The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Six
Chuck looked from Ben then to Blair, and back to Ben again. How stupid did they think he was? Blair had kept his daughter from him for the better part of three years and now she expected him to seriously believe that her fiancée was gay. She had nerve. “With all the shit you’ve put me through today, you’re still trying to play games with me? That is the most absurd thing that I’ve heard in a long time. You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that.”
Blair glanced nervously between Ben and Chuck but her gaze finally landed on him again. “It’s not a lie, Chuck. I’ve really wanted to tell আপনি since I came back but I couldn’t find the courage too. And I don’t blame আপনি for not believing me since I’ve lied about Meg being your daughter but I’m trying. আপনি have to at least give me credit for that.”
He looked at her with disapproving eyes. “I’m not going to give আপনি credit for anything when I just found out the truth today, okay? It’s a little too soon for that. And to শীর্ষ it all off, আপনি tell me some piece of shit story and tell me to believe it. How the fuck am I supposed to trust you?”
He was still looking at Blair but it was Ben who answered him. “It’s not a lie. I’ve already told আপনি that but আপনি appear a little hard of hearing, don’t you?” Chuck sent him a murderous gaze. “Blair has known that I’m gay for most of the time that we’ve been together and we agreed to get married because it would benefit the both of us. It’s only an arrangement.”
Chuck closed his eyes tiredly and rubbed them. She came over to him and placed a hand gently on his arm. “Chuck, are আপনি okay?” He looked up into her tear stained face and felt his হৃদয় clench and that infuriated him. She still shouldn’t have had this power over him but she did. “I’m so sorry.” She whispered again. Her eyes never left his and he could feel her gaze all over and that scared the fuck out of him. She had just told him that she had kept his daughter from him for three years and he still felt this attraction to her. Everything was just so screwed up. He shrugged her arm off of his and strode over to Ben, leaving Blair looking hurt.
“I think you’re full of shit and I don’t believe at all that you’re gay but I’ll humor you. What is this so called arrangement আপনি have with Blair?”
Ben didn’t answer him at first but instead went over to the full length mirror and started fixing his hair and tugging on the মণ্ডল of his suit jacket. Chuck raised his eyebrow at this but ব্যক্ত nothing. Blair gave him a knowing look but he was willing to concede that he believed her yet because he didn’t.
Ben turned around. “I really don’t like your attitude at all. আপনি treat Blair like a piece of shit and I can’t believe the two of আপনি ever got along at one point.”
“Ben…” She tried to warn him to say no আরো but it was too late.
His face convulsed into an angry expression. “Well, I don’t like আপনি anymore than আপনি like me. Actually I think you’re a pretty slimy fuck but I keep my opinions to myself, don’t I? As আপনি can see দ্বারা the evidence of our daughter, Blair and I আরো than got along at one point.”
Ben continued to glare at him. “I met Blair when she was about six months pregnant and that was just when I started working for Eleanor’s fashion company, and Blair was already the designer for the company. As soon as we met, we hit it off entirely well and it was always like a brother and sister relationship. After she delivered Meg, she told me that আপনি were the father and I told her a secret of mine and we agreed to marry each other and keep each other’s secrets private.”
He was confused once he heard this. There were too many holes. “That all makes sense. But what was your secret and how did that factor into proposing to Blair? There has to be a reason for all of that. And don’t give me the I’m gay excuse again.”
“I am gay.” Ben confirmed again. “But that was never my secret to be ashamed of. I didn’t tell Blair that I was gay right away, she actually didn’t know until about a বছর into our relationship.”
There was a প্রশ্ন that Chuck didn’t want to ask but he had to know the answer. “How could she not know? Didn’t the two of আপনি ever have sex?”
Blair wet her lips and walked over to the window with her face facing away from Chuck before answering. She couldn’t look at him while she ব্যক্ত this. “We did have sex. I think twice and I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t concentrate on it too much, it never occurred to me that he might be gay. I just thought that I would never experience the same pleasure that I had with আপনি with another man.” She slowly turned around and their gazes locked and heat flooded through her body. She had missed being looked at like that. No one had ever paid as much attention to her as he had.
He felt her words deep within him but he pushed all those feelings away. He couldn’t let the দুশ্চরিত্রা draw him in again. “And আপনি slept with her even though আপনি knew that আপনি were gay?” He asked Ben.
Ben nodded sadly and he looked ashamed. “I knew that I only was attracted to men but I was trying to convince myself otherwise. I know that it was wrong to do that to Blair but I needed to be sure of myself but after the first time we made love, I knew that I was most definitely gay and after that we never tried again.”
Chuck shoved his hands into his pockets angrily. He hated to think of anyone touching Blair but him and it wished that he could change that fact. He had slept with আরো women over the years that he could count and Blair had betrayed him time and time again, but still somehow she always managed to draw him in. “I’m still not following all the way. I understand that if Blair were to marry আপনি that আপনি would always protect her secret and give her the life that she’s always dreamed of. But what do আপনি get out of this arrangement?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.” Ben answered immediately.
“Tell him.” Blair insisted from her corner over দ্বারা the wall.
He exchanged looks with both of them but still Ben ব্যক্ত nothing.
“Then I will.” She informed him.
“Blair, I don’t want anyone to know that and we’ve already discussed that.”
She let out an exasperated sigh. “He’s not going to tell anyone, Ben.”
“I ব্যক্ত no.”
Blair gave him a withering glance that basically told him to drop dead. “You don’t tell me what to do. You’re my fiancée but that’s all.”
“Fine.” Ben snarled. “But I have to get back to work and I don’t want to have to watch this.” He leaned down to চুম্বন her but she backed away.
She glanced at Chuck who was still staring at her and had watched her exchange but then her focus returned to Ben. “Are we still going to pretend?”
Ben ব্যক্ত not one word but slammed the door shut.
She shook her head and went back to where Chuck stood in the middle of the room. “Sorry about that.” She muttered.
“He doesn’t seem too happy maybe আপনি shouldn’t tell me.” He couldn’t believe that he had let those words come out of his mouth because he was dying to know why Ben would even consider marrying Blair.
“I thought that আপনি would want to know.”
He noticed her surprised expression. “I do but if আপনি don’t want to tell me, then it’s fine. It will only be another thing that you’ve kept from me over the years.”
She opened her mouth to say something but then thought better of it; he was entitled to his anger. “I want to tell you.” Blair walked over to the পালঙ্ক and collapsed on it. He stood staring at her and she decided it was past time to tell him this. “Okay, Ben is actually from England and his family is very influential over there. He’s actually a duke অথবা an earl, অথবা whatever আপনি call them over there. I’m not really sure. A couple of years পূর্বে he told his parents that he thought he was gay and of course they didn’t approve of that, and told him that he would lose his shot at the সিংহাসন if he didn’t marry a nice respectable woman. He denied them at first and they disowned him just like they ব্যক্ত they would. He finally came to the realization that he had to marry in order to actual accomplish anything in his life and that’s around the time we met.”
She paused and Chuck said, “Go on.”
“When he told me about all of this, I refused to marry him at first. But then after a while of deliberating, I decided that maybe it would be the best thing for Meg and I.” A frown pulled at the corners of his mouth at the mention of their daughter. “Ben told his parents a few weeks পূর্বে that I had consented to marry him and they are planning the wedding which is supposed to take place in a couple of months. That’s all it is, Chuck. An arrangement. He keeps my secret and I agreed to keep his. He really is a good guy.”
He cautiously took a আসন পরবর্তি to her and she shot him a grateful smile. “I understand all of that and it doesn’t sound as bad as আপনি think it does. But now that I know about Meg, are আপনি still going to marry him? আপনি don’t have to now. It serves no purpose anymore.”
A sad smile came over her face. “I have too. It’s something I agreed to and he has been there for me through anything and it’s not like it will be horrible, right? I promised him and I’m not going to go back on that. I’ve done enough shitty things in my life and I don’t want to add something else to the list.”
His jaw tightened at her words but he didn’t want to say anything because he knew that he would wind up regretting it.
Blair saw his expression and she began to feel the nervousness fluttering around in her stomach again. “I know that I don’t প্রণয় him but he really is a kind and caring person, and it certainly wouldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen to me.”
A lock of her hair fell across her face and before he thought better of it, he pushed it back and secured behind her ear with a smile. When he saw Blair’s shocked expression and realized what he had done, he snatched his hand away instantly. He sighed, he was letting his guard down around her again and he couldn’t afford to let that happen.
She noticed that he had closed up again and did the only thing she could think of. “Do আপনি want to see Meg now?”
“Yes.” He managed to say beyond the constriction in his throat. He was finally going to be able to see his daughter. It was about fucking time.
“Okay.” She ব্যক্ত as she stood up, just as she had reached the door, she turned back to him. “I’ll go upstairs and get her and আপনি should go find Serena, Nate, and Patrick, they should all meet her. And I will warn আপনি that she is very inquisitive and asks a ton of questions. It’s one of the things I প্রণয় most about her.”
Chuck watched as she lightly closed the door behind her but not before he saw the delighted smile that came over her face every time she talked about their daughter. He swallowed hard. He was finally going to be able to meet her and the only thought that was running through his mind was, would he mess this up too? Would his daughter even like him? It scared the ever loving shit out of him.
XOXO
Chuck sat waiting in the living room for Blair to come down with their daughter. His uneasiness seemed to increase দ্বারা the minute. He glanced over to the other side of the room to see Serena, Nate, and Patrick sitting together and laughing like a real family should. He had missed out on all of these things with Blair and Meg. The anger came back and he tried to push it aside for now, he didn’t want to be angry for the first time that he met his daughter.
Serena looked at him with a pitying look. “I still can’t really process the fact that আপনি and Blair have a daughter together. It just seems unreal to me. Are আপনি excited at all?”
He nodded. “You know what? I really am. I never thought that I would want kids after all the shit that has happened to me with Bart and never really feeling loved but I want to do the exact opposite with Meg, I want to প্রদর্শনী her that I can be a good father and not behave like Bart did with me.”
“That’s really good, Chuck.” Nate chimed in. “I was absolutely terrified the first time that Serena told me she was pregnant and I thought that it would turn into this terrible mistake but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He placed his hand on Serena’s stomach and grinned. “I can’t wait to meet our new addition.” He kissed her soundly on the lips and she laughed.
Chuck smiled at their closeness. They had finally gotten it right after all that time but sadly he and Blair would just never be able to make it work. Now আরো than ever. He saw that Patrick was staring at him and he walked over and ruffled his hair. “Hey, little man. How’s it going?”
“Play.” Patrick ব্যক্ত in his garbled baby’s voice.
He laughed. “I will definitely play with আপনি later. I think আপনি might have a new playmate that আপনি could have some fun with.”
He was sitting on the floor with Patrick in his lap when he saw Blair descending the stairs with his daughter. His হৃদয় started beating faster than ever and he had trouble swallowing. Meg’s eyes traveled from one face to the পরবর্তি before burying her head in Blair’s side. He wanted to stand up and go over to them but he found that he had হারিয়ে গেছে the ability to move.
He heard Serena say in a stage whisper, “Oh my God. She looks exactly like Chuck.” Except with Serena it was never a whisper. But he had to agree with her, she looked exactly like him. Even down to the color of her hair and she definitely had his facial features. He loved her already.
Blair gave him a shaky smile and she grabbed Meg’s hand tighter in hers. “It’s alright, sweetheart. I just want to introduce আপনি to some people than আপনি will be getting to know.”
Meg nodded but didn’t leave Blair’s side. “You remember how we talked about your Aunt Serena?” She nodded again. “This is her and that’s her husband Nate, and their son Patrick. They’ve always been really good বন্ধু of mine and now that we’re going to be living in New York, আপনি will be getting to know them also.”
“Who’s that?” She whispered pointing at Chuck. At her words, his হৃদয় clenched even আরো and he wanted nothing আরো than to haul her against his chest but he knew that wouldn’t be allowed. He just hoped that Blair wouldn’t lie again and tell their daughter that he was no আরো than a friend.
Blair led them over to the floor and sat down right পরবর্তি to him. His daughter was sitting right পরবর্তি to him and he found himself muttering, “Hello.” It was such an idiotic thing to say to his daughter for the first time but he found that was all he could think of.
Meg looked at him through her wide, innocent eyes and a grin tipped the corners of her mouth. “Hi.”
He couldn’t help the smile that came over his face. That grin was exactly like his was.
Blair cleared her throat and Meg looked back at her mother. “This is a little difficult to explain Meg and I’m sorry for that, so if আপনি have any questions, do not hesitate to ask me.” She waved her hand at him. “This is Chuck Bass.”
He felt anger roll through him with a vicious tug at what she had said. She wasn’t planning on telling their daughter the truth. She had duped him again. When was he going to learn?
“You know that we have discussed your father many times and I might not have been entirely truthfully about him.”
“What?” Meg asked.
She locked eyes with Chuck and never removing them from his face, she blurted out, “Chuck is your father.”
He felt his mouth gape open at her statement but he couldn’t help himself. He had never expected her to actually tell Meg. He kept his gaze on her face and she nodded towards Meg who appeared to be in some sort of stupor. He found himself wanting to reach out for Blair and but he refrained himself just in time.
“He’s my father?” Meg whispered in her little girl’s voice. Her eyes moved from him then back to Blair again.
“Yes, Chuck is your father.” Blair repeated and she rubbed her head which was beginning to pound.
“Is that true?” Meg asked him.
“Yes, it is. I know that we know nothing about each other right now but in time we are going to be close like a father and daughter should be. I will make sure of it.” His gaze wandered back to Blair’s to see if she would object, but she ব্যক্ত nothing.
Meg looked very upset at hearing this news. She scrunched her face up and asked, “Why did I just find this out now? How come আপনি didn’t want me before?”
His হৃদয় broke. She thought that he didn’t want her and nothing could ever hurt আরো than that. Not even when Blair left that night four years ago. He absolutely no idea what to say to her. “I, I mean…”
Blair interrupted him. “Meg, look at me.” When she had complied, Blair put an arm around their daughter. “I know that আপনি really don’t understand what has happened and I don’t expect আপনি too since you’re three years old. But আপনি can never blame Chuck for not being there for আপনি since আপনি were born. The blame is all mine. I was the one who was wrong.”
He couldn’t believe his ears. He had never expected Blair to take the blame for everything that happened between them and to stick up for him in front of Meg. That took guts and he felt his anger evaporate a little bit. But only a little. And he had never expected her to take the brunt of what had gone wrong between them; after all it was both of their faults.
Nate and Serena sat silently as they watched the exchange happen between the three of them.
“How?” Meg asked.
Blair wet her lips. “I can’t go into all the details now sweetie but one দিন when you’re older, I will explain everything to you. I promise আপনি that.” Her hand found Chuck’s thigh and she squeezed it in a প্রদর্শনী of comfort, he looked at her hand that was gripping his thigh but did nothing to remove it. “I will just say that I was very young and stupid, and I did something that I’ve regretted for a long time now. If I could go back and do it all over, I would do everything differently.” Her eyes connected to his again, and they shared a long look of understanding. “But I want আপনি to know that nothing is your father’s fault, it was all mine. I want আপনি to get to know him and become close with Chuck. There is nothing like the relationship that a father can have with his daughter.”
Meg glanced at him again and decided that he wasn’t as scary as he looked because she snuggled closer to his side. He wrapped an arm lightly around her. “It’s going to be okay.” He heard himself say and he knew that was the truth.
Meg frowned a little bit and looked between her mother and father. “Why aren’t আপনি together? Didn’t আপনি প্রণয় him, mommy?”
Blair glanced at him but he was looking steadily at the ground to avoid looking in her face. He was wondering what she was going to say.
She cleared her throat. “Sometimes things just don’t work out between people Meg but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t প্রণয় each other. And to answer your question, I did প্রণয় Chuck. Very much.” She added as an afterthought.
Chuck pushed back a wave of Meg’s hair and when she asked the পরবর্তি question, his হৃদয় literally stopped. “Do আপনি still প্রণয় him?”
Immediately their gazes locked and heat flooded the room. আপনি would of had to been dead not to have felt it and he certainly was not dead প্রদত্ত the tightening in his groin.
Blair thought about lying but she had lied so much over the past years that she found she didn’t want to do it anymore. When she opened her mouth the truth came out. “I do still প্রণয় your father. And not like a friend, like a woman should প্রণয় a man.”
He swallowed at hearing her say that. He couldn’t take his gaze off of hers and he knew without a doubt that she was telling the truth. He could see it in her eyes. He couldn’t say anything though. He timidly reached out and placed one of his big hands gently on her shoulder; she looked surprised but gave him a watery smile.
“Are we going to be a family then? A real family?” The both looked at their daughter in surprise when she asked this.
“It’s just a little complicated.” Blair began. “It’s আরো of a conversation for adults but Chuck and I will always be there for আপনি no matter what. Okay?”
Meg looked liked she was about to argue but Blair stalled her with a hand in the air. “Come on. We’ll talk আরো about this later. Don’t আপনি want to get to know your father a little bit better?” A teasing grin came over her face. “You don’t want to hurt his feelings, do you?”
Meg shook her head rapidly and everyone laughed. Blair nodded towards him and he stood up and took his daughter’s hand in his and led her up the stairs. No one followed them. He was about to have some alone one on one time with her. Just her.
XOXO
For the rest of the day, he spent time getting to know his daughter. He asked her what her পছন্দ things were and he did some of them with her. After a while, Patrick came into the bedroom with them and they all played together for a while. He was surprised but Patrick really seemed to like Meg. That didn’t happen too often with him; usually he was jealous of anyone that was getting attention over him.
He had the best দিন of his life though. He would have never thought all those years পূর্বে that he would actually like to be a father but that was slowly becoming true. Meg seemed to take an instant liking to him also which made everything much easier.
He had just bathed her, put her to bed, and read her a bedtime story and he finally got her to go to sleep when he promised that he would see her again tomorrow. He would not miss another moment of her life. He closed the door softly when he saw her eyes close and she went into a dreamless sleep.
He was heading downstairs again when he ran into Blair outside of her bedroom.
“Can I talk to আপনি for a minute, Blair?”
“Sure.”
She led them back to the living room. “Is something wrong? Did আপনি put Meg to bed? Did everything go alright?”
He laughed. “You sound like our daughter now. She’s always asking questions.”
A delighted smile came over her face when she heard him refer to Meg as their daughter. “I told আপনি that. She is very inquisitive. Did everything go alright?”
He walked around the room and stopped when he was in front of her. “Yeah, it really did. Thank আপনি for not interrupting us today and letting us spend the whole দিন together. She really seems to like me.”
“I’m sure that she does, Chuck. She’s just a little girl, all আপনি have to do is ঝরনা her with প্রণয় and attention and she will প্রণয় আপনি back. Your relationship will grow over time and everything will come together.”
He nodded. “I actually wanted to talk to আপনি about before. আপনি didn’t have to take all the blame before with Meg for everything that has gone wrong in our relationship. Yes, আপনি kept her from me all of these years but আপনি weren’t the only one to do something wrong. It was both of our faults.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I know that we have both done some really horrible things to hurt each other when we were teenagers and it was all a game to us almost. I’m not like that anymore, Chuck. I’ve changed, everything is different now and I was wrong. I’ve always know that and I didn’t want Meg to think that আপনি didn’t প্রণয় her when আপনি didn’t even know that she existed before yesterday. That wouldn’t have been fair. That is something the old Blair Waldorf would do but not anymore.” She grabbed his hand and traced circles in the palm of his hand. His breath hitched but he did not pull away. “I’m sorry for everything and it really was my entire fault.”
He felt himself falling for her once again and he couldn’t let that happen. All he wanted to do was crush her to him and take away all of the pain that they had caused each other. “I’m not like I used to be either. I still have that signature Chuck খাদ in me still but some things are different.”
“I know, Serena told me that the first night that I was back.”
“And what about what আপনি ব্যক্ত before? About you…” He couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out.
“About loving you?” She asked.
“Yes.” He waited with bated breath for her answer.
She dropped his hand and sighed. “That was all true. I still do প্রণয় you. It’s never going to go away Chuck, I’ve tried but it just doesn’t work. I’m going to প্রণয় আপনি for the rest of my life.”
“Blair…” He paused; he didn’t even know what he was supposed to say.
She waved him off and stood in a hurry. “I know that আপনি don’t প্রণয় me. I’m not that naïve anymore but it doesn’t change my feelings. I really am sorry for everything.” Her eyes started to tear up and he felt like the biggest গাধা in the world. “I’ve got to go.” She ব্যক্ত in a hurry.
Blair turned back to him one last time and put her hands on his face. “I know that আপনি hate me and I can’t say that I blame you. I will always প্রণয় আপনি though, Chuck. I can’t help myself.” With that she made her way to the door but not before giving him a watery smile over her shoulder. And then she was gone.
He tore at his hair in aggravation. He hadn’t even told her that he didn’t hate her but he couldn’t. He was determined not to let Blair Waldorf get to him again but it had already happened. He was afraid that he had fallen in প্রণয় with her once again.
XOXO
Serena walked into the room and noticed that Chuck was sitting on the পালঙ্ক with his head buried in his arms. She gently touched his arm but he did not look up. “You have to tell her the truth, Chuck. Tell her what you’ve been hiding.”
To Be Continued…
A/N: Here it is. My last update before I’m off to LA. I still do have that drabble challenge to complete though. Make my দিন and leave me a review. There is nothing better. 7
Chuck looked from Ben then to Blair, and back to Ben again. How stupid did they think he was? Blair had kept his daughter from him for the better part of three years and now she expected him to seriously believe that her fiancée was gay. She had nerve. “With all the shit you’ve put me through today, you’re still trying to play games with me? That is the most absurd thing that I’ve heard in a long time. You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that.”
Blair glanced nervously between Ben and Chuck but her gaze finally landed on him again. “It’s not a lie, Chuck. I’ve really wanted to tell আপনি since I came back but I couldn’t find the courage too. And I don’t blame আপনি for not believing me since I’ve lied about Meg being your daughter but I’m trying. আপনি have to at least give me credit for that.”
He looked at her with disapproving eyes. “I’m not going to give আপনি credit for anything when I just found out the truth today, okay? It’s a little too soon for that. And to শীর্ষ it all off, আপনি tell me some piece of shit story and tell me to believe it. How the fuck am I supposed to trust you?”
He was still looking at Blair but it was Ben who answered him. “It’s not a lie. I’ve already told আপনি that but আপনি appear a little hard of hearing, don’t you?” Chuck sent him a murderous gaze. “Blair has known that I’m gay for most of the time that we’ve been together and we agreed to get married because it would benefit the both of us. It’s only an arrangement.”
Chuck closed his eyes tiredly and rubbed them. She came over to him and placed a hand gently on his arm. “Chuck, are আপনি okay?” He looked up into her tear stained face and felt his হৃদয় clench and that infuriated him. She still shouldn’t have had this power over him but she did. “I’m so sorry.” She whispered again. Her eyes never left his and he could feel her gaze all over and that scared the fuck out of him. She had just told him that she had kept his daughter from him for three years and he still felt this attraction to her. Everything was just so screwed up. He shrugged her arm off of his and strode over to Ben, leaving Blair looking hurt.
“I think you’re full of shit and I don’t believe at all that you’re gay but I’ll humor you. What is this so called arrangement আপনি have with Blair?”
Ben didn’t answer him at first but instead went over to the full length mirror and started fixing his hair and tugging on the মণ্ডল of his suit jacket. Chuck raised his eyebrow at this but ব্যক্ত nothing. Blair gave him a knowing look but he was willing to concede that he believed her yet because he didn’t.
Ben turned around. “I really don’t like your attitude at all. আপনি treat Blair like a piece of shit and I can’t believe the two of আপনি ever got along at one point.”
“Ben…” She tried to warn him to say no আরো but it was too late.
His face convulsed into an angry expression. “Well, I don’t like আপনি anymore than আপনি like me. Actually I think you’re a pretty slimy fuck but I keep my opinions to myself, don’t I? As আপনি can see দ্বারা the evidence of our daughter, Blair and I আরো than got along at one point.”
Ben continued to glare at him. “I met Blair when she was about six months pregnant and that was just when I started working for Eleanor’s fashion company, and Blair was already the designer for the company. As soon as we met, we hit it off entirely well and it was always like a brother and sister relationship. After she delivered Meg, she told me that আপনি were the father and I told her a secret of mine and we agreed to marry each other and keep each other’s secrets private.”
He was confused once he heard this. There were too many holes. “That all makes sense. But what was your secret and how did that factor into proposing to Blair? There has to be a reason for all of that. And don’t give me the I’m gay excuse again.”
“I am gay.” Ben confirmed again. “But that was never my secret to be ashamed of. I didn’t tell Blair that I was gay right away, she actually didn’t know until about a বছর into our relationship.”
There was a প্রশ্ন that Chuck didn’t want to ask but he had to know the answer. “How could she not know? Didn’t the two of আপনি ever have sex?”
Blair wet her lips and walked over to the window with her face facing away from Chuck before answering. She couldn’t look at him while she ব্যক্ত this. “We did have sex. I think twice and I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t concentrate on it too much, it never occurred to me that he might be gay. I just thought that I would never experience the same pleasure that I had with আপনি with another man.” She slowly turned around and their gazes locked and heat flooded through her body. She had missed being looked at like that. No one had ever paid as much attention to her as he had.
He felt her words deep within him but he pushed all those feelings away. He couldn’t let the দুশ্চরিত্রা draw him in again. “And আপনি slept with her even though আপনি knew that আপনি were gay?” He asked Ben.
Ben nodded sadly and he looked ashamed. “I knew that I only was attracted to men but I was trying to convince myself otherwise. I know that it was wrong to do that to Blair but I needed to be sure of myself but after the first time we made love, I knew that I was most definitely gay and after that we never tried again.”
Chuck shoved his hands into his pockets angrily. He hated to think of anyone touching Blair but him and it wished that he could change that fact. He had slept with আরো women over the years that he could count and Blair had betrayed him time and time again, but still somehow she always managed to draw him in. “I’m still not following all the way. I understand that if Blair were to marry আপনি that আপনি would always protect her secret and give her the life that she’s always dreamed of. But what do আপনি get out of this arrangement?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.” Ben answered immediately.
“Tell him.” Blair insisted from her corner over দ্বারা the wall.
He exchanged looks with both of them but still Ben ব্যক্ত nothing.
“Then I will.” She informed him.
“Blair, I don’t want anyone to know that and we’ve already discussed that.”
She let out an exasperated sigh. “He’s not going to tell anyone, Ben.”
“I ব্যক্ত no.”
Blair gave him a withering glance that basically told him to drop dead. “You don’t tell me what to do. You’re my fiancée but that’s all.”
“Fine.” Ben snarled. “But I have to get back to work and I don’t want to have to watch this.” He leaned down to চুম্বন her but she backed away.
She glanced at Chuck who was still staring at her and had watched her exchange but then her focus returned to Ben. “Are we still going to pretend?”
Ben ব্যক্ত not one word but slammed the door shut.
She shook her head and went back to where Chuck stood in the middle of the room. “Sorry about that.” She muttered.
“He doesn’t seem too happy maybe আপনি shouldn’t tell me.” He couldn’t believe that he had let those words come out of his mouth because he was dying to know why Ben would even consider marrying Blair.
“I thought that আপনি would want to know.”
He noticed her surprised expression. “I do but if আপনি don’t want to tell me, then it’s fine. It will only be another thing that you’ve kept from me over the years.”
She opened her mouth to say something but then thought better of it; he was entitled to his anger. “I want to tell you.” Blair walked over to the পালঙ্ক and collapsed on it. He stood staring at her and she decided it was past time to tell him this. “Okay, Ben is actually from England and his family is very influential over there. He’s actually a duke অথবা an earl, অথবা whatever আপনি call them over there. I’m not really sure. A couple of years পূর্বে he told his parents that he thought he was gay and of course they didn’t approve of that, and told him that he would lose his shot at the সিংহাসন if he didn’t marry a nice respectable woman. He denied them at first and they disowned him just like they ব্যক্ত they would. He finally came to the realization that he had to marry in order to actual accomplish anything in his life and that’s around the time we met.”
She paused and Chuck said, “Go on.”
“When he told me about all of this, I refused to marry him at first. But then after a while of deliberating, I decided that maybe it would be the best thing for Meg and I.” A frown pulled at the corners of his mouth at the mention of their daughter. “Ben told his parents a few weeks পূর্বে that I had consented to marry him and they are planning the wedding which is supposed to take place in a couple of months. That’s all it is, Chuck. An arrangement. He keeps my secret and I agreed to keep his. He really is a good guy.”
He cautiously took a আসন পরবর্তি to her and she shot him a grateful smile. “I understand all of that and it doesn’t sound as bad as আপনি think it does. But now that I know about Meg, are আপনি still going to marry him? আপনি don’t have to now. It serves no purpose anymore.”
A sad smile came over her face. “I have too. It’s something I agreed to and he has been there for me through anything and it’s not like it will be horrible, right? I promised him and I’m not going to go back on that. I’ve done enough shitty things in my life and I don’t want to add something else to the list.”
His jaw tightened at her words but he didn’t want to say anything because he knew that he would wind up regretting it.
Blair saw his expression and she began to feel the nervousness fluttering around in her stomach again. “I know that I don’t প্রণয় him but he really is a kind and caring person, and it certainly wouldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen to me.”
A lock of her hair fell across her face and before he thought better of it, he pushed it back and secured behind her ear with a smile. When he saw Blair’s shocked expression and realized what he had done, he snatched his hand away instantly. He sighed, he was letting his guard down around her again and he couldn’t afford to let that happen.
She noticed that he had closed up again and did the only thing she could think of. “Do আপনি want to see Meg now?”
“Yes.” He managed to say beyond the constriction in his throat. He was finally going to be able to see his daughter. It was about fucking time.
“Okay.” She ব্যক্ত as she stood up, just as she had reached the door, she turned back to him. “I’ll go upstairs and get her and আপনি should go find Serena, Nate, and Patrick, they should all meet her. And I will warn আপনি that she is very inquisitive and asks a ton of questions. It’s one of the things I প্রণয় most about her.”
Chuck watched as she lightly closed the door behind her but not before he saw the delighted smile that came over her face every time she talked about their daughter. He swallowed hard. He was finally going to be able to meet her and the only thought that was running through his mind was, would he mess this up too? Would his daughter even like him? It scared the ever loving shit out of him.
XOXO
Chuck sat waiting in the living room for Blair to come down with their daughter. His uneasiness seemed to increase দ্বারা the minute. He glanced over to the other side of the room to see Serena, Nate, and Patrick sitting together and laughing like a real family should. He had missed out on all of these things with Blair and Meg. The anger came back and he tried to push it aside for now, he didn’t want to be angry for the first time that he met his daughter.
Serena looked at him with a pitying look. “I still can’t really process the fact that আপনি and Blair have a daughter together. It just seems unreal to me. Are আপনি excited at all?”
He nodded. “You know what? I really am. I never thought that I would want kids after all the shit that has happened to me with Bart and never really feeling loved but I want to do the exact opposite with Meg, I want to প্রদর্শনী her that I can be a good father and not behave like Bart did with me.”
“That’s really good, Chuck.” Nate chimed in. “I was absolutely terrified the first time that Serena told me she was pregnant and I thought that it would turn into this terrible mistake but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He placed his hand on Serena’s stomach and grinned. “I can’t wait to meet our new addition.” He kissed her soundly on the lips and she laughed.
Chuck smiled at their closeness. They had finally gotten it right after all that time but sadly he and Blair would just never be able to make it work. Now আরো than ever. He saw that Patrick was staring at him and he walked over and ruffled his hair. “Hey, little man. How’s it going?”
“Play.” Patrick ব্যক্ত in his garbled baby’s voice.
He laughed. “I will definitely play with আপনি later. I think আপনি might have a new playmate that আপনি could have some fun with.”
He was sitting on the floor with Patrick in his lap when he saw Blair descending the stairs with his daughter. His হৃদয় started beating faster than ever and he had trouble swallowing. Meg’s eyes traveled from one face to the পরবর্তি before burying her head in Blair’s side. He wanted to stand up and go over to them but he found that he had হারিয়ে গেছে the ability to move.
He heard Serena say in a stage whisper, “Oh my God. She looks exactly like Chuck.” Except with Serena it was never a whisper. But he had to agree with her, she looked exactly like him. Even down to the color of her hair and she definitely had his facial features. He loved her already.
Blair gave him a shaky smile and she grabbed Meg’s hand tighter in hers. “It’s alright, sweetheart. I just want to introduce আপনি to some people than আপনি will be getting to know.”
Meg nodded but didn’t leave Blair’s side. “You remember how we talked about your Aunt Serena?” She nodded again. “This is her and that’s her husband Nate, and their son Patrick. They’ve always been really good বন্ধু of mine and now that we’re going to be living in New York, আপনি will be getting to know them also.”
“Who’s that?” She whispered pointing at Chuck. At her words, his হৃদয় clenched even আরো and he wanted nothing আরো than to haul her against his chest but he knew that wouldn’t be allowed. He just hoped that Blair wouldn’t lie again and tell their daughter that he was no আরো than a friend.
Blair led them over to the floor and sat down right পরবর্তি to him. His daughter was sitting right পরবর্তি to him and he found himself muttering, “Hello.” It was such an idiotic thing to say to his daughter for the first time but he found that was all he could think of.
Meg looked at him through her wide, innocent eyes and a grin tipped the corners of her mouth. “Hi.”
He couldn’t help the smile that came over his face. That grin was exactly like his was.
Blair cleared her throat and Meg looked back at her mother. “This is a little difficult to explain Meg and I’m sorry for that, so if আপনি have any questions, do not hesitate to ask me.” She waved her hand at him. “This is Chuck Bass.”
He felt anger roll through him with a vicious tug at what she had said. She wasn’t planning on telling their daughter the truth. She had duped him again. When was he going to learn?
“You know that we have discussed your father many times and I might not have been entirely truthfully about him.”
“What?” Meg asked.
She locked eyes with Chuck and never removing them from his face, she blurted out, “Chuck is your father.”
He felt his mouth gape open at her statement but he couldn’t help himself. He had never expected her to actually tell Meg. He kept his gaze on her face and she nodded towards Meg who appeared to be in some sort of stupor. He found himself wanting to reach out for Blair and but he refrained himself just in time.
“He’s my father?” Meg whispered in her little girl’s voice. Her eyes moved from him then back to Blair again.
“Yes, Chuck is your father.” Blair repeated and she rubbed her head which was beginning to pound.
“Is that true?” Meg asked him.
“Yes, it is. I know that we know nothing about each other right now but in time we are going to be close like a father and daughter should be. I will make sure of it.” His gaze wandered back to Blair’s to see if she would object, but she ব্যক্ত nothing.
Meg looked very upset at hearing this news. She scrunched her face up and asked, “Why did I just find this out now? How come আপনি didn’t want me before?”
His হৃদয় broke. She thought that he didn’t want her and nothing could ever hurt আরো than that. Not even when Blair left that night four years ago. He absolutely no idea what to say to her. “I, I mean…”
Blair interrupted him. “Meg, look at me.” When she had complied, Blair put an arm around their daughter. “I know that আপনি really don’t understand what has happened and I don’t expect আপনি too since you’re three years old. But আপনি can never blame Chuck for not being there for আপনি since আপনি were born. The blame is all mine. I was the one who was wrong.”
He couldn’t believe his ears. He had never expected Blair to take the blame for everything that happened between them and to stick up for him in front of Meg. That took guts and he felt his anger evaporate a little bit. But only a little. And he had never expected her to take the brunt of what had gone wrong between them; after all it was both of their faults.
Nate and Serena sat silently as they watched the exchange happen between the three of them.
“How?” Meg asked.
Blair wet her lips. “I can’t go into all the details now sweetie but one দিন when you’re older, I will explain everything to you. I promise আপনি that.” Her hand found Chuck’s thigh and she squeezed it in a প্রদর্শনী of comfort, he looked at her hand that was gripping his thigh but did nothing to remove it. “I will just say that I was very young and stupid, and I did something that I’ve regretted for a long time now. If I could go back and do it all over, I would do everything differently.” Her eyes connected to his again, and they shared a long look of understanding. “But I want আপনি to know that nothing is your father’s fault, it was all mine. I want আপনি to get to know him and become close with Chuck. There is nothing like the relationship that a father can have with his daughter.”
Meg glanced at him again and decided that he wasn’t as scary as he looked because she snuggled closer to his side. He wrapped an arm lightly around her. “It’s going to be okay.” He heard himself say and he knew that was the truth.
Meg frowned a little bit and looked between her mother and father. “Why aren’t আপনি together? Didn’t আপনি প্রণয় him, mommy?”
Blair glanced at him but he was looking steadily at the ground to avoid looking in her face. He was wondering what she was going to say.
She cleared her throat. “Sometimes things just don’t work out between people Meg but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t প্রণয় each other. And to answer your question, I did প্রণয় Chuck. Very much.” She added as an afterthought.
Chuck pushed back a wave of Meg’s hair and when she asked the পরবর্তি question, his হৃদয় literally stopped. “Do আপনি still প্রণয় him?”
Immediately their gazes locked and heat flooded the room. আপনি would of had to been dead not to have felt it and he certainly was not dead প্রদত্ত the tightening in his groin.
Blair thought about lying but she had lied so much over the past years that she found she didn’t want to do it anymore. When she opened her mouth the truth came out. “I do still প্রণয় your father. And not like a friend, like a woman should প্রণয় a man.”
He swallowed at hearing her say that. He couldn’t take his gaze off of hers and he knew without a doubt that she was telling the truth. He could see it in her eyes. He couldn’t say anything though. He timidly reached out and placed one of his big hands gently on her shoulder; she looked surprised but gave him a watery smile.
“Are we going to be a family then? A real family?” The both looked at their daughter in surprise when she asked this.
“It’s just a little complicated.” Blair began. “It’s আরো of a conversation for adults but Chuck and I will always be there for আপনি no matter what. Okay?”
Meg looked liked she was about to argue but Blair stalled her with a hand in the air. “Come on. We’ll talk আরো about this later. Don’t আপনি want to get to know your father a little bit better?” A teasing grin came over her face. “You don’t want to hurt his feelings, do you?”
Meg shook her head rapidly and everyone laughed. Blair nodded towards him and he stood up and took his daughter’s hand in his and led her up the stairs. No one followed them. He was about to have some alone one on one time with her. Just her.
XOXO
For the rest of the day, he spent time getting to know his daughter. He asked her what her পছন্দ things were and he did some of them with her. After a while, Patrick came into the bedroom with them and they all played together for a while. He was surprised but Patrick really seemed to like Meg. That didn’t happen too often with him; usually he was jealous of anyone that was getting attention over him.
He had the best দিন of his life though. He would have never thought all those years পূর্বে that he would actually like to be a father but that was slowly becoming true. Meg seemed to take an instant liking to him also which made everything much easier.
He had just bathed her, put her to bed, and read her a bedtime story and he finally got her to go to sleep when he promised that he would see her again tomorrow. He would not miss another moment of her life. He closed the door softly when he saw her eyes close and she went into a dreamless sleep.
He was heading downstairs again when he ran into Blair outside of her bedroom.
“Can I talk to আপনি for a minute, Blair?”
“Sure.”
She led them back to the living room. “Is something wrong? Did আপনি put Meg to bed? Did everything go alright?”
He laughed. “You sound like our daughter now. She’s always asking questions.”
A delighted smile came over her face when she heard him refer to Meg as their daughter. “I told আপনি that. She is very inquisitive. Did everything go alright?”
He walked around the room and stopped when he was in front of her. “Yeah, it really did. Thank আপনি for not interrupting us today and letting us spend the whole দিন together. She really seems to like me.”
“I’m sure that she does, Chuck. She’s just a little girl, all আপনি have to do is ঝরনা her with প্রণয় and attention and she will প্রণয় আপনি back. Your relationship will grow over time and everything will come together.”
He nodded. “I actually wanted to talk to আপনি about before. আপনি didn’t have to take all the blame before with Meg for everything that has gone wrong in our relationship. Yes, আপনি kept her from me all of these years but আপনি weren’t the only one to do something wrong. It was both of our faults.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I know that we have both done some really horrible things to hurt each other when we were teenagers and it was all a game to us almost. I’m not like that anymore, Chuck. I’ve changed, everything is different now and I was wrong. I’ve always know that and I didn’t want Meg to think that আপনি didn’t প্রণয় her when আপনি didn’t even know that she existed before yesterday. That wouldn’t have been fair. That is something the old Blair Waldorf would do but not anymore.” She grabbed his hand and traced circles in the palm of his hand. His breath hitched but he did not pull away. “I’m sorry for everything and it really was my entire fault.”
He felt himself falling for her once again and he couldn’t let that happen. All he wanted to do was crush her to him and take away all of the pain that they had caused each other. “I’m not like I used to be either. I still have that signature Chuck খাদ in me still but some things are different.”
“I know, Serena told me that the first night that I was back.”
“And what about what আপনি ব্যক্ত before? About you…” He couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out.
“About loving you?” She asked.
“Yes.” He waited with bated breath for her answer.
She dropped his hand and sighed. “That was all true. I still do প্রণয় you. It’s never going to go away Chuck, I’ve tried but it just doesn’t work. I’m going to প্রণয় আপনি for the rest of my life.”
“Blair…” He paused; he didn’t even know what he was supposed to say.
She waved him off and stood in a hurry. “I know that আপনি don’t প্রণয় me. I’m not that naïve anymore but it doesn’t change my feelings. I really am sorry for everything.” Her eyes started to tear up and he felt like the biggest গাধা in the world. “I’ve got to go.” She ব্যক্ত in a hurry.
Blair turned back to him one last time and put her hands on his face. “I know that আপনি hate me and I can’t say that I blame you. I will always প্রণয় আপনি though, Chuck. I can’t help myself.” With that she made her way to the door but not before giving him a watery smile over her shoulder. And then she was gone.
He tore at his hair in aggravation. He hadn’t even told her that he didn’t hate her but he couldn’t. He was determined not to let Blair Waldorf get to him again but it had already happened. He was afraid that he had fallen in প্রণয় with her once again.
XOXO
Serena walked into the room and noticed that Chuck was sitting on the পালঙ্ক with his head buried in his arms. She gently touched his arm but he did not look up. “You have to tell her the truth, Chuck. Tell her what you’ve been hiding.”
To Be Continued…
A/N: Here it is. My last update before I’m off to LA. I still do have that drabble challenge to complete though. Make my দিন and leave me a review. There is nothing better. 7
