hmmmh, how to start this.......
well Gracie, its me, your best friend, im লেখা this to আপনি on my 17th birthday.
i miss আপনি so much, see right now, i wouldnt be in school, right now we'd be hanging out together, in the nearest স্টারবাক্স্ drinking স্ট্রবেরি Frappuccino's, drinking in the sun and blue skies.
But no. im sitting here, দ্বারা myself crying my eyes out because the only person who ever truly got me, the one person that i truly loved আরো than anything অথবা anyone in the world, is no longer here, in my life like she should be.
do i blame you? no. no i don't. আপনি saw that your life was going nowhere, আপনি saw that you'd never make it. no one else saw that except you. Even i didnt see that. but i always believed in you. i was the one who was constantly there trying to help, but inevitably failing.
see i wish আপনি were here, you'd hug me and then probably slap me for being so down, especially on my birthday. you'd tell me i was being stupid, wasting my big day.
you'd tell me how i should be enjoying myself, not hiding away, you'd complain about the weather, coz its not so sunny anymore, its not so warm either.
but সামগ্রিক you'd still be here. i remember when i was still getting used to আপনি not being around, i remember crying for days, the days were cold and difficult, and i didnt know how to get through it. that was the time where i almost followed you.
and after that, i realised what the hell i was doing, wasting my life when instead i could be living for you. keeping your legacy alive. the shy but feisty girl that every one saw but never really knew. only i can say that i knew you, but REALLY knew you. your favourite colour was blue, but not just any blue, indigo to be precise. আপনি hated pop music, আপনি loved flowers, especially black tulips. আপনি were my very reason for breathing, living and continuing on with my shit life.
after you'd gone, people got mad at me, i told 'em all how i knew you'd do this, coz honestly i did, but i could stop you. my morals blocked every word i wanted to utter. i knew that if i stopped আপনি now, you'd do it the পরবর্তি দিন anyway regardless of what i had to say about it. i knew that if i stopped you, you'd suffer, you'd be in pain for the rest of your life. and i would be to blame. IT'D BE MY FAULT!
I can't take that, its not mine to claim.
so what the hell am i doing now, i can literally hear আপনি asking, i can hear you, smell your flowery perfume, feel your touch, your hugs, i can see your pretty brown eyes, see your bright blue hair, i can see it all if i reach out with my mind. আপনি never did understand why i kept with আপনি all this time. i did it coz আপনি were my best friend, my soul sister.
so here i am on my 17th birthday লেখা to you, just knowing your looking over my shoulder পাঠ করা this, rolling your eyes at some of the stuff i wrote.
i প্রণয় আপনি forever Gracie, but right now is where i tell আপনি that আপনি ripped my হৃদয় out when আপনি killed yourself, and eventhough back then, i could truly forgive আপনি for it, well now....
i forgive you..........
well Gracie, its me, your best friend, im লেখা this to আপনি on my 17th birthday.
i miss আপনি so much, see right now, i wouldnt be in school, right now we'd be hanging out together, in the nearest স্টারবাক্স্ drinking স্ট্রবেরি Frappuccino's, drinking in the sun and blue skies.
But no. im sitting here, দ্বারা myself crying my eyes out because the only person who ever truly got me, the one person that i truly loved আরো than anything অথবা anyone in the world, is no longer here, in my life like she should be.
do i blame you? no. no i don't. আপনি saw that your life was going nowhere, আপনি saw that you'd never make it. no one else saw that except you. Even i didnt see that. but i always believed in you. i was the one who was constantly there trying to help, but inevitably failing.
see i wish আপনি were here, you'd hug me and then probably slap me for being so down, especially on my birthday. you'd tell me i was being stupid, wasting my big day.
you'd tell me how i should be enjoying myself, not hiding away, you'd complain about the weather, coz its not so sunny anymore, its not so warm either.
but সামগ্রিক you'd still be here. i remember when i was still getting used to আপনি not being around, i remember crying for days, the days were cold and difficult, and i didnt know how to get through it. that was the time where i almost followed you.
and after that, i realised what the hell i was doing, wasting my life when instead i could be living for you. keeping your legacy alive. the shy but feisty girl that every one saw but never really knew. only i can say that i knew you, but REALLY knew you. your favourite colour was blue, but not just any blue, indigo to be precise. আপনি hated pop music, আপনি loved flowers, especially black tulips. আপনি were my very reason for breathing, living and continuing on with my shit life.
after you'd gone, people got mad at me, i told 'em all how i knew you'd do this, coz honestly i did, but i could stop you. my morals blocked every word i wanted to utter. i knew that if i stopped আপনি now, you'd do it the পরবর্তি দিন anyway regardless of what i had to say about it. i knew that if i stopped you, you'd suffer, you'd be in pain for the rest of your life. and i would be to blame. IT'D BE MY FAULT!
I can't take that, its not mine to claim.
so what the hell am i doing now, i can literally hear আপনি asking, i can hear you, smell your flowery perfume, feel your touch, your hugs, i can see your pretty brown eyes, see your bright blue hair, i can see it all if i reach out with my mind. আপনি never did understand why i kept with আপনি all this time. i did it coz আপনি were my best friend, my soul sister.
so here i am on my 17th birthday লেখা to you, just knowing your looking over my shoulder পাঠ করা this, rolling your eyes at some of the stuff i wrote.
i প্রণয় আপনি forever Gracie, but right now is where i tell আপনি that আপনি ripped my হৃদয় out when আপনি killed yourself, and eventhough back then, i could truly forgive আপনি for it, well now....
i forgive you..........