Set after "Let them eat cake"
----------------------------------------------------
He had done it again. She didn't know why there was always this small corner of her হৃদয় that was still hoping even if her mind knew better. Maybe it was the fact that she couldn't influence her emotions, she could repress them but not influence.
And most probable this was the very reason why she repressed them.
She had seen her fomer med school desk. For a short moment when the realization had approached her brain and then her mind she had felt elation and was ready to condone his behaviour, to forgive him that he had treated her so disgracefully because after all he had shown her that he cared about her.
With a happy and bright smile she had started on her way to his office just to get mentally slapped the সেকেন্ড time this day.
House was in his office but he was not alone.
He wore his leather jacket, his শিরস্ত্রাণ was in his hand and Cuddy could see that he was ready to leave.
Close to him, far too close was this woman, blonde, tall and she put her hands on House's chest and let them remain there for a short moment. This short but intimite gesture stinged Cuddy's হৃদয় and made the smile disappear from her face again.
Awkwardly she turned her head away, spinned on her heels and left. Though she knew exactly what she had seen it didn't affect her head.
On her way প্রথমপাতা she was only stunned and felt a small throbbing running through her body, so small she almost didn't realize it was there.
As soon as she had arrived at her house she got out of her car and walked to her door.
The stunned state was still there and she opened her door absent-minded and entered without caring what she was doing.
Only when she found herself sitting in her kitchen, with a bottle of wine and a half-full glass she noticed where she was.
Cuddy took the glass in her hand and sipped.
What was the sense in drinking wine?
But did everything really need to make sense?
She was fed up with it.
She was fed up with all the pondering over things she couldn't change, she was fed up with searching for a sense in life, in her job, in the behaviour of some misanthropic bastard she unfortunately had feelings for.
To খুঁজুন for a sense among all of this senselessness didn't make any sense at all.
The wine tingled cozily in her stomach and for the first time in a long time she felt almost content and calm.
After her third glass of wine something caused her to stop. Cuddy paused for a moment, the bottle of wine in her hand, and put it on the টেবিল again, without replenishing her glass.
Even if everything seemed to be senseless to her at the moment there was no sense in getting drunk either. She might feel better for a short moment but she knew that the পরবর্তি দিন she would be hungover.
And this was a feeling she could do well without.
So Cuddy got up, a little unsteady on her feet and crawled into her bed.
The extent of her বিছানা made her feel হারিয়ে গেছে and lonely, and she tucked herself in with the hope that sleep would come quickly and bring her dreams that would allow her agonized mind to distract itself just for a short moment.
But sleep didn't come.
Instead of sleep thousands of different thoughts came to her mind and she laid awake staring into the dark.
There was nothing to put a gloss on.
House's and her relationship (if আপনি could call it a relationship) was messed up and at stalemate.
No matter what they would do she couldn't see a happy ending. Neither could he, that was something she was sure about.
So why did she still hope that it would change for the better? She didn't know.
It had just been a damn ডেস্ক she had owned during med school, nothing more.
Tomorrow she would go to House and tell him that it was best to end everything that didn't relate to business.
She waited for the pain but the pain didn't come.
It didn't hurt anymore. There was emptiness, a lot of emptiness, but no pain. And she understood how much the pain had filled her and tentatively the relization dawned on her that people were
sometimes unable to seperate from a pain, because it seemed আরো bearable to them than the void behind.
Cuddy didn't know if she should be happy about the knew feeling (that was no feeling at all) অথবা not. The fact that the pain was gone rather frightened her.
It had been there for so long and for a reason she didn't know, she had the weird feeling that an old friend had left her without saying goodbye. Probably it was the alcohol but she had the glimmer of hope that she was finally over House. She waited a bit but the pain didn't return. It was still an odd feeling but Cuddy decided to get used to it carefully. This time the sleep came when she closed her eyes.
Cuddy didn't know how long she had slept but she was rudely awakened দ্বারা a loud knock on her door. Dozily she pressed her face into her বালিশ and hoped the knock অথবা the person who caused it would leave again.
The knock became louder and Cuddy got out of her bed. She was tired and hoped the person behind her door had a good reason to disturb her at that time.
When she opened the door she saw that it was House. Had she really thought she was over him?
As soon as she saw him standing there in front of her door, only surrounded দ্বারা moonlight, her হৃদয় stopped for a short moment.
She had been a fool for thinking she would be able to end it.
Cuddy looked into his eyes and realized that she would probably never get over him.
This and the fact that she was just wearing a শীর্ষ and her pyjama pants made her shiver. House seemed to pierce her with his intensely blue eyes but he didn't say anything.
Gently, he pushed her aside and entered the house, Cuddy was to bewildered to protest and closed the door behind him.
The pain had returned but stronger than the pain was the anger.
"House! What are আপনি doing here?"
He didn't reply.
"House! It is 3 am! What are আপনি doing here?!"
Cuddy's voice didn't sound as angry as she wanted it to sound. Her anger was sort of resigned anger mixed with tiredness.
He looked at her again and she cursed herself for the effect his eyes caused.
She was no teenager anymore but nevertheless she felt her knees getting weak and she had to sit down.
"House..."
"Wilson told me আপনি found out about the desk."
House finally broke the silence
Cuddy hadn't expected something like this and stared at him.
"Yes I did, but I don't get the importance of these news. Do আপনি really have to wake me up at 3 am just to tell me something I already know?"
He ignored her প্রশ্ন and kept on looking at her.
"You asked me if I am screwing with you."
Cuddy knitted her brows, she had no idea why he told her that.
"I asked আপনি the same...so, are you?"
"Not আরো than usual."
Cuddy sighed.
"House, I'm definitley not in the mood for your stupid games, tell me what আপনি want to tell me অথবা leave."
The anger in her voice increased.
House opened his mouth but was unable to say something so he closed it again.
"That's the last straw! If আপনি just have come here to stare into মহাকাশ আপনি also can do this at home!
Will be আরো fun anyway with your new blonde friend, but I am not sure if she will like the staring, she looked as if she was intersted in something else."
This time a smirk appeared on House's face.
Cuddy glared at him.
"What is so funny about it?!"
"You are funny..."
he replied and got up.
Either it was the hangover অথবা the tiredness but before Cuddy could react, House was standig in front of her.
"I am not screwing with you."
He told her and this time she knew he was serious.
"I think we're supposed to চুম্বন now"
he repeated her words.
Cuddy smiled at him and it costed her a lot of effort.
"House...although আপনি are not screwing with me I don't think it is the right time."
He looked at her and she regretted what she had ব্যক্ত but she also knew that it had been the right thing.
"Come to my office tomorrow, then we can talk...maybe the ডেস্ক will change my opinion."
she ব্যক্ত grinning half-heartedly.
House nodded and turned to leave.
"I am not screwing with আপনি either."
He turned around again and she could see that he was almost smiling.
"Good night, House."
"Good night."
And with that he left.
Cuddy got back to বিছানা and fianlly drifted into her well-deserved sleep.
---------------------------------------------------
আপনি know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, প্রণয় your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.
Herman Hesse
