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posted by penguin098
Congratulations. You’ve worked up the nerve to ask the girl out and she ব্যক্ত yes. You’ve convinced her you’re worth a shot. It is the night of your first তারিখ and you’re terrified of messing up. You’re not sure how to impress the girl. Well, thankfully you’ve found this guide, written দ্বারা me, a girl.

Step one: Before
•Clean up before hand, no one wants a guy with greasy hair and an unappealing smell
•Don’t put on too much cologne. A little bit is fine but a lot quickly becomes repulsive. A tip: any amount of “Ax” is too much
•Come up with some ideas for conversations to smooth through awkward silences
•Have some ideas on where to go and what to do, it will make আপনি seem আরো on শীর্ষ of the situation, but don’t decide of a place, she may not like it.
•Always, always, always have a jacket

Step two: During
•Show up no later than ten মিনিট late, and never be early. If আপনি told her eight, she plans on having until eight to get ready, and if you’re late it will seem like আপনি don’t care
•Compliment her! She spent a while getting ready and she wants to know it was worth it. Make it something from the heart, not “You look so sexy/hot”
•It never hurts to open up the car door.
•Say আপনি thought you’d go to _______. Choose a place with a wide verity of food, so she can find something she likes
•Expensive is not always better, she will feel guilty if আপনি drop a lot of money
*Don't make it a quiz, with a bunch of প্রশ্ন starting with what, how why, ect. Start a real conversationg, wit ha few প্রশ্ন sprinkled in. YOu will get to know her overtime
•Avoid pick up lines, though the fake-yawn to put your arm around us is tolerated, lines like “did it hurt when আপনি fell from heaven” are not
•If it’s cold, the জ্যাকেট আপনি brought is around her shoulders. It’s a sweet gesture that will always give আপনি শ্রদ্ধার্ঘ্য for the future
•Avoid talk about any “ex” she may feel used, অথবা like a trophy. Both are undesirable

Step three: After
•If you’re planning to চুম্বন her good bye অথবা say something sweat, do so in the car. Her father is most likely waiting for a way to embarrass আপনি and anything আরো moderate than a hand-shake will not be acceptable
•Make it clear আপনি had a good time but don’t offer a সেকেন্ড তারিখ unless আপনি are sure she wants one too.
•Don’t চুম্বন unless the mood is right, but make it memorable
•Walk her to the door
•After walking back to your car, take one last look at her house and smile. She’ll be watching and will most likely smile back.

Step four: The future
•Don’t treat her as a trophy, talk to her, be with her, but don’t parade her around
•Kissing/hugging in front of your বন্ধু means a lot, but in front of hers could be risky, like everything, test the waters before making big moves
•Stand up for her, ask her for advice, and make sure she never doubts how আপনি feel
•If আপনি cheat on her, আপনি sure as hell will get your গাধা kicked, দ্বারা both her, her friends, and the one আপনি cheated with. She will find out eventually
•If আপনি lie to her, আপনি sure as hell will get your গাধা kicked
•Doing something sweet and romantic will almost always make up for forgotten birthdays/anniversaries
•Sometimes, she just needs a shoulder to cry on

Remember, আপনি may think the work is done after the first date, but really the war has just begun. Girls are not some trophy to be won, sat on a shelf, and admired. আপনি have to work to keep her. Do sappy romantic things, carry her books, and open her doors. Never lose sight that every time a girl says yes to a date, it is the best thing that ever happened to you.
posted by ITF
দ্বারা Jami Sassone

The man with the metal rod returns today
He summons me in the most painful way
It burns. It stings. It's scorching hot.
I yell, "please stop!" He will not
Why?

To the rack; I brace for the worst
He violates me again; this time's not the first
Back to my cage, to wonder how long
Yearning for উত্তর to what I've done wrong?

Nine months later the answer arrives
I now have someone for whom to survive
Three times I've felt love, one being today
Three times, as well, it's been taken away.
Why?

My দুধ is for you, not him all
You enjoy what আপনি eat, but remember my calls
When the cheese melts nicely...
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প্যানকেকস can be found in many cultures around the world, although they might not use the same ingredients as pancakes, they are generally similar in taste and texture.

Maple syrup, which goes great with pancakes, is actually a বৃক্ষ sap, that comes from the বৃক্ষবিশেষ tree, which is found mostly in the Canadian region.

The French often make a wish while turning the pancake during the cooking process, while holding a coin in the other hand.

The first recipe for প্যানকেকস were listed in the 15th century, in a English cookbook.

The world's largest pancake was cooked in Roch-dale Manchester in the বছর 1994,...
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NOT SLASH!
Note: I can not freaking write ;3;
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Jaime couldn't believe how much the newest team member, the hyperactive teen speedster from the future, had seemed to enjoy being around him. It seemed whenever they were even in the same room together Bart would rush over to start talking to him. He didn't know why his new friend had liked him so much, he liked everybody on the team, but not near as much as him.

It wasn't anything extremely close, but it was close as two guys could get without being gay. That may sound strange, but it's pretty much the only way one...
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posted by sideshowbobbart
1) আপনি will go slightly out of your way to step on a crunchy looking leaf

2) আপনি will check the Fridge to see if any খাবার has magically appeared

3)You hate it when its all quiet and আপনি are eating something crunchy

4) The guy who discovered milk...what was he doing to the cow?

5) When we were little, why were we so scared of our parents counting to three?

6) আপনি hate it when আপনি run out of hot water in the middle of a shower

7) It sucks when আপনি are in the middle of a huge argument and realize আপনি are wrong

8) আপনি think of the best thing to say to your rival 10 মিনিট after the right moment

9)...
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previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Jenni Peter and Tina were thinking of a way to find out who was trying to wreck their house then all of a sudden there was a noise and it was coming from Tina's room. Tina got mad cause she doesnt let ANYONE besides Peter and Jenni and herself in her room. she was about to stomp over to her room but Jenni stepped in front of her and tried to calm Tina down Peter helped out with trying to calm Tina down as well. Tina sighed calming down after that they all went to Tina's room when they opened the door they were all shocked Tina's cd's were all broken her paintings...
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posted by টারমার২০
Abounding times in your life আপনি will meet mean অথবা rude people that আপনি dislike, but you'll still have to pretend to like them anyway. This প্রবন্ধ will teach আপনি all about how to deal with them.

1)Look right at them say their name and ask them politely to stop. Keep repeating until their attitude changes অথবা they stop. Example "Mike, please stop", অথবা আপনি can say, "That's not appreciated, please cut that out." Don't keep increasing aggressiveness until the balance of power is equalized, it just will make things worse.
2)Don't try to be better than them, it will make the situation worse. If they...
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***Lol this was probably a lot funnier to the drunk people who wrote it at three in the morning but.... here আপনি go xD

Or if you'd just rather check it out on youtube:
link

I wanna be a grizzly bear, so beary bad
Stealin' honey from bees just to make them mad
I wanna live in the forest with, Booboo and Yogi
So we can steal picnic baskets as three

Oh every time I close my eyes...
I see the back of my eyelids
And I bet আপনি didn't know this
I swear, the world is unprepared for when I'm a Grizzly bear

Yeah I would climb trees like bears do
And probably attack you, not an every day
Hike in the forest
I'd probably...
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One দিন a group of girls were having fun and being crazy, laughing and talking to each other in funny voices, careless of what the other kids at school thought of them. A girl walked up to them and told them they were all pathetic losers, giving each of the girls a different insult. She then walked away with her head held high. All the girls looked at each other and burst into laughter. The mean girl turned around and asked
“Why are আপনি laughing? I just insulted all of আপনি losers”
“Well, we just find it hilariously pathetic how আপনি feel আপনি have to take the time to make fun of us. আপনি obviously...
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posted by j-bfan7
My name is Chris ,

I am three,

My eyes are swollen..

I cannot see.



I must be stupid,

I must be bad,

What else could have made,

My daddy so mad?



I wish I were better,

I wish I weren't ugly

, Then maybe my mommy,

Would still want to hug me.



I can't do a wrong,

I can't speak at all,

Or else I'm locked up,

All দিন long.



When I'm awake,

I'm all alone,

The house is dark,

My folks aren't home.



When my mommy does come home,

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get,

One whipping tonight.



I just heard a car,

My daddy is back,

From Charlie's bar



I hear him curse,

My name is called ,

I press myself,

Against the wall.



I try...
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1. The only bird that can fly backwards is the hummingbird.

2. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

3. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds!

4. A ইঁদুর survive longer without water than a camel.

5. Toupees for সারমেয় are sold in Tokyo

6. A শুশুক sleeps with one eye open

7. A কুম্ভীর can't stick it's tounge out

8. A mammal's blood is red, an insect's blood is yellow, and a lobster's blood is blue!

9. Loud, fast সঙ্গীত makes termites chew faster

10. A blue whale's tounge weighs আরো than a elephant

11. Ablutophobia is the fear of bathing

12. Acarophobia is the fear of itching

13. Agyrophobia...
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These are just যেভাবে খুশী ways to eat my পছন্দ cookies: oreos.
A lot of these sound really weird and gross, but they're actually pretty good.

1. without milk
2. with milk
3. with chocoloate milk
4. with স্ট্রবেরি milk
5. frozen
6. ফ্রোজেন with milk
7. ফ্রোজেন with warm milk
8. with honey
9. in ice cream
10. in ফ্রোজেন yogurt
11. in ফ্রোজেন yogurt with honey
12. with 7up
13. with চিনাবাদাম butter
14. ফ্রোজেন with চিনাবাদাম butter
15. ফ্রোজেন with 7up
16. with চিনাবাদাম মাখন and 7up
17. with চেরি 7up
18. ফ্রোজেন with চেরি 7up
19. ফ্রোজেন with চিনাবাদাম মাখন and চেরি 7up
20. দ্বারা itself

If আপনি try any of these and like it, please write a মতামত and tell me which one(s) আপনি tried. :)
Five easy ways that lemons can kill you. (some of these are ironic, but if আপনি think about it, sometimes they can happen!!!)

1. A লেবু is lying on the শীর্ষ step, and আপনি are carrying your laptop in your hands when your about to go down the steps. সেকেন্ড later আপনি land on your ass, and পরবর্তি আপনি are in the hospital with a severe concussion.

2. A লেবু is sweet and fresh, and your mother uses it in her cooking. of course, she doesn't see the bite marks on the back of the লেবু that was created দ্বারা your dog when the basket was too close to the edge a few days ago, so she squeezes the লেবু into her...
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I was bored so I wrote this for anyone who doesn't know me...Sort of entertaining.

Ash

Yeah,I'm different, don't think I will be offended if আপনি ever, one দিন decide to call me that. If আপনি think I'm insane, run away, because আপনি are probably right. Think I need help? Of course I do. Find me stupid?I will not contradict you, and I will not deny it. Want to make me jealous? Not going to happen. Feel like I'm asking too many questions?Yeah, me too আপনি a little annoyed that I keep doing this? Haha, It was meant to makeyou a little annoyed. আপনি think that I'm just babbling here? Click the little X at the right hand corner of the screen/tab. Don't know whereit is? Get the crud out of your eyes.

Um...I am Ash. And I approve this message .
Ok so me and a friend wrote a little play on the school bus. It's about two বন্ধু riding the bus together and chatting. It's called Druckies. Not sure why but the two characters are named Z and Awesome

Awesome:Hey

Z:hi!I like pie

Awesome:Ok....

Z:Whats my Z stand for?

Awesome: Zebra. Yup your new name is Zebra

Z:COOL!

Awesome:Don't forget to remeber me...

Z:I see a টাট্টু with dolk-a-dots

Awesome: With strawberries.

Z:OOOO and cotton candy!

Awesome: Cotton candy?

Z:I'm going to marry big bird.

Awesome: Good luck with that

Z:Oh look a red fox. AWW! that red শিয়াল is eating a kitty! No wait thats not a cat...
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posted by shiriny
-It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

-People say "Bless you" when আপনি sneeze because when আপনি sneeze, your হৃদয় stops for a millisecond.

-It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky

-111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

-All polar bears are left handed.

-Butterflies taste with their feet.

-A শামুক can sleep for three years.

-Elephants are the only জন্তু জানোয়ার that can't jump

-On average, people fear spiders আরো than they do death.

-The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

-Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

-Men can read smaller print than women,...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Ride mechanical ঘোড়া বিষয়ক with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
Try pants on backwards at GAP. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
At the bottom of an escalator, scream “My SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
Ask the sales personnel at the সঙ্গীত store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos অথবা rubles.
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King . . . but save a few...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Act like আপনি know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "BedWetter’s Camp, right?"
Add extra letters to words, ex: পিজা becomes pizzzzzzzaaaaaaa
After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their প্রশ্ন with questions.
Ask about পিজা maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for chips/fries with everything!
Ask for extra homo-sapien
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many...
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added by Shadowmarioking
Source: Tumblr
added by TimberHumphrey
added by FanboyHater