CHAPTER 5---------------------------------------
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Megan’s words kept echoing in Cuddy’s mind.
It was almost one in the morning and she was lying awake in her bed, thinking about everything Megan had said.
She didn’t blame anyone for all the bad things that had happened to her, and yet Cuddy couldn’t help but feel like she was to blame. She couldn’t help but think that maybe if she had kept her she would have had a better life. Sure, it would have been hard, but she had a family, people who would have helped her.
What was going to happen now?
Should she tell Megan who she was?
What about House, should she tell him?
Would Megan change her mind if she knew, would she hate her for the choice she had made?
Should she just act like normal, like everything was the same and never tell anyone?
Megan was twenty one after all, she had a life and seemed to be doing alright for herself.
Was it her place to insert herself into this girls life and ask for her to be let in?
There were so many প্রশ্ন in her head and she didn’t know how to answer any of them.
When she reached up to brush some hair out of her eyes she found a wet trail to her pillow. She didn’t know if she was actually crying অথবা if she was just that tiered. She rolled onto her side and decided to go with the crying since she felt like doing any way. She laid there and let the tears fall, not thinking about anything. She let them wash away all of the emotion that had welled up inside of her in the past few hours. Finally, with a wet pillow, red eyes, and clear head, she was able to fall asleep.
There was a loud and familiar rapping coming from Cuddy’s front door. She rolled over slowly and looked at her clock. It was barely six in the morning, what could he want that couldn’t wait a few আরো hours? She got out of বিছানা and put her পোশাক on, not even bothering to tie it. She walked to the front door and opened it without even looking. Before she could say a word, House had slid past her and was standing in the hall.
“Would আপনি like to come in? Sure, thank you!” she ব্যক্ত to herself, closing the door.
As soon as the door closed she turned around to find House holding a file an inch from her face. “What the hell is this?” asked House, shaking the file.
“Um, a patient’s file?” Cuddy guessed.
House pulled the file back and opened it, ripping out a page and shoving it at her. “What is this?” House asked again.
Cuddy took the paper and read the name, but before she read it completely, she stopped and looked at House, questioning him.
“You got up before six just to go in on a Sunday and get Megan’s lab results? I thought আপনি ব্যক্ত she wasn’t your friend?” asked Cuddy.
“Don’t try and change the subject, I want to know what আপনি did!” House spat in anger.
Cuddy started to wonder what could have made him so angry, and at her. So she looked back down at the paper in her hands, realizing almost instantly what it was. She skipped all of the tech’s notes and went straight down to the two large words printed in red, positive and positive.
“How’d আপনি get this?” Cuddy asked, barely able to speak.
“It was in the প্রতিবেদন when I picked it up. Those two samples are ours, how is this possible?” asked House, still angry.
“In college, right before আপনি left, the night of that party.” ব্যক্ত Cuddy.
House just looked at her for a moment and then let out one long laugh. “God! All this time!”
It wasn’t a funny laugh, it was আরো of a realization and painful laugh. One that he had only seldom used before, when he was trying to hide his emotions.
“House, I…” ব্যক্ত Cuddy, not able to find the words.
“You what, আপনি meant to tell me? অথবা maybe আপনি didn’t mean for me to ever find out. How could আপনি not tell me, after all this time?” House asked, gesturing widely with his arms.
“I don’t know, back then I just figured আপনি wouldn’t have cared. I couldn’t raise a child on my own then, it was the only option.” ব্যক্ত Cuddy, exuding the same tone as House.
“You thought I wouldn’t care? যীশু Christ Cuddy, I had feelings for আপনি back then, I still do! I would have…” ব্যক্ত House, suddenly stopping.
“What House, what would আপনি have done?” asked Cuddy.
“I don’t know, but I would have done something…anything, if I had known. I did অথবা would have cared, and I sure as hell care now! I’m not that much of a monster am I?” he asked, almost sounding hurt.
Cuddy couldn’t do anything but look at the ground, she didn’t want to see what she knew was in his eyes. She didn’t want to see the hurt, and pain she knew would be there. After a moment she heard him shift his stance and close the file.
“Wow, ok.” he said, walking past Cuddy and going to the door.
Just before he turned the knob, he felt a hand on his arm and stopped.
“House, wait, look at me.” she said, holding his arm firmly.
He didn’t turn and face her, he didn’t say anything, he just stood there.
“Greg, please.” she said, her voice breaking.
That got him, his actual name, not his reputation, and he turned around to look at her. Cuddy was surprised at what she saw on House’s face. It wasn’t the hurt and pain she had expected, it was worse. It was anger, confusion, and worst of all hatred, all for her.
All she could think to say was, “I’m sorry, god, I am so, so sorry.”, as the tears ran down her cheeks.
She wanted him to say something, anything, she wanted him to forgive her, but he didn’t. He just stood there, staring at her with his icy gaze.
Suddenly his beeper went off, playing his team’s song. He took it out of his কোট pocket and read the page.
“I’m sorry too.” he said, and turned around.
“House, what is it?” asked Cuddy.
He didn’t answer her, he just walked out the door and down the walk.
“House!” Cuddy called from the doorway.
He didn’t even look back at her, just put his শিরস্ত্রাণ on and sped away. Cuddy closed the door, her হৃদয় pounding in her chest from the fight, and from the page. She knew it had to be something bad for House to leave like that. Since he only had one patient at the moment, that meant it had to be Megan.
CHAPTER 6---------------------------------------
When Cuddy arrived at the hospital everything seemed so normal and slow. Just yesterday there had been beautiful decorations and people bustling around. It was still early and the clinic wasn’t open yet. So the main floor seemed almost deserted compared to mid day. It was a strange feeling, having everything around আপনি be so normal and easy when your life was falling to pieces.
All she could think about on the way here was how she needed to find House. She needed to talk to him, first to find out what had happened with Megan, and then to talk about their earlier spat.
Now, standing just inside the doors of the hospital all she wanted to do was make sure Megan was alright and then go home, curl up in a ball in her bed, and cry until she fell asleep.
She wanted to do that, but she couldn’t, she was Dr. Lisa Cuddy, M.D. and Dean of Medicine. She had to put on a ব্রেভ face and her lab কোট and go to work. She liked being Dr. Cuddy, but if there was ever a time she just wanted to be Lisa, it was now.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and headed for her office. She flipped the light on and set her bags on the desk, taking off her winter কোট and trading it for her lab coat. She was glad it was a Saturday because she hadn’t had time to put together one of her normal outfits. She was wearing a pair of the new jeans she had bought, sneakers, and new long sleeved shirt.
She left her office and started for House’s office, trying not to think about earlier. She couldn’t think about that right now, she had to focus on Megan being the patient, not her daughter.
“God, and House’s daughter…how could she have not told him…what was she thinking? She wasn’t thinking, that was how it had all began in the first place. Wait, stop it, you’re not supposed to be thinking about this! Bad Lisa, bad, bad, bad! Pull it together, you’re just going to check on another one of House’s patients. Come on, আপনি can do this.”
She stepped out of the elevator and just about ran into House’s three lackeys coming out of the other elevator.
“Dr. Cuddy, have আপনি seen House?” asked Thirteen.
“No, I assumed he was in his office. I was coming to see how Megan was.” ব্যক্ত Cuddy.
“Oh.” ব্যক্ত Thirteen, looking strangely.
“He wasn’t in his office fifteen মিনিট ago. Megan’s the reason we’ve been looking all over for him.” ব্যক্ত Kutner.
“Why, what happened?” asked Cuddy, feeling sick.
“He’s back.” ব্যক্ত Taulb, pointing to House, sitting in a chair in the differential room and playing with his cane.
As they walked in House looked up, seeing Cuddy he only barely even acknowledged she was there. They all stood around the টেবিল and waited for House to say something. He just kept looking at the floor and bouncing his cane.
Finally he stood up and stood beside Kutner, leaning from side to side a few times, looking at his front and back. After a moment he reached his hand out and felt around Kutner’s back.
“House, what are আপনি doing?” Kutner finally asked.
“I’m trying to find the slot for the quarter অথবা the wind up. What the hell were আপনি waiting for?” he asked, moving away from the group and over to the small counter.
“You usually ask us something before we’re allowed to speak.” ব্যক্ত Thirteen.
“Here’s a dollar, go buy a tiny violin.” ব্যক্ত House, feigning sorrow and pouring coffee.
“During the surgery the patient started to bleed out when the weakened capillaries of the sinuses were broken. She hemorrhaged almost six pints before we were able to get the bleeding under control with coagulants and supplemental blood. However, during this time she went into a-fib and we started chest compressions. The a-fib progressed to asystole and we had to defibrillate. She was flat lined for sixty nine seconds. Right now she’s on a ventilator and we’re keeping her under until her stats improve. She’s in critical condition and in the ICU.” ব্যক্ত Taulb, matter-of-factly.
“Was that so…shit!” ব্যক্ত House as both Taulb and Kutner caught Cuddy and laid her gently on the floor.
As House quickly moved over to Cuddy and knelt down both Taulb and Kutner got up, giving House room. House bent over Cuddy, looking her over and checking her vitals.
“Go get a gurney and a nurse.” ব্যক্ত House, not looking up.
Both Taulb and Kutner quickly exited the room and Thirteen kneeled down on the other side of House.
“Is she alright?” asked Thirteen.
“Oh, yeah, sure! This is one of those, ‘just for fun’, passed outs.” ব্যক্ত House sarcastically.
“I meant…”
“I know what আপনি meant. Now how about being useful and keeping your mouth shut!” ব্যক্ত House angrily.
Thirteen shut her mouth as House grabbed the stethescope from around her neck and Taulb and Kutner came rolling a gurney in with two nurses behind them.
Thirteen and House stood up and backed away as Taulb and Kutner gently lifted Cuddy on to the gurney. Once Cuddy was on the gurney House moved অগ্রবর্তী again and pushed the nurse who was taking her blood pressure out of the way, taking over.
“ICU, go. আপনি all figure out something productive to do and do it.” ব্যক্ত House, moving out of the room with Cuddy and the nurses.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Megan’s words kept echoing in Cuddy’s mind.
It was almost one in the morning and she was lying awake in her bed, thinking about everything Megan had said.
She didn’t blame anyone for all the bad things that had happened to her, and yet Cuddy couldn’t help but feel like she was to blame. She couldn’t help but think that maybe if she had kept her she would have had a better life. Sure, it would have been hard, but she had a family, people who would have helped her.
What was going to happen now?
Should she tell Megan who she was?
What about House, should she tell him?
Would Megan change her mind if she knew, would she hate her for the choice she had made?
Should she just act like normal, like everything was the same and never tell anyone?
Megan was twenty one after all, she had a life and seemed to be doing alright for herself.
Was it her place to insert herself into this girls life and ask for her to be let in?
There were so many প্রশ্ন in her head and she didn’t know how to answer any of them.
When she reached up to brush some hair out of her eyes she found a wet trail to her pillow. She didn’t know if she was actually crying অথবা if she was just that tiered. She rolled onto her side and decided to go with the crying since she felt like doing any way. She laid there and let the tears fall, not thinking about anything. She let them wash away all of the emotion that had welled up inside of her in the past few hours. Finally, with a wet pillow, red eyes, and clear head, she was able to fall asleep.
There was a loud and familiar rapping coming from Cuddy’s front door. She rolled over slowly and looked at her clock. It was barely six in the morning, what could he want that couldn’t wait a few আরো hours? She got out of বিছানা and put her পোশাক on, not even bothering to tie it. She walked to the front door and opened it without even looking. Before she could say a word, House had slid past her and was standing in the hall.
“Would আপনি like to come in? Sure, thank you!” she ব্যক্ত to herself, closing the door.
As soon as the door closed she turned around to find House holding a file an inch from her face. “What the hell is this?” asked House, shaking the file.
“Um, a patient’s file?” Cuddy guessed.
House pulled the file back and opened it, ripping out a page and shoving it at her. “What is this?” House asked again.
Cuddy took the paper and read the name, but before she read it completely, she stopped and looked at House, questioning him.
“You got up before six just to go in on a Sunday and get Megan’s lab results? I thought আপনি ব্যক্ত she wasn’t your friend?” asked Cuddy.
“Don’t try and change the subject, I want to know what আপনি did!” House spat in anger.
Cuddy started to wonder what could have made him so angry, and at her. So she looked back down at the paper in her hands, realizing almost instantly what it was. She skipped all of the tech’s notes and went straight down to the two large words printed in red, positive and positive.
“How’d আপনি get this?” Cuddy asked, barely able to speak.
“It was in the প্রতিবেদন when I picked it up. Those two samples are ours, how is this possible?” asked House, still angry.
“In college, right before আপনি left, the night of that party.” ব্যক্ত Cuddy.
House just looked at her for a moment and then let out one long laugh. “God! All this time!”
It wasn’t a funny laugh, it was আরো of a realization and painful laugh. One that he had only seldom used before, when he was trying to hide his emotions.
“House, I…” ব্যক্ত Cuddy, not able to find the words.
“You what, আপনি meant to tell me? অথবা maybe আপনি didn’t mean for me to ever find out. How could আপনি not tell me, after all this time?” House asked, gesturing widely with his arms.
“I don’t know, back then I just figured আপনি wouldn’t have cared. I couldn’t raise a child on my own then, it was the only option.” ব্যক্ত Cuddy, exuding the same tone as House.
“You thought I wouldn’t care? যীশু Christ Cuddy, I had feelings for আপনি back then, I still do! I would have…” ব্যক্ত House, suddenly stopping.
“What House, what would আপনি have done?” asked Cuddy.
“I don’t know, but I would have done something…anything, if I had known. I did অথবা would have cared, and I sure as hell care now! I’m not that much of a monster am I?” he asked, almost sounding hurt.
Cuddy couldn’t do anything but look at the ground, she didn’t want to see what she knew was in his eyes. She didn’t want to see the hurt, and pain she knew would be there. After a moment she heard him shift his stance and close the file.
“Wow, ok.” he said, walking past Cuddy and going to the door.
Just before he turned the knob, he felt a hand on his arm and stopped.
“House, wait, look at me.” she said, holding his arm firmly.
He didn’t turn and face her, he didn’t say anything, he just stood there.
“Greg, please.” she said, her voice breaking.
That got him, his actual name, not his reputation, and he turned around to look at her. Cuddy was surprised at what she saw on House’s face. It wasn’t the hurt and pain she had expected, it was worse. It was anger, confusion, and worst of all hatred, all for her.
All she could think to say was, “I’m sorry, god, I am so, so sorry.”, as the tears ran down her cheeks.
She wanted him to say something, anything, she wanted him to forgive her, but he didn’t. He just stood there, staring at her with his icy gaze.
Suddenly his beeper went off, playing his team’s song. He took it out of his কোট pocket and read the page.
“I’m sorry too.” he said, and turned around.
“House, what is it?” asked Cuddy.
He didn’t answer her, he just walked out the door and down the walk.
“House!” Cuddy called from the doorway.
He didn’t even look back at her, just put his শিরস্ত্রাণ on and sped away. Cuddy closed the door, her হৃদয় pounding in her chest from the fight, and from the page. She knew it had to be something bad for House to leave like that. Since he only had one patient at the moment, that meant it had to be Megan.
CHAPTER 6---------------------------------------
When Cuddy arrived at the hospital everything seemed so normal and slow. Just yesterday there had been beautiful decorations and people bustling around. It was still early and the clinic wasn’t open yet. So the main floor seemed almost deserted compared to mid day. It was a strange feeling, having everything around আপনি be so normal and easy when your life was falling to pieces.
All she could think about on the way here was how she needed to find House. She needed to talk to him, first to find out what had happened with Megan, and then to talk about their earlier spat.
Now, standing just inside the doors of the hospital all she wanted to do was make sure Megan was alright and then go home, curl up in a ball in her bed, and cry until she fell asleep.
She wanted to do that, but she couldn’t, she was Dr. Lisa Cuddy, M.D. and Dean of Medicine. She had to put on a ব্রেভ face and her lab কোট and go to work. She liked being Dr. Cuddy, but if there was ever a time she just wanted to be Lisa, it was now.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and headed for her office. She flipped the light on and set her bags on the desk, taking off her winter কোট and trading it for her lab coat. She was glad it was a Saturday because she hadn’t had time to put together one of her normal outfits. She was wearing a pair of the new jeans she had bought, sneakers, and new long sleeved shirt.
She left her office and started for House’s office, trying not to think about earlier. She couldn’t think about that right now, she had to focus on Megan being the patient, not her daughter.
“God, and House’s daughter…how could she have not told him…what was she thinking? She wasn’t thinking, that was how it had all began in the first place. Wait, stop it, you’re not supposed to be thinking about this! Bad Lisa, bad, bad, bad! Pull it together, you’re just going to check on another one of House’s patients. Come on, আপনি can do this.”
She stepped out of the elevator and just about ran into House’s three lackeys coming out of the other elevator.
“Dr. Cuddy, have আপনি seen House?” asked Thirteen.
“No, I assumed he was in his office. I was coming to see how Megan was.” ব্যক্ত Cuddy.
“Oh.” ব্যক্ত Thirteen, looking strangely.
“He wasn’t in his office fifteen মিনিট ago. Megan’s the reason we’ve been looking all over for him.” ব্যক্ত Kutner.
“Why, what happened?” asked Cuddy, feeling sick.
“He’s back.” ব্যক্ত Taulb, pointing to House, sitting in a chair in the differential room and playing with his cane.
As they walked in House looked up, seeing Cuddy he only barely even acknowledged she was there. They all stood around the টেবিল and waited for House to say something. He just kept looking at the floor and bouncing his cane.
Finally he stood up and stood beside Kutner, leaning from side to side a few times, looking at his front and back. After a moment he reached his hand out and felt around Kutner’s back.
“House, what are আপনি doing?” Kutner finally asked.
“I’m trying to find the slot for the quarter অথবা the wind up. What the hell were আপনি waiting for?” he asked, moving away from the group and over to the small counter.
“You usually ask us something before we’re allowed to speak.” ব্যক্ত Thirteen.
“Here’s a dollar, go buy a tiny violin.” ব্যক্ত House, feigning sorrow and pouring coffee.
“During the surgery the patient started to bleed out when the weakened capillaries of the sinuses were broken. She hemorrhaged almost six pints before we were able to get the bleeding under control with coagulants and supplemental blood. However, during this time she went into a-fib and we started chest compressions. The a-fib progressed to asystole and we had to defibrillate. She was flat lined for sixty nine seconds. Right now she’s on a ventilator and we’re keeping her under until her stats improve. She’s in critical condition and in the ICU.” ব্যক্ত Taulb, matter-of-factly.
“Was that so…shit!” ব্যক্ত House as both Taulb and Kutner caught Cuddy and laid her gently on the floor.
As House quickly moved over to Cuddy and knelt down both Taulb and Kutner got up, giving House room. House bent over Cuddy, looking her over and checking her vitals.
“Go get a gurney and a nurse.” ব্যক্ত House, not looking up.
Both Taulb and Kutner quickly exited the room and Thirteen kneeled down on the other side of House.
“Is she alright?” asked Thirteen.
“Oh, yeah, sure! This is one of those, ‘just for fun’, passed outs.” ব্যক্ত House sarcastically.
“I meant…”
“I know what আপনি meant. Now how about being useful and keeping your mouth shut!” ব্যক্ত House angrily.
Thirteen shut her mouth as House grabbed the stethescope from around her neck and Taulb and Kutner came rolling a gurney in with two nurses behind them.
Thirteen and House stood up and backed away as Taulb and Kutner gently lifted Cuddy on to the gurney. Once Cuddy was on the gurney House moved অগ্রবর্তী again and pushed the nurse who was taking her blood pressure out of the way, taking over.
“ICU, go. আপনি all figure out something productive to do and do it.” ব্যক্ত House, moving out of the room with Cuddy and the nurses.
