[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the ঘোমটা #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!... except the weasel.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the ঘোমটা #87
Homer: How was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach আপনি how to sing to trees? And build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh? [His chair collapses] D'oh! Stupid poetic justice.
Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip.
Homer: Heh heh, আপনি don't have a son.
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 1F07 - The Last Temptation Of Homer #33
Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah.
Homer: See, I got this friend named...Joey Jo-Jo... Junior... Shabadoo
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[A man leaves, weeping]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F09 - Homer the Vigilante #45
Homer: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught দ্বারা the very person who was trying to catch him.
Skinner: How ironic.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An হাতি #34
Homer: Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An হাতি #35
Homer: Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
Marge: Stampy's খাবার bill today was $300.
Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An হাতি #36
Homer: Uh, Milhouse saw the হাতি twice and rode him once, right?
Mrs. অগ্রদূত Houten: Yes, but we paid আপনি $4.
Homer: Well, that was under our old price structure. Under our new price structure, your bill comes to a total of $700. Now, you've already paid me $4, so that's just $696 আরো that আপনি owe me.
Mr. অগ্রদূত Houten: Get off our property.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An হাতি #37
Lisa: Dad! You're sinking.
Homer: Huh?
Marge: Get a rope, Bart?
Homer: Naw, that's OK. I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out, now I'll pull my arms out with my face.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] 1F16 - Burns' Heir #396
Chief Wiggum: Oh, for gosh g -- can't আপনি people solve these problems yourselves? I mean, we can't be, er, "policing" the whole city.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F16 - Burns' Heir #397
Burns: OK, let's make this sporting, Leonard. If আপনি can tell me why I shouldn't আগুন আপনি without using the letter "E", আপনি can keep your job.
Lenny: Uh, OK. Um, I'm a good...work...guy --
Burns: You're fired.
Lenny: But I didn't say --
Burns: আপনি will. [pushes a button]
Lenny: [falling through a trap door] EEEEeeeee!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F17 - Lisa's Rival #38
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a বিবরণ of that person.
Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.
Taylor: Ho ho, very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: [thinks] Jeremy's...iron.
Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. আপনি know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F03 - Treehouse of Horror V #39
Homer: I've gone back to the time when ডাইনোসর weren't just confined to zoos!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F05 - Lisa on Ice #394
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F09 - Homer The Great #259
Marge: I don't want আপনি stalking anyone tonight.
Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a মিনিট [gets up] I'm... going outside. To... stalk ...Lenny and Carl...[realizes] D'oh!

Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F22 - লেবু of Troy #52
Bart: Remember: if আপনি get lost, আপনি can always find east দ্বারা staring directly at the sun.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F03 - Lisa the Vegetarian #258
Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.
Lisa: Dad! Can't আপনি have some other type of party, one where আপনি don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people প্রণয় meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. আপনি don't win বন্ধু with salad.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F14 - Homer the Smithers #53
Burns: Here, tell me how my stocks did yesterday.
Homer: Uh, they all won.
Burns: What about my options?
Homer: Well, আপনি can either get up অথবা go back to sleep.
Burns: I believe I'll get up.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F14 - Homer the Smithers #54
Homer: Here are your messages:
"You have 30 মিনিট to সরানো your car",
"You have 10 minutes",
"Your car has been impounded",
"Your car has been crushed into a cube",
"You have 30 মিনিট to সরানো your cube".
[phone ringing]
Homer: [answers] Yello, Mr. Burns' office.
Burns: Is it about my cube?
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah


[The Simpsons] 3F14 - Homer the Smithers #145
Homer: I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 3F17 - Bart on the Road #63
Homer: Donut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do আপনি have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F17 - Bart on the Road #64
Marge: The national grammar rodeo? I wish I were going. Oh, wait, wait... I wish I "was" going. Is that right, Bart?
Bart: I dunno.
Lisa: It's not fair. I'm the best student in school, how come I never heard about this competition?
Bart: Maybe because আপনি are, as we say in Latin, a "dorkus malorkus."
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 3F18 - 22 Short Films About Springfield #261
Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had দ্বারা all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be -- [notes entire রান্নাঘর is on fire] Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
Contributed দ্বারা Kurt D



[The Simpsons] 3F20 - Much Apu About Nothing #46
Homer: [on phone] Hello, Selma? Selma my dear, how are you? ... Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Listen, shut up for a second. How would আপনি like to marry Apu so he doesn't get deported?
Selma: I'd rather eat poison. My name's already Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure. God knows it's long enough without Nahassapeema-whatever. From now on, I'm only marrying for love... Mmm, possibly once আরো for money.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3G04 - Simpson Tide #260
Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
Abe: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 4F24 - Lisa the Simpson #263
Marge: Lisa, Lisa honey wake up.
Lisa: Why bother?
Marge: Because your father has a big surprise for you.
Lisa: I'm adopted?
Marge: Better, come look.
Contributed দ্বারা mark m



[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The কার্তুজ Family #251
Homer: A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It's a tool. Like a butcher knife, অথবা a harpoon, or...uh, ...an alligator.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The কার্তুজ Family #253
Salesman: But surely আপনি can't put a price on your family's lives.
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The কার্তুজ Family #254
Homer: I'm sorry I lied to you, Marge. But this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com


[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The কার্তুজ Family #257
Homer: I don't have to be careful. I've got a gun.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F11 - Das Bus #55
Homer: Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F11 - Das Bus #56
Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend, how can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will আপনি be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
Homer: [stares blankly] Can I have some money now?
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 5F11 - Das Bus #57
Lisa: Point of order, if we want to learn anything we must respec--
Bart: Point of odor, Lisa stinks.
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 5F22 - Bart the Mother #266
Homer: Oh, I hate folding sheets!
Marge: That's your underwear.
Homer: Well, whatever it is, it's a two-man job. Where's Bart?
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 7F22 - Blood Feud #58
Homer: [disguising his voice] Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe আপনি have a letter for me.
Postal Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?
Homer: [pause] I don't know.
[outside on the steps of the post office] Great plan, Bart.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 7F23 - When Flanders Failed #107
Homer: Hello Jerry, remember last মাস when I paid back that loan? Well now I need আপনি to do a favor for me.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F06 - The New Kid on the Block #395
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story".
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F09 - Homer's Triple Bypass #44
Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yaking, I'm usually either sleeping অথবা mentally undressing the female parishioners. Anyway, can I have $50,000?
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F13 - I প্রণয় Lisa #421
Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my প্রণয় life have been without it?
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com


[The Simpsons] 9F17 - So It's Come To This #422
TV: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmmmm... beer...
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F20 - Marge In Chains #262
Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss আপনি so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the খাবার preparation.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] AABF11 - I'm With Cupid #144
Homer: And ask yourselves, people. Who's to blame for all this?
Hibbert: Well, I guess we are.
Ned: Well, I do take Maude for granted.
Lenny: Oh, I've done some of that myself.
Homer: Will আপনি stop it? It's easy to blame ourselves, but it's even easier to blame Apu. He's making us look bad!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] AABF21 - Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? #59
Guide: Welcome to the Springfield Shopper, established in 1883. The newspaper was founded দ্বারা Johnny Newspaperseed, a 14 year-old boy who roamed America founding newspapers.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he's dead?
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] BABF08 - The Mansion Family #276
Homer: Oh, why won’t anyone give me an award?
Lisa: আপনি won a Grammy!
Homer: I mean an award that's worth winning.
Contributed দ্বারা mark m



[The Simpsons] BABF22 - HOMR #66
Operator: For automated stock prices, please state the company name.
Homer: Animotion.
Operator: Animotion, up 1 1/2.
Homer: Yahoo!
Operator: Yahoo, up 6 1/4.
Homer: Huh? What is this crap?
Operator: শিয়াল Broadcasting, down 8.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] BABF22 - HOMR #67
Scientist: We could perform a surgery and remove the crayon from your brain. It could vastly increase your brain power. অথবা it could possibly kill you.
Homer: Hmm ... increase my killing power, eh?
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] CABF02 - The Computer Wore Menace Shoes #43
Homer: Um ... I guess I'll take that one.
Salesman: Well, do আপনি need a paperweight? 'Cause if আপনি buy that machine, that's all you're going to have, an expensive paperweight.
Homer: Well, a paperweight would be nice, but what I really need is a computer. How about that one? [points to another machine]
Salesman: That technology is three months old. Only suckers buy out-of-date machines. You're not a sucker, are আপনি sir?
Homer: Heavens no!
Salesman: Oh good, because if আপনি were, I'd have to ask আপনি to leave the store.
Homer: I just need something to receive email.
Salesman: [whistles] You'll need a top-of-the-line machine for that. [shows Homer a machine] That's the same computer astronauts use to do their taxes.
Homer: I was an astronaut.
Salesman: Of course আপনি were.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF02 - The Computer Wore Menace Shoes #62
Homer: Who are you, and why are আপনি holding me here? I want উত্তর now, অথবা I want them eventually!
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] CABF04 - Homer Vs. Dignity #60
Homer: What should I do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? I'd better throw it in the garbage.
Lisa: Well, there's lots of needy kids out there.
Homer: I see what you're saying. I need to buy a gun!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] CABF04 - Homer Vs. Dignity #61
Marge: Homer, we need to talk to a financial planner.
Homer: Financial panther, eh?
[imagining]
Banker: Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn.
Homer: Get him, Sheba!
[a চিতাবাঘ leaps onscreen and mauls the banker]
[back to reality] I'm on board.
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] CABF07 - টেনিস The Menace #135
Lisa: Venus Simpson? You're replacing me?
Homer: Now Lisa, dumping's such a harsh word. Lets just say I'm replacing you.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF16 - Children Of A Lesser Clod #143
Krusty: [About Homer] A man so generous, not recognizing him would make Santa Claus himself vomit with rage.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF20 - Homer the Moe #40
Moe: ... and if anyone wants potato chips অথবা anything fancy, tell him to go to Hell.
Homer: Can do. Now, don't আপনি worry about a thing. [turns on a বিয়ার tap, spilling the বিয়ার onto the floor]
Moe: Hey, what are আপনি doing? I gotta pay for that!
Homer: No, Moe, you've got it all wrong. People buy বিয়ার from you.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF20 - Homer the Moe #41
Moe: Listen, I don't like you, আপনি don't like me, but we both want to stop Homer from shooting a turkey.
Lisa: আপনি don't like me? I like you.
Moe: আপনি do? Then I like আপনি too. Here, have a towelette.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] DABF18 - Large Marge #114
Homer: I came out of the elephant's mouth, right? Because I already showered once today.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF02 - Special Edna #115
Electric Car: Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast. অথবা very far. And if আপনি drive me, people will think you're gay.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #280
Burns: Now a few আরো details about this year's company picnic. It's at the plant, no খাবার will be served, the only activity will be work, and the picnic is cancelled.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #281
Lisa: What about আপনি and mom?
Homer: Oh we'll be upstairs in the bedroom making love...ly rope ladders, in case there's a fire.
Bart: Oh, okay.
Homer: Children, so naive.
Bart: What?
Lisa: Who's naive?
Homer: I didn't say anything...so naive.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #282
Female Associate: Homer, I'll go over the বছর end profit forecast if you'll stop looking at my boobs.
Homer: No deal.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #283
Homer: [reading from a book] Tip 1: Live each দিন like it was your last. [sitting on a curb, sobbing] I don't wanna die! I'm so young!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF15 - Brake My Wife, Please #279
Homer: Psst, bishop to কুইন four.
Old Man: We're playing dominoes!
Homer: I ব্যক্ত bishop to কুইন four.
Old Man: Alright already... sheesh.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF17 - Moe Baby Blues #277
Moe: "Alice in Wonderland", huh? This must be a takeoff on an "Alice in Underpants" movie I saw.
Contributed দ্বারা gook nukem



[The Simpsons] EABF20 - The President Wore Pearls #192
Milhouse: And to think I was going to ask আপনি to the dance!
Lisa: I would have gone with you..
Milhouse: Well, আপনি still can!
Lisa: Well I don’t feel like it now.
Milhouse: Awww! That's cool. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #194
Lisa: Press the gray brick in the back of the fireplace.
Homer: Sweet freedom, here I... Owww!
Lisa: Put out the আগুন first!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #195
Homer: America rules! Our Beatles are way better than your precious Rolling Stones!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #196
Lisa: Why did আপনি let him be his own barrister?
Marge: What difference could it make? He hit the friggin' Queen!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #197
Homer: Yes, I've been jailed on six continents. All I have to do is kill a penguin.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] FABF05 - Diatribe of a Mad Housewife #199
Homer: Where to, Mac?
Comic Book Guy: For the third time, the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a taxi!
Homer: Hospital, eh? Wow, everyone is going there tonight.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] FABF05 - Diatribe of a Mad Housewife #200
Marge: Homie, I finished my novel…
Homer: Wooh, typed.
Marge: It's really important that আপনি read it and tell me what আপনি think.
Homer: No problem. Aww 286 pages!
Marge: It's double spaced.
Homer: Woo hoo! I'm half-way through!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] GABF02 - Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass #105
Homer: Yeah! আপনি help me, and I in-turn am helped দ্বারা you.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] GABF04 - There's Something About Marrying #132
Reverand Lovejoy: Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage is described in the Bible--
Homer: If আপনি প্রণয় the Bible so much, why don't আপনি marry it? In fact, I now pronounce আপনি and the Bible man and wife. And you're the wife!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] GABF18 - The Bonfire Of The Manatees #134
Marge: I found a place where I'm needed.
Homer: You're needed at home!
Marge: And treated like I deserve.
Homer: [pause] You're needed at home!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] HABF10 - চুম্বন Kiss, Bang Bangalore #68
Homer: This isn't India! Where's the বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় of Notre Dame and the Indy 500 and Wrigley Field and Dodger Dogs?!
Indian Woman: আপনি ignorant American! আপনি have confused India with Indiana, Indiana with Illinois, and the Cubs with the Dodgers!
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] HABF12 - Girls Just Wanna Have Sums #109
Marge: Do আপনি really think that woman are mentally inferior?
Homer: Well, eh uh, honey আপনি are just as smart as a man. Sometimes when I'm with আপনি I feel like I'm doing it with a dude.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] HABF12 - Girls Just Wanna Have Sums #110
Marge: Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented Liquid Paper.
Homer: Well, আপনি know what a man invented? Actual paper.
Contributed দ্বারা sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] JABF18 - The Homer of Seville #241
Homer: That church service was so boring! I did a whole book of find-a-words.
Lisa: Dad, all আপনি circled were the I's and A's.
Homer: Those are words.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] JABF20 - He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs #239
Homer: Oh, what's the point of putting my socks on? I'd just have to take them off again a week later.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] KABF11 - Any প্রদত্ত Sundance #112
Homer: I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
Contributed দ্বারা funnytvquotes.com