I woke up to a fresh morning in my hotel room. There was a bright রশ্মি of sunlight that hit my eyes perfectly. Too bright that it almost made me blind. I sat up and yawned and remember what happened before I left seven days ago. Every morning I think about Michael and I from the airport. And everytime I do, I end up feeling a tear rolling down my face. I wiped it off then walk into my bathroom and saw a vase filled with nothing but purple, blue, black and red roses. There was a card leaning against the vase that had my name on it. I opened it and pulled out a note. The note read,"Evanescence "Taylor", Best of luck tonight. We know আপনি have be down because আপনি miss Michael. We wanted to cheer আপনি up with your পছন্দ ফুল in your পছন্দ colors. We প্রণয় you, Taylor. Love, Alex. Lola. Viktor. Lucien." I smiled and inhaled the scent to ফুলেরডালি produced.



After I took a nice how ঝরনা and put on my black tank শীর্ষ and blue jeans, I blow dried my hair and put on my make-up. First my concealer, then bronzer. It was hard for me to find the lightest color because I was so pale like a vampire. Even the lightest color was a little dark for me. After I put on my cover up, I grabbed my mascara and then put on my eyeliner my eyes pop out and প্রদর্শনী off my hazel almost grey eyes. They actually looked creepy when I had my eyeliner one. But they also looked crepy without it. After I did quick little fix-ups, I walked out of my hotel room with my black sweater wrapped around my waist and my black studded টুপি on my head. When I was depressed অথবা ready to do a rock concert, I showed it.



I got in my car and drove to the stadium. My band was already there but they were warming up for rehearsal. I recognized what the song was they were practicing and where in the song they were. I unwrapped my sweater, took off my টুপি and walked on stage and grabbed my microphone and belted my voice out as if it was the real thing. I gave everything like it was the concert. As I sang "Call Me When You're Sober", I noticed my voice sounded different. It sounded.......stronger. It sounded like I was গান গাওয়া better than ever. I always sounded as if I was trying my best but this time I sounded perfect. Like as if everything was perfect so now I can be perfect. But nothing was perfect. That's the part the confused me.



When we got to the last verse and the pause came, I jumped into the air and slammed my feet down right when the instruments started to created the perfect sound. When my voice came out again, this time, I really gave everything. I had to hold the microphone away from me and yet I could hear myself perfectly. I felt like I could do anything. I never felt this way before except when I did that last performance and I saw Michael was there. I feel as if he is here. When I kept belting and the others attempted to play as loud as I sang but they still were slightly softer. I tried so hard to contain myself but I felt as if I had to let everything out and do it now.



After the song was finished, I stood near the edge of the stage, looking down at the floor wondering what got into me. I was breathing heavy and wanted to do more. "Taylor, what was that?" ব্যক্ত Lola. I didn't answer at first but then I held the microphone close to my mouth and said,"I don't know. I have no idea." "Taylor, that was amazing! What got into you?" asked Alex. I turned around and said,"Do আপনি ever get that feeling when আপনি have the urge to just let everything out? To just explode?" No one answered. They just stood there, looking at me. "I don't know why but I felt like I was releasing everything. I have the same feeling that I had when we did that last performance and I saw Michael. I felt and feel complete even though we are apart." No one ব্যক্ত anything. They just stared. "I want to do another. Uh....let's do 'Lithium'. Yeah, that song"



I turned to look out at the empty arena and imagined the placed filled with screaming people begging for আরো of my voice and for সঙ্গীত to play. I took in deep breaths and started to sing even though the সঙ্গীত wasn't playing. দ্বারা the time I got to the সেকেন্ড time of saying "Lithium" I heard my সঙ্গীত playing and me getting that feeling again. I have no idea what it is but I liked it.



*That Night*



"Good luck, Taylor. আপনি look awesome. You're going to do great." ব্যক্ত Alex as he gave me a loving hug. "Thanks, Alex. আপনি too. Now go. You're the সেকেন্ড to last one to go on stage. I'll meet আপনি out there. I প্রণয় you, big bro." প্রণয় you, lil sis." As I watched my brother walk on stage, my হৃদয় was pounding hard. I was trying so desperately not to run out there and just start the প্রদর্শনী and bring everything out I have bottled up inside me. Maybe that's it. I feel so upset and alone and afraid because of me and Michael, I'm taking the chance to let all of it out through my সঙ্গীত again. Just like when we were kids and I became এভানেসেন্স from Step 1. When I finally put the pieces together, I realized, that was my reason. Everything is happening again except I know how this is going to end.



A smile grew onto my face as I thought about it. I could hear Michael as if he was here saying he loves me and good luck. I grabbed my microphone and slowly walked out on stage while looking out to the crowd. I got to my stand and place the microphone in it's holder. I stood there for a সেকেন্ড then looked at my band then back at the crowd. When it finally got somewhat quiet, I took in a deep breath and started to sing "Going Under". Everyone in the arena started screaming as I sang the first sentence. "Now I will tell আপনি what I've done for you." was the sentence. I stopped for a সেকেন্ড until everyone came quiet again. "Fifty thousand tears I've cried." was the পরবর্তি sentence and everyone screamed again.



"How are আপনি doing!?!?!?!?!" I yelled into the microphone. As the crowd yelled যেভাবে খুশী things, I got into my sexy seductive mode. I grabbed the microphone off the stand and started to act like the stand was my stripper pole. I crouched down while starting the song up again and glided upwards and holding the stand. As I walked the stage, I started to lean down close to the audience and act seductive like a গথ দেশীয় yet gorgeous vampire would. That was what some people thought of me as. A gorgeous, sexy, seductive, fangless, mortal vampire.




So....I decided to act what I portrayed to be. I was in my dark heaven but I wanted to find that light again. Yet, I had to wait for a বছর and a half to go to it. It hurt to know that and I know Michael felt it too but we could do nothing about it. I kept seducing everyone with my voice and moves as I sang with the instruments. I was no longer Taylor Ward, the sweet girl everyone remembers from eight years পূর্বে that was so colorful and bright and loving and felt happy. I was Evanescence, a semi-gothic chick who's world was nothing but darkness and endless nights and who thought she would forever be alone. And yet a man she was বন্ধু with as a child saved her from her eternal darkness. As I though of this in my head, I belted everything I had out of my lungs. Now since I am Evanescence, I'm home.