Wind: (Wakes up in a crashed car) Oh man, what happened
(5 মিনিট Ago)
Officer: I got another story-
Wind: (In the back of a police car) Oh my god, no one gives a fu- OH SHIT (The officer hits someone and swerves off the road and off a cliff)
(Present Time)
Wind: Oh yeah… how do I get out of here
Wind: (Takes the dead officers keys and takes the handcuffs off) There. Now, I just need to get out of- (The officer attacks him)
Wind: OH SHIT (Shoots the officer with a shotgun) …….. Well, that was unexpected
Wind: (Walking around house)
Clementine: (Over walkie-talkie) Hello?
Wind: Who ব্যক্ত that (Looks at walkie talkie) Who is this
Clementine: I’m Clementine
Wind: Hello…..you… Where are you
Clementine: I’m in the বৃক্ষ house outside
Wind: Well, at least আপনি aren’t too stupid to stand out in the open. (Suddenly gets grabbed দ্বারা a Walker) AH, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK (Takes a hammer and smashes the Walker’s head with it multiple times) DIE আপনি GODDAMN PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT (Keeps hitting the Walker’s corpse) …. যীশু Christ
Wind: Hey, you
Shawn: Oh shit. We thought আপনি were one of them
Wind: Do I look dead to you
Shawn: So, what are আপনি two doing here
Wind: We’re just looking for খাবার and such. And you
Shawn: We’re trying to get this truck moving
Wind: Really? I demand আপনি take me in this truck to wherever আপনি are leaving. And, don’t worry. I won’t take no for an answer. This decision is finalized (Helps get the truck started) Also, I am the group leader. Nobody ask for a vote, either.
Hershel: So, what’s your name
Wind: Wind.
Hershel: আপনি from around here
Wind: Nope. I come from the lesser respected side of the world, Oxford. And not that one in England, I mean that one with Miami বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় in it.
Hershel: Got any family there
Wind: Boy, I hope not. They all can fuck off for all I care
Hershel: How did আপনি make it out of Macon
Wind: We just went out for a drive
Hershel: Anyone with you
Wind: Nope
Hershel: Really. Could have sworn আপনি ব্যক্ত “we”.
Wind: What are you, an Ace Attorney? Just fix my goddamn leg.
Kenny: Morning
Wind: (Backs up a bit) যীশু Christ, do আপনি just stand there while people are sleeping
Kenny: My names Kenny
Wind: Well good for you
Kenny: (To a little kid) That over there’s Duck
Wind: আপনি named the kid Duck?
Kenny: Yeah, nothing bothers him. Like water on a duck’s back
Wind: I never heard that phrase in my goddamn life. আপনি southerners are very weird
Kenny: But he’s dumber than a bag of hammers
Duck: DAD!
Wind: Yeah, he does look pretty stupid.
Hershel: Can I give আপনি some advice
Wind: No, but you’ll probably give it to me anyway
Hershel: I don’t know who আপনি are অথবা where আপনি came from, but you’d better become a better liar, and quick
Wind: Who are আপনি calling a liar. Just because I lied about Clementine being my sister, and I lied about leaving Macon, and I lied about eating a body on the way here just to survive doesn’t make me a liar.
Shawn: (Screams from other side of the farm)
Hershel: আপনি go on ahead. I’ll get my rifle
Wind: Of course, let me do all the work (Runs to the yelling)
Shawn: (Gets attacked দ্বারা Walkers as the ট্র্যাক্টর is stuck on his leg)
Duck: (Gets grabbed দ্বারা Walkers)
Wind: Well, looks like you’re fucked, হাঁস (Goes to help Shawn দ্বারা pushing the ট্র্যাক্টর off of him)
Kenny: (Runs over and helps Duck)
Shawn: Kenny! Help!
Kenny: (In shock, he runs off)
Wind: Kenny, you’re useless (Keeps trying to push the tractor)
Shawn: (The Walkers break through the fence and bite Shawn)
Hershel: (Runs over, and stares in shock before killing the Walkers)
Wind: Great, now all my hard work was in vain (To Shawn) Hey, Shawn. Think আপনি can put in a good word for me?
Shawn: He tried to save me
Wind: (To Hershel) See, I’m useful (To Shawn) Thank you, Shawn
Shawn: (Dies)
Kenny: (Arrives back)
Wind: Oh, and now আপনি come back
Hershel: (Sitting পরবর্তি to Shawn’s body)
Wind: So, despite your son being dead…… are আপনি okay?
Hershel: … get out… (Turns around, angered) GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
Wind: ….. I’ll take that as a no
Kenny: I’m sorry
Hershel: Sorry?! Your son is alive. আপনি don’t get to be sorry. (To Wind) আপনি tried to save him (To Kenny) But this piece of shit let him die
Wind: Now, let’s all calm down. Yes, Kenny royale fucked up big time, but let’s just all think about this
Hershel: Please, just go. And never come back!
Wind: (Fuck, no what)
Kenny: (To Wind) আপনি got that ride to Macon if আপনি want it
Wind: Okay, but I am the leader. Remember that, Kenny.
(They drive into Macon)
Kenny: (Sees someone) Hey, are আপনি friendly. Our trucks run out of fuel
Wind: It’s a Walker, isn’t it
(The Walker turns to them)
Wind: OH, WHAT A LUCKY GUESS!
(They run into the pharmacy)
Lilly: When I say that door stays shut, I fucking mean it
Wind: Well, guess we know who the দুশ্চরিত্রা is in this little ragtag group of assholes
Larry: (Looks at Duck, who is covered in Walker blood) Look, one of them is bit
Kenny: He’s not bit, he’s just fine
Larry: The hell he is. I say we throw him out there
Clementine: I have to use the bathroom
Wind: Damn it, can’t আপনি hold it for ten seconds… অথবা maybe more, প্রদত্ত the situation
Kenny: Damn it, he’s not bit. It’s just blood
Larry: Just wait. They’ll find the bite. When they do, the first thing he’ll do is sink his teeth into his mother’s face
Wind: He’s only a little boy. I’m sure if he were to turn, I could Sparta kick him into oblivion.
Larry: A little boy. He’ll become an unstoppable killing machine
Wind: Okay, he’s talking way too much now. Kenny, knock his গাধা out
Kenny: Gladly (Punches Lenny)
Lenny: (Punches Kenny)
Clementine: (Screams, as a Walker comes out of the bathroom)
Wind: Damn it, now I gotta solve আরো of everyone’s problems
(Note: The scene with the girl who was bit lacked any comedy, so just settle for the original scene)
Irene: (Shoots herself in the head)
(Seriously, this scene is fucked)
Carly: I know what আপনি did
Wind: Well spit it out. I don’t got all day
Carly: আপনি murdered a political figure
Wind: Maybe, maybe not, no, definitely, I did, and I loved it
Carly: Well, don’t worry. I’ll keep it to myself
Wind: Thanks (Okay, she knows too much. I’m gonna have to kill her)
(Walkers break into the pharmacy)
Doug: (To Wind) Hey, if we don’t make it out of here, I want to let আপনি know you’re a great guy
Wind: Shut up, Doug
Carly: Doug, if we don’t make it through this, I want আপনি to know that- (Walkers bang on the door)
Doug: Want me to know what?
Carly: What (The Walkers bang on the door)
Wind: Damn it, আপনি guys go and board up the windows before they get it (Carly and Doug head to the windows as Wind keeps the door shut)
(Doug and Carly get grabbed দ্বারা Walkers)
Wind: Oh, good. The Walkers did my job for me (Runs over to help Doug)
Carly: (Gets eaten দ্বারা Walkers)
Wind: (That’s what she gets for poking my nose into my business)
Kenny: Okay everyone, the trucks started, let’s go
(Everyone runs out back)
Clementine: (Gets grabbed দ্বারা a Walker)
Wind: Again, Clementine. Fucking really (Kicks the Walker) This time, don’t get grabbed (They both run to the exit)
Larry: (Stops Wind)
Wind: Come on, আপনি old fuck. Move
Larry: You’re not coming with us, আপনি son of a দুশ্চরিত্রা (Punches Wind)
Wind: (Falls on the ground) Oooohh, my head…. Fucking old people, I swear to- (Kenny runs in) Oh, নমস্কার Kenny (Kenny swings his axe and kills the Walker পরবর্তি to Wind)
Kenny: I’m not letting anyone else get eaten today (Helps Wind) Especially a good friend
Wind: Funny, I never had বন্ধু before. Never really saw the point of having them, but now, I see that they can risk their life to save someone as important as me. It’s great to have followers
Glenn: I think it’s time I head someone else
Wind: ….. Who the fuck are you?
Doug: Wind… why did আপনি save me
Wind: Because আপনি didn’t know about my life like Carly-........ You’re a good meat shield
Doug: I know, it’s just… I really liked her
Wind: Well, I’m sure she liked আপনি too… it was kinda obvious, really
Doug: Thanks
Wind: Any time. Now, আপনি should probably become a better shot, so I don’t get killed
Larry: So, Wind, আপনি like my daughter
Wind: Oh, yeah. We’d get along wonderful, despite her old fuck father trying to fucking kill me
Larry: Yeah, well her dad knows that you’re a convicted murderer
Wind: (Goddamn it, why can’t all these people stay out of my business)
Larry: If anything happens to my daughter, অথবা that little girl your with, you’d better watch your গাধা (Walks off)
Wind: … আপনি watch YOUR ass
পরবর্তি Time, On The Walking Dead
Wind: There isn’t going to be a পরবর্তি time… so fuck you
(5 মিনিট Ago)
Officer: I got another story-
Wind: (In the back of a police car) Oh my god, no one gives a fu- OH SHIT (The officer hits someone and swerves off the road and off a cliff)
(Present Time)
Wind: Oh yeah… how do I get out of here
Wind: (Takes the dead officers keys and takes the handcuffs off) There. Now, I just need to get out of- (The officer attacks him)
Wind: OH SHIT (Shoots the officer with a shotgun) …….. Well, that was unexpected
Wind: (Walking around house)
Clementine: (Over walkie-talkie) Hello?
Wind: Who ব্যক্ত that (Looks at walkie talkie) Who is this
Clementine: I’m Clementine
Wind: Hello…..you… Where are you
Clementine: I’m in the বৃক্ষ house outside
Wind: Well, at least আপনি aren’t too stupid to stand out in the open. (Suddenly gets grabbed দ্বারা a Walker) AH, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK (Takes a hammer and smashes the Walker’s head with it multiple times) DIE আপনি GODDAMN PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT (Keeps hitting the Walker’s corpse) …. যীশু Christ
Wind: Hey, you
Shawn: Oh shit. We thought আপনি were one of them
Wind: Do I look dead to you
Shawn: So, what are আপনি two doing here
Wind: We’re just looking for খাবার and such. And you
Shawn: We’re trying to get this truck moving
Wind: Really? I demand আপনি take me in this truck to wherever আপনি are leaving. And, don’t worry. I won’t take no for an answer. This decision is finalized (Helps get the truck started) Also, I am the group leader. Nobody ask for a vote, either.
Hershel: So, what’s your name
Wind: Wind.
Hershel: আপনি from around here
Wind: Nope. I come from the lesser respected side of the world, Oxford. And not that one in England, I mean that one with Miami বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় in it.
Hershel: Got any family there
Wind: Boy, I hope not. They all can fuck off for all I care
Hershel: How did আপনি make it out of Macon
Wind: We just went out for a drive
Hershel: Anyone with you
Wind: Nope
Hershel: Really. Could have sworn আপনি ব্যক্ত “we”.
Wind: What are you, an Ace Attorney? Just fix my goddamn leg.
Kenny: Morning
Wind: (Backs up a bit) যীশু Christ, do আপনি just stand there while people are sleeping
Kenny: My names Kenny
Wind: Well good for you
Kenny: (To a little kid) That over there’s Duck
Wind: আপনি named the kid Duck?
Kenny: Yeah, nothing bothers him. Like water on a duck’s back
Wind: I never heard that phrase in my goddamn life. আপনি southerners are very weird
Kenny: But he’s dumber than a bag of hammers
Duck: DAD!
Wind: Yeah, he does look pretty stupid.
Hershel: Can I give আপনি some advice
Wind: No, but you’ll probably give it to me anyway
Hershel: I don’t know who আপনি are অথবা where আপনি came from, but you’d better become a better liar, and quick
Wind: Who are আপনি calling a liar. Just because I lied about Clementine being my sister, and I lied about leaving Macon, and I lied about eating a body on the way here just to survive doesn’t make me a liar.
Shawn: (Screams from other side of the farm)
Hershel: আপনি go on ahead. I’ll get my rifle
Wind: Of course, let me do all the work (Runs to the yelling)
Shawn: (Gets attacked দ্বারা Walkers as the ট্র্যাক্টর is stuck on his leg)
Duck: (Gets grabbed দ্বারা Walkers)
Wind: Well, looks like you’re fucked, হাঁস (Goes to help Shawn দ্বারা pushing the ট্র্যাক্টর off of him)
Kenny: (Runs over and helps Duck)
Shawn: Kenny! Help!
Kenny: (In shock, he runs off)
Wind: Kenny, you’re useless (Keeps trying to push the tractor)
Shawn: (The Walkers break through the fence and bite Shawn)
Hershel: (Runs over, and stares in shock before killing the Walkers)
Wind: Great, now all my hard work was in vain (To Shawn) Hey, Shawn. Think আপনি can put in a good word for me?
Shawn: He tried to save me
Wind: (To Hershel) See, I’m useful (To Shawn) Thank you, Shawn
Shawn: (Dies)
Kenny: (Arrives back)
Wind: Oh, and now আপনি come back
Hershel: (Sitting পরবর্তি to Shawn’s body)
Wind: So, despite your son being dead…… are আপনি okay?
Hershel: … get out… (Turns around, angered) GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
Wind: ….. I’ll take that as a no
Kenny: I’m sorry
Hershel: Sorry?! Your son is alive. আপনি don’t get to be sorry. (To Wind) আপনি tried to save him (To Kenny) But this piece of shit let him die
Wind: Now, let’s all calm down. Yes, Kenny royale fucked up big time, but let’s just all think about this
Hershel: Please, just go. And never come back!
Wind: (Fuck, no what)
Kenny: (To Wind) আপনি got that ride to Macon if আপনি want it
Wind: Okay, but I am the leader. Remember that, Kenny.
(They drive into Macon)
Kenny: (Sees someone) Hey, are আপনি friendly. Our trucks run out of fuel
Wind: It’s a Walker, isn’t it
(The Walker turns to them)
Wind: OH, WHAT A LUCKY GUESS!
(They run into the pharmacy)
Lilly: When I say that door stays shut, I fucking mean it
Wind: Well, guess we know who the দুশ্চরিত্রা is in this little ragtag group of assholes
Larry: (Looks at Duck, who is covered in Walker blood) Look, one of them is bit
Kenny: He’s not bit, he’s just fine
Larry: The hell he is. I say we throw him out there
Clementine: I have to use the bathroom
Wind: Damn it, can’t আপনি hold it for ten seconds… অথবা maybe more, প্রদত্ত the situation
Kenny: Damn it, he’s not bit. It’s just blood
Larry: Just wait. They’ll find the bite. When they do, the first thing he’ll do is sink his teeth into his mother’s face
Wind: He’s only a little boy. I’m sure if he were to turn, I could Sparta kick him into oblivion.
Larry: A little boy. He’ll become an unstoppable killing machine
Wind: Okay, he’s talking way too much now. Kenny, knock his গাধা out
Kenny: Gladly (Punches Lenny)
Lenny: (Punches Kenny)
Clementine: (Screams, as a Walker comes out of the bathroom)
Wind: Damn it, now I gotta solve আরো of everyone’s problems
(Note: The scene with the girl who was bit lacked any comedy, so just settle for the original scene)
Irene: (Shoots herself in the head)
(Seriously, this scene is fucked)
Carly: I know what আপনি did
Wind: Well spit it out. I don’t got all day
Carly: আপনি murdered a political figure
Wind: Maybe, maybe not, no, definitely, I did, and I loved it
Carly: Well, don’t worry. I’ll keep it to myself
Wind: Thanks (Okay, she knows too much. I’m gonna have to kill her)
(Walkers break into the pharmacy)
Doug: (To Wind) Hey, if we don’t make it out of here, I want to let আপনি know you’re a great guy
Wind: Shut up, Doug
Carly: Doug, if we don’t make it through this, I want আপনি to know that- (Walkers bang on the door)
Doug: Want me to know what?
Carly: What (The Walkers bang on the door)
Wind: Damn it, আপনি guys go and board up the windows before they get it (Carly and Doug head to the windows as Wind keeps the door shut)
(Doug and Carly get grabbed দ্বারা Walkers)
Wind: Oh, good. The Walkers did my job for me (Runs over to help Doug)
Carly: (Gets eaten দ্বারা Walkers)
Wind: (That’s what she gets for poking my nose into my business)
Kenny: Okay everyone, the trucks started, let’s go
(Everyone runs out back)
Clementine: (Gets grabbed দ্বারা a Walker)
Wind: Again, Clementine. Fucking really (Kicks the Walker) This time, don’t get grabbed (They both run to the exit)
Larry: (Stops Wind)
Wind: Come on, আপনি old fuck. Move
Larry: You’re not coming with us, আপনি son of a দুশ্চরিত্রা (Punches Wind)
Wind: (Falls on the ground) Oooohh, my head…. Fucking old people, I swear to- (Kenny runs in) Oh, নমস্কার Kenny (Kenny swings his axe and kills the Walker পরবর্তি to Wind)
Kenny: I’m not letting anyone else get eaten today (Helps Wind) Especially a good friend
Wind: Funny, I never had বন্ধু before. Never really saw the point of having them, but now, I see that they can risk their life to save someone as important as me. It’s great to have followers
Glenn: I think it’s time I head someone else
Wind: ….. Who the fuck are you?
Doug: Wind… why did আপনি save me
Wind: Because আপনি didn’t know about my life like Carly-........ You’re a good meat shield
Doug: I know, it’s just… I really liked her
Wind: Well, I’m sure she liked আপনি too… it was kinda obvious, really
Doug: Thanks
Wind: Any time. Now, আপনি should probably become a better shot, so I don’t get killed
Larry: So, Wind, আপনি like my daughter
Wind: Oh, yeah. We’d get along wonderful, despite her old fuck father trying to fucking kill me
Larry: Yeah, well her dad knows that you’re a convicted murderer
Wind: (Goddamn it, why can’t all these people stay out of my business)
Larry: If anything happens to my daughter, অথবা that little girl your with, you’d better watch your গাধা (Walks off)
Wind: … আপনি watch YOUR ass
পরবর্তি Time, On The Walking Dead
Wind: There isn’t going to be a পরবর্তি time… so fuck you