CHAPTER 1
10 years পূর্বে I হারিয়ে গেছে both my parents in a car crash. I've been living on my own for about 8 years, I lived with my grandmother for a while untill I got a job and found an apartment for real cheep. I never realized what it was like to lose your parents and feel this bad. I never knew my self would be in this postion. Alone, no true family, a baby on the way. How do these girls deal with kind of stuff. They act like everything is so easy,and they have nothing to worry about. Maybe becasue they have moms and grandmothers to help them out. I have no body. My grandmother kicked me out after she found out that I was pregant. she foud me this apartment and found me a part time job at the free clinic downtown. Ive only been working there a few months and the people are all ready getting on my nerves. I have never seen so many pregant girls in my life. Evey were I look a pregant girl is either sittin down অথবা walking in অথবা out the door. Atleast they got baby daddys they with them 24/7. Mines is in jail, but he gets out tommorrow. Ever since I told him that is was pregant, he's been sending me letters asking me if i'm okay and how the baby is doing, and if I need any money for food. I'm starting to believe his friends, they say that he cares for me alot and he can't wait to see me when he gets out. He always got them watching after me. They walking me to work, walking me home. They even sit outside my apartment building, they won't let anybody in unless they tell them were they going and why. Crazy niggas. Any ways, I can't wait tell he gets out, I miss him so much. I hope this baby looks just like him, that sexy brown skin, long black hair, hazel eyes and body of a goddess. I want him to be a ladys man, a little playa. I think i'm getting used to this baby thing. I wish my mom was here to help me live through these days. She could help me get through the morning sickness, the right things to eat. Help me raise the kid the same way she raised me. But I think I could make it through. Soon as Mike gets out, I think everything would be okay.
Today I had to work a double shift. Thousands of people came in complaining that they had the flu. I think the whole nieghborhood was there. আপনি know how black folks get when they get sick, they need to know what they got and how they got it. "Excuse me little girl but my son is throwing up and his fever is at 105 degress he needs so see a doctor right away". "Ma'am, আপনি have to fill out these forms first, then we give আপনি a number and the doctor will be with as soon as he can. We have alot a people here today so i'm going to need আপনি to be very patient okay". "Please, I don't know whats wrong with my little boy, he needs help right away and every hospital I tried is way to exspensive for me to pay for. Please there must be something আপনি can do". I had to do something. Her little boy his sick, and she is desperate for help. He looks worse than all the other people here. "Wait here ma'am i'll see what I could do". "Oo god bless আপনি my chid god bless, my name is Chelia, if আপনি need anything, anything, come down to Juvinilles church, I sing in the chore". I just looked and smiled. I had the feeling that I was doing something right.
10 years পূর্বে I হারিয়ে গেছে both my parents in a car crash. I've been living on my own for about 8 years, I lived with my grandmother for a while untill I got a job and found an apartment for real cheep. I never realized what it was like to lose your parents and feel this bad. I never knew my self would be in this postion. Alone, no true family, a baby on the way. How do these girls deal with kind of stuff. They act like everything is so easy,and they have nothing to worry about. Maybe becasue they have moms and grandmothers to help them out. I have no body. My grandmother kicked me out after she found out that I was pregant. she foud me this apartment and found me a part time job at the free clinic downtown. Ive only been working there a few months and the people are all ready getting on my nerves. I have never seen so many pregant girls in my life. Evey were I look a pregant girl is either sittin down অথবা walking in অথবা out the door. Atleast they got baby daddys they with them 24/7. Mines is in jail, but he gets out tommorrow. Ever since I told him that is was pregant, he's been sending me letters asking me if i'm okay and how the baby is doing, and if I need any money for food. I'm starting to believe his friends, they say that he cares for me alot and he can't wait to see me when he gets out. He always got them watching after me. They walking me to work, walking me home. They even sit outside my apartment building, they won't let anybody in unless they tell them were they going and why. Crazy niggas. Any ways, I can't wait tell he gets out, I miss him so much. I hope this baby looks just like him, that sexy brown skin, long black hair, hazel eyes and body of a goddess. I want him to be a ladys man, a little playa. I think i'm getting used to this baby thing. I wish my mom was here to help me live through these days. She could help me get through the morning sickness, the right things to eat. Help me raise the kid the same way she raised me. But I think I could make it through. Soon as Mike gets out, I think everything would be okay.
Today I had to work a double shift. Thousands of people came in complaining that they had the flu. I think the whole nieghborhood was there. আপনি know how black folks get when they get sick, they need to know what they got and how they got it. "Excuse me little girl but my son is throwing up and his fever is at 105 degress he needs so see a doctor right away". "Ma'am, আপনি have to fill out these forms first, then we give আপনি a number and the doctor will be with as soon as he can. We have alot a people here today so i'm going to need আপনি to be very patient okay". "Please, I don't know whats wrong with my little boy, he needs help right away and every hospital I tried is way to exspensive for me to pay for. Please there must be something আপনি can do". I had to do something. Her little boy his sick, and she is desperate for help. He looks worse than all the other people here. "Wait here ma'am i'll see what I could do". "Oo god bless আপনি my chid god bless, my name is Chelia, if আপনি need anything, anything, come down to Juvinilles church, I sing in the chore". I just looked and smiled. I had the feeling that I was doing something right.
This is writen in the point of view of Kara
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Kara stood in apartment and stared out of thr window, just a few moments পূর্বে someone stopped her from jumping off her flat roof.
"Kara..."the voice said, it was the same voice of the man who saved her.
Kara looked at the time, it was 11.48. She yawned and went into her bedroom.After getting changed she slipped into her bed.That voice ringed through her ears."Kara....".She closed her eyes and almost fell asleep when she herd someone call her name "Kara...."
There was a knock on the front door, Kara grabbed her dressing গাউন, gown and put on her slippers. She walked over to the door and opened it. There was a piece of paper on the floor with wriing on it. I was a note, on the note was written in 7 days all will be alright
Kara awoke from her bed, had it all been a dream? Kara noticed that she had the note in her hand.She read the note over and over again. What did it mean?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Kara stood in apartment and stared out of thr window, just a few moments পূর্বে someone stopped her from jumping off her flat roof.
"Kara..."the voice said, it was the same voice of the man who saved her.
Kara looked at the time, it was 11.48. She yawned and went into her bedroom.After getting changed she slipped into her bed.That voice ringed through her ears."Kara....".She closed her eyes and almost fell asleep when she herd someone call her name "Kara...."
There was a knock on the front door, Kara grabbed her dressing গাউন, gown and put on her slippers. She walked over to the door and opened it. There was a piece of paper on the floor with wriing on it. I was a note, on the note was written in 7 days all will be alright
Kara awoke from her bed, had it all been a dream? Kara noticed that she had the note in her hand.She read the note over and over again. What did it mean?
when i just have been through the worse in my life
my eyes turn black,my skin turns white
i'll be like a ghost
life has been sucked right from me
i feel my skin tearing apart like it's going to shred
i'm shaking and lonely and cold
but it's funny that my only savior is just a little sharp metal thing
just a small razor can heal me that much?!
better than anybody i have ever known
i slide my left arm just a little as a start and i feel like i need আরো and আরো and more...
until i can not get enough
but then i feel so good,almost satisfied
watching my blood spilling on the floor,drop after drop very slowly
that's just the hottest painful pleasure i have ever experienced
i feel so unbalanced,so numb
i don't know if i need someone to touch me অথবা to shoot me to know that i'm still alive
but i know i won't stop
i'll cut myself and fuck the wound
i'll lick my blood for all my pain
my eyes turn black,my skin turns white
i'll be like a ghost
life has been sucked right from me
i feel my skin tearing apart like it's going to shred
i'm shaking and lonely and cold
but it's funny that my only savior is just a little sharp metal thing
just a small razor can heal me that much?!
better than anybody i have ever known
i slide my left arm just a little as a start and i feel like i need আরো and আরো and more...
until i can not get enough
but then i feel so good,almost satisfied
watching my blood spilling on the floor,drop after drop very slowly
that's just the hottest painful pleasure i have ever experienced
i feel so unbalanced,so numb
i don't know if i need someone to touch me অথবা to shoot me to know that i'm still alive
but i know i won't stop
i'll cut myself and fuck the wound
i'll lick my blood for all my pain