অথবা the underside of your utensil works most effectively.
প্রবন্ধ 10: A Chick must always help her fellow Chicks stay away from known অথবা rumored creeps.
প্রবন্ধ 11: A Chick shall always help a Side-Chick get a guy. Exception: your Side-Chick is pursuing a taken guy (in a relationship, engaged, অথবা married).
প্রবন্ধ 12: If a guy should inquire about another Chick's sexual history, a Chick shall lie and say that she doesn't know so that the Chick questioned about looks not like a whore nor a prude.
প্রবন্ধ 13: A Chick never dances stupidly nor too slutty. Exception: when a Chick is drunk অথবা under the pretense of being drunk.
প্রবন্ধ 14: A Chick should be able, at any time, to recite the following: winner of American Idoland Project Runway; who's on the cover of Vanity Fair and Vogue; who the new "It" couple is; who the শীর্ষ celebrity couples are; what the latest celebrity scandals are.
প্রবন্ধ 15: A Chick shall be kind and courteous to her co-workers, unless they are beneath her on the Pyramid of Screaming***, are total jerk wads, completely incompetent, and/or inappropriate (yes, that kind of inappropriate).
প্রবন্ধ 16: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's brother (unless genuinely deemed okay with the Chick who has the brother). However, a Chick shall not let it bother her in any way if another Chick says, "OMG you're brother is, like, so hot!" Should a Chick's brother be interested in the Chick's friend, it is not acceptable for them to get together unless genuinely deemed okay দ্বারা the Chick with the brother.
প্রবন্ধ 17: A Chick respects Chicks in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but আরো the point, because they can totally kick your গাধা when আপনি মতামত on how camouflage print doesn't look good on them অথবা their tragic haircut.
প্রবন্ধ 18: A Chick may share her observations about another Chick's smoking hot boyfriend, but in no way must she say anything further to ensure that the Chick with the hot BF doesn't think that the observing Chick will attempt to steal the BF in any way, shape, অথবা form.
প্রবন্ধ 19: Homosexual men are completely acceptable as Side-Chicks. Sometimes even better. For example, less of your Gucci's will "go missing". Unless your homosexual guy-friend cross-dresses, which is also completely acceptable.
প্রবন্ধ 20: There is no law that prohibits a straight man from being a Side-Chick অথবা "one of the girls". He can make a wonderful wingman or, if all else fails, a backup boyfriend/hubby.
প্রবন্ধ 21: A Chick shall not sleep with another Chick's ex, unless the Chick whose ex it is does.
প্রবন্ধ 22: If two Chicks get into a fight, they shall make catty remarks and pretend to ignore each other, rather than stripping down and wrestling it out. (See প্রবন্ধ 38 for a বিবরণ of the rules should the strip-n-wrestle situation occur).
প্রবন্ধ 23: If two Chicks are wearing the same outfit, each retains the right to "accidentally" spill a drink on the other.
প্রবন্ধ 24: A Chick doesn't let another Chick get a "tramp stamp."
প্রবন্ধ 25: A Chick never removes her clothing in public, unless at a pool, beach, অথবা (sometimes) a concert.
প্রবন্ধ 26: A Chick will, in a timely manner, alert her Side-Chicks to the existence of a sale/clearance.
প্রবন্ধ 27: If two Chicks decide to catch a movie together, they shall বিভক্ত করা a tub of ভুট্টার খই to save money. However, the act of sharing a drink must be decided betwixt the Chicks due to personal levels of awkwardness and/or germaphobia.
প্রবন্ধ 28: A Chick comparison shops.
প্রবন্ধ 29: When on the prowl, a Chick hits the most decent seeming guy first in hopes of catching a good one.
প্রবন্ধ 30: When in a public restroom, a Chick (1) does not look in between the crack in stall doors; (2) waits until the restroom is completely empty before streaking to the পরবর্তি stall when আপনি find that the stall আপনি chose has no toilet paper (this also applies for when she needs to sprint to the tampon dispenser); (3) taps foot impatiently and huffs a bit when there is a wait; (4) always uses soap.
প্রবন্ধ 32: When the situation arises where a Chick spies another Chick with fake breasts while with her BF, then মতামত on it, a Chick always has the right to read between the lines at the BF's reaction মতামত (aka catching him staring at her breasts – but at least give him a few brownie points if he decries the silicon masses).
প্রবন্ধ 33: A Chick always reserves the right to get miffed if her male companion does not exhibit gentlemanly conduct (i.e. not opening the door for her, not pulling out her chair for her to sit down, not offering to pay, etc.)
প্রবন্ধ 34: Even in a fight to the death, a Chick never assaults, অথবা attempts to assault, another Chick's breasts, bum, অথবা "No-No Square." Scratching (this includes eye-gauging) is not suggested, on account of the usually long and sometimes sharp nails of our gender. Hair pulling, unfortunately, is both acceptable and encouraged.
প্রবন্ধ 35: When a Chick exchanges information with a guy, she is allowed to contact him twice before she must honor the weird "wait three days" ritual guys do.
প্রবন্ধ 36: Should a Chick be engaged to be married, her Side-Chicks are obligated to help the betrothed out in any way the bride-to-be deems possible. (They shall also throw her a kick গাধা bachelorette party).
প্রবন্ধ 37: A Chick is always allowed to cry (and if she can cry on cue, all the better).
প্রবন্ধ 38: Upon greeting another Chick, a Chick may engage in a hug, cheek kiss(es), high five, hand shake, fist bump, Bro hug, jumping up and down, booty bump, অথবা light গাধা smack, but not a চুম্বন on the lips nor grope/caress in any way. Exception: lesbians/bisexuals.
প্রবন্ধ 39: A Chick loves her country, especially if it's in Europe.
প্রবন্ধ 40: A Chick may never take off অথবা সরানো around her swim bottoms while applying sunscreen, though untying the back of her শীর্ষ is acceptable.
প্রবন্ধ 41: A Chick does not go to a strip club as a general rule, though it is not prohibited.
প্রবন্ধ 42: If a Chick is seated পরবর্তি to another Chick who's stuck in the middle আসন on an aircraft, she shall yield her all their shared armrests, unless the girl has (a) been talking absolutely nonstop; (b) is snoring; (c) makes the Chick get up আরো than once to use the lavatory.
প্রবন্ধ 43: A Chick always, when the opportunity arises, participates in a drinking game (i.e. "I Never"/"Never Have I Ever", etc.) অথবা risky party game (i.e. Truth অথবা Dare, Seven মিনিট in Heaven, Would আপনি Rather, Spin the Bottle, etc).
প্রবন্ধ 44: When asked, "Do আপনি need some help?" দ্বারা a super hot guy, a Chick always উত্তর yes, whether অথবা not she's really got it.
প্রবন্ধ 45: If a Chick should accidentally boob অথবা butt brush another Chick both shall continue on like nothing had happened. If a Chick should boob অথবা butt brush a guy on accident she shall act like nothing happened and try not to blush (unless it was on purpose, in which then she may act however sexually alluring she feels is appropriate).
প্রবন্ধ 46: A Chick checks out another Chick's blind তারিখ and reports back, though the Chick going on the blind তারিখ is obligated to still go on the তারিখ and give the guy a chance even if the প্রতিবেদন is bad.
প্রবন্ধ 47: A Chick is required to remember birthdays and anniversaries.
প্রবন্ধ 48: Even in a drought, a Chick always washes her hands after every potty break, and washes her face every morning and night. We are ladies, and ladies are hygienic.
প্রবন্ধ 49: A Chick is required to go out with her mother on Mother's Day, and her Side-Chicks on Halloween, New Year's Eve, Boxing Day, Black Friday, and Desperation দিন (February 13th).
প্রবন্ধ 50: A Chick is always allowed to borrow clothes from another Chick, unless ব্যক্ত clothes are unwashed, frumpy, obsolete, ugly, and/or extremely special to the owning Chick.
প্রবন্ধ 51: A Chick is required to alert another Chick if the Dude/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1 in favor of the Chicks. However, so not to create Chicklandia****, a Chick may only alert three Side-Chicks.
প্রবন্ধ 52: A Chick always reveals the score of a sporting event to a guy, if she can remember it.
প্রবন্ধ 53: A Chick always shaves/waxes her legs, armpits, eyebrows (if need be), and "down there." Exception: butch lesbians, Chicks too uncomfortable অথবা sensitive, অথবা Chicks who are making a statement দ্বারা not doing it.
প্রবন্ধ 54: A Chick always brings a jailed Chick the necessities ("necessities" may vary in definition for each individual, so be sure to know what the jailed Chick would appreciate).
প্রবন্ধ 55: A Chick will always be respectful to others' parents, even if they're driving her insane.
প্রবন্ধ 56: A Chick will always alert the significant other of her Side-Chick to an upcoming anniversary, birthday, অথবা other important events. This is to protect the feelings of her Side-Chick, because আপনি knowthat the significant other had forgotten.
প্রবন্ধ 57: In the event that two Chicks lock on to the same target, they may be somewhat petty towards the opposing chick and somewhat slutty to the target. It is important that the target be aware that there is competition for his affection, but not find out just how vicious and important the situation is. Should it happen that the target choose neither Chick, they reserve the right to blame each other and call each other bad names under their breath.
প্রবন্ধ 58: A Chick will be completely supportive of all decisions of her Side-Chick in the event of pregnancy. (This includes the touchy subject of abortion, but even then a Chick must respect any and all decisions made দ্বারা the pregnant Chick).
প্রবন্ধ 59: In the case of a road trip, the Chick that suggested the road trip must pay for the gas and lodging. Bad things, like car sickness অথবা post-Taco ঘণ্টা potty breaks, willbe blamed on the Chick who suggested the road trip, therefore she must be responsible for both the aforementioned expenses.
প্রবন্ধ 60: A Chick can order any type of alcoholic drink she wants. Because, unlike men, we can have both fruity drinks with umbrellas andcheap beer.
প্রবন্ধ 61: A Chick shall always participate in karaoke when the even arises, and, if she can't carry a tune, reserves the right to pretend to be drunk অথবা get drunk.
প্রবন্ধ 62: Should আপনি know for a fact that your Side-Chick's significant other is cheating on her, then she must tell her Side-Chick, even though it'll hurt her. Getting evidence first also helps.
প্রবন্ধ 63: A Chick will drive another Chick to the airport and, if she's available, also pick her up – both of which on time and/or early. She is expected to inquire how her trip was and her general wellbeing, and offer to help her with her luggage
প্রবন্ধ 64: Chicks are strongest in three's and four's. Can't explain it, but so true
প্রবন্ধ 65: A Chick always spell-checks.
প্রবন্ধ 66: When a group of Chicks are in a restaurant, each shall pay for what they ate. (This is because it eliminates the time-wasting "bill jockeying" and it is very fair
প্রবন্ধ 67: Yellow stoplights are an option – either slow down and accept the red light, অথবা speed up and get across while আপনি can.
প্রবন্ধ 68: A Chick must never ever get her vagina pierced.
প্রবন্ধ 69: Duh.
প্রবন্ধ 70: A Chick can always be honest to a guy about their occupation (because she knows that he'll imagine it as a sexual role play no matter what it is).
প্রবন্ধ 71: A Chick reserves the right to be a bit miffed should her BF act differently toward her around his Bros, but will only confront him when the Bros have all gone away. Because Chicks are courteous.
প্রবন্ধ 72: Chicks may always snuggle, cuddle, and spoon.
প্রবন্ধ 73: A Chick shall never Cock Block***** her Side-Chick(s). Exception: he's a known অথবা rumored creep, অথবা it's known that he's taken.
প্রবন্ধ 74: At a wedding, a Chick shall be excited about the bouquet catch, even if she isn't, for the sake of the bride.
প্রবন্ধ 75: Chicks are not dolls, toys, অথবা experiments. Hazing is absolutely unacceptable.
প্রবন্ধ 76: A Chick always puts the toilet আসন back down – we are ladies.
প্রবন্ধ 77: If two Chicks get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, she is expected to take it back, apologize, and make amends. Otherwise the offended Chick reserves the right to never speak to the out-of-line-Chick again.
প্রবন্ধ 78: Though it is not strictly prohibited, mixing it up romantically with a coworker is not suggested. (Seeing each other all the time at work after a break up? Awkward...)
ARCTICLE 79: If a Chick buys a new car, she is required to accessorize it immediately.
প্রবন্ধ 81: A Chick shall accessorize. Period. Nuff said. প্রবন্ধ 69.
প্রবন্ধ 82: A Chick never প্রশ্ন another Chick's stated amount of shoes, calories she's eaten that day, অথবা how many times she's dyed her hair.
প্রবন্ধ 83: If a Chick, for whatever reason, must drive another Chick's car, she may adjust the mirrors and আসন position, but put it back to the way it was before giving it back. A Chick must not let anything impair her driving.
প্রবন্ধ 84: A Chick does not work in the kitchen, nor does she make/bring her man a sandwich. Exception: she's a chef.
প্রবন্ধ 85: A Chick always brings over a bottle of wine when invited to an event at someone's house. Exception: under the age of 21 (USA).
প্রবন্ধ 86: A Chick must not, under any circumstances, become like her mother.
প্রবন্ধ 87: Chicks shall swear off men at least once a year, for the sake of feminism, অথবা because of douche bags.
প্রবন্ধ 88: Chick will call her BF "cute" অথবা "adorable" once in front of his Bros just for fun, then promise never to do it again…when he's around. ;)
প্রবন্ধ 89: Asking for directions, maps, GPS... it doesn't matter, okay? Do whatever will help আপনি get to your destination.
প্রবন্ধ 90: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Chick may text (etc.), regardless of whether অথবা not her state has made that illegal.
প্রবন্ধ 91: If a Chick asks another Chick to keep a secret, she shall take it to her grave and beyond. Yes, this will be very difficult since the human race is a very social species and she might feel the exploding need to spill the beans অথবা gossip, but she shan't because বন্ধু are আরো important than having the latest scoop. Exception: if she অথবা anyone else is in danger.
প্রবন্ধ 92: A Chick shall take great care in selecting her outfit for any occasion.
প্রবন্ধ 93: A Chick never wears বড়দিন রঙ (red and green) when it's not বড়দিন time. Same goes for হ্যালোইন রঙ (orange and black), and Independence দিন রঙ (red, white, and blue).
প্রবন্ধ 94: The father and/or stepfather of a Chick is always off-limits.
প্রবন্ধ 95: If a Chick is not invited to another Chick's wedding, she doesn't make a huge deal out of it, even if, let's face it, she was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No biggie. (Talking discreetly behind the bride's back may work, if she truly feels the need to make a semi-big deal out of it).
প্রবন্ধ 96: A Chick never lets another Chick look like trash. Exception: the other Chick is a frenemy/enemy.
প্রবন্ধ 97: If a Chick forgets another Chick's name, somehow devise a plan to learn her name without actually asking her.
প্রবন্ধ 98: When Chicks attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall wave, point, blow kisses, and/or hide her face.
প্রবন্ধ 99: If a guy orders a Chick a drink, the Chick shall use gestures to thank him for the drink, then ask the bar tender if he knows if the drink-sender is a decent guy.
প্রবন্ধ 100: If a Chick discovers another Chick has forgotten to sign out of her email, the Chick shall respectfully sign out for her without peeking at anything.
প্রবন্ধ 101: Should a Girl Power song come on, a Chick is expected, at the very least, to shriek about how much she loves that song.
প্রবন্ধ 102: Should a Chick need to bunk at another Chick's house for an extended period of time, she is expected to help pay for food, toiletries, and any delivered movie-rentals.
প্রবন্ধ 103: If a Chick finds a "clothing optional" beach, and it's not in Europe, then it is not suggested that she attend.
প্রবন্ধ 104: A Chick never willingly relinquishes possession of her cell phone. Should another Chick snatch it from her, then the offended Chick reserves the right to be very angry and possibly mildly harm the theiving Chick in order to retrieve her cell phone.
প্রবন্ধ 105: A Chick must, at the very least, attempt not to drink in front of a recovering alcoholic.
প্রবন্ধ 106: Chicks must always wear sunscreen.
প্রবন্ধ 107: If a Chick owns a convertible, she is required to, during warm days/months/seasons, have the শীর্ষ off, let her hair loose, and wear sunglasses.
প্রবন্ধ 108: A Chick reserves the right to be hyper.
প্রবন্ধ 109: A Chick lets guys win half the time. (Enough so that he doesn't get bitter, enough so that she'll still feel good about herself).
প্রবন্ধ 110: When driving with a friend following, a Chick always makes sure that she is in sight of the friend.
প্রবন্ধ 111: A Chick shall always help another Chick reconstruct the events from the পূর্ববর্তি night.
প্রবন্ধ 112: If a Chick lends another Chick a DVD, প্রবন্ধ of clothing, CD, অথবা anything else, she shall expect to get it back and will hold it against the borrowing Chick in the occurrence of an argument.
ARTIVLE 113: A Chick shall not hitchhike anywhere ever.
প্রবন্ধ 114: Chicks do not fart.
প্রবন্ধ 115: When hosting, a Chick makes sure that her BF hasn't messed with anything. If he has, then she must fix it immediately.
প্রবন্ধ 116: Getting kneed in the crotch hurts Chicks, too.
প্রবন্ধ 117: A Chick reserves the right to simply walk away after the first five মিনিট of a date. This is the "Lemon Law" and আপনি can find cut outs of it in the fabled "Bro Code" (see প্রবন্ধ 118).
প্রবন্ধ 118: Yes, it's true – guys really do have their own Code, much like this document. But it is full of sexist text, and obviously the লেখক was thinking from his crotch and not his brain. As a Chick, it is our vagina-given right to frown upon The Bro Codeand those who actually live দ্বারা it. [A/N: I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself and cracked up all over the place as I wrote this. It, of course, is a lie – theBro Codeis hilarious and awesome, and Barney Stinsen is the King.]
প্রবন্ধ 119: A Chick must get a mani/pedi/facial/massage about every two months to ensure a happy and healthy body.
প্রবন্ধ 120: A Chick shall seek no revenge if she passes out around her Side-Chicks and wakes up to find that they've pulled numerous pranks on her sleeping form (i.e. marker all over her face, the hot water trick, the shaving cream trick, etc).
প্রবন্ধ 121: Chicks care about the environment.
প্রবন্ধ 122: Chicks care about animals. (And not in the "I wonder which one is 'in' right now" way, but in the very humane, loving, and non-clothes way).
প্রবন্ধ 123: A Chick never sleeps nude while bunings with someone else. Exception: sex with the one(s) you're bunking with.
প্রবন্ধ 124: If a Chick sees one of her Side-Chicks get into a fight, she attempts to rip the fighters away from each other.
প্রবন্ধ 125: Chicks are smarter than guys. It's a scientific fact.