This is from January 30th.

Think before আপনি speak.
Crimson tears release the pain...
But no one understands why
You're alone, nothing...no one
Happiness is a figment of our
Imaginations
There is no such thing as happy.
No one hears your cry for help...
And no one cares anyway
They all say 'no don't do it'
But I don't care.
I can't care.
I don't want to care.
I'm tired of caring.
I'm sick of caring.
So I read my scars to the world
And tell them why
The red velvet tears
Stain the floor
With my everlasting pain
The pain that always stays
The pain that won't go.
All of them did this to me.
I trust no one xxxx
The pain...

So this is gonna be a অনুরাগী fic about my relationship with Danny. I'm using my actual diary entries so I don't know how fictional it is xD How many parts will it have, আপনি ask? Well, however many I can come up with before it just starts to get too personal. Here we go...

May 14, 2013

Dear Diary,
I just talked to this amazing guy. Literally so amazing. Too amazing for your mind brain...er...mine for that matter. His name's Danny. And he's soooo omg soooo cute. I'm not even kidding. Soooo cute.Wait. SHIT. I have a boyfriend. Lmfao. Wow. I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I didn't have a boyfriend....

5 time zones
5 hours
2 hemispheres
Reversed seasons
2 continents
Hundreds of miles
The up all night's
But I don't care
About the time;
How could I possibly
Pay any mind?
I could stay up later:
But then
I have college
We talk
And laugh
And smile
And hug
And giggle (me at least)
And blush (me at least)
All the conversations
All the secrets that we keep
The প্রণয় that we share
No one on Earth--
EXCEPT US
Understands our love
It's complicated:
In a good way
In a cute way
In a fun way
All the hours I've waited
"Just to fall in প্রণয়
It feels this right"
Funny, because I'm taller
And stronger
And older
But he protects me
Far better
Than...

Ya know what? Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck you. Fuck him. Fuck her. FUCK EVERYTHING.

I literally want to develop a super germ that wipes out the human race except for the people I give enough of a shit about because I hate all of আপনি and I'll be on Pluto not giving a fuck and just laughing because you're all going to die.

FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT.

I don't like people I don't like things that breathe I don't like things that সরানো I don't like things that start with a, b. c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, অথবা z.

I hate things that সরানো I...

I.
Am.
The.
Messiah.
LMFAO no I'm not actually.
I wish I was.
But I'm not.
I could be.
There is a small chance.
But I doubt it.
You know why?
Because I live in Southern Brazil.
1.000's of miles away from Jerusalem.
1.000's of miles away from Bethlehem.
But, I could still believe
that I could save
my disciples.
Do I even have any?
Because I'm not the Messiah.
Or am I?
I actually have no fucking idea.
No. Like legit though.
How does anyone know?
My biggest fear
is probably that
the guy পরবর্তি to me is
Jesus.
And not me.
That would actually suck.
Like, that is BEYOND
unfair.
That is unjust--
it's fucking criminal.
But...
what...