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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my তালিকা of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let আপনি know now i got alot of these from the ইউটিউব channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything অথবা eating anything আপনি might spit it অথবা something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the ঝাড়ু late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the উপসাগর they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's পছন্দ vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the মাশরুম have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do আপনি call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do আপনি call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do আপনি make an octopus giggle ten times?
আপনি give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do আপনি make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's পছন্দ composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between আপনি and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't আপনি hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher ব্যক্ত it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the টমেটো blush?
It saw the সালাদ dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do আপনি know if it's raining মার্জার and dogs?
আপনি step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do আপনি know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do আপনি get পিকাচু on a bus?
আপনি পোকেমন (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't আপনি dress with পিকাচু in the room?
He'll পিকাচু (peek at you)

#27 What do আপনি call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
আপনি boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton ক্রুশ the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do আপনি call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's পরাকাষ্ঠা and fluffy?
পরাকাষ্ঠা fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
পরাকাষ্ঠা fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when আপনি drink 7 coca colas?
আপনি burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the মাছ say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't আপনি trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope আপনি liked them. Make sure আপনি check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
 PewDiePie
PewDiePie
posted by টারমার২০
1)"Why, do আপনি find me irresistible?"

2)"No, I just dress better than you"

3)"You're a double gay. No returnsies!"

4)"I প্রণয় the সেকেন্ড grade insults, *insert name here*. Honestly, isn't it strange how "gay" has come to replace "stupid"? And so what if I was gay? Insulting my sexual orientation is pointless.

NOW...if a girl says you're gay, and আপনি actually are, I find the best burn is: "At least I can get a boyfriend."

5)Look them in the face with a deadpan expression. Simply say, "Yes. I'm gay," and walk away. Take their thunder away. It's such a juvenile thing to say in the first place.
Or...
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1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a বৃত্ত that had its two sides gently compressed দ্বারা a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina...
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1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with আরো than 5 guys..you're a HOE)

2. "Hey, are আপনি busy?" অথবা "Are আপনি doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all দিন but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's...
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posted by chowjoyi
41 ways to annoy your parents



1. Follow them everywhere.

2. When they say your name, moo loudly like a cow.

3. If আপনি have a dog, follow the dog around on all-fours and say "Bark." over and over again really loudly.

4. Talk to a pen constantly.

5. When your বন্ধু come over, pretend to be talking in code and have your friend say 'Your-a pa smells-a like a woman-a." If they crack the code, play stupid.

6. Have a dozen of imaginary বন্ধু that আপনি ask their opinion of everything.

7. After আপনি have your bath, মোড়ানো a bath towel around আপনি and then walk outside of the bathroom. When your parents ask...
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posted by OmegaLeader
(Found it on the internet thought it was pretty interesting.)

You call your victim and আপনি want to confuse them. No laughing অথবা anything, just a normal voice like someone would call you. Me and my বন্ধু do this a lot.


Script:
You call the person...

Person: Hello?
You: Hello?
Person: Uh, hi. Who is this and what do আপনি want?
You: What? Oh no no no no no! It is আপনি who is calling me. Ok, so what did আপনি need?
Person: No no I didn't call you. আপনি called me. Wait, who is this??
You: NO! I didn't call you! আপনি are the one who called me! Now i ask one আরো time who are আপনি and why did আপনি call my at this...
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posted by sakurahanazono
Alpha kenny body

1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)

I won a math debate

2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)

Eye map ness

3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness

Write this down on paper and আপনি have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)


Eye Emma rate hard

4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)

Eye M egg ay

5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay

(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
1. Walk up to them and ask them for their autographs.
2. Walk up to them, introduce yourself extremely upbeat and friendly-like and end the conversation দ্বারা saying "It was nice to meet you. It's so cool to talk to people outside of the asylum." Then walk away.
3. While walking down the street, in a mall অথবা any other such place, laugh out loud for no apparent reason. Be as creative with the way আপনি laugh as আপনি wish.
4. Run up to them, excitedly calling them Father, Mother, Aunt অথবা Uncle. If আপনি dare, hug them.
5. While passing a যেভাবে খুশী stranger, stop and exclaim to them, "You have no idea!" in a...
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This was definitely the most difficult তালিকা I've made so far. I even made a few changes when I was deciding the ranking. আপনি can obviously tell that this wasn't easy and took A LOT of dedication in order for me to figure it out. First of all, I will only be talking about the শীর্ষ 10 and just listing the other women and প্রদর্শিত হচ্ছে pictures. I figured that it not only makes it easier for me to make but also makes it easier for আপনি guys to read and not be overwhelmed. I hope আপনি enjoy it and keep in mind this is just my personal opinion. Please don't forget to মতামত and I can't wait to hear what...
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added by loonybug
Source: tumblr
added by edwardcarlisle
Source: dumage
added by edwardcarlisle
Source: listal
added by ilovekud
Source: ilovekud
added by Shelly_McShelly
French Fries are deep fried in horse oil in France.

Kittens are born with blue eyes, but change when they get older.

People born in November are আরো likely to become serial killers.

Everything আপনি see is actually upside down and your brain just flips it around.

You can't actually multi-task.

Easily distracted people are the ones who are the most creative.

When a person appears in your dreams, that person misses you.

Music can lead teens to depression.

You are আরো likely to dream when আপনি are depressed.

Your odor is as unique as your fingerprint.

If আপনি tear off paper from bottles, আপনি are sexually...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF আপনি DON'T PASS THIS ON আপনি DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All দিন long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
a boy was asked দ্বারা his teacher to pick some spelling words for his homework. the boy goes প্রথমপাতা and asks his mum "what's a good spelling word?" and the mother উত্তর " Shutup, i'm busy", so he writes it down.
he goes to his dad and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and the dad উত্তর "da na na na Batman!" so he writes it down.
next he goes to his older sister and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and she উত্তর "yeah yeah" so the boy writes it down.
he goes to his younger sister and asks "whats a good spelling word?" and she উত্তর "lollipop, lollipop" so he writes it down.
Finally he goes...
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Jetzt geht's los Freunde
Hier ist Markus Becker und die Mallorca Cowboys und das rote Pferd

Wir singen zusammen
Da hat das rote Pferd sich einfach umgekehrt
und hat mit seinem Schwanz die Fliege abgewehrt
Die Fliege war nicht dumm,
sie machte summ,summ,summ
Und flog mit viel Gebrumm
um's rote Pferd herum

lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala
lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala

Ok Freunde,
das war nicht schlecht für গর্ত Anfang
Aber da geht noch was
Seit ihr gut drauf? Jaaa
Habt ihr lust zu feiern? Jaaa
Dann macht euch bereit und singt mit uns zusammen


Die Fliege...
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posted by karpach_14
Bored? Need something to spice up your day? Why not annoy the living shit out of someone আপনি love? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Go to the library. Every 15 minutes, go up to the same guy and joke, "Working hard অথবা hardly working?"

2. At the dentist, start screaming as soon as আপনি open your mouth.

3. Stand in front of the TV while your dad is watching a big game.

4. Every 30 মিনিট অথবা so, call your friend who is babysitting and breathe into the phone.

5. Scrape your ring অথবা your nails on the blackboard পরবর্তি time you're asked to do a problem at the board.

6. পরবর্তি সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান আপনি go to, yell out "Mmmbop!"...
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added by DeiJambastion
Source: Dei