here is the long awaited chapter 17!!!
im so sorry it took so long, i have had sooo much work, but i didn't want to rush it. i really hope আপনি enjoy it, please comment!
“Maybe,” she ব্যক্ত after a সেকেন্ড of thought. “If আপনি tell me.”
I tried to decide the best way to describe what I was doing. I didn’t really want to give her too many details.
“I was...” I weighed the word before I spoke it. “Hunting.” The word seemed appropriate.
I hoped she would leave it at that, but at the same time I knew she wouldn’t.
“Is that the best আপনি can do?” she demanded critically. “That definitely doesn’t prove I’m awake.”
She was so absurd.
I hesitated before speaking slowly, choosing each word with care. How to word it just right...
“I wasn’t hunting for food... I was actually trying my hand at...tracking.” I said, watching the reaction on her face. “I’m not very good at it.” I finished, still watching her expression as it changed quickly to fascination with a burning curiosity visible in her eyes. She was still the same, insatiably curious about anything she didn’t know, any unsolved mystery.
“What were আপনি tracking?” she asked, intrigued.
I didn’t want to deny her the answer, but I would rather leave her ignorant about some things. Victoria was one of them.
“Nothing of consequence.” I tried to seem light and casual, but my mask slipped, she must have seen how uncomfortable I was.
“I don’t understand.” She ব্যক্ত quietly, gazing up at me. Her চকোলেট brown eyes melted and my resolve melted with them. I hesitated, torn.
“I—” I took a deep, unnecessary breath to calm myself. I didn’t want to be having this conversation now, it would do nothing but shorten our time together. But I needed her to know.
“I owe আপনি an apology.” I began but it wasn’t enough. “No, of course I owe আপনি much, much আরো than that. But আপনি have to know,” the words started moving faster with my agitation and I had to work to keep slow enough for her to understand. “that I had no idea. I didn’t realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was নিরাপদ for আপনি here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria-” the anger overflowed my carefully laid barrier and my lips curled back over my teeth. “would come back. I’ll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much আরো attention to James’s thoughts. But I just didn’t see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realise why now—she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.” I stopped for less than a second, unnoticeable to Bella. Even though I had thought this all through before she woke, exactly what I was going to say, it was still hard.
“Not that there’s any excuse for what I left আপনি to face. When I heard what আপনি told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that আপনি had put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself-- ” I shuddered at this sentence. Werewolves. I was surprised she hadn’t been seriously hurt. “Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel আপনি নিরাপদ in my arms.” Even when I could feel the heat from her body, and smell her luscious scent. “I am the most miserable excuse for--”
“Stop.” She interrupted me. She looked like she was struggling with some internal dilemma. Was this the part where she would tell me she had moved on?
I watched as her face became blank, the emotion wiped clean. She couldn’t disguise her eyes as well.
“Edward.” She started. I knew that as soon as she confirmed she had moved on, my chest would open up again, worse than before. Even though I was dreading her পরবর্তি words, hearing her say my name, still brought me pleasure. The way her lips moved when she spoke it...
“This has to stop now.” She said, seriously. Pain rippled through me, but I held onto my composure.
“You can’t think about things that way. আপনি can’t let this... this guilt--” she paused again. My mind got stuck. That wasn’t what I had been expecting. She thought I was only guilty?
“-rule your life. আপনি can’t take responsibility for things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it’s just how life is for me. So, If I trip in front of a bus অথবা whatever পরবর্তি time, আপনি have to realize that it’s not your job to take the blame. আপনি can’t just go running off to Italy because আপনি feel bad that আপনি didn’t save me.” Her words became quicker in her agitation. “Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it’s your...” she struggled for a word. “... your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but আপনি really can’t let that make আপনি go to such extremes.” Her was rising slowly, but she wasn’t finished. “It’s very irresponsible.” She added. “Think of Esme and Carlisle and—” she stopped to take a deep breath, and I managed to get my brain moving again. She hadn’t moved on. This thought filled me with relief and happiness. She still loved me. It was so hard to believe. But she still thought I didn’t প্রণয় her. She thought I only felt guilty. She didn’t know, didn’t realize, that I could never not প্রণয় her. It was impossible.
She didn’t think I loved her. How could she even think that?
“Isabella Marie Swan.” I whispered, unable to keep the anger off my face. “Do আপনি believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?”
Incomprehension flittered across her face. “Didn’t you?” She asked in a small voice.
“Feel guilty?” What a silly question. “Intensely so. আরো than আপনি can comprehend.”
“Then... What are আপনি saying?” confusion crossed her features. “I don’t understand.” She admitted.
Of course she didn’t understand. If she didn’t know I loved her, how could she possibly comprehend what I was saying?
“Bella,” I spoke her name with adoration. “I went to the Volturi because I thought আপনি were dead,” I spoke softly, but still burning with passion. “Even if I’d had no hand in your death--” I shuddered, unable to say the last word with same volume as before. “even if it wasn’t my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been আরো careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it সেকেন্ড hand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy ব্যক্ত Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds? The odds...” my voice trailed off. The odds. It was almost like the world was against us. “The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I’ll never criticise Romeo again.” I spoke quietly, unsure if I actually wanted her to hear me.
“But I still don’t understand,” she ব্যক্ত whispering. “That’s my whole point. So what?”
Her words shocked me. Had I heard correctly?
“Excuse me?” I demanded.
“So what if I was dead?” she demanded back.
I stared at her, incredulous. How can she not realize I loved her?
“Don’t আপনি remember anything I told আপনি before?”
“I remember everything that আপনি told me.” She claimed, completely confident.
i hope আপনি like it :)