SMUT Warning: To those who don't read smut, it's somewhere close to the end. ;)
A/N: Decided to share this one here on FP. This was previously published on ff.net as a two-shot. I merged/edited it into a oneshot here. :) If it makes it easier for আপনি guys, আপনি can read it on ff.net.I hope আপনি guys enjoy it as much as the others did! :)
I hope the length doesn't discourage আপনি guys to read it! Please leave a মতামত to let me know what আপনি think. ;)
Enjoy!
NOW
No.
Yes.
No.
I don't know anymore…
She couldn't push everything aside now; she's worked- fought too hard to give in to him now. She's been doing well of ignoring her feelings for him far too long to let them right back in now. Their feelings, their history ran too deep and now, from one event, he's captured her again; mind, heart, and soul. She should resist, she should fight.
I couldn't.
She couldn't lie to herself anymore- couldn't deny her feelings for him, couldn't carry on with the image of a happy family she envisioned when she ব্যক্ত yes to Lucas last night whilst she thought of him. She couldn't. Not anymore.
And that's why she did it. She ended everything with Lucas. Ended things, broke off the engagement.
For House.
No… for myself.
"I don't প্রণয় you." I do; as much as it kills me to প্রণয় you, I do.
She wished he'd just believed her and push her away as soon as she got face to face with him again. But the fact was, she didn't believe herself when she told him those four shattering words.
I প্রণয় you. I know আপনি প্রণয় me too. Else আপনি wouldn't be hurting too much—your eyes tell me everything.
She couldn't throw everything away.
I just did.
This was now.
She tried all her best earlier to fight every shred of প্রণয় that wanted to escape her. She hurt him so much; hurt him to the bone, just to try to stop herself, reminding herself that he wasn't healthy for her and Rachel.
She told him Wilson was moving on. He was.
She pointedly told him that she's moving on.
I wasn't. I couldn't. I tried and tried.
But she found some scrap of hope in failure. If she did get through House tonight, her হৃদয় could finally rest its case if he didn't want her after everything she's said. She had to. She lied when she told him she didn't প্রণয় him. She had to tell him that, for herself. She meant it when she ব্যক্ত that she was tired, tired of everything.
She was done. She was utterly done but her হৃদয় just wouldn't stop telling her to go after him. He was toxic to her but he was also almost everything to her.
"You have nothing, House, nothing."
She knew, no matter how much- how hard she tried, he'll always have her. It was a natural force; her always being pulled into his orbit.
God his eyes when he closed the door to the ambulance. Damn those beautiful, entrancing windows to his soul. Wordless, they can communicate so stealthily. She wanted to take back every blow she threw at him that night, wanted to take back every scalding, hurting word she ব্যক্ত but she couldn't. All was ব্যক্ত and done. And had she not ব্যক্ত them in the first place, she wouldn't have come to the conclusion that either which way she turned the world, she'll always be faced with House and her feelings for him; that she would never know if anything would even work between them if she- they didn't try.
God, how she wanted to try.
Loving আপনি is hard… but it's what I feel. I couldn't help myself.
She tried to do what's best for Rachel দ্বারা choosing and settling for Lucas but she couldn't do that anymore. She couldn't be happy with what she chose because what she chose wasn't for her. She chose the easiest path for her daughter. She tried to do best দ্বারা her.
It didn't work. It did, for Rachel. But for Cuddy herself, it did work but it wouldn't have worked long enough anyway.
Every feeling, every emotion would surface at some time.
Earlier that night, they did.
Why at that place, why at that time? She'll never know. All she could remember was his voice, talking to Hannah, trying to soothe her. Her হৃদয় broke as she heard the woman's screams as her leg was amputated, দ্বারা House. Her হৃদয় broke for what House was courageously doing while she stood outside, nobody but the woman who tried to do her role and asked someone to agree on having a limb removed in change of her life.
Her হৃদয় ached for him yet her হৃদয় also beat with pride for his heroic feat at having done that. It was so raw, how he spoke to Hannah when he told her his story. He almost acted as if she wasn't there. He didn't blame anybody but himself; not her, not Stacy, not the other "idiot" doctors. Just him and him alone.
Alone.
She closed her eyes and quickly blinked the tears away as she recalled him saying that. How he told his patient how his decision affected his everyday life.
I'm always here...When it greatly matters, you're not alone, আপনি know that.
Now, she was on her way to House's apartment, trying to focus on the road whilst her mind was running faster than her vehicle was at the moment; her wheels turning crazily. So many 'what ifs' and maybes. She took a deep breath as she saw the entrance to his apartment building.
Nervously biting her lower lip, she thought. But she didn't have time to think. No amount of thinking would prepare her for anything that would come. All she should do was go in there and lay everything out on the টেবিল for him.
He laid everything out before, almost for months, he's showed her he's changed; she tried not to acknowledge that he did, choosing to ignore his existence for what she thought was her own good and at the same time, not wanting to lead him on. He tried to প্রদর্শনী her that he's become better; she knew, but she chose to not take notice.
It was insane, what people do to keep out of love.
But she knew she wouldn't fall out of love. Because she's been in প্রণয় with him far too long. She's lied to herself so much about him.
Maybe, just maybe, this was their time now.
Cuddy wiped her eyes which have been tearing up for quite some time already. She got out of her car once she's parked and walked straight into the building. She was somewhat relieved to find that his front door was unlocked but still…
When the thought entered her mind she internally shivered. But she had to face facts. Although House could change, there will be things that he may be tempted to go back on.
Cuddy prayed he won't go back on drugs, but that wasn't her choice. It was solely his. She just prayed that he won't throw away a বছর of victory over the drugs' temptation for him to use again.
Her হৃদয় stopped as she kept walking towards him, seeing him with a bottle in his right hand, two pills on the palm of his left. He was breathing laboriously and she frowned. She leant back in the jamb of his bathroom door and looked down at him, but not with pity, her eyes were just red rimmed and slightly puffy.
She noticed that his were too as House looked up at her, a vision in pink… scrubs, and asked if she was going to do what she immediately knew was what happened the night he hallucinated her helping him detox from Vicodin.
"No…" she answered, looking back at him, straight in those distraught and vulnerable orbs and continued in a rasping voice, "It's your choice if আপনি want to go back on drugs."
House looked down on the pills in his palm, "Okay," he ব্যক্ত almost nonchalantly, taking deep breaths as he willed his eyes not to shed tears like they did a while earlier. He then redirected his gaze up at her and said, "Just so আপনি know I find it hard to see the downside." With that he looked down at the treasonous pills in his palm. Two pills and he'd have salvation. But two pills, he'd once again condemn himself to addiction that had once too many jeopardized everything he had; life, job, his intellect, and his sanity. He vowed never again but the সাম্প্রতিক events of his day, his weeks, and months have proven to be catalysts to what he believed would be inevitable in the point of view of others.
The প্রশ্ন was, will he once again condemn himself?
"You need to re-bandage your shoulder," Cuddy said, pushing from the jamb and walking a few steps closer, placing two pressuring fingers to her forehead before leaning back on the door in front of him. He really didn't need to re-bandage his shoulder that soon but she needed a prelude to their conversation.
"Is that why you're here, Foreman sent you?"
Another deep breath, "No," she answered, her eyes still on him even if he was trying not to glue their eyes together too much.
As if a kid, yet true she did yell at him earlier, he asked, "You gonna yell at me again?" his blue eyes watery, from tears অথবা from pain, Cuddy couldn't quite tell.
"No."
Shaking his head once House replied and lowered his head, "Well, I'm running out of ideas."
Whispering the inevitable name, Cuddy mentioned, "Lucas." There was no way it wasn't going to be unmentioned anyway so why not be done with it, right?
"Oh great, you're feeling uncomfortable again," House muttered under his breath but loud enough for her to hear. "Probably mean আপনি just got back from some quickie wedding in Vegas অথবা you're already pregnant—"
"I ended it." Cuddy finally announced, cutting him off, her eyes on him, watching as he shut his mouth and stared up at her with wide ocean blue eyes.
His eyes still wide, not bothering to hide the genuine shock at her revelation House asked the পরবর্তি most logical question. "What?"
Was he delusional? Was he hallucinating? Had he taken the Vicodin? He was lost, yet thankful she was here, yet again—real অথবা hallucination—saving him from himself, saving him from self-destruction. She was his saving grace; his angel. House was dumbfounded so all he could do was stare up at her.
Her হৃদয় was thudding in its cavity as she told him every single detail, and slowly, she knew she was going to have to tell him what her হৃদয় so stubbornly clutched at all the while she was with somebody else. She was baring herself, naked in front of him and hoping he won't play with her, not this time. This deeply mattered. They were tipping on the balance now. She hoped it would even out everything.
"I'm stuck, House…" she admitted. Gazing at him for a while, she released a deep breath then continued. "I keep wanting to সরানো forward… I keep wanting to সরানো on… and I can't." House just looked up at her with unhidden surprised eyes. Cuddy continued, keeping her eyes glued to his now, "I'm in my new house with my new fiancé and all I can think about is you." A sigh. "I just need to know if আপনি and I can work."
Don't push me away, Cuddy's হৃদয় begged. But another part of her wanted him to push her away, ending everything she felt—or thought she felt for him. But her হৃদয় won out, wanting him to seize the moment and open up to her. So they could finally try and work things out between them; stop the deflection a moment, stop the lies, the truth would be out, and they would be together. At the moment it was as simple as that.
Emotions were raw, the moment was right, they should be too…
"You think I can fix myself?" House asked her from where he sat, his back against his tub. His প্রশ্ন was honest, not rhetorical, not sarcastic. It was a genuine question.
A প্রশ্ন Cuddy herself didn't know the answer to. She had hope that he could but she didn't know. "I don't know," she told him, shaking her head, her eyes getting misty again. She honestly didn't know.
House swallowed and admitted, looking up at her, his walls entirely down. She knew he wouldn't push her away then on. "So I'm the most screwed up person in the world."
"I know," she acceptingly stated, her eyes never faltering from his honest blues.
A pause.
Their eyes locked onto each other, House waiting in bated breath for her পরবর্তি words. A moment later, they finally came, in the sincerest voice he ever heard.
"I প্রণয় you," Cuddy declared, her soft, sincere voice, adding weight into her meaning. So much, she thought. Fighting back tears, she blinked them away and swallowed before continuing.
"I wish I didn't," she said, on the verge of tearing up but then she pursed her lips, almost smiling, "But I can't help it." It was amusing how he was just staring up at her, his eyes as wide as ever, just taking in every word she mustered to vocalize without breaking down.
It was now অথবা never. He placed the ball on her court, she returned it tonight. Now, it was his call; his words and actions that would even break her already broken হৃদয় or finally—he'd be a man- and glue it together, keeping her in his for what she prayed would be a long, long time.
House stared at her for a mere two সেকেন্ড before he diverted his gaze from her and tried to push himself up but couldn't. He slumped his shoulder cutely when he found out that he was unable to do so but soon after reached a hand up to her, wordlessly asking her to help him up.
The side of Cuddy's mouth tugged up as she helped him up, feeling her হৃদয় almost frantically beat from her chest as she raked her eyes from his chest and up to his eyes. He was towering over her now.
Now.
Now…
It was theirs.
She felt like a ton of every negative feeling she felt that weighed down her shoulders the last few minutes, hours, weeks, and months mysteriously disappeared as his eyes told her that at that moment, he was there. With her in the moment.
That he won't suddenly grab her breast and claim that it was the logical পরবর্তি step… that he won't suddenly push her away with a remark.
She knew. His eyes told her so.
House was bemused yet undeniably, suddenly fulfilled দ্বারা the turn of things in a few hours. He may have হারিয়ে গেছে his patient, he may have been wounded and হারিয়ে গেছে amounts of blood, he may have হারিয়ে গেছে hope and some pride from what happened but Cuddy's presence soothed his qualms, soothed and invigorated his tired soul, saved his life from being condemned yet again to the drugs that once caused his great downfall and gave him back some of the hope he's lost.
To say he was grateful was an understatement. His life has been turned around in the span of half an hour. All that was from her, Lisa Cuddy. The woman he loves, the woman who loves him despite his shortcomings and everything else.
Twenty years of circling each other was enough, both of them thought.
And as House took steps closer to her, she beamed up at him with her entrancing eyes filled with hope, waiting for him— his lips, to descend on hers… finally. She felt his hand slide up to her arm, holding her there.
They gazed at each other for a while, different shades of ocean, warm and loving as they melded together, everything past them now; nobody else in the world but the two of them, standing in front of each other naked and scathed, yet finally cocooned দ্বারা a calming presence of truth and serenity for what felt like the first time in a long time.
House lowered his head, closing the gap between their lips, but hovered a breath away from hers only, gazing at her eyes as they started to close before his own fluttered shut when he finally met her lips, soft, warm. Cuddy closed her eyes when she felt his warm shaky breath on her lips and she worried her brow a bit before finally relaxing at the slightest feel of his upper lip grazing the শীর্ষ of her upper lip.
She reveled in how he kissed her as if for the first time; so slow, so tenderly slow and soft, as if the slightest pressure would break her; as if claiming her lips fully would awaken him from ফ্যান্টাসি and send him down to reality when in fact, that moment is reality.
She was there. Finally. In reality.
They kissed for a few সেকেন্ড until House pulled away gazing down at her, dazzled, taking in the view of her long lashes gracing her cheeks while her eyes remained closed, her lips still apart. He straightened his head, looking down at her as she finally opened her eyes after noticing the absence of his lips from hers.
"How do I know I'm not hallucinating?" House asked her, his eyes fixed on hers still.
The corners of Cuddy's lips slightly tugged up in pride as she asked him, "Did আপনি take the Vicodin?" She knew he didn't.
House extracted his hand from her arm and showed her the pills in his hand, seemingly unaffected now unlike the hypnotized way he looked at them earlier. "Nope," he proudly answered.
Cuddy looked from his palm to him, a hand on the left side of his chest facing her. A smile slowly blossomed on her obviously tired face, the smile immediately masking the tiredness her face revealed. She looked stunning to him, her eyes glowing as she looked up to him with those gorgeous eyes, and that small, stunning smile and said, "Then I think we're okay…"
"Yeah…" House whispered, amazed দ্বারা everything at that moment. Not even looking at the powerful drugs in his hand, he let them drop to the floor, his eyes once again affixed to hers with a small smile.
When he leant অগ্রবর্তী once again to চুম্বন her, the small smile on Cuddy's face blossomed into a full-blown completed smile as she turned her head to the side to fasten her mouth to his, স্নেহ চুম্বন him jovially.
She smiled against his lips when his hand trailed down her arms and opened wide so she could জরি her fingers with his. The romantic gesture almost made her melt into a puddle of sweetness but she kept her self straight, স্নেহ চুম্বন him much আরো now, their lips still tenderly gliding against each other but with আরো pressure now than earlier.
Reluctantly pulling away, House rested his forehead against hers and asked, "I thought আপনি needed to re-bandage my shoulder?"
Cuddy chuckled breathily and replied, "Maybe later…" before she reclaimed his lips with hers, her left hand snaking upwards to cup his jaw, tracing a finger gently along his regal nose. His eyes were closed and Cuddy took in his relaxed form and how he looked like while he kissed her.
She gave his hand a squeeze before closing her eyes and focused on feeling their lips mesh together for what she knew was the first time since Joy.
But this had আরো meaning now. It stemmed from somewhere deeper.
It stemmed from love.
And they had it together, now.
She tilted her head to the side, allowing him to চুম্বন her deeper, to feel his mouth entirely enveloping hers and to feel the প্রণয় cascading from his lips as he bequeathed her with it with each and every kiss, every breath and every touch.
Her হৃদয় couldn't have been happier than at that moment- she couldn't have been happier.
But she was proven wrong দ্বারা the man in front of her as he slid the hand he had settled on her hip to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, warranting no মহাকাশ in between them. Once again she smiled against his lips as he continued স্নেহ চুম্বন her as if he hadn't done something very much new for her—for them both.
His lips were so warm against hers, so paradoxically light yet perfectly heavy on hers; tasting and feeling her, taking in the moment he never imagined he'd experience again as a man reborn; as a changed man who was free from most his demons, free from the temptation of drugs.
The last time he had really kissed her was when she হারিয়ে গেছে Joy. But he cowered and deflected, he pushed her advances away—pushed her away; why did he ever do so?
As the saying goes, আপনি never know what আপনি have until আপনি lose it.
And he হারিয়ে গেছে her; to a friend—or so he thought was a friend. But there was nobody else to blame but himself. He pushed her away, he did demeaning things to her, he wasn't man enough to admit his feelings for her-even to himself- and start something with her.
He had hurt her. So deeply, excruciatingly deeply that she just had to distance herself, protect herself for the sake of her sanity, for the sake of her child, and for the sake of her heart.
But he so truthfully wished that those were things of the past and wouldn't be repeated দ্বারা him as much as possible.
He truly had changed… and he showed her that. He showed that he was ready to try and commit. He knew that there would always be times that he would hurt her, scathe her so deep that she'd want to pull away. But he knew he would never hurt her purposely.
He knew that the two of them hurting each other was as natural as the way she was drawn unconditionally into his orbit but he would vow to a god if he needed to that he'd try not to hurt her intensely. He had her now, he wouldn't risk losing her again, else he'd lose everything.
The way his grip protectively yet not uncomfortably tightened around her and how his body relaxed against her didn't escape Cuddy. She sensed that his lips mimicked his thoughts and she found it luring that she could understand them- a split-second hesitance but absolute tenderness after, like the way he kissed her the first time earlier; regretful a while ago; hopeful and then determined just now.
She kissed back with just as much ardor as she could release, putting to rest any doubts he had that she was real, that she was there, living the moment with him.
From an empty hopeless, weak হৃদয় to an ecstatically fulfilled, beating one, House internally celebrated. Half an ঘন্টা পূর্বে he had had nothing, had no one; he had been alone. All he had had was a friend—if আপনি could have called her that-in Hannah earlier that night, but he had হারিয়ে গেছে her too.
Now that he had Cuddy he wouldn't let go.
He didn't want her for the sake of having her. He didn't want her just because she had somebody- had Lucas.
He wouldn't stop wanting and needing her just because she was free again. He wouldn't do the same mistakes again.
He wants her because he needs her.
He needs her because he loves her.
"I প্রণয় you," she told him that. They sounded so foreign escaping her lips but her words shot through to his heart. She was his one constant. And he regretted the days he had ill-treated her, hurt her, killed her with his razor-sharp bone-cutting words.
Oh he'd আরো than make it up to her, that was a fact. What he wouldn't give not to make her miserable. The best he thought he'd never have was in his arms right now and no way in the world was he purposely going to screw it up.
She could almost hear him thinking so she slid her left hand from his jaw to anchor it behind his neck, forcing their faces as virtually close as possible. She gradually slipped her tongue into his mouth and met his. Tentatively, slowly, they kissed passionately, open-mouthed now, breathing be damned, their tongues engaging in a sensual saccharine dance and their breaths mingling.
This wasn't rushing things… this wasn't anything but right. The timing was perfect, the events simply made for their reunion. Earlier stinging words forgiven and almost forgotten. Their time has officially come.
It could have been called a 20-year-long courtship—or foreplay and banter, if that'd make it sound আরো like them.
Cuddy unlaced their interlocked fingers and slid her hand from his arm to his biceps, feeling the contours of his fit arm through his jacket. House's hand planted itself on her hip, holding her steady as they continued স্নেহ চুম্বন passionately.
That was until Cuddy's right hand slid up to his left shoulder, causing him to let out a pained breath. She instantly broke their kiss, gasping for air from the breathless state it left them in. "I'm sorry," she was quick to apologize, gazing into his eyes before trailing them down to his bloody shirt. "You're still bleeding," she whispered, moving aside the জ্যাকেট that settled on the spot she had touched earlier.
"It's nothing," House replied throatily. It stung but he wasn't really complaining since any complaint would ruin a momentous moment that he had already cherished.
Cautiously, Cuddy pushed back his jacket, thrusting it from his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. "I have to re-bandage now… unless আপনি ripped my stitches from earlier," she seriously ব্যক্ত as she pulled down the neckline of his শার্ট to examine his wound after gently setting aside the bandage.
Looking at the blood, yes, her big lummox ripped his stitches. "I have to bring আপনি back to the hospital," she informed him. House's eyebrows shot up. "I'm fine," he argued. "Do আপনি still have your kit here?" she asked him, ignoring his assurance that he was alright. He was okay at the moment since they were just standing still but there was a possibility that he would soon fall from the blood loss and his leg that she was certain is continually killing him if they didn't manage the bleeding and get him some Ibuprofen.
"No." Actually he just didn't remember. "Then we have to go back to the hospital," she stated, leaving no room for argument.
After a moment of thought, Cuddy took a deep breath and tentatively asked him, "Would it be okay for আপনি to stay at my place for a while?" As much as his place was where he should be, after seeing the place where the Vicodin was hidden, she was sure there are আরো pills stashed in this place. She'll be sure to have his team clear the place out just in case. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She does. But she wanted him to start anew in this apartment without the temptation of available hidden stashes of Vicodin well within his reach.
After inviting him, she recalled telling him that she and Lucas had a new house but she wanted to tell him that it was just that, a house. It had nothing yet and it never would have anything, she thought. What that new house symbolized vanished as soon as she broke up with Lucas. House nodded in consent. "I haven't moved to the new house yet… I just…"
He sensed her inner turmoil so he did what he thought would soothe her. In the simplest terms, he did what he thought would shut her up. Gently cupping both her shoulders, he leant অগ্রবর্তী and kissed her reassuringly on the forehead letting his lips linger there. He heard her sigh- in relief অথবা acquiescence he didn't know; maybe both. But the way her shoulders relaxed under his grip somewhat assured him that she was calming down.
Cuddy leaned her temple against his lips, absorbing his nonverbal reassurances, soothing her anxiety about the matter. "I should really get your wound re-stitched," she told him concernedly, switching their focus on something else.
Lucas was a thing of the past, no matter how fresh a past it was. She didn't want to talk about it anymore, didn't want to give explanation for her decisions. Aside from the fact that she didn't have to, she just didn't want to dwell on it.
Though she didn't regret it since it taught her important things too. Her relationship with Lucas had taught her that it was true that not all things that looked good on paper was the best for someone. That stability and dependability wasn't anything without love. That settling would only work for such a short time.
She didn't have to explain herself but House wasn't pushing for one, remarkably. She was grateful for that. He wasn't pushing, wasn't jabbing, wasn't asking for any explanation. He was satisfied with her earlier words, it seemed. He was being the better man দ্বারা not emphasizing , দ্বারা not boasting right in front of her that she chose him over Lucas; that she broke off her engagement for him—maybe in front of Wilson, he'll do just that but that was the way he interacted with his best friend so it didn't bother her.
He was being extraordinarily grateful and just relishing the opportunity to start something with her. She smiled. The future seemed promising even if it would inevitably bring storms in its wake. Someway, somehow, hopefully, they'd be able to weather them together.
"I think my kit's in the closet in front of my room," House whispered, pulling her from her thoughts. He didn't want to trouble her to drive for a number of মিনিট just because he was too lazy to try and remember where his medical kit was.
Cuddy nodded and reluctantly pulled away from him to check the closet. House watched her as she walked to the closet he was referring to. Carefully, he walked to his living room, sitting on the bench of his piano. He waited for her as she got what she thought she'd need, hearing water in the bathroom and a few আরো cabinets being opened and shut. He didn't realize he was staring into মহাকাশ and massaging his thigh until Cuddy touched his shoulder, causing him to flinch in slight shock. "You okay?" she asked softly, brows furrowed. "Yeah," he answered, taking the glass of water from her hand and the Ibuprofen as well, downing them and thanking her. Cuddy gave a small smile as she put the glass away and came back with the kit and a damp towel with her.
"Take your শার্ট off," she instructed softly as she neatly folded the once wrung damp towel. "Don't আপনি think it's a little too early for that?" House jokingly answered, a mischievous grin playing at his lips. Cuddy returned it as she shook her head. "It's not. Unless আপনি want to wait and develop an infection," she retorted, lifting the hem of his শার্ট and carefully helping him ease his arm from the other shoulder.
"Found what আপনি need?" House asked her. "Yes," she replied. They were silent once again as Cuddy picked up the damp towel and cupped the left side of his jaw. She gently dabbed at the scratch on his nose, being careful not to hurt him as she wiped away the blood that had dried. House kept his eyes on her, on how she focused on her task.
"You know, I forgot আপনি actually were a doctor," he teased with a small warm smile, meeting her eyes. Cuddy let out a small scoff. "You never did have faith in me," she retorted halfheartedly. Grasping the hand that was cupping his cheek, House held it and gave her palm a চুম্বন before looking up at her and saying, "You know you're a great doctor…" Cuddy smiled, "… probably not as great as I am but still, you're great at what আপনি do, Cuddy, doctoring অথবা administrating. Don't ever doubt that," he told her, making her হৃদয় flutter with happiness at his words and at the way he uttered them sincerely. She continued what she was doing after thanking him. He didn't know how much those words meant to her, coming from him. After cleaning up his face with the gentlest of ways, she tended to his wound.
Removing the blood-soaked bandage, Cuddy couldn't help but ask, "How's Hannah?" Almost immediately, House's body tensed and he grievously replied, "She died en route…" A sigh. The memory of how he failed at saving her started rushing into his thoughts again.
"I'm sorry…" Cuddy whispered, ceasing her actions, clearing the মহাকাশ beside him and sitting পরবর্তি to him.
Staring into her eyes House whispered, confused and hurt, defeated, "I did everything right. She died anyway…" he told her, reminding himself of what he had told Foreman.
Cuddy frowned, biting her lower lip as she looked at him. She placed her right hand on শীর্ষ of his heart, immediately garnering the attention of his হারিয়ে গেছে cerulean orbs. Her eyes consoled him, comforted him without words until she finally spoke. "It wasn't your fault. If anything, আপনি gave her and her husband hope…" she softly whispered. "You did great tonight… but we don't have any control on who lives and who dies, আপনি know that. Don't blame yourself for what happened."
House closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He knew it wasn't his fault but still… it was inevitable not to wonder about the 'what ifs' of the situation. Would she have lived if he hadn't had to cut her leg off? Would she have died from Crush Syndrome if he didn't? Would she have lived at all অথবা would she have died all the same if he had done something else? Whichever reasoning, there was nothing else he could do. Hannah was gone. He wished her soul peace and wished her husband happiness despite grief.
Cuddy stood up, resuming her task of re-stitching House's wound after cleaning it. "Who's with Rachel? It's six in the morning," House asked. Cuddy smiled at the thoughtful question. "Nanny." House nodded in acknowledgement and kept himself silent until she finished with his shoulder.
"All good," she announced after placing a fresh bandage on his wound. Clearing the mess she made, she stopped working when House settled her in front of him, holding her দ্বারা the hips. House laid his head on her torso, wrapping his arms around her midsection. He felt Cuddy take a deep breath before feeling her arms cup both sides of his neck, caressing him there before sliding them up and running her fingers through his hair.
He was embracing reality. He really truly had her. His eyes were closed as he just savored the moment. Even if he knew it was real, it still felt like a fantasy. Her being here now reminded him of how close he got to losing her because of his idiocy. She gave him hundreds of chances before so now he'll be taking this chance and won't be taking it for granted.
This was real.
This was serious.
This was প্রণয় and a lot more.
This wasn't a game, nor would he treat it like one and drive her away.
His হৃদয় was overflowing with emotions and the sensation of her in his arms made it so much আরো momentous. A milestone in their history. Breaking the chain that had them repeatedly going in circles.
Pulling away from her, he held her দ্বারা the waist and urged her to sit beside him on the bench. She complied and sat beside him, a hand on his leg, absorbing the heat his naked upper half sent out.
Pushing up the lid from his sleek baby grand, House flexed his fingers before looking at Cuddy whose eyes and mouth immediately smiled in excitement at the prospect of him playing solely for her. Surprisingly though, before he started, he inched অগ্রবর্তী and tenderly caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, স্নেহ চুম্বন her chastely on the lips before asking her softly to listen.
She heard him take a deep breath before relaxing. The moment he started to play she felt her হৃদয় melting and overflowing with some unknown emotion. প্রণয় was there… but there was something else she couldn't quite place her finger on.
He continued playing and she continued gazing from his fingers and up at him. His eyes were closed, his face was relaxed. They were both silent, his সঙ্গীত speaking for his emotions as he continued gliding his fingers graciously along the ivory keys. The সঙ্গীত was so relaxing, so familiar and it was the only sound that filled the room. She noticed that it held some of her Jewish culture's tunes and a lot more.
She was unable to help herself from leaning on his shoulder, her head resting against it as she closed her eyes and let the সঙ্গীত bring her anywhere it could. She was হারিয়ে গেছে in it, হারিয়ে গেছে in the সঙ্গীত he was playing and sharing with her.
She was utterly captured, incandescently captivated.
House was হারিয়ে গেছে in his reminiscence of how far he had had gone to fortunately get to where he was tonight. This composition reminded him so much of his struggles and his desire to be with her, to not make her miserable দ্বারা being with her, to be the one to be with her দিন in and দিন out, for better অথবা for worse. The composition reminded him of how much he wanted to be with her but was afraid to be so.
This composition which was entirely made with her in mind, reminded him of her, everything about her. Including her daughter, Rachel. He had long accepted that she has a daughter. Until now he was scared as hell that he'd do something that would scar the kid for life but with Cuddy দ্বারা his side, he was at least confident that she would lead him straight.
For better অথবা for worse, even if this relationship didn't last—though he'd try to make it last—they were an undeletable part of each others' lives. A constant that could never be removed, no matter what was done.
"I'm always here… always," was what Cuddy had ব্যক্ত once before in one of his hallucinations of her… Of her being there always, he had no doubt. He just wished that he'd be there for her long enough to see her incandescently happy, even if with the "most screwed up person in the world."
She had the child already… he wouldn't be that too—well, upon occasion he would be.
He'll be the man for her.
So many promises pinned on one night. So many reassurances. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep some of it but he'd try as hell to do so. He knew she wasn't expecting things to be perfect between them but he wanted it to at least have some semblance of perfection.
After all this time, after all these years searching, she had earned and deserved it.
Besides, he did প্রণয় challenges. So he was challenging himself on this. Maybe Nolan was right. Time was indefinite but it finally came for him tonight. He'd have to visit that old scrooge and মতামত on that painting on the receiving area. Therapy seemed worth the opening up again.
Cuddy opened her eyes and gazed lovingly at House when a very soft version of the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What আপনি Want" started enveloping the air around them. His hands were so dexterous, so graceful, he was absolutely brilliant at what he was doing and she'd want nothing আরো than to ravish him then and there but she stopped herself. Storing this moment into memory was far আরো important than her hormones' demand to jump him.
There was nothing else in the world that moment. Nobody else but them and a পিয়ানো which, দ্বারা House's talent, provided them such a romantic ambiance, such a familiarity she didn't expect.
A few সেকেন্ড later, the melody stopped and she waited for House to look at her. A while later he turned his head in her direction and gave her the smallest of smiles.
Cuddy couldn't help but beam up at him as a lone tear escaped her eye. House wiped it away with the pad of his thumb and let his smile grow a little. "It was beautiful, House. Perfect, really," she complimented on a breathy whisper to stop herself from the emotions overwhelming her. She came to his apartment tonight with low expectations of anything promising even as she had hoped everything would work out. Now, being পরবর্তি to him, everything had really fallen into place for them tonight. Her হৃদয় was thankful, her mind was hopeful that they could pull this off for the long run.
"It's yours," House announced almost timidly. Cuddy was stunned. He composed it for her? "What?" she asked, unable to say anything coherent as it dawned on her that he composed something for her.
"It's your serenade," he told her, a smile kicking at his lips at her expression.
Cuddy's expression of shock soon blossomed into a sweet smile as she asked him, "When did আপনি make it?"
"The দিন of Rachel's Simchat Bat."
Cuddy's face fell at that, remembering how she treated him that day. How she had brutally stuck into his face how miserable he was and how she practically told him that he was unwelcome in that important day; no matter how much she had wanted him there after all.
She stood up stepped in front of him, pulling him up দ্বারা the hands. House's confused look soon vanished when her contagious smile affected him and he found himself basking in her happiness… that he put that smile there.
"Thank you," was all yet everything she could say. The mere fact that he composed this with her and possibly, Rachel, in mind spoke volumes to her with regards to his feelings for her. Spoke volumes of his true feelings for her.
"I প্রণয় you," House amorously whispered to her with his oceanic orbs fixed to her sapphire ones, never faltering as he let her know that দ্বারা words.
Now those three words… spoke enormous volumes!
Cuddy beamed, her sapphire eyes sparkling like the jewels that they are; so precious, so beautiful. He finally reciprocated her earlier words with words of his own. They weren't just words though. They were so much আরো than just words.
"You know I প্রণয় you," she fondly replied before fusing their lips together, wrapping her left arm around his neck she pulled him closer and kissed him passionately, pouring all her heart's unspeakable emotions in their kiss. Her right hand settled on his chest as House wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against his naked torso, literally enveloping her with his warmth.
Their চুম্বন deepened as House sat her on শীর্ষ of his ivory keys and she held on to his nape to keep their lips from separating. She loved the feeling of his stubble grazing her palm as she caressed his stubbly cheek while they kissed, occasionally gazing up to watch him as he kissed her, as if a সেকেন্ড glance would prove to her that she had only been dreaming even if she knew this wasn't one. The way his stubble brushed her lips and the skin around her mouth brought back sparking shots of desire that she suppressed earlier.
His hands slid from each side of her hips up to her arms to cup both sides of her neck. House broke their চুম্বন reluctantly, thirsty for breath that the চুম্বন deprived him off but instead of meeting her lips again, he focused on placing wet প্রজাপতি kisses from her jaw to the back of her ear, her hand still on his nape as she angled her neck to provide him আরো space. She separated her legs and propped her feet on the bench behind him to let him settle in between her legs before arching back on the baby grand, her movements causing a cacophony of notes to fill the air along with their labored breathing. She was sure she was turning পরাকাষ্ঠা as the mixture of his kisses and every single graze of his stubble on her amplified her need for him, for them to consummate this reunion which was 20 years in the making.
She faintly remembered his words during the seminar, remembered how he had told her that he honestly wanted to see where their relationship would lead to after that night so many years ago. That night was the last night she experienced being with him. If events escalated now, she was sure it was আরো than just sex. It would be making প্রণয় with House.
What she felt now was আরো and would always be a whole lot আরো than what she had ever felt when she was with Lucas. She would always প্রণয় House আরো than any man she's been with. Heck, it was possible that she failed at almost every relationship since nobody could compare to him. Her পূর্ববর্তি relationships fell apart since the men she dated could never compare to House.
It's always been him…
She was drawn from her reverie when his lips roamed her neck; nipping, sucking, and tasting her. It dawned on her that neither of them had even taken a ঝরনা yet but she didn't think House seemed to care since he was groaning in pleasure as he lavished her with attention.
Cuddy arched her head back when House bit on her pulse point, moaning at the spark it shot down her spine and straight to her core. "House…" she moaned breathily, causing him to suck on a spot on her neck he earlier found was very erogenous. She gasped at the feeling and wrapped her arms around his back while burying her face in his neck for a while. House's hands started feeling her, caressing her under her scrubs, massaging her breasts through her bra, all the while continually স্নেহ চুম্বন her in every patch of skin he came across. "Undress me…" she whispered into his ear a while later, shamelessly imploring him to dress her down, the desire for him to take her soon overpowering her entire being. House felt his already tightening jeans to tauten even আরো with that plea. Everything about her was intoxicating. Her scent, despite the faint smell of where they were earlier, was enthralling. Her skin was so soft that he couldn't help run his hands everywhere and study the map of her body.
You're still here because আপনি have the hots for me…
House chuckled gutturally as he remembered that chance he let slip in his empty office.
I think we should চুম্বন now…
He was really an idiot for being so blind and ignoring his feelings for her. Well, not anymore and never again.
Taking the hem of her স্ক্রাব in his hands, House carefully pulled them off, admiring every patch of skin that was revealed until he finally got her শীর্ষ off. God, she's a vision. Her taught stomach was beyond sexy: her bra-clad breasts were enticing and calling to him, the way she looked up at him with desire-lidded eyes. Her sapphires darkening into a storm of want and need.
Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her, whispering, "You're beautiful," a breath from her lips before enveloping them with his, স্নেহ চুম্বন her fervently. Cuddy returned the চুম্বন just as intensely and slipped her hands in between them, grasping the buckle of his বেল্ট to undo them, causing House to gasp in her lips as she undid his fly.
House toed his shoes and socks off, having little difficulty in toeing off the other but he managed, then breaking from their চুম্বন again afterwards. Diving in the valley between her breasts, he breathed her in before স্নেহ চুম্বন her ample bosoms alternately, mesmerized দ্বারা their voluptuousness. Her hands instantly held onto his head as he kissed the uncovered flesh of her full breasts, moaning when he occasionally nipped at them teasingly. Cuddy reached behind her and unclasped her ruby red bra and let it fall to the floor, her eyes seductively scouring him from his eyes down to the skin above his unzipped jeans. She instantly closed her eyes though when House filled his hands with her breasts, feeling their weight in his hands, delighting in how her peaks reacted to his touch. Settling a hand to a side of her and causing a disharmonized set of notes to surround them again, he cupped a breast with his hand again, স্নেহ চুম্বন around her areola before taking it into his mouth. Her hand remained cupping the back of his head, pulling him as virtually closer as possible to her breast, urging him to taste her more, sighing in reckless abandon at the pleasure she was experiencing under his touch; doing it again as he turned to her other breast.
Cuddy gasped, arching her back when his other hand cup her groin, brushing his fingers against her clothed heat and making her writhe yet want to buck against him. Stopping his ministrations on her upper half, he finally took time to look at her. Her hair messy even in her ponytail, her chest and neck filled with stubble burns, her eyes hooded with pleasure, and her lips swollen from their kisses.
Sliding his hands from her waist down to her calves, House took one leg and removed her shoes and socks, doing the same with the other while Cuddy remained sitting on his পিয়ানো watching his every move. When he got her shoes and socks off, he settled his hands on her hips, wordlessly seeking her permission to remove her bottoms and matching ruby red underwear. Taking a nervous and anticipating breath she nodded, holding his hands where they were before sliding them up to his broad shoulders. She watched him gently pull them down and off of her, raising her butt a little to start sliding it down, marveling at the longing and admiring looks he was giving her and her body. He had always made her feel confident with her body even if she was already confident with it, herself. His comments, no matter how lecherous, no matter how wrong, had always made her feel sexy and at times, beautiful.
She was আরো than ready for him, she felt it herself. She wanted him আরো than she wanted anyone else at the moment. She doubted that she would even want anybody else after. She loves him. She would প্রণয় him for as long as he would have her, as long as he would প্রণয় her.
Always, House thought. He'd always প্রণয় her. He leaned অগ্রবর্তী to চুম্বন her again, to feel her lips mesh with his and to taste her again with his tongue. He couldn't get enough of her. Every bit of her. I always want to চুম্বন you, he remembered from his delusion last year. She kissed back eagerly and started pushing and kicking down his jeans and his boxers, making him groan in her mouth as all restraints were finally removed from his throbbing erection.
They were physically naked now. Cuddy wrapped her legs around his waist, letting out a lustful sigh when she felt his erection on her abdomen. As awkward as her position was on the piano, she angled herself and readied herself for him, bracing herself on his shoulders, being cautious as to not disturb his bandaged wound.
House snaked his right hand to the small of her back, pulling her flush against him and burying his face in her neck, স্নেহ চুম্বন her there once and placing a legion of soft saccharine kisses up her neck to the back of her ear before gutturally whispering, "I do প্রণয় you," and স্নেহ চুম্বন the side of her head.
"I know," she replied warmly with a smile, her eyes closed in bliss. She would never get tired of hearing him say that.
After a moment of being locked in a serene embrace he entered her finally, filling the void she had had felt ever since the last time he sheathed himself inside her. They mutually gasped at the sensation of flesh entering flesh and House buried his face in her neck, স্নেহ চুম্বন her there as he let her accommodate his size and girth.
He had long wished to experience this with her again. Making প্রণয় to her, making প্রণয় with her. Hearing her whisper his name and hearing her sounds of pleasure.
Cuddy dropped kisses onto his neck a while later, letting him know she was ready and waiting for more. He was inside her, buried deep inside her and she wanted to give in to everything then and there but she wanted this to last. Slowly he began to সরানো inside her, his right hand still spread on the small of her back providing support for both of them. She moaned and tilted her head back at the smallest of waves he made. He felt so good buried inside her like this that the pain only upped the ante of her desire. After a few tentative thrusts in and out of her, House found the right pace and worked on it, moving his head from the hollow of her neck to rest it against her forehead.
The way they swayed, the way they moved had the পিয়ানো accommodating their sounds of pleasure with a cacophony of notes that strangely sounded beautiful for them. His intense cerulean gaze took in the vision of her, mouth slightly ajar, her breath morphed into pants for breath, her eyes shut closed. The sight of her like this made him harder inside her, made him thrust harder and deeper inside her. She moaned and gasped in different moments, gripping him tighter with her hands, digging her short nails into his back, causing him to groan in pleasure.
The tight, wet velvety warmth enveloping his penis was beyond incredible. It was addictive. The way her muscles clenched around him was exciting, rejuvenating, empowering.
"Oh god, House," she throatily moaned when he started hitting a spot inside her that made her legs turn into a pool of gelatinous matter. Her grip on him tightened, her lips স্নেহ চুম্বন every area she could reach while House's thrusts started to intensify and quicken.
House bowed his back to reach a taut peak of her nipple, sucking it into his mouth, biting once in a while and making her cry out in ecstasy. She was a goddess.
He still couldn't believe she was his just as much as he was hers now.
House kissed his way up her midriff, planting kisses from her chest to her neck, slowing down when he reached her jaw line and finally setting his lips on hers again, making sure to thrust harder when he reached her lips. Her mouth fell at the beautiful mixture of pleasure and pain that assaulted her senses and he took advantage of that দ্বারা slipping his tongue into her mouth, seeking her tongue to dance a sensual tantric dance with it again.
House pulled the elastic band from her hair and let her hair cascade down her shoulders, making her look sexier and beautiful than ever. It was as if he had Venus herself in front of him. She was a beautiful sculpture; perfect and smooth. Cuddy smiled at how he wanted her hair down and she continued to meet his enthusiastic thrusts as a thin film of sweat started forming in their bodies.
Their lovemaking wasn't all that good at the moment, as incredibly wonderful as it felt, but they would take what they could at the moment, seeing some of the predicaments actually having sex—or making love—would give them, প্রদত্ত House's condition.
Well in fact, Cuddy wasn't even complaining. Yes, her গাধা was feeling like it was poked with পিয়ানো keys but it was nothing compared to the pleasure and bliss she was living at that moment as House drove in and out of her, rendering her breathless with his powerful thrusts.
"Cuddy…" he groaned against her lips, feeling her beginning to quiver beneath him and feeling himself on the verge of exploding as well. He was thankful for the endorphins roaming his system. It made his thigh feel a little less hurting. Her legs wrapped themselves tighter around him, pulling him closer, driving him deeper as possible into her while she moaned in rapture at the sensations overpowering her.
She wanted it to last longer but she couldn't help herself. The position rendered her tight so every thrust he made caused him to snuggly scrape every angle of her core. He was deeply focused on pleasing her and so he kept his thrusts strong and powerful but also being mindful of her, not wanting to hurt her. Their pelvises were thumping against each other now, craving for release, craving for the tidal wave of an orgasm to reach them and wash them away together.
With a final deep thrust and his fingers vigorously rubbing her clit, Cuddy let go and cried out, House instantly swallowing her forthcoming cries of elation as her orgasm took over her. He continued his thrusts but was not far behind her as he exploded and spilled his warm seed inside her soon after.
Cuddy clung tightly to him while she rode out her orgasm and House never let go of her, his hand still supporting her দ্বারা the small of her back and his other hand buried in her unruly hair. He unglued his lips from hers to press a loving চুম্বন on her temple, lingering a while before burying his nose in her hair, engraining the scent of her hair in his psyche. A while later House pulled out of her but remained hugging her close to him, close to his heart.
House glanced at the clock on the দেওয়াল and chuckled when he saw what time it was. "What?" Cuddy asked in a raspy voice, a smile tugging at her lips, pulling away from their post-coital embrace, looking up at him with a curious twinkle in her stunning eyes. She was absolutely glowing. He liked this look on her, he immediately noted.
"You're late for work," House informed her, a teasing smile on his face as he tucked a few tendrils of hair from the corner of her face, catching her off guard. When she got over the shock of his sweetness, she beamed, flashing him her thousand-watt smile. She glanced back to where the clock was and laughed.
It was indeed 7 am—7:30 to be exact. And she was late.
But today, as terrible and un-Dean-like as it sounded, she didn't care. She could be late once in a blue moon, right?
"After what happened last night, I think the boss wouldn't mind," she whispered in reply, turning her head to him with a mischievous smile.
House shot a brow up at her, "You're a slacker now?"
Cuddy shrugged coquettishly as she replied, "What can I say? You're a bad influence," in a smart গাধা manner.
"I like the sound of that…" House replied on a whisper, leaning অগ্রবর্তী to steal a চুম্বন from her lips.
Cuddy laughed and smiled, just looking up at him with a blissful set of eyes. "What?" House asked curiously.
"Say আপনি প্রণয় me, again," she requested sweetly. House gave her a small grin. He had no problem in telling her that just as much as he had no problem telling Stacy that before when they were together.
Pressing his lips to her forehead, he kissed her again before whispering, "I প্রণয় you," for the third time that night.
House stood straight and Cuddy followed suit. She hugged him and settled her head on his chest, his হৃদয় rapidly beating against her ear. She smiled… this দিন would be amazing. House settled his chin on শীর্ষ of her head, returning her embrace.
"When was the last time আপনি showered?" Cuddy suddenly asked him, her nose scrunching up a little but a smile still painted beautifully on her face. He really didn't smell. She just recalled something from before.
House rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe she was the one who ruined the moment. "Scent of a man…" he told her like he did the last time she had asked him that and continued, "… congratulations, you've experienced it sober."
Cuddy laughed jovially in that low voice he always found সঙ্গীত to his ears. He smiled back, burying his nose in her hair, relishing the moment she wasn't threatening to disembowel অথবা dismember him, অথবা double his clinic duty অথবা আগুন him for not doing his job.
There was a reason why their time had come to start something together. A reason why they're incandescently happy at that moment. But the reasons didn't matter too much now.
They're happy… they aren't miserable… they're together.
They are in love.
This was their now.
Nothing else mattered.
