1. If আপনি are married, and intend to renew your wedding vows, DON'T. আপনি will end up divorced.
2. Amnesia is very common. In fact, nearly every time আপনি hit your head amnesia will result. AND it's fairly simple to get rid of. Just have people:
A)Take turns hitting আপনি on the head again until your memory comes back
OR
B)Have them let আপনি wander around, confused, for a few days until it comes back on its own অথবা something else hits আপনি on the head.
3. If a friend অথবা member of your family introduces a cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, etc that looks EXACTLY like them, run in the other direction. They are always EVIL.
4. Do not hire a butler, a maid, অথবা a nanny unless আপনি are willing to accept them into your family. Either আপনি অথবা a family member will end up falling in প্রণয় with them. In the case of two অথবা আরো of the above living under one roof, prepare for double the প্রণয় troubles.
5. If আপনি have a pet, আপনি don't need to train them! They will grow up to perform tricks, save people's lives, and be really really cute entirely on their own!
6. If আপনি have a secret, the entire world will know in just 22 short minutes. Doesn't matter if আপনি "tell" anyone, somehow everyone will still find out.
7. আপনি will dislike the company of (possibly even despise) your in-laws.
7a. আপনি will dislike your kid'(s) bf/gf.
7b. 9 times out of 10 they will also dislike you.
8. Twins are a really common phenomenon (both identical and fraternal). আপনি can have twins easily with no fertility treatments! Wow, awesome! So if আপনি are expecting, don't just eat for 2. Play it নিরাপদ and eat for 3.
9. If আপনি see a pair of handcuffs, don't touch them. Just don't. The keys are always missing. But if আপনি do happen to touch the handcuffs, prepare yourself to wind up being attached to:
A)The sibling আপনি like the least
B)Someone ridiculous (i.e. hooker, stranger, etc)
C)Someone আপনি can't stand
D)All of the above?
This will normally last for around 24 hours.
10. Stag/Hen parties are always, always, always a BAD idea. No elaboration needed.
11. Running into your ex(s), even in a big city, is really common and will always happen when আপনি are with your current significant other.
11a. If your ex calls and wants to see আপনি DO NOT (i repeat) DO NOT agree to see them again because they will always attempt to get back together with you.
11b. Conversely, if আপনি attempt reconciliation they will always be with their significant other. Damn.
12. It is not only easy to meet your পছন্দ celebrity, but appearing on their show, গান গাওয়া with them, অথবা getting them to assist আপনি in some hair brained scheme is also fairly simple.
13. Never buy an expensive vase, desk, lamp, piece of furniture, vest, dress, watch (ok, just don't buy anything expensive at all!) because it will somehow end up broken, lost, অথবা destroyed.
13a. Hint: If আপনি have children, they did it.
13b. If আপনি don't have children, it's most likely an extraneous family member causing trouble. See #7.
14. If আপনি intend to throw someone a surprise party অথবা event of some sort, they will always find out. See #6.
15. Architects, Doctors, Lawyers, TV/Radio hosts, Musicians, and Designers are all very common career choices. Hardly anyone ever becomes a Teacher, Secretary, Clerk, অথবা Accountant. (How boring!)
16. If আপনি do something terrible to a friend অথবা family member all আপনি need to do is apologize and all will be forgiven. Whether আপনি called your sibling a nasty name অথবা cheated on your spouse, they will forgive আপনি and life moves on. After all, that's what বন্ধু and family do! NOTE: Sometimes, multiple apologies may be necessary.
17. Beware of your neighbors. They are always annoying and generally very nosy. If আপনি suspect they are spying on you, it's because they probably are! They never have anything better to do with their time except come over and bother you. Better get used to it!
18. If আপনি have a cellar, make sure to check it on a semi-normal basis. Somehow, someone will end up stuck down there (and they'll start losing their minds almost immediately!)
19. If আপনি are a teenager, আপনি will always get the boy/girl of your dreams to fall for you. It doesn't matter if আপনি are the world's biggest nerd and they are the world's biggest hottie; just pursue them for a little while and everything will turn out the way আপনি want. (Again, this may take a little time. But don't despair, it will happen!)
20. Never eavesdrop. আপনি will inevitably misinterpret the overheard conversation and come to a grandiose and incorrect conclusion which will result in your embarrassment. So, if আপনি hear two people আপনি know discussing something important, resist the urge to listen in.
Note from the author: The above does not necessarily apply to animated অথবা "mockumentary" sitcoms (i.e. The Simpsons, The Office, Scrubs, Family Guy, Modern Family, etc.)
