12 Totally Accurate Horoscopes For Lazy Girls 

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Aquarius girls are clever, witty, and unique. That must be why you are unique in your ability to sit around in sweatpants rather than going outside and seizing the day. This week, cancel all your plans and rewatch all of “House of Cards”. Because astrology.

Right, Pisces. You are the laziest sign of all. It’s in your watery, emotional blood. People get annoyed at you a lot for this, but this week, fuck ‘em. Just fuck ‘em and their expectations. Get a cat, get a thing of cheese, sit on your ass all day and never give a damn again. The stars command you.

Right, Aries. So, you’re meant to be all *energetic* and *adventurous* and shit. But like, even thinking about adventure is exhausting. So how’s this for an adventure: this week, you’re gonna wash your hair. Really wash it. And condition it. Do it. You’re unstoppable. Nothing can halt an Aries in its tracks. It’s going to be a beautiful, beautiful week just as soon as you wash your hair. But of course, don’t let that adventure stop you from watching another episode of “Millionaire Matchmaker” first.

Taureans have a close connection with earth and nature. That’s why you haven’t done your laundry in so long. Yes, there is actual dirt all over your jeans. But it’s not your fault. It’s what the stars want. It’s fate. In conclusion: Do nothing this week to alter your life in any way.

Geminis are curious, Geminis are energetic, Geminis are always on the move, Geminis are always in search of the next big thing, so go out and – oh fuck it, just watch Netflix.

Cancers are super romantic, and deep, and emotional, and all that crap. Fuck it! Take a nap. Take several naps this week. Deep naps. Naps as deep as your soul.

Look at you, you brave, brave Leo. Leos are proud and fearless leaders. That’s why, this week, you should really consider fearlessly leading a group of your colleagues to a two-hour-long boozy lunch in the middle of a workday. If your boss asks what the hell you are doing, just say, “Sorry! I’m just such a Leo you know?”

A Virgo is a sensitive soul, with a tendency to analyse or even over-analyse situations they’re in. So this week, fair Virgo, you should probably analyse the growing pile of clothes on your floor. Analyse it carefully. Consider the possibility of organising your wardrobe, your bedroom, your whole damn life. This could be the week to get your shit together at last. Then, I dunno, stare at your phone for two hours like you always do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some exciting new projects will pop up for you this week, Libra. And you know what you should do? Ignore them.

Scorpio, this week, an exciting opportunity will present itself to you. The kind of opportunity that could change the path of your entire life forever. Whatever you do, don’t take it. Just literally don’t even bother. It sounds like quite a lot of effort tbh and you really can’t be arsed. Maybe next time.

A Saggitarius girl is well known not to give a fuck. So here are some of the things you should continue to not give a fuck about this week: Cleaning your house, personal hygiene, calling people back, paying your bills, and making any sort of future plans whatsoever. All that stuff can wait for the next week. Or the week after.

Capricorn, everyone knows you are a responsible and dignified person, and a loyal friend. This is a perfect opportunity to take advantage of people’s assumptions. You should call in sick this week and spend several days drinking in a park instead of doing any work. No one will will ever suspect it. “Oh, but Capricorns are so RESPONSIBLE”, they’ll say. “She must be really quite ill, the poor thing.”

The Food At Coachella Looked Insane This Year

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I know, right? And there’s more where that came from.

Broken hearted? Maybe you’ll like something over here instead?

I know, right? Will your friends agree?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahjewell/totally-ac... The stars have spoken, and they pretty much just said "meh".

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