Could I get some help to??????????? :S

It's been so long since I've written anything, so I was wondering if this following segment was okay (I might switch to present-tense):

--Based on my new favourite show: Get Smart (1965)
Maxwell Smart: The silly/clumsy/foolish "top secret agent"
Agent 86: His partner
Chief: The chief..? Head of their department, and the one who gives them their assignments
--

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V

He (Maxwell) slowly moved his head around the corner, checking if anyone was coming his way. He moved back behind the brick wall. Raising his wrist watch, he flipped open the শীর্ষ of the device, revealing a speaker and miniature microphone. He spoke into the device,
"Chief. No sign of anyone in the area. Should I সরানো in?"
"No, Max, not until 99 meets up with you."
Max's look turned stern as he heard the words,
"Chief, why can't আপনি trust me to go it alone?"
"The last time I let আপনি head in, আপনি landed on a motion-detection device and blew our cover."
His brows raised, and he rolled his eyes.
99, the female secret agent, crept beside him.
"Okay, 86. I've made it. Have আপনি checked if the room was clear?"
"Affirmative. No sign of anyone. I think it's about time we moved in."
The two of them slowly moved around the wall, out of the hallway, and into the spacious room. Max headed towards a suspicious looking statue.
"You know, 99, I think I've seen one of these before, in a museum of some kind."
He moved his hands closer to the statue.
"86, I don't think আপনি should touch that-"
He did not hear her warning,
"The sculpture did a real fine job"
He placed his hands onto the statue and felt its smooth surface, triggering the floor below him and his partner to open.

(Is it okay so far?)