It had been almost 4 months since the night she had walked into my bathroom. On the floor with vicodin in hand I felt like I had হারিয়ে গেছে everything and doing the right thing was not getting me anywhere.
The night had started out at that tragic sight. A কপিকল had collapsed on a building in Trenton. There were still so many people unaccounted for. As we arrived I could hardly believe my eyes. They had reached the কপিকল operator and pulled him from the wreakage and he was on his way to Princeton where my team awaited him.
Cuddy had been অভিনয় strange and I was trying to find out what was going on. I made a call to Wilson to see if there was trouble in paradise.
Then there came a clanging from somewhere. As I was trying to figure out where it was coming from I yelled to the crew that someone was down there. As they came over to খুঁজুন they didn’t hear anything. I knew I had heard something. I saw a sprinkler pipe and took my cane and beat up against the pipe and it was the same noise.
Is anyone down there? I know I heard something. This is such a small space. Maybe I should go back. What am I doing? What the h…? How am I going to get through here? Why am I doing this? I should just turn around and go back. There she was and as she grabbed my cane it startled me. I heard her say help me. Her leg is trapped and I can’t lift the beam and I can’t pull her out. I have got to get help. I know আপনি are scared but I have to get help.
I finally get back out of the hole and reach some people to get down there to help. ForH annah a connection was made with me. I begin looking for Cuddy again because I have to find out what is going on.
As I approach her I want her to tell me she broke up with Lucas. I want her to give me a chance. But the words that rolled from her lips were anything but wha tI had imagined.
“I am getting married House.” The words were loosely penetrating my cerebral cortex. No! আপনি can't marry him Cuddy. আপনি প্রণয় me I ব্যক্ত to myself. I know আপনি do.
Hannah’s situation is slowly escalated all night and they don’t know how long they can keep this building sured up and amputation was being considered. I would have argued to the death against the amputation.
They made one আরো desperate try to lift the beam but it caused another collapse and the debris flew and came close to an artery on my shoulder. Hannah I’ve got to go. I’ll be back.
As the worker approached he ব্যক্ত we needed to get Hannah out and that required amputation. Cuddy continued arguing with me and i was arguing back.
”I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me House.
~House: Really? (standing up and towering over her) Wow. So this is all about আপনি now.
~Cuddy: আপনি took her side against me right after আপনি heard about my engagement.
~House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
~Cuddy: I don't প্রণয় you. So just... accept it and সরানো on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
~House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-age single mom who's dating a man-child.
~Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around আপনি and make their own lives worse while they try to keep আপনি from collapsing. I'm done. (She walks away from him)
~House: (calling after her) Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
~Cuddy: (turning around and coming back toward him) What are আপনি clinging to, House? You're going to risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do আপনি have in your life honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you... You've got nothing, House, nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm going to convince her to let me cut her leg off. If আপনি have any decency left, you'll stay out of it.
"She doesn't প্রণয় me." It felt like a ছুরি had been run through me. "She’s right. It didn’t work out well for me." I have nothing. All those years I had wanted to be with her and I had really finally হারিয়ে গেছে her. I had punished her and taken advantage of her and she had finally had enough. I can’t let her do that amputation. It would haunt her forever. The only thing I have is medicine.
As I went down in the hole I talked to Hannah. I told her that I made the wrong choice that the doctors had to do a risky surgery because I wanted my leg. I am in pain every day. It made me a harder person and a worse person. I am alone. আপনি don’t want to be like me.
Cuddy I saw the release in your eyes and the tear slid down your cheek. I had hurt আপনি so much over the years. I had ব্যক্ত so many cruel things. Why couldn’t I just tell আপনি that I was sorry and that I wanted to be with you? Why couldn't I just say those words? No it was too late.
I will take care of Hannah. I have got this. For all the pain আপনি have suffered at my hands maybe I can take a little of it of from your shoulders this time.
I grasped Hannah’s hand as she asked me hw bad it would hurt and I told her it would hurt like nothing she had ever felt before. I can still hear her screaming. That saw cutting through the অস্থি in her leg. I think I will always hear her screaming.
"In those ashes I made my choice to let আপনি know that I was wrong and that all those years I was a jerk. I set আপনি free from the guilt and the responsibility of fixing me and keeping me from hurting myself. When I shut those doors on the অ্যাম্বুলেন্স and I looked into your eyes I knew আপনি were gone and any chance I might have had to be with আপনি was gone."
In the অ্যাম্বুলেন্স ride to the hospital it really began to set in. She is engaged to Lucas. I had really হারিয়ে গেছে you. আপনি are getting married.
“I don’t প্রণয় you.” The words kept repeating in my head cutting deeper each time.
"I’m moving on."
"Screw you."
"I am sick of making excuses for you."
She didn’t believe in me anymore and she wasn’t going to put her হৃদয় out there to be walked on দ্বারা me anymore.
Then the EMT shouted the words, “her blood pressure is dropping."
Hannah began struggling to get her breath. She couldn’t breathe. I thought it was a clot but as I tried to bust it I found it wasn’t a clot. I fell back. Oh no!! I looked at her almost pleading but there was nobody there for me to plead to. It was a fat embolism and there was nothing I could do. "Oh Hannah", as আপনি looked at me I could hardly hold back my anger and frustration.
"Oh Hannah I am so sorry."
I had broken my own rules about making connections with patients and I had gave আপনি false hope. I had told আপনি that the amputation was the only way to save your life and now আপনি were looking up at me as if to tell me আপনি knew I had done everything I could. All I could do was watch আপনি take your last breath. Everything I touch I destroy.
"I sat there for a while inside the অ্যাম্বুলেন্স as Foreman tried to help but there was just no way to help me. The entire night sinking in to my brain. I had হারিয়ে গেছে everything that I had been working so hard to gain. I had tried to prove myself worthy only to find out I wasn't worthy of anything. I had done everything right and I still had nothing."
Foreman is following me through the hospital into the lobby still trying to help me but I was far beyond any help.
I had followed Dr. Nolan’s উপদেশ to the letter and I still had nothing. Well not quite nothing, I had one আরো thing. I had always been able to depend on the………….
I got on my bike and I left the hospital. She is marrying Lucas. Wilson is moving in with Sam and I my patient is dead. আরো loss in one night then I could take. I can't take this anymore.
As I arrived at the apartment I had fixed a hole in the দেওয়াল behind the mirror in the bathroom years পূর্বে in case something happened and I couldn’t get any pills. I stood there looking in the mirror for any reason not to take this pain away and on the verge of completely breaking down. The struggle of being clean for a বছর ripping at my হৃদয় and the desire to have something to take away the pain and the loss I had suffered tonight taunting me, tearing at my soul. I jerked the mirror off the দেওয়াল and threw it into the bathtub shattering it into pieces. There, in the hole was the crutch I had depended on for almost several years of my life. I had left one crutch (in the form of my cane and all my excuses) in the hole underground that night now just to be reaching out for the another. I had freed the people I had imprisoned for so many years. I grabbed the bottles and fell to the floor. My hands were shaking and water filling my eyes as I opened the bottle and poured two vicodin in my hand. Go ahead, take them, আপনি tried, আপনি still have nothing, take them! It will make the pain go away.
My hand started upward and then I saw her shadow and I looked at her wondering if she really was there. Are আপনি going to leap across the room and jerk them out of my hand? As আপনি began talking I still wasn’t sure আপনি were there. I was listening but still not sure that this was real. Did I really hear আপনি say আপনি had broke it off with Lucas? What?! Did আপনি really say that? Are আপনি really here? Did আপনি really say that আপনি loved me? As I held his hand up youhelped me up. Am I hallucinating this. Are আপনি really here?
I leaned down and softly brushed your lips across yours. আপনি feel real but I pulled back to make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating.
How do I know I am not hallucinating?
“Did আপনি take the vicodin” আপনি asked me?
“As I looked in my hand the vicodin were still there.” I threw them down as I moved in closer to আপনি and leaned down and I abandoned all thinking and all logic and I deepened my চুম্বন this time.
“I need to change the bandage” I thought I heard আপনি say.
“It’ll wait.” I need to be close to আপনি I thought to myself. I was too tired to hide my feelings anymore. I was afraid to let আপনি in but I was আরো afraid of letting আপনি walk away out of my arms অথবা out of my life. As আপনি touched my chest I leaned into you. Your hand sent waves of electricity through every part of me. Being in the room with আপনি always made me feel a little funny. Earlier that night I thought I had হারিয়ে গেছে you. Now আপনি were standing just inches away from me. Softly my lips met yours again and I brushed my lips back and forth across yours as the honesty of the moment was overwhelming for us both. I could barely breathe অথবা get my bearings. The feel of আপনি unlike anything I had ever felt. The moment was raw and like two battle worn soldiers as our hands and fingers interlocked the চুম্বন deepened. There were no words and not really any actions that could describe the emotions that were pouring out of my soul.
আপনি pulled away and led me to the bedroom. আপনি helped me take my জ্যাকেট off and আপনি checked the wound. As আপনি undressed me আপনি washed me with a cloth and when আপনি came to the scar আপনি embraced all that we had been through as the healing began for us both. For a moment it was আরো than I could take in but as আপনি looked into my eyes all my fears melted with your words and as I pulled আপনি back up I had never known a প্রণয় as faithful as what আপনি had প্রদত্ত me for so long. As I lowered my head and my lips met with yours again I drank আপনি in like water for someone dying of thirst.
আপনি were a dream, a fantasy, and before this moment I thought আপনি were out of my reach.
When I picked আপনি up as much as it hurt I wanted আপনি to know I would never let আপনি fall again. I will go through the pain and the fear that rest deep inside my soul to be with you. Inside আপনি that night I couldn't get close enough.
And now here we are 4 months later and আপনি have just forgiven me again. Maybe আপনি just needed to hear an apology because of all the times I didn’t say it. I lied to আপনি about a case and although I didn’t think I was wrong I knew আপনি were upset and for the first time in my life I needed আপনি আরো than I needed to be right. আরো than needing to make my point I needed you.
আপনি are opening your beautiful stormy gray eyes and as I brush your hair behind your ear I look at your beautiful face and I still find it hard to believe that you’re here. I promise আপনি I am learning from my mistakes.
Cuddy I প্রণয় আপনি for what I am when I am with আপনি and for the man আপনি make me want to be. আপনি loved me long enough and strong enough until I could no longer be without you. One দিন I will tell আপনি this but for now these words are the ones that come from my lips:
"Are আপনি planning on sleeping all day." No one needs this much beauty sleep. I couldn't be with আপনি if আপনি were that ugly.
Shut-up House.
As I lean down to চুম্বন আপনি your beauty washes over me and after 20 years আপনি still take my breath away.
