This is my first প্রবন্ধ on Fanpop. I hope আপনি like it. The উদ্ধৃতি and the প্রতিমূর্তি aren't mine, but the প্রবন্ধ is, so please do not use this প্রবন্ধ without my permission. I hope this doesn't bother you.



Sheldon Lee Cooper

Season 1

Penny: So, what do আপনি guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
''Pilot''.

Sheldon: Ah, gravity - thou art a heartless bitch.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.

Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon (intrigued): আপনি have a sarcasm sign?
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.

Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. সুপারম্যান swoops down to save her দ্বারা reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three. equal pieces.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.

Sheldon: I think that আপনি [Leonard] have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
"The Fuzzy Boots Corollary".

Leonard: What's that?
Sheldon: Tea. When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages. (a pause as he tries to think of what to do next, then he says awkwardly) 'There, there'. (another pause) আপনি wanna talk about it?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Good! 'There there' was really all I had.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.

Sheldon: প্রদত্ত the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American educational system.
Kurt: You're a zebra, right?
Sheldon: (aside, to Leonard) Yet another child left behind ...
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.

Sheldon: I am uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
Leonard: What was I supposed to say?
Sheldon: আপনি could have told her the truth.
Leonard: I could not have ব্যক্ত that, it would have hurt her feelings.
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose আপনি could have agreed to go.
Leonard: What would I have ব্যক্ত afterwards?
Sheldon: I would suggest something along the lines of "singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for আপনি and if আপনি disagree, I recommend আপনি do a CAT scan to locate the tumor which is pressing on the cognitive processing center of your brain".
''The Loobenfeld Decay''.

Sheldon: You're asking me to use my superior intellect in a tawdry competition. Would আপনি ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would আপনি ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would আপনি ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
''The Bat Jar Conjecture''.

Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding...
''The Nerdvana Annihilation''.

Sheldon: Are আপনি upset about something?
Leonard: What was your first clue?
Sheldon: Well there was a number of things. First the late hour, then আপনি demeanors seems very low energy plus your irritability...
Leonard: Yes I'm upset!
Sheldon: Oh... I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
Leonard: Yeah good for you.
Sheldon: (walks away and then turns back) Oh, wait. Did আপনি want to talk about what's bothering you?
Leonard: I don't know... maybe.
Sheldon: Wow! I'm on আগুন tonight.
''The Nerdvana Annihilation''.

Sheldon: You're out, too, দ্বারা the way.
Leonard: Say what?
Sheldon: It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece অথবা nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie.
''The Pork Chop Indeterminacy''.

Sheldon: Eat this slice of cheese without farting and আপনি can sleep with my sister.
''The Pork Chop Indeterminacy''.

Store Clerk: Excuse me Sir, আপনি don't work here
Sheldon: Yes, well apparently neither does anyone else
''The চিনাবাদাম Reaction''.

Season 2

Sheldon: I promised Penny.
Leonard: Promised Penny what?
Sheldon: I wouldn't tell আপনি the secret. (pause) Shhhhh!!!!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. যীশু is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'M BATMAN!!!! SHHHH!!!
''The Bad মাছ Paradigm''.

Leonard: How could আপনি just sit there and let them spy on me!?
Sheldon: They were very smart! They used my complete lack of interest in what আপনি are doing.
''The Bad মাছ Paradigm''.

Penny: Sheldon, could I ask আপনি a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that আপনি not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.
''The Bad মাছ Paradigm''.

Sheldon: When I try to decieve, I myself have আরো ticks then a lyme-disease research facility.
''The Bad মাছ Paradigm''.

Sheldon: I read an প্রবন্ধ about Japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous জেলি মাছ into other animals; and I thought "Hey! মাছ night-lights".
Leonard: মাছ night-lights ...
Sheldon: It's a billion dollar idea ... SUSH!!!!
''The Luminous মাছ Effect''.

Sheldon: I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.

Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make যীশু cry.
"The Euclid Alternative"/''The Classified Materials Turbulence''.

Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: পেঁয়াজ rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did আপনি protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took আপনি so long?
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, টিকটিকি poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, টিকটিকি eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
''The Lizard-Spock Expansion''.

Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied আপনি sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask প্রশ্ন like that!
Sheldon: I heard আপনি ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now আপনি FINALLY have an answer.
''The Vartabedian Conundrum''.

Sheldon: আপনি bought me a present? Why would আপনি do such a thing? I know আপনি think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. আপনি haven't প্রদত্ত me a gift, you've প্রদত্ত me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for আপনি a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented দ্বারা the gift you've প্রদত্ত me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself দ্বারা being such an endearing and important part of your life...
"The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis".

Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
"The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis".

Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.
"The Friendship Algorithm".

Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't আপনি understand?
"The Friendship Algorithm".

Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
''The টারমিনেটর Decoupling''.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
"The Work Song Nanocluster".

Sheldon: আপনি are effectively paying yourself five dollars and nineteen cents a day.
Penny: A day?
Sheldon: There are children working in sneaker factories in Indonesia who out-earn you.
"The Work Song Nanocluster".

Leonard: What were আপনি doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'
''The Vegas Renormalization''.

Sheldon: আপনি know, I'm প্রদত্ত to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
''The Vegas Renormalization''.

Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Penny: Oh, you're welcome sweetie.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm sleepy now get out.
''The Vegas Renormalization''.

Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
''The Vegas Renormalization''.

Season 3

Sheldon (to his mom): But, evolution is not opinion, it's a fact!
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion!
Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.
''The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation''.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render আপনি catatonic.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.

Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.

Sheldon: Howard, আপনি know me to be a very smart man. Don't আপনি think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.

Sheldon: Excuse me! Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. আপনি know, if আপনি three spent less time thinking about sex and আরো time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.

Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure আপনি that in none of them am I dancing.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.

Leonard: Sheldon, আপনি can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.

Penny: I give up. He's impossible!
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what আপনি meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.

Leonard: I'm just saying, আপনি catch আরো flies with honey then with vinegar.
Sheldon: আপনি catch even আরো with manure, what's your point?
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.

Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than চকোলেট to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.

Sheldon: There's a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately, আপনি have to be a visionary to see it.
"The Pirate Solution".

Sheldon: STOP IT BOTH OF YOU! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit George! I told আপনি if আপনি didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes আপনি a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and আপনি are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell আপনি what is making Sheldon cry, that I let আপনি name him SHELDON!
''The Guitarist Amplification''.

Sheldon: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years পূর্বে I told আপনি not to talk to her, and now look. We're going to be late for the movies.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.

Sheldon: আপনি can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.

Sheldon: Cause of Injury: Lack of Adhesive Ducks.
''The Adhesive হাঁস Deficiency''.

Sheldon: Why do আপনি have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd আপনি see it? আপনি ব্যক্ত আপনি wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.
''The Adhesive হাঁস Deficiency''.

Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line. Wolowitz: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: And whether that propigation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.
''The Vengeance Formulation''.

[Video of Sheldon playing after his prank on Kripke, which also hit the বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় president and board of directors]
Sheldon: Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to আপনি from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If আপনি would like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
''The Vengeance Formulation''.

Sheldon: Why are আপনি crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
''The Gorilla Experiment''.

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make চা for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are আপনি telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
''The Maternal Congruence''.

Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, অতিপ্রাকৃতিক ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, দ্বারা the way, for which he is never brought to account.
''The Maternal Congruence''.

Penny Sheldon, did আপনি have a বড়দিন tree?
Sheldon: Oh, yes... We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Clause with plastic reindeer on the front lawn... and to make things even আরো jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house they induced neighborhood-wise seizures.
''The Maternal Congruence''.

Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's হৃদয় grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the হৃদয় muscle, অথবা hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive হৃদয় failure.
''The Maternal Congruence''.

Sheldon: I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder.........drat.
''The Bozeman Reaction''.

Sheldon: *knocking* Leonard and Penny!
*knocking* Leonard and Penny!
*knocking* Leonard and Penny!
''The Bozeman Reaction''.

Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much আরো user-friendly than Windows Vista......I don't like that.
''The Bozeman Reaction''.

Sheldon: This is the temperature আপনি agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, আপনি don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
''The Staircase Implementation''.

Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself.
Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.
Sheldon: Yet আপনি wound up in traffic court.
''The Excelsior Acquisition''.

Sheldon: *After just being jailed, at the biggest guy in the cell who's sitting on a bench* That's my spot.
''The Excelsior Acquisition''.

Zack: Is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie de Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
''The Lunar Excitation.''.

Sheldon: Leonard, আপনি may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants আপনি in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
Leonard: আপনি really think so?
Sheldon: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. BAZINGA!
''The Monopolar Expedition''.

Penny: So what do আপনি say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, আপনি will be, my C-men.
''The Pants Alternative''.

Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender উত্তর "for you, no charge".
''The Pants Alternative''.

Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear আপনি metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.
''The Pants Alternative''.

*Playing 3D chess*
Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional ক্যান্ডি চকোলেট Land would be আরো your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of আপনি talk about after the coitus?
''The Precious Fragmentation''.

Sheldon: আপনি can try, but you'll never catch me. Bazinga!
''The Einstein Approximation''.

Sheldon: Hello Penny. I realize আপনি are currently in the mercy if your primitive biological urges. But, as আপনি have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?
''The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation''.

Sheldon: I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.

Sheldon: I am the proud owner of WilWheatonStinks.com, .net and .org!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.

Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.

Sheldon: Tweet that tweetie bird.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.

Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did আপনি get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga, I don't care.
''The Gorilla Experiment''.

Sheldon: I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.

Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.

Leonard: Hey, where've আপনি been?
Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.
Howard: What's wrong with you? আপনি can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool.
Leonard: No, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it.
Raj: Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all দিন about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
Howard: So would Ben Affleck.
''The স্প্যাঘেটি Catalyst''.

Penny: So, how've আপনি been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
''The স্প্যাঘেটি Catalyst''.

Sheldon: *While peeing* Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.
Pee for the state my হৃদয় got হারিয়ে গেছে in.
And shake twice for Texas.
''The Plimpton Stimulation''.

Leonard: আপনি know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm there already!
''The Staircase Implementation''.

Sheldon: Oh, Ubuntu. You're my পছন্দ Linux-based operating system.
''The Staircase Implementation''.

Sheldon: Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply দ্বারা referring to oneself as one.
The Lunar Excitation''.

Season 4

Sheldon: Is your womb available for rental?
''The Robotic Manipulation''.

Sheldon: I have a Masters degree and two Doctorates. The things I *should* know, I do know.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.

Sheldon: Well that's no threat, my mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Penny: Really? Your deeply religious born-again Christian mother wants a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
Sheldon: Curses!
''The Robotic Manipulation''.

Sheldon: I just don't want to be yet another flip-flop fatality.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.

Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living পরবর্তি to আপনি for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.

Sheldon: I know mother, but you're not fooling me. Every time আপনি want to talk it means আপনি want me listen.
Mrs. Cooper: Then stop talking.
Sheldon: Yes, M'am
''The Zazzy Substitution''.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny! Penny!
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
''The Hot Troll Deviation''.

--

Alright. For now, I think that's it. This aren't all of the Sheldon quotes, but I hope আপনি like this. I'll post আরো উদ্ধৃতি from another TBBT characters later.

IMPORTANT:

Again: Please... PLEASE don't use this প্রবন্ধ without my permission, alright? I'll be glad to not see this প্রবন্ধ anywhere else but in Fanpop. Yeah, I know I found the উদ্ধৃতি at another website, but the প্রবন্ধ is completely mine, so আপনি cannot use this প্রবন্ধ without my permisson.

And, if আপনি want, আপনি can add আরো Sheldon Cooper উদ্ধৃতি in the comments.