"Do আপনি have asthma?" the gym teacher asked me. My thoughts flickered to Emery. He had asthma, right? Breathlessly, I nodded. "Go get your inhaler. Emery, go with her." Emery helped get me up, and we went inside, as I was taking my last breaths.
"Give me.." I rasped. "Your inhaler."
"What?" Emery asked, unbelieving.
"Get me your inhaler," I ব্যক্ত through my teeth. My head started to spin. Quickly, Emery ran into the boys' locker room. A couple moments later, he returned with his inhaler, and handed it to me. I pumped some of it into my mouth, and thankfully it helped a bit. I sat there on the floor a few আরো moments, until my breath returned.
"Shelby, আপনি gotta stop these fucking drugs," Emery said, talking down to me like I was a child অথবা something.
"You gotta mind your own fucking business," I said, leaning my head back against the wall.
"Shelby, it's only going to get worse if আপনি don't stop. আপনি could die."
"Good," I glared at him. That made him speechless.
"What the hell is your problem?!" he shouted at me after a few moments. "You've got your whole life ahead of you! How can আপনি just throw it away like its worthless?"
"Because it is," I snapped. "And I've got nothing ahead of me... My life is not worth living. I'm surprised it took me this long to realize it."
"Oh please," he scoffed. "Your life couldn't seriously be that bad. You---"
"My mother abandoned me," I began. "She left me and my sisters a couple months ago. Before that, we lived in a two bedroom house, with nearly no food. My sister Paige worked full time, and had to be Kirsten and Sage's teacher. I watched them all day, when I wasn't out looking for a job. I have four sisters. None of us know our fathers. All of them left us. Same with my mom. I live with my relatives, who are nothing but nice to us, when we don't deserve it. I always feel like I'm a bother to someone. I'm always in someone's way. And I just..." I held my head in my hands, gripping my hair. "I just want it to all end!"
"I... I'm sorry, Shelby. I didn't know..." Emery ব্যক্ত quietly. I ignored him, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. Emery sat down পরবর্তি to me. "It must be so hard..."
"It's getting better," I admitted quietly. I looked up at him. "When I'm high, I don't have to think about it. It's easier." He sighed, shaking his head at me.
"Temporarily," he reminded me.
"Time doesn't matter. Whatever I can get, no matter how long it lasts, I'll take it. It's worth it."
"Yeah, but..." he sighed, probably not knowing what to say. "You're killing yourself, Shelby." I stood up and shrugged.
"Again, I'll take what I can get."
"Give me.." I rasped. "Your inhaler."
"What?" Emery asked, unbelieving.
"Get me your inhaler," I ব্যক্ত through my teeth. My head started to spin. Quickly, Emery ran into the boys' locker room. A couple moments later, he returned with his inhaler, and handed it to me. I pumped some of it into my mouth, and thankfully it helped a bit. I sat there on the floor a few আরো moments, until my breath returned.
"Shelby, আপনি gotta stop these fucking drugs," Emery said, talking down to me like I was a child অথবা something.
"You gotta mind your own fucking business," I said, leaning my head back against the wall.
"Shelby, it's only going to get worse if আপনি don't stop. আপনি could die."
"Good," I glared at him. That made him speechless.
"What the hell is your problem?!" he shouted at me after a few moments. "You've got your whole life ahead of you! How can আপনি just throw it away like its worthless?"
"Because it is," I snapped. "And I've got nothing ahead of me... My life is not worth living. I'm surprised it took me this long to realize it."
"Oh please," he scoffed. "Your life couldn't seriously be that bad. You---"
"My mother abandoned me," I began. "She left me and my sisters a couple months ago. Before that, we lived in a two bedroom house, with nearly no food. My sister Paige worked full time, and had to be Kirsten and Sage's teacher. I watched them all day, when I wasn't out looking for a job. I have four sisters. None of us know our fathers. All of them left us. Same with my mom. I live with my relatives, who are nothing but nice to us, when we don't deserve it. I always feel like I'm a bother to someone. I'm always in someone's way. And I just..." I held my head in my hands, gripping my hair. "I just want it to all end!"
"I... I'm sorry, Shelby. I didn't know..." Emery ব্যক্ত quietly. I ignored him, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. Emery sat down পরবর্তি to me. "It must be so hard..."
"It's getting better," I admitted quietly. I looked up at him. "When I'm high, I don't have to think about it. It's easier." He sighed, shaking his head at me.
"Temporarily," he reminded me.
"Time doesn't matter. Whatever I can get, no matter how long it lasts, I'll take it. It's worth it."
"Yeah, but..." he sighed, probably not knowing what to say. "You're killing yourself, Shelby." I stood up and shrugged.
"Again, I'll take what I can get."
Remembering is just an invention of the mind,
So আপনি need not try to remember something,
আপনি remember it automatically.
Which is the best thing that আপনি could have.
The good times that we had...
It is placed in a portion of your mind.
The bad times that we had...
It is placed in the other part of your mind.
আপনি try to forget all of the bad things that happened,
But it is not possible.
It is stuck in you.
The bad things are painted in ink on your heart.
The good things, আপনি try to remember.
And they stay.
They never go.
Never leave you.
Remembering is just an invention of the mind.
And, well...I guess I'm happy for that.
So I can remember every friend I've had,
Every boyfriend,
And all the good times.
Every memory will never leave my heart.
They will never be forsaken.
Never.
So আপনি need not try to remember something,
আপনি remember it automatically.
Which is the best thing that আপনি could have.
The good times that we had...
It is placed in a portion of your mind.
The bad times that we had...
It is placed in the other part of your mind.
আপনি try to forget all of the bad things that happened,
But it is not possible.
It is stuck in you.
The bad things are painted in ink on your heart.
The good things, আপনি try to remember.
And they stay.
They never go.
Never leave you.
Remembering is just an invention of the mind.
And, well...I guess I'm happy for that.
So I can remember every friend I've had,
Every boyfriend,
And all the good times.
Every memory will never leave my heart.
They will never be forsaken.
Never.
*Poem I wrote for a class project on the holocaust.
DON'T COPY*
Different in ways they couldn't control
Killed for reasons we do not know
Ranging from ages young to old
The innocent people were taken from homes
Soulless people did not care
That the Jewish were in despair
Concentration camps ending their screams
Breaking apart their families
Not once did they do anything wrong
They opened their mouths and sang a sad song
Years went দ্বারা and আরো pain came
Until on one very special day
As one we all saved
The survivors of the Holocaust
DON'T COPY*
Different in ways they couldn't control
Killed for reasons we do not know
Ranging from ages young to old
The innocent people were taken from homes
Soulless people did not care
That the Jewish were in despair
Concentration camps ending their screams
Breaking apart their families
Not once did they do anything wrong
They opened their mouths and sang a sad song
Years went দ্বারা and আরো pain came
Until on one very special day
As one we all saved
The survivors of the Holocaust
Me and Those
Ever noticed that in this life
Everyone wants আপনি to do something,
অথবা be something
That sometimes আপনি don’t want to be?
They are those!
আপনি know them!
আপনি probably have those in your house.
They are those who expect আপনি to take a path,
Even though,
Sometimes,
আপনি don’t want to take.
They are those who expect আপনি to be great,
Even though,
Sometimes,
আপনি prefer to be small and humble.
But do আপনি think,
For the slightest second,
That they care about that?
They don’t!
They are your parents,
Your grandparents,
Your Uncles and aunts,
That since আপনি were born,
Came up with a path for আপনি in life.
But know this,
And say it to yourself:
They are those, they matter,
But me is I,
And I’m the main character.
Artwork by me
Sitting right where আপনি are
আপনি have no claim on me
I know my own path
I am my own guide
আপনি are nothing to me
No matter how আপনি try
What do আপনি care?
If I'm not doing it right
I'm not following you
I know my own path
I am my own guide
আপনি don't know me
No matter how আপনি try
Why are আপনি here?
আপনি know I don't want you
I told আপনি to leave me
I am my own path
I know my own guide
আপনি can't mold me
No matter how আপনি try
Why do I feel compelled to write angsty poetry? I swear I'm not even that angsty. হাঃ হাঃ হাঃ Oh well, I hope someone out there enjoys it.
Liyah (me)
