posted by Straggy
Yes, I swear. Deal with it, because I'm not going to stop doing it. I don't care if আপনি think it's "wrong" and "limits vocabulary" because that's the biggest piece of fucking bullshit I've ever heard in my life.
On with the countdown!
What can I say? I'll aways প্রণয় Tarzan. Mainly because there's a bunch of British people in it and I'm British and that means something to me.
The first thing I always adored about this film was little clumsy, witty, silly, quintissentially British Jane Porter. Her outfits are nothing compared to some ডিজনি characters, but I think they represent her like no tomorrow. That cute little yellow Victorian dress, and the silly little brolly to accompany it. Then there's the way she's like:
"Well, Daddy, these baboons tried to eat me and I almost died."
"Oh, what a shame."
"AND THEY TOOK MY BOOT!"
"THE ONES I BOUGHT YOU?! THOSE BASTARDS!"
I think I would so totally do that with my Mickey মাউস converse. :') "THE LIMITED EDITION DISNEYLAND PARIS ONES?! THOSE BASTARDS!"
Anyway, moving on, who doesn't প্রণয় a sexy guy in a loincloth who thinks the best way to greet a lady is to lift up her স্কার্ট and then put his face in between her boobs? Ok, so maybe people that have a certain amount of modesty. But it's still goddamn Tarzan. He's epic win in an actual tin. He swings through he trees, he fights... erm... was that a cheater? I think it was. অথবা was it a leopard? Eh, something with spots. Where was I? Oh yes, he jumps on blackboards yelling "GORILLA!" and that's pretty cool.
ALSO, I absolutely adore Clayton. He's an amazing villain. He's not even that evil until he goes all "MUHAHAHAHAHA!" and then gets very unevil দ্বারা going "I'M GOING TO... be a typical white guy and just steal all these gorillas in the scheme of becoming very rich." Though, his defeat is amazing. He gets hanged দ্বারা vines. How cool? I প্রণয় the fact that both of my Tarzan storybooks INSIST that he merely fell. Yeah, little Timmy Innocence over there might believe you, but I was the fucked-up 6 বছর old going "ARE আপনি KIDDING ME? That's not what happened! That's like লেখা a storybook for The Evil Dead and saying all the zombies turned into butterflies!"
One of my favourites since forever. I was only born in 1994 (which probably makes me older than most of the people পাঠ করা this, but I feel young. Then again, maybe Bruce Forsyth feels young) so this was one of my first ever ডিজনি films. Hell, I was only a little baby when it came out. It was the first one I had on video. The first one I watched incessantly. In fact, I only stopped watching it loads when I found something better. Yes, it's further on in the countdown, so I'm not going to mention it twice. SUSPENSE, do আপনি want some অথবা not?
Anyway, Pocahontas. First off, it's based on history. That's rather epic win seeing as I'm a self-confessed history geek. Secondly, John Smith is just about the sexiest British guy prior to Tom Felton turning up in the Prisoner of Azkaban and everyone going "When the fuck did he get so goddamn hot?". Thirdly, Wiggins. <3 He does not need explanation. Then, of course, there's Pocahontas herself. Sexy amazing little Pocahontas with her long legs and her tiny outfit and her amazing hair and her epic win গান গাওয়া voice and her personality.
I don't think it's possible to sum up this movie in just one small "I প্রণয় IT!" explanation. So I'm going to spare আপনি that and সরানো on.
8) The Emperor's New Groove
I fucking প্রণয় this film. It's so funny, I almost die every time I watch it. Kuzco is actual প্রণয় and Yzma and Kronk... Jesus. Was ডিজনি suffering from a douse of "LET'S BE EPIC WIN!" millenium mania? The only way this film could have been better was if Clopin was in it. But really, we can't have everything. Also, I don't think he was born yet... And I doubt he had the means to travel from Paris to... erm... south America somewhere. Peru! Everything's in Peru, let's have Peru. Wait, isn't that what the Spanish said?
This film is আরো epic win than, well, anything except the things above it. I প্রণয় the story, the songs (except for A Whole New World), the characters, the witty lines... AND FUCKING ROBIN WILLIAMS. যীশু Christ. Any film with Robin Williams in it is insta-epic win. Like instant coffee but minus the coffee and plus the epic win. Aside from that, it also has one of the catchiest theme tunes ever. I used to watch the TV প্রদর্শনী constantly and then jump up on the sofa and go "ARABIAN NIIIIIIIGHTS. LIKE ARABIAN DAAAAAAAAAAYS!". I was the same with Timon and Pumba. I used to sit there and sing the whole theme tune. Long gone are the days when ডিজনি actually knew how to make a decent TV প্রদর্শনী - just spin off a successful movie অথবা প্রদর্শনী something epic win like Recess. I MOURN YOU, RECESS. I still have all the videos. *stroke* One day, we will all destroy filth like *shudder* Hannah Montana.
Oh, I appear to have let myself get distracted... Let's সরানো on.
6) আলাদীন and The King of Thieves
"Oh no, she didn't!"
"She put a SEQUEL in here?!"
Yes, I did. I have ALWAYS prefered King of Thieves to Aladdin. Ever since I was a little girl dressed as ব্যাটম্যান and running around declaring that I was to destroy the Joker with all my might. I don't care what আপনি say. ব্যাটম্যান and Robin is one of my favourite ever ever EVER films. I wore the tape out twice. I wore the tape out for King of Thieves once. I never wear the tapes out except when I প্রণয় a film so much that I can't stop watching it.
For me, আলাদীন will never be the story of রাস্তা ইঁদুর meets princess. It will always be the story of former রাস্তা ইঁদুর whose dad is actually the King of Thieves gets his wedding crashed twice, accidentally joins the Forty Thieves, sings some epic win songs, turns a villain to স্বর্ণ and marries the badly animated princess. Whilst accompanied দ্বারা Robin Williams. আপনি see, this sequel got it right: Pretend Return of Jafar NEVER happened. The only thing to keep is good Iago, because he's amazing.
5) Basil The Great মাউস Detective
Stfu, that's what we call it over here, that's what I'm going to call it. Also, it's "The Lion King 3: Hakuna Matata" not The Lion King 1 1/2. That just sounds retarded.
Anyway, yes. One of the best films ever. WHY DOES NOBODY ELSE প্রণয় IT? Basil is one of my favourite ডিজনি characters. He's British (I sense a theme here) and strangely sexy for a detective mouse. Watson is funny and amazing, Olivia is so snappy and Scottish. She makes me lol. When I first saw Amy Pond (of Doctor Who) my original reaction was "How very Flaversham!". Also, there's Rattigan. One of the best villains ever. One of the best villain songs ever. "Even meaner? আপনি mean it? Even worse than the widows and orphans আপনি drowned?" is like, the most epic win line ever. This film is so underrated, it hurts.
This film, for me, will always be my gateway to Disney. I was 4 when it came out and I'd seen all the Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Snow White, etc films (this was after I'd shunned Beauty and The Beast)... Very girly and princessy and sweet. Not exactly my cup of tea. Then one day, the world of ডিজনি exploded and went "HEY! Here's a film we blatantly aimed towards boys to get them আরো interested in Disney!" and I was hooked. Who can't প্রণয় a film about war and fireworks and China? Whoever decided মুলান needed a dragon-lizard-thing to accompany her with the voice of Eddie Murphy really needs to get that "I'm so epic win that Chuck Norris knows my name!" medal.
As if that's not enough, ডিজনি then decided to give মুলান 4 songs that completely kick most other films out of the water. As Nostalgia Chick once said... আপনি can't resist গান গাওয়া along. আপনি never forget the first time আপনি hear I'll Make A Man Out Of আপনি and start গান গাওয়া along like the crazy fool that আপনি are even though আপনি don't know the words.
3) The Princess and The Frog
I neeeeeeeeed to get this on DVD. No debating required. I need it. I need it right now. This film is actually epic win. Disney, আপনি just... আপনি just completely epic winned. Welcome back 2D animation!
First off, there's the characters. Naveen for one. "DANCE WITH ME, FAT MAN!" is one of the best lines ever. Me and my rl বন্ধু always smirk and then say it to each other. HIS VOICE. Heebies bajeebies, it's sexy. He could be short and fat and ugly and that voice would still make him sexy as hell. Then there's Tiana. I প্রণয় Tiana! AND CHARLOTTE. OH GOD, CHARLOTTE. I প্রণয় পুডিংবিশেষ SO much. She's funny and silly and crazy and পরাকাষ্ঠা and spoilt and rich. There's nothing undesirable about her in the slightest. I absolutely adore the pants off her. THEN THERE'S DOCTOR FACILIER. Tied for best ever ডিজনি villain with Frollo. I প্রণয় him. সেকেন্ড best ever ডিজনি villain song. Easily the best dressed ডিজনি villain. His voice is rather sexy too. I don't think there's anything about this film that I don't প্রণয় but there are still two better than it.
I প্রণয় this film. I প্রণয় Megara, I প্রণয় Hercules, I প্রণয় Hades, I প্রণয় Phil, I প্রণয় the Muses, I প্রণয় the songs... I JUST প্রণয় IT. I Won't Say (I'm In Love) is still my favourite ডিজনি song and Meg is easily the সেকেন্ড best woman ডিজনি has ever created, after the obvious.
The witty one-liners are hilarious, the songs are amazing, the অ্যানিমেশন is lifting-the-roof epic. It's inspired দ্বারা that amazing Greek artwork on the original vases. Just, wow. It really works. Then there's Hades. Hades is just... He's just Hades. He's blue and has আগুন for freakin' hair! How cool is that? He's such a sleazebag that আপনি have to প্রণয় him.
However, none of these awesome things could ever beat my favourite film ever. It shouldn't be a surprise because it's none other than...
1) The Hunchback of Notre Dame
I GODDAMN প্রণয় EVERY SINGLE FRAME OF THIS FILM. Every সেকেন্ড is a joy to watch. Every character has a unique personality and image that attracts viewers of all demographics. Plus, it's got Clopin. CLOPIN, YES. Mr Epic Win in a Tin himself. This film is just... wow. As if Clopin wasn't enough, ডিজনি then decided that they'd chuck in the most epic win stuff they could find. There's Esmeralda, Phoebus, Frollo, Quasimodo. Plus, it's dark and gritty. This is how a kid's film should be - dark enough so that a kid isn't softened up to the outside world, but light enough so that they still walk away with a huge grin on their face. Adults can sit there and have a bit of fun with it too. In particular, some of the humour is quite adult, as are some of the themes. Which is probably why I প্রণয় it so much. Hellfire will always be my favourite ডিজনি villain song and the rest of the songs in this film are epic win anyway. None of them are boring and they really want to make আপনি sing along and be a part of the magic. And after all, isn't that what ডিজনি is all about?
That's your lot, be happy with it.
Here's a pretty picture of my RE folder to look at when you've finished reading.