To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty কুইন Elizabeth II:
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in সাম্প্রতিক years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the অক্সফোর্ড English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty কুইন Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime পরবর্তি বছর to determine whether any of আপনি noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, আপনি will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced দ্বারা the suffix '-ise.'Generally, আপনি will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. আপনি will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, অথবা therapists. The fact that আপনি need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. বন্দুক should only be used for shooting grouse. If আপনি can't sort things out without suing someone অথবা speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, আপনি will no longer be allowed to own অথবা carry anything আরো dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if আপনি wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and আপনি will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, আপনি will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help আপনি understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which আপনি have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)
8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things আপনি call French fries are not real chips, and those things আপনি insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff আপনি insist on calling বিয়ার is not actually বিয়ার at all. Henceforth, only proper British তিক্ত will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand বিয়ার is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. আপনি will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one আপনি call soccer, and rugby (dominated দ্বারা the New Zealanders). Those of আপনি ব্রেভ enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty সেকেন্ড অথবা wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, আপনি will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of আপনি are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. আপনি will learn cricket, and we will let আপনি face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. আপনি must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with আপনি shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily চা Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in সাম্প্রতিক years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the অক্সফোর্ড English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty কুইন Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime পরবর্তি বছর to determine whether any of আপনি noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, আপনি will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced দ্বারা the suffix '-ise.'Generally, আপনি will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. আপনি will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, অথবা therapists. The fact that আপনি need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. বন্দুক should only be used for shooting grouse. If আপনি can't sort things out without suing someone অথবা speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, আপনি will no longer be allowed to own অথবা carry anything আরো dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if আপনি wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and আপনি will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, আপনি will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help আপনি understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which আপনি have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)
8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things আপনি call French fries are not real chips, and those things আপনি insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff আপনি insist on calling বিয়ার is not actually বিয়ার at all. Henceforth, only proper British তিক্ত will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand বিয়ার is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. আপনি will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one আপনি call soccer, and rugby (dominated দ্বারা the New Zealanders). Those of আপনি ব্রেভ enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty সেকেন্ড অথবা wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, আপনি will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of আপনি are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. আপনি will learn cricket, and we will let আপনি face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. আপনি must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with আপনি shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily চা Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!