Well, it's officially official (haha) I'm now a paid photographer. It's kinda crazy. I never seen myself going in this direction, ever, if you'd of told me a মাস পূর্বে this is what I'd be doing I'd of probably just laughed and then had a long বিতর্ক in my head about it in the darkness of my bedroom that night.. but it just happened and it's like perfect flexibility with Nick & Nat-Nat & college & everything else in my life.

It's not a full-time thing and definitely isn't the job I'm using to support myself, hopefully I can add a yet there but I'm not completely sure of this, not because I don't প্রণয় it, because believe me, I do, almost as much as the two beautiful kids that are passed out right now in their in playpen.

These things just take time, and hopefully I'm good enough to own that time and turn it into something that I can depend on instead of working jobs as a waitress and stuff while raising twins and going to college. I'm obviously one step ahead because it's no longer just a hobby, I get paid. The first step is also the easiest as I've been told.

Turns out, It's not as easy as I believed it would be but i'll never regret Natalie অথবা Nicholas because at times they're all that push me to keep moving forward.

I thought I'd end up as a song writer অথবা something so not a dream I had অথবা dreamed of having. But my হৃদয় found me in this little ভান্দার down the রাস্তা from the mall and I met this guy who was like, taking pictures of the chairs? Yeah, the chairs. And the way he started talking about it... it was just like I'd found something to turn to. I don't really know how to explain the feeling.

Like a cold ঝরনা after a hot দিন sweatin' it up outside running অথবা whatever you'd imagine would wear আপনি out and make your muscles ache? I guess it's that feeling of immense relief & gratitude and just like love. Haha I'm sounding like a hippy aren't I? Sorry. I'm getting older, that $hit be cray. I'm off topic now, and have probably run off topic alot already so i'm gonna end this ramble here.

Now... back to the guy taking pictures of the sofa chairs in this rundown bookshop.

Turns out he was this like big shot incognito, yeah like known but unknown, (Why he insist on it I have no idea because his shots are like honorable to even have the chance to look at they're so gorgeous. I'm not trying to make him sound like a god অথবা anything but if আপনি just saw how he gets the shadows to hit his pictures and tell a story অথবা a sentence. And just transfer emotions onto things like a frickin' gutter you'd see what I mean and why I have no idea why he wouldn't take direct credit for his shots) photographer and I couldn't understand for the life of me why he'd be in this little unknown town I live in in Cali.

Like what kinda dude with money would be near Colfax? It's not like it's what they বিজ্ঞাপন when they do vacation ads and stuff. But anyway this guy, after speaking to him a bit, asked me if i wanted to borrow one of his camera's because, "I looked interested enough," and meet him back in front of the ভান্দার the পরবর্তি day(since they were closed on Sundays, obvi) and give it back to him.

Yeah I know, only I would be curious about a guy taking pictures of the chairs(Yeah, that was sarcasm even if it turned out he was actually taking pictures of the patterns on the chairs, still weird though.) in a book store and strike up conversation with this crazy looking' stranger about what the hell in the world was he doing. Anyway I was kinda torn. Have fun taking pictures of যেভাবে খুশী things all দিন and pay Carly extra for babysitting অথবা just go প্রথমপাতা and see my little munchkins? I started to tell the guy no then he started talking about the pictures of the woods he got earlier and আপনি could hear it, in his voice, how much these pictures meant to him.

So I gave it shot, because this dude was really persuasive, and spent the rest of that দিন running around town like a young teenage girl with no worries having the time of my life trying so desperately to get a picture that would be perfect. I took pictures of people walking down the streets, a guy ticketing this car where the meter was মেয়াদ সমাপ্ত and lots of the woods and mountains that are in my backyard that I didn't actually pay much mind to 4 hours পূর্বে but had become হারিয়ে গেছে in in those moments.

I returned the camera to the guy the পরবর্তি দিন and before I even got to say thank আপনি he was already scrolling through the shots I took and handing me this pricey looking business card and telling me to give him a call in a week.

I got myself a new job and a new passion. Like, I don't know, this kinda feels like how I felt at the end of 8th grade where we started learning about the life-cycle of the stars and I was this huge astronomy nerd, always talking about how pretty supernovas were and that I wanted to end up being an astronomer one day.

Turns how আপনি have to have this big shot college degree, that's way to expensive for my britches, and not just a passion for it. And it'd of been just little nice if my 8th grade teacher would've warned me about how serious I needed to be about my grades in science to pursue that instead of just encouraging me. That dream had a horrific ending in 10th grade and there were tears involved.

I suck at science..like legit. It just spins circles around my brain and I'm guessing that the only reason I got an A in 8th grade(because its the only A I've ever received in that subject, i'd never forget) in my fourth quarter was because I was actually interested in the stars. I didn't get over it until my freshman বছর in college, sadly.

Even though now I think I know why I wanted to be one so badly. Once that man, that strange stranger I just met and didn't even know the name of(It's Micheal, দ্বারা the way) gave me a camera with each new shot I realize even আরো how it wasn't the knowledge of astronomy that I was in প্রণয় with it was the beauty of what was written in the stars and how it would be so amazing to see them on the other side of the night sky. That's what it turns out I was obsessed with, sorta.

Lately I've found myself outside after the twins are dead to the world and just staring up at the stars and at the right moments I feel the itch in my fingers and the ache in my হৃদয় to just capture the moment on film. I haven't gotten my own camera yet, but I am saving up for that beauty I saw some other guy using the other day.

Then I realize that the magic of the moment isn't something I can copy because actually being there is a whole other story. But that I can transfer some of that beauty for others to see and that even if I get just a little bit of that magic to share with someone else then it's worth it, capturing the night sky, using up the memory on my phone, just so I can share it later and have a reason to talk about how I felt in that moment.

How strong those feelings were that I felt the need to talk about them until I হারিয়ে গেছে my voice.

How I thought about it 24/7 and how the stars haunt me in my dreams and on the other side of the lens.

Sharing the comfort I get from it. Passing on how overwhelmed I get when I realize how small I really am when it comes to the reality of things.

The beauty of the real world I see around me and the realization that while life can be quite crappy our reality is run wild with just as much beauty and wonder as our dreams. It's just as realistic as it is improbable. And that gives me just a little comfort. Just a little certainty that things'll end up okay in the end.

So taking pictures is what my escape is nowadays, my affair with ফটোগ্রাফি is my passion. And I felt this strange need to share it with আপনি guys for some reason. I was overwhelmed with like the feelings I've been having, they're so adult-like. I think i'm finally living now and while this was in the beginning just gonna be a দেওয়াল post in this spot I realize now it's gonna be an article.

If I've overwhelmed আপনি with my rambling, I'm sorry. I didn't plan on this turning into this huge of thing. This is getting enormously long so I'm gonna end it with this,

If আপনি read this thanks for taking the time, what are new surprise things that have happened to আপনি recently? Things that have smacked আপনি in face surprised you. What are আপনি passionate about nowadays that আপনি wanna talk until your lips fall off, about?

প্রণয় you! I always will because at one point in my life আপনি guys were some of the most important people I had. That's not something that just disappears, like ever. Thanks for everything anyone of আপনি has ever done for me. I wish there was a way I could thank আপনি all in person.