posted by MJ_Fan_4Life007
আপনি sit beside Justin on the couch, laptop on your lap while আপনি scroll through your timeline on Twitter. Not finding anything interesting, আপনি switch over to going through your mentions. A smile finds its way to your lips as আপনি read through the tweets at the top, all of them flattering compliments. Your smile instantly turns into a frown however when আপনি continue to read and find aq lot of rather hateful messages.
“@y/t/n is so ugly… I don’t understand why Justin is with her”
“@y/t/n ever thought about trying a diet? I don’t think it’d hurt. Lol”
“@y/t/n just kill yourself already! Nobody wants আপনি here and Justin doesn’t প্রণয় you”
আপনি whimper softly, the familiar urge coming back. Closing your computer, আপনি place it on the coffee টেবিল in front of you. আপনি stand up from the পালঙ্ক slowly and stretch your limbs - pretending to be tired. Of course, since the clock had only just reached 8pm, Justin looked at আপনি questioningly when আপনি announced that your were going to bed.
“Are আপনি okay, babe? আপনি know it’s only eight, right?” He asks আপনি skeptically and he adds a chuckle at the end, trying to conceal his concern for you.
“I’m okay, Justin. Just tired.” আপনি answer quickly. Leaning down, আপনি press your lips to his cheek, “Night.”
“Night…?” He trails off and his sentence is turned into a প্রশ্ন because দ্বারা then আপনি have already disappeared up the stairs.
A couple of weeks later, আপনি and Justin are eating ডিনার at প্রথমপাতা with Pattie, Scooter, Carin and Ryan and his girlfriend - who had become one of your best friends. Everyone are just enjoying themselves when Justin places the delicious looking খাবার at the table. Scooter lets out a holler, complimenting on how good it looked.
আপনি cringe as the wonderful taste enters nostrils, but আপনি still wait patiently for your turn. আপনি only place a small portion of খাবার on your plate though and you’re grateful that Justin is too engrossed in a conversation with Ryan too notice.
Throughout dinner, আপনি keep quiet and continuously poke your খাবার with the fork. আপনি don’t talk much either, only from time to time when Carin desperately tries to add আপনি into the conversation.
“Are আপনি okay, honey?” Pattie asks suddenly when she notices your absent mind.
আপনি bite your lip, placing the fork back down পরবর্তি to your plate. Looking up to meet Pattie’s concerned eyes, আপনি give her a small smile. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, hon, don’t apologize. We only want আপনি to be okay. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll make sure Justin checks up on আপনি later.” Pattie gives আপনি a reassuring smile, but আপনি know her well and can easily see the worry deep within her eyes. আপনি nod, send an apologizing look to Ryan’s girlfriend before heading upstairs.
Meanwhile downstairs, all of the girls are looking at Justin hopelessly when আপনি disappear out of sight and they are sure আপনি can’t hear.
“Justin, something is up with [Y/N] and I don’t like it. She barely ate any of her food!” Carin exclaims and Justin nods.
“I know.” Justin states, his voice cracking at the last word. Before he can say anything else, Pattie is out of her chair and beside her son. She pulls him into her arms and Justin nuzzles his face into her neck, willing himself not to cry.
“I…” Justin trails of, pulling away from Pattie. “She has barely eaten for the past week. Last couple of weeks, actually. I’m so worried that she’s gonna faint anytime when I’m not there. What if she faints in the shower, mom? What would I do then?”
“Have আপনি tried talking to her about it, hon?”
“Yes! I’ve tried asking her about it, almost pressuring her into eat but she’ll either say that be isn’t hungry অথবা like she did now, saying she’s not hungry. I… I think she’s starving herself, mom, and I don’t know what to do.”
Justin looks so scared and হারিয়ে গেছে that Pattie’s হৃদয় aches for her son. She wishes she can just take the pain away from him, but she also knows that this is something Justin and [Y/N] has to fix themselves.
“Go talk to her now, bro. We’ll leave আপনি guys alone. Thanks for ডিনার though.” Ryan speaks up for the first time. He stands from his chair and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Talk to her, find out what’s wrong and help her fix it. We need our girl back soon, JB. The happy, careless one.”
আপনি hear Justin call out quietly and your হৃদয় begins to race unbelievably fast, pumping the blood around in your veins. আপনি only watch as the blood streams faster from the cuts on your wrist, not moving a muscle.
Vaguely, আপনি can hear Justin call out your name again, but you’re caught up in your own world to think anything about it. আপনি continue to watch as the blood trickles down your forearm, dripping down and then staining your skinny jeans. Glancing around the bathroom আপনি notice your high heels and suddenly আপনি remember the guest আপনি had invited for dinner.
That’s when আপনি break. আপনি break into tears, your crying increasing every সেকেন্ড until you’re full on sobbing. Forgetting about your cuts, আপনি bring your knees up to your chest. Hugging them, আপনি continue to sob uncontrollably and আপনি even have to gasp for air from time to time.
“Babe, is that you? [Y/N]? [Y/N]!” Justin’s voice is frantic now and before আপনি can respond অথবা even comprehend it, Justin has opened the bathroom door.
আপনি don’t look at him. আপনি don’t want to. আপনি just can’t. Justin doesn’t প্রণয় you. He thinks you’re ugly and so does everyone else. আপনি deserve this. So আপনি continue to sob into your knees, pretending your boyfriend isn’t there.
“Oh… My god. Babe!”
Justin is দ্বারা your side like lightening and pulls আপনি into his arms. He gently pries your hands away from your knees দ্বারা grabbing your wrists and if it hadn’t been for the cuts - আপনি wouldn’t have cared. আপনি wince and a whimper escapes your mouth which causes Justin to freeze his actions. He looks down slowly, as if he was afraid of the sight that would meet him. He takes a sharp breath, his hand shaking slightly as he inspects your arm.
“Fuck…” Justin mutters and আপনি can easily hear that it’s strained. He looks up again and his glazed eyes meet your puffy ones. “Why?” He croaks.
“Because I’m not good enough, Justin! I’ll never be good enough. I-I’m… I’m not good enough.” আপনি whisper the last word, still trying to catch আপনি breath as the salty tears continue to stream down your face.
“Of course you’re good enough! আপনি always have been and আপনি always will be. Who in the world told আপনি that আপনি weren’t?” Justin asks bewildered, anger blazing in his eyes.
“W-what?” Justin stammers, trying to understand what আপনি just told him.
“Your fans, Justin. They tweet me all the time saying how ugly I am, that I don’t deserve you, that I’m better off dead. It hurts, Justin. It hurts so much…” আপনি whimper, hiding your head in the crook of Justin’s neck.
“Shh, baby, I know. I know. Is it… Is that why আপনি haven’t been eating lately? Did any of them call আপনি fat?” Justin asks cautiously seeing as he doesn’t want to make আপনি feel worse. আপনি bare nod, but it’s there.
“[Y/N]…” And he’s crying too. আপনি feel his tears on your exposed neck, but আপনি don’t care. All আপনি want is yo sit there in Justin’s arms as long as possible. “I was so worried about you! I thought there was something seriously wrong. আপনি were almost avoiding me and it hurts knowing that আপনি don’t want to talk to me about it. I was so scared you’d faint as soon as my eyes left you. You’re so thin, so fragile… I don’t like this new you. I want the old [Y/N] back - the one I fell in প্রণয় with. Can আপনি do that?”
“I-I can’t, Justin. It hurts too much. I… I need to take the pain away. I deserve to be in pain!” আপনি whimper, the pain from your cuts now beginning to appear.
“No!” Justin exclaims immediately and আপনি flinch, hearing the tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I hate seeing আপনি in so much pain, [Y/N]. It physically hurts me to know that you’ve been hurting yourself. We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’ll talk to my fans, I’ll have a press conference, hell, I’ll even মোছা your twitter if I have to.” He laughs sadly, gripping each of your arms to pull আপনি away so he can look at you.
“Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll help আপনি through this. I will be here every step of the way. I won’t leave, ever.”
“Promise?” আপনি sniff, looking at him. “I promise.”
“And আপনি are beautiful, okay? So damn beautiful. আপনি are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and আপনি always will be. I don’t want আপনি to change. I প্রণয় আপনি for you, [Y/N]. Forget those jealous bitches, they’ve got nothing on you. You’ll always be my পছন্দ girl.”
“You are so corny!” আপনি giggle quietly as Justin pulls আপনি close to him again. আপনি feel his chest shake as he laughs half-heartedly.
“Yes, but আপনি প্রণয় me!” Justin teases, stroking your hair softly.
“Mm, that’s true.” আপনি whisper as আপনি doze of. Tired of crying, tired of feeling useless, tired of starvation. So আপনি lay in Justin’s arms, listening to his calming heartbeat, while falling asleep. আপনি smile softly, knowing that Justin would always প্রণয় you, no matter what.
I just wanted to say that if any of you, anyone, have these kind of problems - I’m here. My ask box is always open and I’m here to talk if আপনি want me to be. And আপনি are beautiful. আপনি are so damn beautiful, all of you. I প্রণয় আপনি so much! x