Biggerstaff Family Article: confession type-thing?

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posted by wotcher-tonks

so i know nobody comes on here anymore but i figured i'd do what jacob suggested (kind of bc this প্রবন্ধ is only about me lol)

so i'm gonna be a junior in high school this বছর (pretty rough) and i'm already looking into colleges (not so fun)

i've made some pretty amazing বন্ধু and i wouldn't trade them for the world (although i want to kill them sometimes bc ALL THEY DO IS SING)

i really, really প্রণয় one direction. please don't judge me omg it's not just their সঙ্গীত that made me প্রণয় them i mean i'm really in প্রণয় with them as people as well. they're amazing guys. i also প্রণয় 5 সেকেন্ড of summer, an australian pop punk band that opened for one direction's tour. i saw them both in সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান on july 6, 2013 and i loved every moment.

i saw darren criss in সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান on june 27, 2013 with two of my best বন্ধু and it was one of the most amazing nights of my life!

i've grown up a lot since i left fanpop. like, a LOT. i've been looking back on my মতামত on here and oh my GOD my typing was so horrendous i used the xD face every other word!

i'm totally in প্রণয় with jeremy shada, the voice actor for finn on adventure time! he's adorable and he's my age ;)

i went to england and france this past spring for two weeks with school, and it was so amazing! i loved every সেকেন্ড of it! i finally got to see লন্ডন and paris :D

i don't know if any of আপনি remember, but i am a dancer and i switched to a professional-ish school (i guess?? it's not like american ballet theater level but it's up there!) and i've gotten really serious about ballet.

of course, i'm still head over heels in প্রণয় with queen. and obviously harry potter is still a huge huge part of my life. it always will be :)

so, the real reason i পোষ্ট হয়েছে this প্রবন্ধ is because i have a confession. i have to rant.

the past few months, i have been struggling a lot with body image. i see myself as too fat, too awkward, too tall, and altogether too ugly. i hate the way i look so much and i can't take how miserable it's made me. i hate my personality, my voice, my face, my body, and my everything.

and i haven't ever even admitted this out loud yet, but i'm anorexic, and i am m i s e r a b এল-মৃত্যু পত্র e. i'm always tired, crabby, and cold because of ana. i just don't know what to do anymore. days have become so long and repetitive and i'm just tired of life. i have self-harmed before, but don't worry about it. i don't do it much and haven't in a couple of months.

আপনি are the first people to know this (if anyone even comes on and sees this). nobody knows how unhappy i am and nobody knows about ana so i guess i hide it pretty okay. i really needed to get this out somewhere. i just don't want to be seen as attention-seeking so i'm sorry if i sound like an attention whore.

and pretty much darren criss and one direction have saved my life multiple times.

so..i miss আপনি guys. like a lot. i was so much happier when we were all together, but i think it's a good thing we went our separate ways. we all grew up. half of us are in college অথবা uni অথবা whatever. i'm not the same person i used to be, and i know the rest of আপনি probably aren't either. but i honestly hope you're all doing well. i প্রণয় আপনি guys always :)

alexthedog likes this

harrypotterbest Tonks! It's been a really long time, hasn't it? You're right about people not coming online - hardly anyone does, but that's okay. We have our memories to guide us through whatever comes! It's fine to like One Direction and whatever you like :) If you like it, if it makes you feel happy, it's okay. I hope no one's bothering you about it. You're in professional dancing school? :O That's amazing! I'm so proud! What do you want to be in the future? I've always wanted to go to France, I'm glad you like it. :) Can you speak French? I'm sorry :/ I confess I haven't had this issue as much as other people, but some of my greatest friends have struggled with body image a lot. If you're feeling really bad about it, I would recommend you find things about yourself you like and focus on those. Surround yourself with love ^.^ Do your parents know about anorexia? I'm sure they would be very supportive if they knew. Listen... I really want to help, and I don't think you're an attention-seeker. There's a big difference between seeking attention for the sake of being in the spotlight and seeking attention because you need to vent your feelings or want help. I don't know if this will help you, but it works for me. I was reading "The Once and Future King" and in it, there's a quote that goes something like, "The only thing for being sad is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails." So whenever I feel sad, I try to learn something or at least occupy my mind with another task, and it usually works. :) Maybe when you feel depressed, you should do something you enjoy, and it might help. And honestly, I would tell you you're beautiful (and I mean it too), but that hardly helps, right? There are times when no one's around to constantly compliment you, and that's when you need to be comfortable with yourself. You are not ugly, you are a good person, and you deserve to be happy. I miss everyone too, but I agree with the last paragraph. I wish you best of luck with whatever you want to do in your life, and I hope one day, maybe when we're older, we'll be able to meet once more like the family we are. :) Love, ~Best

wotcher-tonks Hi Best! Ah it's been so long! And yes my dancing school is a very small but professional and i love it there! When I'm older i don't think i want to go into ballet because it's really demanding and also hard to start a family once you're in a company. I think i want to go into science :) I do take French in school but i don't speak it very well because it's hard for me to remember all the terms :0 communicating with the waiters was always funny :D (This is gonna sound bad) My parents don't know about ana because if they did then they would make me recover. I'm at that point where i just don't want to recover, and i don't care what happens to my body as long as i lose weight. They would be supportive but i don't want to be forced into recovery. Thank you for the advice. That quote is beautiful and seems really helpful! Thank you for taking the time to reply to this :) i thought nobody would see it!