hannah though your little walk in hasn't happened yet i am planning on লেখা it in, probably chapter seventeen.

Chapter Thirteen

*Lucas*

If আপনি were to spread my life out in front of you, the good, the bad and the seemingly insignificant, it may read as a tragedy. If আপনি look deeper, if আপনি don't get distracted দ্বারা the darker facts – dead beat dad, bullied, poor, murdered uncle, left at the alter, widowed, dying son – then my life is far from tragic. I've been gifted, I truly believe that, yes I have হারিয়ে গেছে and may still lose more, and it is painful however the reason why it is so painful is because what I have হারিয়ে গেছে was worth something and I count myself lucky that I had those people in my life in the first place. And in the end I still kept getting lucky, I হারিয়ে গেছে an uncle but he'd been a father to me for years and gave me a sister, I হারিয়ে গেছে a wife but I also got to experience falling in প্রণয় all over again with Brooke, which gave me two আরো children, and yes Keith is sick but if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have Abby. So when do I say 'stop with the pain'? I can'tbecause I never know what joy will be waiting for me around the corner.

I've wanted to capture that in one of my novels for a long time, the unexpected joys that could be found through pain, I believe that with my latest story I have finally accomplished that.

Lindsey, my editor and once fiancée, looks up from the last page and I see the tears in her eyes "Luke, this is… it is… wow" she stops and just keeps looking at me, "no matter how many times I read it I still feel like crying"

Of course the হারিয়ে গেছে and found rules of life are something many of my characters experience but it ever seemed enough, not until now. I can't help but smile in pride "I'm glad আপনি like it"

"Like it, Lucas I প্রণয় it but there is just one detail-" and she stops and looks at me when I sigh, there is always 'one' detail, then two, then three and so on. Lindsey tilts her head and smiles "it's not anything in the book, it's the title" she tells me and I'm shocked how small the last problem is.

The truth is I never was particularly attached to the working শিরোনাম from the beginning, it was just I never found another শিরোনাম that seemed to fit either. The story centres on a heroine, coincidentally a sheltered best selling author, in her early thirties who হারিয়ে গেছে her trust and faith in the world when she was raped as a child. Unable to emotionally handle a relationship she distanced herself and gave up on the dream of having children instead settling on becoming a foster mother. Even then she never let any of her temporary children too close, Tahlia as I named her would open her প্রথমপাতা to the troubled teens and somehow manage to fix them then send them out into the world. It all changes when she takes in a pre teen girl who refuses any bond at all with her, together the two struggle to open their hearts and let go of their insecurities enough to gain the family they both long for. Ultimately though they are parted দ্বারা death but the effect her daughter had on her life remains with Tahlia. It's sappy and dramatic with just enough romance to get the reader hooked but at the core is a mother daughter relationship that nothing can get between.

"What's your idea?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"The choices that make you"

I go over it in my head and then nod, it is based off a quote from the book where Tahlia tells Sass that you're not defined দ্বারা what life forces on আপনি but instead দ্বারা the choices আপনি make in the wake of what আপনি can't control.

The irony is I wonder about what sort of person my choices have made me.

"I am curious though" Lindsey leans forward, placing a hand under her chin her pale eyes meet mine, dragging my attention back to the real world I smile at Lindsey, "about what?" I ask.

Her smile, with its secret little knowledge, tilts আরো "what is it this time?"

I look at her in confusion, Lindsey leans অগ্রবর্তী আরো "come on, Luke, it's killing me"

"I have no idea what আপনি are talking about"

"The thing" she clarifies with a knowing look.

Ah, the thing.

"You didn't figure it out this time?" I play with her. It's amazing how our relationship, অথবা should I say friendship, has been mended over the years.

"It can't be the foster mother thing, I thought so at first but then I changed my mind, it's something else আরো subtle, it always is, something আরো personal"

The laugh escapes me and I shake my head, then I think back to Tahlia, my heroine. That leads my mind back to my wife, piece দ্বারা piece I see her in my mind, flashes of her personality and looks come to me. Her laugh, her earlobe, her eyelashes, her hand touching her collarbone, the flush on her cheeks, the curve of her spine, and the outline of her hips silhouetted on our sheets, the back of her knee, her ankle, her legs spread out with her bare feet on our table. Her smile and her voice saying my name. And back to her bare feet.

"Brooke has this thing-" I begin.

Lindsey laughs; leaning back in her chair she bites the tip of her pen "the thing"

I barely hear her, my mind is locked on my wife "for as long as I've known her she's had this thing with her feet, I've never seen a woman with as many shoes as her but the first opportunity she gets off they come, she walks around the house with her perfectly painted toenails on display, I turn around and there they are perched on the coffee table, lying across the lounge, hanging off the bed, curled in my lap…"

"Do আপনি even realise the look that comes on your face when আপনি talk about her?" there is no regret, pain অথবা jealousy in her voice, emotions like that are long gone between us. If anything Lindsey is a supporter of my marriage, in fact she calls Brooke my muse. It may have to do with the long line of bestsellers I started knocking out after we officially became a couple, the first one appearing in bookstores a mere মাস after our wedding simply dedicated to my wife. Give her an inspired লেখক and Lindsey is happy and over the years that happiness has turned into genuine approval, she was even the one to pick up on the fact that my 'leading lady' always has a Brooke-ism.

"I have some idea"

"Now-" she stops as the phone in my pocket starts ringing, I quickly check it "it's Brooke" I say and Lindsey looks at me with understanding. I'm bringing it to my ear even as I stand up and turn away "hey-"

"Lucas" her voice ends there, cracking on my name and I can tell just দ্বারা her tone something is wrong. She doesn't start a phone call with my name like that unless what comes পরবর্তি is something bad, "what happened?"

"You have to come home" which means it has surpassed bad.

Without even really thinking about what I am doing I find myself turning back around and grabbing my bag, "I'm on my way"

Lindsey sends me a sympathetic smile and a wave goodbye, I wave back, shrugging the strap of my bag over my shoulder and walk away "I'll get the পরবর্তি possible flight back… and Brooke, hold in there".

…

Time passes আপনি দ্বারা in the blink of an eye, one moment আপনি are a living the simple life where your biggest worry is being picked on at school at that seems like the end of the world, and then the পরবর্তি আপনি are an adult, আপনি get your হৃদয় broken, আপনি lose a friend, a family member, your career falls around আপনি and suddenly those teenage troubles were another lifetime পূর্বে and আপনি would give anything to have school be your biggest problem.

I am a father, a husband, relied upon and half the time I have no idea what words to speak অথবা actions to make. In the end nothing I do fixes anything.

How time passes us by, in a blink a perfect world is turned upside down, in a blink a life is at risk.

Makes আপনি wonder what আপনি are missing every time আপনি close your eyes. Could আপনি have changed something?

Anything?

If I had been th… I don't finish the thought; it has already circled around inside my mind the entire plane ride. The what if প্রশ্ন assail আপনি when আপনি learn your child is sick. Brooke and I went through that process for a long time, torturing ourselves over every choice we had ever made. Yet আপনি can't help it, and when something new arises those same self doubting প্রশ্ন come, as well as the bargaining, the praying and the endless hope.

Please, please just let my family be okay. We've been through so much, spare them this time. Please God if আপনি are listening, spare them.

The prays come naturally, an old instinct I fall back on no matter how irrational it is, no matter how often they go unanswered.

Like I said, the endless hope, yet without it what else is there to hold us together and not have প্রণয় tear us apart.

…

Something that never changes, no matter how dark the time, is the deep relief that comes over me whenever I come home. Whether I am gone one hour, one দিন অথবা an entire week, coming প্রথমপাতা relaxes my shoulders and fills me with the same warmth that spreads all the way down to my belly. Like a satisfying drink after a long day.

A sight for sore eyes are the perfectly trimmed roses, the lawn that needs mowing, the single বাস্কেটবল hoop hanging above the গ্যারেজ door and that porch light already on even though the sky hasn't darkened yet. I look up, behind me comes the glow of the sun yet in front of me the white moon already shines in the cloudless sky.

Pulling the suitcase from my car I slam the door shut and start towards the front, my eyes stray to the extra cars parked nearby and a frown creases my brow, I do not recognise either vehicle, and even as I keep walking and keep an eye on the cars another one pulls into the driveway.

I'm already at the door and the পিজা boy climbs out and quickly jogs over, I fumble with the keys and quickly unlock the door so it is open দ্বারা the time the পিজা boy meets me.

"Hey Coach S" he says and I recognise one of the varsity players younger brother, a good kid just not the most coordinated teen in বৃক্ষ Hill.

"One second" I quickly, push the door open and place my suitcase in front of it, then I rummage for my wallet, my dark trench কোট has deep pockets and eventually I find the stubborn object, pulling a twenty out I hand it over "does this cover it-" and he nods "-keep the change"

"Thanks, later Coach S"

"See আপনি at school, Jeffries" though my farewell is half-hearted. My mind is too occupied with thoughts of my son and the latest turn in a long line of bad turns, and of course that leads me to Brooke who is even now waiting for me at the hospital.

Holding the পিজা with one hand I kick the suitcase with my foot and shut the door behind me, as I walk inside the clock catches my eye.

It's seven o'clock. I shake my head; trust Brooke to not miss a deadline.

"Abby! Sawyer! I'm home" I call out leaving my luggage and walking further inside, "you'll never believe your mother-" I turn into the living room and stop.

At first I do not understand, I can't comprehend the sight in front of me. Am I dreaming?

Samantha Walker is inside my house, looking older but there is no doubt in my mind the woman standing on the other side of the room is my wife's former foster daughter.

Confused I shift my gaze to Julian who stands right behind her and then to my daughters, Abby's eyes look too big for her face as a guilty expression takes over but Sawyer gives me a sly smile and in a few steps closes the gap between us "god, I'm starving! Thanks dad"

"Thank your mother" I manage to say, it comes out shakier than I expect, and my stare returns to the adults across the room as Sawyer takes the box from my hand. "What's going on here?"

"Uh-Dad-uh-" Abby stumbles over her words.

"Lucas" Julian cuts in stepping অগ্রবর্তী and the grin he sends my way doesn't sit well for me, my feelings for the former producer have always been ambiguous and knowing he is representing my baby girl in this life changing case which could mean the end for one of my other children… it doesn't exactly make me feel like opening my প্রথমপাতা in welcome to him, in fact for some reason I am fighting the urge to মুষ্ট্যাঘাত that stupid grin off his face.

"What are আপনি doing here Baker? Keith is in the hospital this isn't the time for-"

"Say no more, this is bad timing however I was just-" his eyes skitter to Abby "-conferring with my client and introducing her guardian ad litem"

Straight away I look at Sam, all grown up and another tie to the past getting pulled into this mess "I don't understand" yet I am afraid I understand all too well.

"She's the chick who gets to watch Abby and represent what's best for her-" Sawyer উত্তর with her mouth full, then she shrugs and adds on "or something like that"

While I just stand there Sam walks অগ্রবর্তী with her hand out, "Samantha Colson" she introduces and not knowing what else to do I take her hand and return the handshake, eyeing her carefully I say a completely worthless "Lucas Scott" and our eyes lock, our hands stay gripped together and a message passes between us, one saying this is not the time to announce the history between Sam and my family.

Then her name hits me again. Colson? She would be close to thirty five, married perhaps with possibly children even. Our hands still in the shake I check for a ring but her fingers are bare, Sam pulls away and Julian is immediately দ্বারা her side, a hand to the small of her back "maybe we should talk" he says.

I nod, twisting around I address my daughters, Sawyer sits on the পালঙ্ক eating with a anxious looking Abby wringing her hands as she perches on the side of the couch, "Sawyer why don't আপনি and Abby take ডিনার upstairs for a bit"

She stands up in a flash, "more than happy too, come on Shorty lets leave the adults to talk about us alone" and she pulls her sister away.

"Princess" I stop Sawyer and she looks back at me, "when you're finished can আপনি please put together Keith's bag for me to take up?"

"Sure thing" and then Sawyer drags Abby further away and until they সরানো out of sight Abby's eyes are trained on me, a begging প্রশ্ন in them. I can already picture her asking me if she can come to the hospital too and I already know what my answer should be. Keith would want her there, it will be better for Abby too and maybe just maybe if she saw Keith she may change her mind.

"I have trouble believing this is what Abby wants" I say out loud in a low whisper, not only to Julian and Sam but to myself, I turn away from the doorway and face the others who suddenly hold my families fate in their hands.

"Maybe because that's not what আপনি want to hear, how much clearer does the kid need to be before Brooke and আপনি realise she is serious. Abby doesn't want to do it anymore, that is the truth" Julian's word feel harsh and I understand them yet… it just doesn't feel right.

He doesn't know my daughter, Julian hasn't watched her grow up into the amazing selfless young girl she is now, and he hasn't had to comfort her through years of uncertainty. Someone like him couldn't possibly understand the bond between our family, how could he, a man who has no family.

"Do আপনি even hear yourself?"

"Do আপনি Lucas?" he shoots back.

Sam steps in between us, "let's just take a moment and breathe" then she looks to just Julian "maybe its best if আপনি just go now"

"I have a right to be here, I am Abby's lawyer"

"And I'm her father" anger boils in me, it is meant to mean something! I am their father and there is no way I am going to let this outsider take away from that, "you waltz in half way through the প্রদর্শনী and act like আপনি know everything, আপনি DON'T, আপনি weren't the one who had to explain why her brother was sick, অথবা had to hold her hand as they prodded and poked her, soothing her tears when all আপনি want to do is cry yourself, আপনি didn't listen to the screams when they take her brother away on that gurney, অথবা have to hold her as she fights to go after him" we're practically nose to nose now, Sam has been pushed out from between us and I poke a finger to Julian's chest "and you're not the one who has to be here when this is all over, so don't tell me what my daughter wants, don't আপনি dare come into my প্রথমপাতা and tell me that I hear only what I want to hear because none of this is what I want, none of it"

I stop, my chest rising up and down as I struggle to control myself.

Julian keeps looking at me, his eyes darting side to side and then he says simply "I'm sorry"

Those words mean nothing to mean, absolutely nothing and still they soften me. I step back. My emotions are still all over the place so much so I don't watch as Julian leaves, though the সেকেন্ড the door shuts Sam is in front of me, "you okay?" she whispers and with my eyes shut she sounds exactly like she did all those years ago.

I rub my closed eyes, "not really. I just want to go be with my wife and son who need me" and when I open my eyes Sam is looking at me with her sympathetic brown gaze.

"If it helps all I want to do at the moment is get প্রথমপাতা to my daughter but I think first we need to talk about your daughter"

Maybe because that's not what আপনি want to hear, how much clearer does the kid need to be before Brooke and আপনি realise she is serious. Abby doesn't want to do it anymore, that is the truth… Julian's words repeat in my head. I feel pulled in so many directions, nothing makes sense anymore then again the world stopped making sense a long time ago.

…

দ্বারা the time I make it to the hospital it is nearly eight, though I walk through its clinical hallways I am far from patient, my steps are hasty and my eyes stay forward. I lose count of how many people I walk দ্বারা who I know. People who know my story and why I must be here and their eyes follow me as I go, it is why I try to not look at them because I know I will see their pity and sympathy.

All I want is hurry up and be where I need to be, and then I turn one last corner and I spot Keith's room, quietly I step inside. Brooke is staring at Keith, not blinking, her legs tucked under her and a book hugged to her chest with a finger still marking a page. She sits resting on her side, one arm stretched across to the বিছানা where she holds Keith's pale slender hand.

"Hey" I walk even closer, quietly placing Keith's bag to one side before making my way to Brooke. She shifts, sitting up আরো and though she looks at me her hands don't move, Brooke sends me a small smile of welcome "hi" her voice cracks.

I bend down to place a চুম্বন on her cheek and Brooke stirs more, dropping the book her free hand now wraps around me holding me close, I get down on my knees so the embrace comes আরো naturally and মোড়ানো both my arms around her, one around her waist and the other up her back so my fingers tangle into the hair at the back of her head, I pull her face into my neck and just hold her.

No words need to be spoken, she doesn't have to tell me what Dr Hyams অথবা Crawshaw ব্যক্ত because we both already know what this means. This is it. Keith is hurtling straight into end-stage kidney failure.

They tell আপনি cancer and that is scary enough but আপনি think okay we can beat this and the word remission is like heaven on earth, আপনি don't consider the other ramifications to the disease and treatment. The sick and twisted knowledge that Keith is cancer 'free' and still it's managed to get the best of him, well not yet, my son is a fighter and he hasn't survived thirteen years for nothing.

How long we stay here locked in each others arms I am not sure, time has হারিয়ে গেছে its meaning, though eventually her grip weakens and I pull slightly away, "what now?" I ask.

Brooke manages to stand up in the small gap between us, rising back up I remain দ্বারা her side as she wipes her dry eyes and turns to Keith. For the first time since I have arrived she lets go of our son, turning her back to him as if she doesn't want him to hear অথবা see her words.

My wife has always been pale but the pallor of her skin tonight is unnatural, shadows under her red eyes speak of exhaustion and I want to just pick her up and take her home. Brooke folds her arms around herself and fusses with her hair and I know she is trying to hold off the inevitable still it's not long before her voice comes in a low timbre "they don't think Keith is strong enough for surgery"

"What does that mean?"

Brooke looks at me her eyes so big, her tongue comes out to lick her dry lips and I follow the movement but my mind is racing, my ears are ringing, when Brooke speaks again I barely hear her "it means that if he gets the transplant it has to happen soon, this is it Lucas, it's over. There's nothing we can do, if Abby wins the case that's it"

"But there's still a chance of finding a match on the donor register" Taking the hits and moving অগ্রবর্তী is how we've survived all these years, if we hadn't looked for new approaches Keith would never have made it to his fifth birthday let alone his fifteenth, yet the dire look Brooke sends me even before I finished my sentence told me that she'd already spoken them.

I grab Brooke দ্বারা the shoulders, "There's still a chance, they could find a match or… or…"

I know it must be hard but I can't afford to get distracted, I have to focus on Abby… from what I've seen she's unravelling at the seams… I think you're right she doesn't know what she wants but others telling her isn't going to help Abby, it's going to do the exact opposite… Sam's words come back to me in pieces and the option of Abby coming to the rescue fades further and further away.

"Or what Lucas?"

My hands fall away.

I feel tugged in a million directions and for the first time I realise it must be a ten times worse for my daughter.

"I don't know" I mumble hopelessly.

Brooke turns back around and I সরানো to her side and watch her features soften as she looks down at a sleepy Keith, "I'm scared" she whispers and I grip her hand and চুম্বন her cheek again and say the only thing I can, "I'm scared too".

…

Two hours hasn't changed much, Brooke and I haven't talked much, the doctor had returned and gone over the latest update with me there and after that we changed the subject to my trip to New York before we lapsed into silence. My body aches and sitting in the chair with Brooke curled in my lap makes sleep impossible and whenever I think I might dose off Brooke will say something waking me back up.

A loud yawn comes from her, "come on, Pretty Girl, let me take আপনি home" but she shakes her head against me, "you can't do anything here and আপনি need to get some sleep"

"I don't think I could"

"Well আপনি could at least try" I say and Brooke sighs, I lift her face up and force her to turn her head and look at me "we can't do anything here and we're going to be no good tomorrow if we sit in this chair all night long"

"Don't give me that look, Broody"

"What look?"

"You know what look-" she sighs again "-if I don't agree I'm not going to hear the end of it, am I?" and she even rolls her eyes.

"I will carry আপনি out over my shoulder if I have to"

"Fine" she mumbles, clearly not happy but Brooke just snuggles deeper and then turns back to look at the বিছানা "just let me watch him for ten আরো minutes" she adds and I nod knowing I won't be able to change her mind that much.

So I watch too.

…

When I turn the engine off in our driveway and look up at the house that same sense of relief sweeps through me, thoughts of being in my own room make my tired eyes close even more. পরবর্তি to me Brooke looks at the house however the expression on her face is far from relief, stark fear is etched on every one of her features.

I hop out of the car and jog to her side before pulling open her door, "you okay?"

It's a long moment before she rips her eyes away from the house and looks at me, "of course"

"You coming?" I press further and hold out my hand, Brooke takes it but again there's a pause before she takes action and slides her feet to the ground. It's not until I open the door that she steps back and shakes her head "I can't do it"

I turn back to her in shock, "can't do what?"

"I can't go in there and act like its normal. I should go back to Keith" and before I even realise what she is doing Brooke is walking back to the car. দ্বারা the time I reach her Brooke is almost to the car, I grab her arm and pull her back "go inside Brooke!"

"I can't"

"Why the hell not!" I scream tightening my grip on her wrist as she struggles to get away.

"Because I don't want to see her, okay!" she screams, tears beginning to fall and I am taken aback দ্বারা her words, "I can't look at her right now, is that what আপনি want to hear? That I am scared to look at my daughter because I don't know how I'll feel"

"Well আপনি have to" and I force Brooke back to the open door, she only half struggles and as soon as we're inside she rips her hand away and storms straight to our bedroom.

When I walk through our bedroom door Brooke is pacing back and forth, "I don't know what to do, Lucas, after today I am just so confused. I had to listen to her scream she hated him and wanted him to die and now he's in hospital and…" she stops eyes pleading with me.

"Brooke, what happened today?" I ask and the other knowledge that Sam had shared comes back to me. It's not like Abby to fight with anyone especially Keith, and it's definitely not like her to skip school.

"I don't know, I don't know anything anymore!" and as she walks দ্বারা me I grab her and pull her into my chest, her tears falling even more.

We're slowly coming down and as her sobs start to fade I lead us to the বিছানা and sit down, stroking her hair I bring Abby up again "maybe it will be best if I take Abby for a little while" the suggestion rolls off my tongue with little thought, when Brooke pulls herself away and slides off my lap. Her hurt expression sends long পূর্বে guilt back to the surface, reminding me of a different fight and a different time.

"What do আপনি mean take her?"

"I just… আপনি ব্যক্ত আপনি couldn't look at her and with the fighting and the – I'm just trying to do what's best here, it's not good for Abby to be in this atmosphere অথবা to be missing school" I grab quickly at my defence but I see the words স্ল্যাশ at Brooke as if I had pulled a gun to her and pulled the trigger with each statement.

She moves further away out of my reach, "I'm not good for her, is that what you're saying?"

"No Brooke I would never, ever-"

"I was hurt and scared I didn't mean for আপনি to take my daughter from me" she stands up, her eyes going wild.

"Pretty Girl please-" I stand up too and reach for her back she hits my hand away and cuts in "DON'T PRETTY GIRL ME!"

"What do আপনি want me to do then? Am I just meant to pretend that none of this is happening, that Abby isn't trying to – I don't know – rip herself away; from what we want, from our home. Do আপনি want me to go back to the hospital and sit there not sleeping অথবা eating, what Brooke? What exactly am I meant to do because whatever you're doing sure as hell isn't helping!"

"So আপনি automatically think about leaving and taking Abby, news flash Lucas this is one daughter আপনি can't take from me and like hell am I going to just sit back and watch you" she flings at me and I can tell I've snapped something and I know exactly what wrong button I pushed.

First there was Angie and then Sam, both foster children who Brooke হারিয়ে গেছে to their biological parents. After what happened with Sawyer the importance of blood became that much আরো important, not in how my wife loved others but how close she allowed herself to get just in case that প্রণয় was thrown back in her face, she placed boundaries and rules on herself. I've watched the cost it has had on our family and know I have no one to blame but myself.

She storms across the room and pulls open the closet dragging out her suitcase she flings it onto the বিছানা and zips it open, "what are আপনি doing?" I ask nervous, unable to সরানো as I watch the train wreck. Brooke doesn't look at me once as she starts throwing clothes inside the case, "what it looks like, if anyone is going anywhere with Abby it is me, আপনি can stay here and what was it not sleep and end at the hospital and do nothing" she shoots a cold stare over her shoulder before turning back and continuing her packing.

"This is not what I meant" I shoot অগ্রবর্তী and start throwing her clothes back, being far from neat, she follows me the third time and garbs hold of the প্রবন্ধ in my hand trying to wrestle them from my grip, face to face we stare daggers at each other, "stop this!" I yell.

Brooke rips her hands away taking the clothes with her "no, আপনি অথবা me it's the same thing if it gets Abby away from here, and look on the bright side Luke, আপনি get what আপনি always wanted" she throws some আরো into her case and zips it back up, snapping around her voice is all too calm hiding the storm that has started inside her "right? আপনি always wanted আরো of a say, well have it, আপনি can deal with Keith and the doctors and Sawyer and her mess because god knows I'm not her mother"

"I NEVER ব্যক্ত THAT!"

Her shoulders sag and her eyes glaze over, she just looks at me defeated "yes আপনি did" then gripping the handle of her case she starts walking away. Going after her is instinctive.

"And it was a mistake, one I wish every single দিন I could take back"

Brooke keeps walking, "and yet আপনি still have the nerve to do the same thing all over again except this time I don't have to let you"

"STOP IT!" a louder scream breaks through and in front of us Abby steps out of her room "STOP FIGHTING!" she screams only slightly louder. Brooke and I both freeze and though I can't see my wife's face I do notice how she lets go of her case.

Dressed in short green মুষ্টিযোদ্ধা shorts and a white tank শীর্ষ Abby stands there looking not one দিন over her twelve years, "please just stop fighting" she pleads and then she looks to me "I don't wanna go anywhere, I want to stay here with both of you"

"Oh baby girl আপনি don't have to go anywhere" and as soon as I say it Abby is running forward, I'm about to stretch out my arms for her when she collides with Brooke and wraps her skinny arms around her mothers waist.

"Please, Momma, please, don't go"

From her stony pose Brooke suddenly breaks down, her arms wrapping around Abby she lowers herself to our daughter's height and holds on for dear life, "shhh, we're staying right here, okay, nobody is going anywhere, shhh"

Then Brooke turns her head as she rests it above Abby's, she opens one eye and looks directly at me before letting go of Abby with one arm and gesturing behind her she beckons me forward. I don't need a সেকেন্ড invitation; before I know it my arms are wrapped around the both of them.

For a long time we stay there until all our tears are dry, then I pick Abby up and carry her to her বিছানা where Brooke and I tuck her in, "I just want it all to stop" Abby whispers half asleep, and I finish tucking her in as Brooke strokes our baby girls hair.

With one of us on either side of her our eyes meet, I look at Brooke and hope she knows just how much I প্রণয় her, "I never meant to hurt you, I was just thinking about Abby but I'm sorry, আরো sorry than you'll ever know" my words are quiet as not to wake Abby.

"I know" Brooke whispers back, regret in her eyes "I overreacted, I just couldn't separate the past from the present, can we just forget this ever happened, go to বিছানা and wake up to a new দিন where I didn't go crazy and pull a Psycho Derek"

"If আপনি can promise me আপনি will actually try to sleep and we can talk about everything tomorrow, there are things আপনি need to know"

She gets up from the বিছানা and holds her hand out to me, shadows still in her eyes but she smiles just the slightest and her dimples crease her cheek and then she says "you have yourself a deal" and I take her hand and let her pull me up.

Hand in hand we walk back to our room and it's just as we're going in side movement in the hallway catches my eye, I pause in the doorway and Brooke turns back to me "Lucas, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just go to বিছানা and I'll be there in a second"

"Okay, but don't take too long"

With a nod I leave our room and quickly walk down the hallway and to the শীর্ষ of the stairs, it's then that I see Sawyer moving below. Moving quicker I jog down the stairs, "Sawyer" I say her name and she stops at the front door.

I don't think I have ever seen this particular expression on my oldest daughters face, I haven't seen her cry in so long that the tears streaming down her face are a complete shock.

"Is it true?"

My mouth opens but no sound comes out and I watch Sawyer's face crumple even more, "Dad?" she asks again and every word spoken between Brooke and I comes back to me.

She backs closer to the door, "all these years I thought she didn't want me"

"I never knew আপনি thought that"

"What was I meant to think? Three months Dad and not one single word, three god damn months and I hated her for that" bitterness edges her voice, her hand grips the door behind her and she opens it "and now I hate you"

"Sawyer" I go after her but she's so fast, her young legs pumping as she runs to her room above the garage, "Sawyer, please, let me explain, if I had known আপনি felt like that we would have done everything-"

"Shut up, just shut the fuck up!" she screams still running and দ্বারা the time I catch up she's inside her room and my hands end up banging a closed door as locks click into place.

"Sawyer, princess, let's talk about this"

"NO!" she screams through the door, "just leave me alone"

I rest my head against the door and let out a deep breath, talking আরো gently I try to appeal to Sawyer again "how many times I wished I could take it all back but I can't, your mother forgave me I only hope in time আপনি can too"

She doesn't answer but I know she hears me, স্নেহ চুম্বন two fingers I place them to the door before walking back down the stairs.

Once inside I make sure the house is secure and then I return to the bedroom I share with Brooke, when I see her laying there a quiet sob gets stuck in my throat. On such a dark night one miracle is granted to me, I lie on the বিছানা পরবর্তি to my wife and watch her peaceful slumber hoping than she gets a few hours of rest. Tonight sleep won't find me.