Chapter 17,
****Author's note****
I know that I usually start off every chapter as the পরবর্তি বছর but; since I ended the পূর্ববর্তি chapter in summer 2009, I thought I could just partition the rest of 2009 and all of 2010 in one chapter!
Enjoy, Alanna
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 20, 2009,
I was sitting alone in my room at my grandmother's house when, I got a text message from Frank. He ব্যক্ত the words I had been waiting so long to hear "get ready because I'm picking আপনি up and were going to the recording studio to lay down some tracks." I couldn't help but smile. This all seems unreal! I can't believe I'm actually going to start a গান গাওয়া career just like my father!
I ran downstairs and stopped at the টেবিল so I could tie my shoes. My grandmother ব্যক্ত "well; it's nice to see that you've finally left your room!" I ব্যক্ত "uncle Frank is coming to pick me up and were going to the recording studio!" She ব্যক্ত "oh okay; how is Carter?" I ব্যক্ত "I just put him down for a nap so; he shouldn't be up for a while! I know you're probably going to want to shut the অনুরাগী off in my room but, keep it on because he's wrapped up in three blankets!" She asked with a confused look on her face "why three blankets? It's almost 95° outside." I ব্যক্ত "he wouldn't let the blankets go and I didn't want to hear him cry."
Frank's car pulled up to the front gate at Havenhurst and I ran outside. I opened the passenger side door and ব্যক্ত "this is going to be so awesome!" He ব্যক্ত "I think we should focus on bringing your father's সঙ্গীত back to life for the younger generation that may not know how amazing he was." I ব্যক্ত "I agree with you; it saddens me when kids today are listening to foul music! I don't really have a lot of room to talk when it comes to that because I'm just as guilty of listening to it as they are! I really want to focus on the age group of eight and up to প্রদর্শনী them what good সঙ্গীত is really like!" He ব্যক্ত "that's how your dad would want আপনি to be with your career too."
We walked inside the recording studio and Frank put an instrumental CD of some of dad's songs. He passed me a set of headphones and motioned for me to go in the sound booth. I walked inside and could hear my voice echo as I jumped with excitement. Frank ব্যক্ত "why don't we start with something with a strong hook.
I stood there as I sang "Annie are আপনি okay? Are আপনি okay Annie? You've been hit by, you've been struck by… A smooth criminal!" As I sang my হৃদয় out, reality hit me! I thought to myself, wow this is really happening! I really am going to become a famous singer! I wonder if dad watching me right now wherever he is?"
I was snapped out of the trance I was in দ্বারা Frank saying "that was absolutely amazing AJ; your dad wasn't kidding when he ব্যক্ত আপনি could sing!" We need to put out an album as soon as possible because this thing is going to be a hit! We could even get some major stars of today to do collaborations with আপনি on some of your father's biggest hits! I still can't get over how awesome that was! This is going to be huge! I can feel it in my gut! Starting today you'll be in the studio six hours a day, after your schoolwork is done!" I smiled ear to ear and ব্যক্ত "I forgot to tell আপনি that I have over 1 million Twitter followers already and I've only tweeted one thing! I think they know that I'm starting my own musical career!"
August 29, 2009,
I was in the studio working on my debut album when my cell phone rang:
Me: hello grandma! What do আপনি need? Is Carter okay?
Grandma: did আপনি forget what today is? আপনি better be on your way home!
Me: listen; I know it's dad's birthday but I'd rather stay here to keep my mind off of things!
Grandma: I understand that আপনি don't want to come প্রথমপাতা but; I think it's the right thing to do AJ! Everyone would appreciate it if আপনি came home!
Me: I don't want to because I'm not ready to deal with the fact that he's gone yet!
Grandma: it's not going to be a sad thing! I promise আপনি that AJ! We're just going to have some cake and celebrate your dad's life! Here, Paris wants to talk to you.
Paris: AJ; will আপনি please come home? Just for a few hours? We all miss আপনি because we hardly see much of আপনি since you've been in the studio recording your album!
Me: it's not that I don't want to celebrate with আপনি guys; I just can't bring myself to realize that he's actually gone! Do আপনি realize how different this birthday is compared to all the other ones we celebrated with dad over the years? He may be there in spirit but; he won't be there in person! I'm sorry but I just can't come home! Making this সঙ্গীত helps me connect with dad! It makes me cope with him being gone! Goodbye; I প্রণয় you!
September 3, 2009,
I was getting ready to leave because Frank and I are headed to the local radio station to promote my cover/single to 'pretty young thing.' The song debuted at number one on the fresh artists chart and it's been exploding ever since last week!
I ran out to the car after স্নেহ চুম্বন Carter's head and sat in the drivers seat. As we made our way onto the Main Rd., Frank turned on the radio and we heard "she's his PYT, pretty young thing!" I looked at Frank and ব্যক্ত "it's so weird hearing my voice on the radio! I'm so glad আপনি let me change the lyrics a little bit so it was altered for a girl to sing!" He ব্যক্ত "yeah me too! It would be awkward for আপনি saying 'she's my pretty young thing.’ “The voice on the radio ব্যক্ত "that was Alanna Jackson with her new single PYT! Check back in 25 মিনিট for my exclusive interview with the King of Pop's daughter! This is your man Mac Maze and we'll be back after this word from our sponsors! Don't touch that dial!"
As Frank and I walked into the radio station, he ব্যক্ত "since this will be your first ever interview let me give আপনি some tips. First, answer them as honestly as possible and don't be afraid to throw some humor in there! Second, just be as natural as possible, and lastly if there's any প্রশ্ন that আপনি don't feel comfortable answering অথবা don't know if আপনি should answer I'll handle it!" I ব্যক্ত "okay; I don't think it's going to be as bad as আপনি think it is!"
We entered a big room and a heavyset African-American man with a goatee stood up from his chair to greet us. He ব্যক্ত "nice to finally meet আপনি AJ!" He stared at my fauxhawk hairstyle, bright red hightop sneakers, T-shirt with a chimpanzee wearing headphones on it, and sunglasses I had sticking out of my pocket. He ব্যক্ত "I hear that you're not the most feminine girl out there!" I laughed and ব্যক্ত "glitter, ponies, and nail polish are definitely not my thing!" He laughed and ব্যক্ত "yeah; I can see that! Alright, the commercial break is almost over and you'll be ready to go on air!"
As I was about to sit down in the chair opposite of him, Frank whispered in my ear "pull your pants up! Your boxers are hanging out!" I hiked my baggy jeans up and sat down. Mac ব্যক্ত "welcome back to the most listened to radio station in all of Los Angeles! This is a Mac and as promised I'm now sitting here with Alanna Jackson! What's it feel like to have your first single 'PYT, pretty young thing be the number one requested song this week?” I spoke into the microphone that was attached to the টেবিল and ব্যক্ত "oh; it's awesome man! I didn't expect it to do so well right off the bat!" He ব্যক্ত "I just have to point out that your dad's talent has definitely rubbed off on you!" I ব্যক্ত "thanks but; my dad will forever be the best and that's exactly how I want it to stay!" He asked "do আপনি hope to one দিন match the successes your father has achieved?" I ব্যক্ত "I mean if it happens; it happens! I never want to outshine my dad though! My dad is the King and that is his crown, not mine!" Mac ব্যক্ত "we have some অনুরাগী on the line that have প্রশ্ন for you! আপনি down with that?" I ব্যক্ত "fan questions? I didn't realize that I had legit অনুরাগী yet; yeah go ahead! I can't wait to hear them!"
Mac opened up the phone lines and ব্যক্ত "here's our first caller, go ahead." The voice ব্যক্ত "hi; my name is Becky and I was wondering if আপনি are working on an official album?" I ব্যক্ত "yeah I am!" She asked "do আপনি know when it will be released?" I ব্যক্ত while thinking "January of পরবর্তি বছর for sure! We just haven't settled on a specific তারিখ yet." Mac put the পরবর্তি caller through and she asked "will আপনি be going on tour soon either as an opening act for other artists অথবা will আপনি be going on your own headlining tour?" I ব্যক্ত "well; after a few আরো singles drop I'll be having promotional shows all over California and if all goes well a tour of my own will definitely be in the near future!" Mac let someone else through and it sounded like a 13-year-old girl who asked "besides your father, who are some of your musical inspirations?" I ব্যক্ত "I really like Chris Brown, Drake, Ke$ha, আপনি know people like that." Mac ব্যক্ত "we have time for one more; go ahead caller." This time it was a teenage boy who asked "are আপনি single?" I looked up at Frank while wondering if I should lie অথবা not and he whispered "you can tell the truth AJ." I ব্যক্ত "yeah I am." The boy responded "what do আপনি look for in a guy?" I ব্যক্ত "let's see; I really like a guy who accepts the fact that I'm a tomboy and that he will never see me wearing a dress অথবা makeup! I also like a guy who puts me first before his বন্ধু and partying!" Mac ব্যক্ত "alright; that's all we have time for today. I'd like to thank আপনি AJ for stopping দ্বারা today and making us the place where আপনি conducted your first interview!" I ব্যক্ত "thank আপনি guys!" He asked "is there anything that you’d like to say before we call it a দিন here?" I ব্যক্ত "PYT, pretty young thing is now available on iTunes. Don't forget to buy that and request! The official Alanna Jackson website and online store will be up পরবর্তি week! আপনি can follow me on twitter @officialAlannaJackson! Thank আপনি for all your support!"
After we had signed off the air, Frank ব্যক্ত as he patted me on the back "you did a great job kid!" Mac ব্যক্ত "I had a great time with আপনি here today! আপনি better come back and visit! I can already tell আপনি going to be the পরবর্তি musical sensation!" I ব্যক্ত "of course I will be back!"
My phone started ringing frantically and I put it on speaker so Frank could hear. Blanket shouted "OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME AJ!" Prince ব্যক্ত "I can't believe আপনি were on the radio!" Grandma ব্যক্ত "you did so well!" I ব্যক্ত "okay; I'm headed প্রথমপাতা আপনি guys so I'll see আপনি when I get there!" An ambush of "goodbyes" screamed back at us and I hung up the phone. I still can't believe that this is all really happening to me! I wonder how long it'll be before this whole being famous thing hits me.
October 4, 2009,
I officially finished my album which I named "Legacy" and it will be released on January 23, 2010. I released three আরো singles of my versions of dad's songs, wanna be starting something, working দিন and night, they don't care about us, and another part of me. They've been playing the songs on the radio like crazy!
Frank and I wish sitting in the gym at Havenhurst when he ব্যক্ত "okay; আপনি can tweet something about the tickets for the five Californian promotional concerts!" I went on to my twitter account and typed @officialAlannaJackson: tickets go on sale for my five California concerts go on sale in 15 minutes!
A tall man of Mexican descent walked into the room and ব্যক্ত "hi; my name is Tony and I'll be your choreographer for your concerts!" I bent down to tie my shoe and Frank ব্যক্ত "I know আপনি can sing but; can আপনি dance?" I smiled as I adjusted the hat on my head and Tony started walking me through dance moves. Frank stood there with a stunned look on his face and ব্যক্ত "you are so much like your father it amazes me!"
October 9, 2009,
Today is my first সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান on my five প্রদর্শনী promotional tour and I'm so excited! I was downstairs at the house when my siblings came running into the room. Prince ব্যক্ত "we can't wait to see আপনি perform today AJ!" Blanket asked "how many আরো hours?" I ব্যক্ত "an ঘন্টা and a half! Frank is on his way here to pick me up and take me to Universal Studios where the সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান will be."
After I got in the car, Frank ব্যক্ত "today's the দিন kid! Are আপনি ready for this?" I ব্যক্ত "more than ready!" He ব্যক্ত "don't be nervous! You'll do just fine!" I ব্যক্ত "don't worry; I'm not nervous! I'm excited!" He ব্যক্ত "we're almost there! I wonder how big the turnout will be."
We pulled onto the রাস্তা that leads to Universal Studios and I ব্যক্ত "I wonder what's going on because there's a whole bunch of people lined down the street!" He ব্যক্ত "I don't know; maybe there's a রাস্তা performer outside!" We pulled up to one of the private buildings on the Universal Studios lot and Frank ব্যক্ত "go on in there and I'll be in after I see what all these people are doing crowding the streets!"
I walked into what appeared to be a large dressing room with a flatscreen TV and black leather couch. My stylist Karen Faye (Michael's personal stylist when he was alive) started to touch up some skin tone make up on my face. I had to turn the volume up on the TV several times because of the commotion going on outside.
Frank came into the room with a huge smile on his face and I asked "what's your problem?" He asked "you know all those people that were lining the streets?" I ব্যক্ত "yeah!" He ব্যক্ত as he sat down পরবর্তি to me "you're not going to believe this!" I looked at him confused and asked "what?" He ব্যক্ত as he stuttered "th – those people are waiting to see you!!!" I ব্যক্ত as I chuckled in disbelief "yeah right; there's no way!" He ব্যক্ত "I'm not kidding!!! I just talked to the owner of the park and the 250 tickets that went on sale sold-out in an hour!" My mouth dropped and I asked "so what's with the hundreds and hundreds of people standing outside the park?" He ব্যক্ত "those are people that weren't able to get tickets! I'm assuming they're hoping that they would catch a glimpse of আপনি at some point!"
I got up and looked out the window at the hundreds of অনুরাগী outside. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and asked "do আপনি feel famous yet?" I whispered "yeah; I can't believe all these people showed up to hear me sing 4 songs!" He ব্যক্ত "this is only a small promotional tour! Think about when you're a headliner!"
A few মিনিট later, I was introduced দ্বারা the DJ and stepped out onto the stage wearing just my typical everyday clothes! I put my ear piece in so I could hear myself গান গাওয়া and started the set list. Beginning with PYT, working দিন and night, they don't care about us, and lastly wanna be starting something. I could see my family standing on the side of the stage as I sang and they smiled.
Afterwards, Frank and I went back to the large dressing room. I sat down on the পালঙ্ক and drank from a water bottle. Blanket, Prince, Paris, and grandma came into the room and started chanting my name! I chuckled as I took Carter from Paris and adjusted the hat on my head. I really am famous!!!
October 13, 2009,
I was sitting at the টেবিল with my chemistry textbook as I scribbled উত্তর on a worksheet. Carter crawled around on the floor as I looked up every so often to see if he was okay. Prince came downstairs and picked him up. Prince walked over and looked over my shoulder to see what I was doing. Carter pointed at me and ব্যক্ত "mommy." I looked at Prince and he smiled at Carter. I asked with excitement in my voice "did he just say his first word?" Prince ব্যক্ত "say it again Carter!" Carter ব্যক্ত "mommy, mommy, mommy!"
I grabbed him from Prince and jumped with excitement. He started giggling at my reaction as he ব্যক্ত "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!" Paris came running into the room and asked "what's all the screaming going on in here for? I ব্যক্ত "HE CALLED ME MOMMY!" She clapped her hands with excitement and ব্যক্ত "that's so cute! If daddy was here he would be freaking out right now!" I looked at Paris and stared at her in silence for a few minutes. Then I ব্যক্ত "thanks for ruining the moment দ্বারা saying something like that!" I passed Carter back to Prince and ran up the stairs as Paris begged "wait AJ; I didn't mean to bring up daddy!"
I slammed my bedroom door and sat down on the bed. Anytime anyone talks about dad I just can't handle it! I'm not really mad at Paris; I'm mad at the fact that dad's gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it to bring him back! It wasn't supposed to be like this! I looked up at the sky and ব্যক্ত "I wish আপনি were here daddy! It just isn't fair!"
October 17, 2009,
Frank and I sat in the living room and he ব্যক্ত "I have some bad news! Then I have some good news! Here's the bad news, আপনি know how আপনি have two আরো concerts left in your promotional tour?" I shook my head in agreement and he ব্যক্ত "the record label canceled them." I asked with anger in my voice "what! Why would they do something like that?" He ব্যক্ত "before আপনি get angry, let me explain! The reason why they canceled them is because of how well you've done and how in demand the tickets to your shows were!" I ব্যক্ত "well; if the tickets were in such demand then it would be stupid of them to বাতিল the remaining dates!" He ব্যক্ত "let me finish. As I was saying, they canceled them because they want আপনি to go on your own headlining tour starting February 1 of 2010!"
I smiled and ব্যক্ত "oh okay; I'm not mad anymore! He ব্যক্ত "I had a meeting with the record label executives yesterday and they ব্যক্ত that they want to call the tour the 'Legacy Tour.'" I asked "how many dates are scheduled for the tour?" He ব্যক্ত "87; America, Canada, and the United Kingdom!" I ব্যক্ত "wow; I didn't know that I was জনপ্রিয় in other countries besides the US! I kind of wish that I could do a সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান in জাপান though. I loved going there when I was a little kid!" He ব্যক্ত "you're still young; there's plenty of time to conquer Japan!"
November 18, 2009,
I was woken up দ্বারা the sound of Carter saying "mommy" over and over again. I got out of বিছানা and ব্যক্ত "happy first birthday buddy!" I changed him and took him downstairs to start setting up for the party. My cell phone rang as I passed him a baby bottle with চকোলেট milk. I answered it and Damien's mother Kate ব্যক্ত "hi AJ; how's the birthday boy?" I ব্যক্ত "he's good!" She ব্যক্ত "I'm sorry that I couldn't afford to make it out there to help celebrate!" I ব্যক্ত "it's okay; there's plenty of family coming over today!" She ব্যক্ত "the go Diego go DVDs I bought him for his birthday should be there any দিন now." I ব্যক্ত "okay; did আপনি want to talk to him?"
I tried passing Carter my iPhone and he pushed it away while saying "no mommy no!" I ব্যক্ত as I put the phone up to his ear "it's grandma Kate! She wants to talk to you; talk to grandma!" He pushed it away and I put the phone back up to my ear. I ব্যক্ত "his eyes are glued to the TV right now! He doesn't want anything to do with the phone! Sorry, I tried!" She ব্যক্ত "that's alright; I can't expect too much from a one-year-old! Have a good time at the party today!" I ব্যক্ত "we will and I will take lots of pictures so আপনি can see! Goodbye!"
I stood up on the রান্নাঘর টেবিল as Prince passed me the blue and red streamers. Grandma walked into the room and ব্যক্ত "don't fall AJ!" I ব্যক্ত "don't worry; even if I did it wouldn't be that bad because the ground is only a few feet away!" Uncle Jermaine opened the front door and ব্যক্ত "I picked up that blue cake আপনি ordered Alanna!" He put the box down on the counter and I hopped off of the টেবিল to look at it. It was simple but perfect at the same time. It had blue frosting with the words "happy first birthday Carter" written in green frosting.
Other family members started to arrive and Aunt Latoya came in carrying three boxes of পিজা with a gift bag resting on the top. I ran over and ব্যক্ত "let me help আপনি with that!" I took this stack of boxes from her and set them on the table. She hugged me and asked "how are you?" I ব্যক্ত "I'm okay I guess."
The two of us walked into the গর্ত and sat down on the পালঙ্ক alone. She ব্যক্ত "your grandmother told me that আপনি haven't been expressing your feelings about your dad!" I ব্যক্ত "it's not that I don't care because I do! It's just hard for me; for the first 15 years of my life the only person that ever saw me cry was dad!" She ব্যক্ত "I think out of all our extended family I've been the closest of you! If আপনি ever need to cry I'm here!" I started to well up with tears and ব্যক্ত "I just wish Dr. Murray didn't call Prince and I into the room when he performed CPR on dad! I could tell that he was already dead and I knew from the moment we sat down in that room with grandma that she was going to tell us that he was!" She looked at me sympathetically and she herself tried to picture what I must've been feeling.
She hugged me and ব্যক্ত "cheer up; today is Carter's birthday! আপনি have to try to be happy for him!" I wiped the tears away and stood up as I ব্যক্ত "it's so hard but I'll try!" I opened the door to the গর্ত as my dog পাতিহাঁস jumped up at us.
I sat down at the টেবিল with everyone else as they were getting ready to bring Carter's birthday cake out. We all sang happy birthday and I cut him a huge piece of cake. I put it on his high chair tray and he was kind of afraid of it. I ব্যক্ত while laughing “it’s just food; go ahead buddy!" Prince ব্যক্ত as he walked up to me "I think there's something on the piece of cake AJ! I looked at him confused and ব্যক্ত "I don't see anything!" He pointed "see it right there!" I ব্যক্ত "no; I don't know what you're talking about Prince!" I leaned my face in to get a closer look and he ব্যক্ত "right here" as he smashed my face into the cake.
Everyone started cracking up as I lifted my face off of the cake and wiped the frosting away from my eyes. My face was completely covered with green and blue frosting and Carter started laughing. I ব্যক্ত "he's supposed to be the one covered in frosting; not me!" I knelt down পরবর্তি to Carter and he puckered his lips for a চুম্বন and I ব্যক্ত "I think he knows it's frosting now!" I pecked his lips and he took a handful of frosting off my face. He started licking his fingers and we all continued to laugh as I smeared some frosting on the side of Prince's face.
November 19, 2009,
It was midnight and I was just finishing cleaning up the last things from Carter's birthday party. I walked into the living room and found Prince was asleep on the পালঙ্ক sitting with Carter snoring on his chest. I smiled as I covered them with a blanket and walked upstairs.
I walked into my room and heard something hitting my window. I walked up to the window and saw little pebbles being pelted at the glass. I opened the window and looked down to see who it was. Damien was standing there wearing a white tank শীর্ষ and camo cargo shorts. I yelled "what the hell are আপনি doing here?" He asked "can I come in?" I ব্যক্ত reluctantly "fine but; আপনি better not be an ass!" I walked downstairs and let him inside as we quietly made our way up to my room.
I shut my bedroom door and asked "what are আপনি doing here Damien?" He asked "isn't today Carter's birthday?" I ব্যক্ত "you would think আপনি would know that his birthday was yesterday because you're his dad!" He ব্যক্ত "oh; well I'm sorry!" I asked irritated "sorry? You're sorry? That's all আপনি have to say?" He ব্যক্ত "I don't know what else আপনি want from me AJ!" I ব্যক্ত "you left me without even saying anything! If it wasn't for my dad I would've been doing everything on my own! That's not how it's supposed to be! You're lucky that I had just had the baby when আপনি showed up at the hospital because if I had gotten to আপনি instead of my dad I would've প্রদত্ত আপনি a whole hell of a lot worse than a black eye!"
He sat down পরবর্তি to me on the বিছানা and ব্যক্ত "I can't really do anything about that now except for apologize and promise আপনি that things will be different!" I ব্যক্ত "if you're going to be a part of his life then be a part of it! I don't want আপনি around him if you're just going to abandon him one দিন just like আপনি did with me! Before আপনি ask, we're never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. I tried that once and I'm not willing to try again because my first priority is our son. It's yet to be seen if আপনি feel the same way!" He looked down seemingly disappointed and ব্যক্ত "I was kind of hoping…" I looked at him waiting for an answer and he tossed a condom in my lap I looked at him and ব্যক্ত "fine; but only because আপনি came all the way here from Las Vegas to apologize!" I whispered in his ear "by the way; your new mustache is sexy!"
November 20, 2009,
Knowing that the family would be away until this afternoon Damien stayed the night again. He's only been here at night and I have no idea what he's been doing during the day. He's going back to Vegas today and hasn't spent much time with Carter since he's been here. That definitely gets on my nerves and I won't put up with it for long.
Damien came into my room and I ব্যক্ত "my family will be here in an ঘন্টা so আপনি have to leave soon because I don't want them to know that আপনি were here!" He stripped down to his boxers and asked "can I use your ঝরনা before I leave?" I ব্যক্ত "just try to be fast because আপনি have to get out of here before they get back!" He ব্যক্ত "I will" as he shut the door to the bathroom that was in my bedroom.
While Carter took a nap, I heard Damien turn the ঝরনা on and I looked down at my bedroom floor. I saw Damien's cell phone sticking out of the pocket in his shorts and decided to go through it. I went to his ইনবক্স and started পাঠ করা his text messages:
Damien: I'm leaving in a few hours :-)
Baby: okay! I miss আপনি so much and I hope you're getting along well with your baby's mother.
Damien: I got to go; I'll talk to আপনি later! I প্রণয় you! Hope আপনি have something special planned for when I get back
***
I was fuming with anger as I got up from my বিছানা and used a paperclip to unlock the bathroom door. I opened the door and stormed in. I looked at Damien as he stood in the ঝরনা and pulled him out. I pushed him down on the বিছানা and he asked "what the hell are আপনি doing? I wasn't done taking a ঝরনা yet!" I ব্যক্ত "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME আপনি HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" He looked up at me and asked "why the fuck do আপনি care?" I ব্যক্ত "because we had sex yesterday আপনি jackass!" He ব্যক্ত obviously unfazed "she's not going to find out anyway! Even if she did; the ladies can't resist me!" I ব্যক্ত as I shoved him down the stairs and out the door "so আপনি were just going to hook up with me then leave!" He ব্যক্ত "STOP BEING SUCH A দুশ্চরিত্রা AJ!" I ব্যক্ত as I slapped him across the face "DON'T আপনি EVER CALL ME A BITCH! আপনি CAN FORGET ABOUT EVER SEEING YOUR SON AGAIN! NOW I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING আপনি ব্যক্ত TO ME ABOUT BEING THERE WAS ALL ষাঁড় SHIT!!! He ব্যক্ত "you think I give a damn if I see him again? I don't; I don't even know the kid!" I ব্যক্ত "you're a pathetic excuse for a father! That's really sad! I'm glad I care about him enough to keep him away from you! DON'T আপনি GET IT? I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THERE! THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE HURTING IS CARTER! IT'S GOING TO SUCK FOR আপনি WHEN HE'S CALLING SOMEONE ELSE DADDY! I'LL BE IN PRISON FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER BEFORE আপনি TREAT OUR SON LIKE HE'S WORTHLESS!" I threw him his clothes and ব্যক্ত "get the hell out of here and don't come back!" He quickly put his clothes on and casually walked down the road like he didn't even care!
December 25, 2009,
It was 7 o'clock in the morning on বড়দিন দিন and I lay in my বিছানা looking at the ceiling. I talked to myself "I wish আপনি were here daddy. বড়দিন will never be the same without you! I know you'll be there in spirit but; I would do anything just to see আপনি one আরো time! I know আপনি can hear me up there and my new সঙ্গীত video came out last week! It's really জনপ্রিয় and I hope I made আপনি proud! My album comes out in less than a মাস and then I'm going on tour! I wish আপনি could give me a sigh that আপনি are supportive of everything that I've been working on lately!"
I was interrupted দ্বারা Carter standing up in his ডাবা crying and I walked over to pick him up. I ব্যক্ত "Merry বড়দিন little guy!" Blanket came running into my room and ব্যক্ত "Santa Claus came!" I asked trying to keep the magic alive for him "he did?" Before I got a response from him, he ran into Prince's room and yelled "PRINCE WAKE UP!" Paris and I looked at each other as we laughed at his excitement. My grandmother came out of her room and smiled as she asked "how late were আপনি up last night wrapping Carter's gifts?" I ব্যক্ত "until two in the morning." I whispered in her ear "keep the kids up here for a few আরো মিনিট because I have to go sneak his gift from Santa Claus downstairs, distract him for me!”
After I had put the gift downstairs I ব্যক্ত "okay; আপনি guys can come downstairs now!” I took my iPhone out of the pocket on the red flannel pajama pants that I was wearing and started to take pictures. I smiled as Prince helped Carter walk down the stairs. Carter's been walking for about two months now and hasn't quite mastered the stairs yet.
I smiled as Blanket's mouth dropped as he saw the living room covered with gifts stacked 5 feet high. I knelt down to get a good picture of Carter's face as he saw the giant plastic play রান্নাঘর that I had bought him. He ran toward it stumbling on his feet and falling down a few times. He pulled himself up on it and I asked "oh my gosh Carter; what did Santa bring you?" Grandma smiled and winked down at me. I stood up and she whispered in my ear "is that where the $300 আপনি got from the promotional tour went?" I ব্যক্ত "of course; I wanted my son to have a good বড়দিন and I wasn't about to spend my money on myself!" She sat down in the chair behind her and started to tear up. I put my hand on her shoulder and asked "what's wrong grandma?" She ব্যক্ত "your father would be so proud of আপনি right now! I had no idea that আপনি spent the little money that আপনি got from those three shows on Carter." I ব্যক্ত "well obviously; I may not make the best decisions most of the time but, when it comes to Carter I'll always put him first before anything else!" She ব্যক্ত "I was about to confront আপনি and ask আপনি what stupid thing আপনি bought with your money; I guess I underestimated you!" I winked at her and ব্যক্ত "have a little faith in me grandma, I have a good side too!"
Prince, Paris, and Blanket sat down on the পালঙ্ক as I passed them stacks of gifts. As I sat down on the floor blanket ব্যক্ত "pass me all of my gifts AJ!" I ব্যক্ত "there's hundreds of gifts with your name on them; it would take me hours to find them! Just start with that and I'll grab আরো later." I grabbed a present with Carter's name on it and ব্যক্ত as I pulled him away from the play রান্নাঘর "come on buddy; let's open up some gifts!" He started screaming and reaching for the play রান্নাঘর and I tried to distract him দ্বারা ripping a hole through the gift. He wasn't having any of it and I ব্যক্ত "fine, I'll save your gifts for after everyone else is done!"
We passed out gifts and attacked them one after another. I saw as the gifts started to fade and my siblings had opened their expensive gifts. Paris and Prince both got their own cell phones and Blanket had gotten a laptop. I wasn't expecting much because the most important thing is that Carter got everything that he wanted. I started helping grandma clean up the paper that covered the floor and she ব্যক্ত "I think there's something else for you."
I looked around and ব্যক্ত confused "I don't see anything grandma; maybe you're getting it mixed up with something I already opened!" She ব্যক্ত as she pointed at a little red box that was hanging from a branch on the বড়দিন বৃক্ষ "what's that?" I untied the ribbon that was holding the box to the branch and took it off. I looked at grandma and let out a nervous laugh as I asked "why are আপনি staring at me with that creepy smile on your face like আপনি are going to explode?" She ব্যক্ত "just open it up and you'll find out!" I asked worried দ্বারা her anticipation "nothing living is going to jump out at me; right? Like a bug অথবা something!"
Prince shouted from the other room as he shoved syrup covered কেইকবিশেষ into his mouth and listened in on our conversation "just open it already AJ! I want to know what it is!" I ব্যক্ত "alright, alright I'm opening it!" I untied the bow that was on শীর্ষ of the box and carefully removed the lid. I looked inside and then looked up as I ব্যক্ত "you're joking grandma; আপনি didn't!" She ব্যক্ত "you're right; I didn't because your dad did!" Prince tossed his plate in the sink and asked "what is it?" I looked at him shocked beyond belief and pulled out a set of car keys from the box!
I ran out the door barefoot wearing pajama pants and a তারকা Wars T-shirt. Grandma was laughing so hard she barely got out of the words "PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" I was already out the door দ্বারা that point and my jaw dropped when I saw what was sitting in the driveway. It was the black Ford F1 50 that dad saw me eyeing when I went with him last বছর to the car lot so he could trade-in his Rolls-Royce. I didn't even think he was watching me when I was looking at it!
Blanket and Prince climbed into the বিছানা of the truck. I climbed up into the driver’s আসন and started the engine. I asked as I looked out the window at grandma "can I take it down to the lake that's not too far from here?" She motioned for my brothers to get out of the truck and ব্যক্ত "just don't get pulled over because আপনি only have your drivers permit!" I ব্যক্ত "don't worry, I won't!"
When I pulled up in front of the lake I turned on the radio as I looked around still in shock. I ব্যক্ত to myself "I can't believe dad was able to hide this from me for so long!" I opened up the দস্তানা compartment and was surprised to see a piece of paper inside. I took it out and opened it. It read:
Dated at the শীর্ষ of the paper: 6 – 23 – 09
Dear Alanna,
I don't know if you'll ever notice this note but, don't make me regret buying আপনি this truck! I প্রণয় আপনি so much even though আপনি make me want to rip my hair out because of how আপনি act! Drive নিরাপদ kiddo and enjoy!
প্রণয় আপনি forever, no matter what!!! – Daddy
***
I paused in silence for about five সেকেন্ড processing what I had just read and reread the date. I whispered "that was the দিন before dad and I had that huge fight!" I couldn't fight back the tears anymore as I pounded my fist on the dashboard. I screamed "I'M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHY আপনি PUT UP WITH ME and I fought আপনি every step of the way! I DON'T KNOW WHY আপনি DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME!" I sobbed uncontrollably for 10 মিনিট straight as I gripped the note tightly in my hand. I continue to cry and then suddenly I heard "I just can't stop lovin' you, I just can't stop lovin' you, and if I stop tell me just what will I do cause I just can't stop lovin' you!!!"
I looked up at the station and it ব্যক্ত "jingle bells" was the song that was playing. I ব্যক্ত to myself "that wasn't jingle bells! I thought this radio station was supposed to be playing বড়দিন সঙ্গীত all day!" As I drove back to Havenhurst, I couldn't help but wonder why the radio had ব্যক্ত it was playing a বড়দিন song instead of what was actually playing. I know it wasn't just me hearing things because I heard that song like it was clear as day… That's so strange and যেভাবে খুশী of that radio station!!!
****Author's note****
I know that I usually start off every chapter as the পরবর্তি বছর but; since I ended the পূর্ববর্তি chapter in summer 2009, I thought I could just partition the rest of 2009 and all of 2010 in one chapter!
Enjoy, Alanna
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 20, 2009,
I was sitting alone in my room at my grandmother's house when, I got a text message from Frank. He ব্যক্ত the words I had been waiting so long to hear "get ready because I'm picking আপনি up and were going to the recording studio to lay down some tracks." I couldn't help but smile. This all seems unreal! I can't believe I'm actually going to start a গান গাওয়া career just like my father!
I ran downstairs and stopped at the টেবিল so I could tie my shoes. My grandmother ব্যক্ত "well; it's nice to see that you've finally left your room!" I ব্যক্ত "uncle Frank is coming to pick me up and were going to the recording studio!" She ব্যক্ত "oh okay; how is Carter?" I ব্যক্ত "I just put him down for a nap so; he shouldn't be up for a while! I know you're probably going to want to shut the অনুরাগী off in my room but, keep it on because he's wrapped up in three blankets!" She asked with a confused look on her face "why three blankets? It's almost 95° outside." I ব্যক্ত "he wouldn't let the blankets go and I didn't want to hear him cry."
Frank's car pulled up to the front gate at Havenhurst and I ran outside. I opened the passenger side door and ব্যক্ত "this is going to be so awesome!" He ব্যক্ত "I think we should focus on bringing your father's সঙ্গীত back to life for the younger generation that may not know how amazing he was." I ব্যক্ত "I agree with you; it saddens me when kids today are listening to foul music! I don't really have a lot of room to talk when it comes to that because I'm just as guilty of listening to it as they are! I really want to focus on the age group of eight and up to প্রদর্শনী them what good সঙ্গীত is really like!" He ব্যক্ত "that's how your dad would want আপনি to be with your career too."
We walked inside the recording studio and Frank put an instrumental CD of some of dad's songs. He passed me a set of headphones and motioned for me to go in the sound booth. I walked inside and could hear my voice echo as I jumped with excitement. Frank ব্যক্ত "why don't we start with something with a strong hook.
I stood there as I sang "Annie are আপনি okay? Are আপনি okay Annie? You've been hit by, you've been struck by… A smooth criminal!" As I sang my হৃদয় out, reality hit me! I thought to myself, wow this is really happening! I really am going to become a famous singer! I wonder if dad watching me right now wherever he is?"
I was snapped out of the trance I was in দ্বারা Frank saying "that was absolutely amazing AJ; your dad wasn't kidding when he ব্যক্ত আপনি could sing!" We need to put out an album as soon as possible because this thing is going to be a hit! We could even get some major stars of today to do collaborations with আপনি on some of your father's biggest hits! I still can't get over how awesome that was! This is going to be huge! I can feel it in my gut! Starting today you'll be in the studio six hours a day, after your schoolwork is done!" I smiled ear to ear and ব্যক্ত "I forgot to tell আপনি that I have over 1 million Twitter followers already and I've only tweeted one thing! I think they know that I'm starting my own musical career!"
August 29, 2009,
I was in the studio working on my debut album when my cell phone rang:
Me: hello grandma! What do আপনি need? Is Carter okay?
Grandma: did আপনি forget what today is? আপনি better be on your way home!
Me: listen; I know it's dad's birthday but I'd rather stay here to keep my mind off of things!
Grandma: I understand that আপনি don't want to come প্রথমপাতা but; I think it's the right thing to do AJ! Everyone would appreciate it if আপনি came home!
Me: I don't want to because I'm not ready to deal with the fact that he's gone yet!
Grandma: it's not going to be a sad thing! I promise আপনি that AJ! We're just going to have some cake and celebrate your dad's life! Here, Paris wants to talk to you.
Paris: AJ; will আপনি please come home? Just for a few hours? We all miss আপনি because we hardly see much of আপনি since you've been in the studio recording your album!
Me: it's not that I don't want to celebrate with আপনি guys; I just can't bring myself to realize that he's actually gone! Do আপনি realize how different this birthday is compared to all the other ones we celebrated with dad over the years? He may be there in spirit but; he won't be there in person! I'm sorry but I just can't come home! Making this সঙ্গীত helps me connect with dad! It makes me cope with him being gone! Goodbye; I প্রণয় you!
September 3, 2009,
I was getting ready to leave because Frank and I are headed to the local radio station to promote my cover/single to 'pretty young thing.' The song debuted at number one on the fresh artists chart and it's been exploding ever since last week!
I ran out to the car after স্নেহ চুম্বন Carter's head and sat in the drivers seat. As we made our way onto the Main Rd., Frank turned on the radio and we heard "she's his PYT, pretty young thing!" I looked at Frank and ব্যক্ত "it's so weird hearing my voice on the radio! I'm so glad আপনি let me change the lyrics a little bit so it was altered for a girl to sing!" He ব্যক্ত "yeah me too! It would be awkward for আপনি saying 'she's my pretty young thing.’ “The voice on the radio ব্যক্ত "that was Alanna Jackson with her new single PYT! Check back in 25 মিনিট for my exclusive interview with the King of Pop's daughter! This is your man Mac Maze and we'll be back after this word from our sponsors! Don't touch that dial!"
As Frank and I walked into the radio station, he ব্যক্ত "since this will be your first ever interview let me give আপনি some tips. First, answer them as honestly as possible and don't be afraid to throw some humor in there! Second, just be as natural as possible, and lastly if there's any প্রশ্ন that আপনি don't feel comfortable answering অথবা don't know if আপনি should answer I'll handle it!" I ব্যক্ত "okay; I don't think it's going to be as bad as আপনি think it is!"
We entered a big room and a heavyset African-American man with a goatee stood up from his chair to greet us. He ব্যক্ত "nice to finally meet আপনি AJ!" He stared at my fauxhawk hairstyle, bright red hightop sneakers, T-shirt with a chimpanzee wearing headphones on it, and sunglasses I had sticking out of my pocket. He ব্যক্ত "I hear that you're not the most feminine girl out there!" I laughed and ব্যক্ত "glitter, ponies, and nail polish are definitely not my thing!" He laughed and ব্যক্ত "yeah; I can see that! Alright, the commercial break is almost over and you'll be ready to go on air!"
As I was about to sit down in the chair opposite of him, Frank whispered in my ear "pull your pants up! Your boxers are hanging out!" I hiked my baggy jeans up and sat down. Mac ব্যক্ত "welcome back to the most listened to radio station in all of Los Angeles! This is a Mac and as promised I'm now sitting here with Alanna Jackson! What's it feel like to have your first single 'PYT, pretty young thing be the number one requested song this week?” I spoke into the microphone that was attached to the টেবিল and ব্যক্ত "oh; it's awesome man! I didn't expect it to do so well right off the bat!" He ব্যক্ত "I just have to point out that your dad's talent has definitely rubbed off on you!" I ব্যক্ত "thanks but; my dad will forever be the best and that's exactly how I want it to stay!" He asked "do আপনি hope to one দিন match the successes your father has achieved?" I ব্যক্ত "I mean if it happens; it happens! I never want to outshine my dad though! My dad is the King and that is his crown, not mine!" Mac ব্যক্ত "we have some অনুরাগী on the line that have প্রশ্ন for you! আপনি down with that?" I ব্যক্ত "fan questions? I didn't realize that I had legit অনুরাগী yet; yeah go ahead! I can't wait to hear them!"
Mac opened up the phone lines and ব্যক্ত "here's our first caller, go ahead." The voice ব্যক্ত "hi; my name is Becky and I was wondering if আপনি are working on an official album?" I ব্যক্ত "yeah I am!" She asked "do আপনি know when it will be released?" I ব্যক্ত while thinking "January of পরবর্তি বছর for sure! We just haven't settled on a specific তারিখ yet." Mac put the পরবর্তি caller through and she asked "will আপনি be going on tour soon either as an opening act for other artists অথবা will আপনি be going on your own headlining tour?" I ব্যক্ত "well; after a few আরো singles drop I'll be having promotional shows all over California and if all goes well a tour of my own will definitely be in the near future!" Mac let someone else through and it sounded like a 13-year-old girl who asked "besides your father, who are some of your musical inspirations?" I ব্যক্ত "I really like Chris Brown, Drake, Ke$ha, আপনি know people like that." Mac ব্যক্ত "we have time for one more; go ahead caller." This time it was a teenage boy who asked "are আপনি single?" I looked up at Frank while wondering if I should lie অথবা not and he whispered "you can tell the truth AJ." I ব্যক্ত "yeah I am." The boy responded "what do আপনি look for in a guy?" I ব্যক্ত "let's see; I really like a guy who accepts the fact that I'm a tomboy and that he will never see me wearing a dress অথবা makeup! I also like a guy who puts me first before his বন্ধু and partying!" Mac ব্যক্ত "alright; that's all we have time for today. I'd like to thank আপনি AJ for stopping দ্বারা today and making us the place where আপনি conducted your first interview!" I ব্যক্ত "thank আপনি guys!" He asked "is there anything that you’d like to say before we call it a দিন here?" I ব্যক্ত "PYT, pretty young thing is now available on iTunes. Don't forget to buy that and request! The official Alanna Jackson website and online store will be up পরবর্তি week! আপনি can follow me on twitter @officialAlannaJackson! Thank আপনি for all your support!"
After we had signed off the air, Frank ব্যক্ত as he patted me on the back "you did a great job kid!" Mac ব্যক্ত "I had a great time with আপনি here today! আপনি better come back and visit! I can already tell আপনি going to be the পরবর্তি musical sensation!" I ব্যক্ত "of course I will be back!"
My phone started ringing frantically and I put it on speaker so Frank could hear. Blanket shouted "OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME AJ!" Prince ব্যক্ত "I can't believe আপনি were on the radio!" Grandma ব্যক্ত "you did so well!" I ব্যক্ত "okay; I'm headed প্রথমপাতা আপনি guys so I'll see আপনি when I get there!" An ambush of "goodbyes" screamed back at us and I hung up the phone. I still can't believe that this is all really happening to me! I wonder how long it'll be before this whole being famous thing hits me.
October 4, 2009,
I officially finished my album which I named "Legacy" and it will be released on January 23, 2010. I released three আরো singles of my versions of dad's songs, wanna be starting something, working দিন and night, they don't care about us, and another part of me. They've been playing the songs on the radio like crazy!
Frank and I wish sitting in the gym at Havenhurst when he ব্যক্ত "okay; আপনি can tweet something about the tickets for the five Californian promotional concerts!" I went on to my twitter account and typed @officialAlannaJackson: tickets go on sale for my five California concerts go on sale in 15 minutes!
A tall man of Mexican descent walked into the room and ব্যক্ত "hi; my name is Tony and I'll be your choreographer for your concerts!" I bent down to tie my shoe and Frank ব্যক্ত "I know আপনি can sing but; can আপনি dance?" I smiled as I adjusted the hat on my head and Tony started walking me through dance moves. Frank stood there with a stunned look on his face and ব্যক্ত "you are so much like your father it amazes me!"
October 9, 2009,
Today is my first সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান on my five প্রদর্শনী promotional tour and I'm so excited! I was downstairs at the house when my siblings came running into the room. Prince ব্যক্ত "we can't wait to see আপনি perform today AJ!" Blanket asked "how many আরো hours?" I ব্যক্ত "an ঘন্টা and a half! Frank is on his way here to pick me up and take me to Universal Studios where the সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান will be."
After I got in the car, Frank ব্যক্ত "today's the দিন kid! Are আপনি ready for this?" I ব্যক্ত "more than ready!" He ব্যক্ত "don't be nervous! You'll do just fine!" I ব্যক্ত "don't worry; I'm not nervous! I'm excited!" He ব্যক্ত "we're almost there! I wonder how big the turnout will be."
We pulled onto the রাস্তা that leads to Universal Studios and I ব্যক্ত "I wonder what's going on because there's a whole bunch of people lined down the street!" He ব্যক্ত "I don't know; maybe there's a রাস্তা performer outside!" We pulled up to one of the private buildings on the Universal Studios lot and Frank ব্যক্ত "go on in there and I'll be in after I see what all these people are doing crowding the streets!"
I walked into what appeared to be a large dressing room with a flatscreen TV and black leather couch. My stylist Karen Faye (Michael's personal stylist when he was alive) started to touch up some skin tone make up on my face. I had to turn the volume up on the TV several times because of the commotion going on outside.
Frank came into the room with a huge smile on his face and I asked "what's your problem?" He asked "you know all those people that were lining the streets?" I ব্যক্ত "yeah!" He ব্যক্ত as he sat down পরবর্তি to me "you're not going to believe this!" I looked at him confused and asked "what?" He ব্যক্ত as he stuttered "th – those people are waiting to see you!!!" I ব্যক্ত as I chuckled in disbelief "yeah right; there's no way!" He ব্যক্ত "I'm not kidding!!! I just talked to the owner of the park and the 250 tickets that went on sale sold-out in an hour!" My mouth dropped and I asked "so what's with the hundreds and hundreds of people standing outside the park?" He ব্যক্ত "those are people that weren't able to get tickets! I'm assuming they're hoping that they would catch a glimpse of আপনি at some point!"
I got up and looked out the window at the hundreds of অনুরাগী outside. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and asked "do আপনি feel famous yet?" I whispered "yeah; I can't believe all these people showed up to hear me sing 4 songs!" He ব্যক্ত "this is only a small promotional tour! Think about when you're a headliner!"
A few মিনিট later, I was introduced দ্বারা the DJ and stepped out onto the stage wearing just my typical everyday clothes! I put my ear piece in so I could hear myself গান গাওয়া and started the set list. Beginning with PYT, working দিন and night, they don't care about us, and lastly wanna be starting something. I could see my family standing on the side of the stage as I sang and they smiled.
Afterwards, Frank and I went back to the large dressing room. I sat down on the পালঙ্ক and drank from a water bottle. Blanket, Prince, Paris, and grandma came into the room and started chanting my name! I chuckled as I took Carter from Paris and adjusted the hat on my head. I really am famous!!!
October 13, 2009,
I was sitting at the টেবিল with my chemistry textbook as I scribbled উত্তর on a worksheet. Carter crawled around on the floor as I looked up every so often to see if he was okay. Prince came downstairs and picked him up. Prince walked over and looked over my shoulder to see what I was doing. Carter pointed at me and ব্যক্ত "mommy." I looked at Prince and he smiled at Carter. I asked with excitement in my voice "did he just say his first word?" Prince ব্যক্ত "say it again Carter!" Carter ব্যক্ত "mommy, mommy, mommy!"
I grabbed him from Prince and jumped with excitement. He started giggling at my reaction as he ব্যক্ত "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!" Paris came running into the room and asked "what's all the screaming going on in here for? I ব্যক্ত "HE CALLED ME MOMMY!" She clapped her hands with excitement and ব্যক্ত "that's so cute! If daddy was here he would be freaking out right now!" I looked at Paris and stared at her in silence for a few minutes. Then I ব্যক্ত "thanks for ruining the moment দ্বারা saying something like that!" I passed Carter back to Prince and ran up the stairs as Paris begged "wait AJ; I didn't mean to bring up daddy!"
I slammed my bedroom door and sat down on the bed. Anytime anyone talks about dad I just can't handle it! I'm not really mad at Paris; I'm mad at the fact that dad's gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it to bring him back! It wasn't supposed to be like this! I looked up at the sky and ব্যক্ত "I wish আপনি were here daddy! It just isn't fair!"
October 17, 2009,
Frank and I sat in the living room and he ব্যক্ত "I have some bad news! Then I have some good news! Here's the bad news, আপনি know how আপনি have two আরো concerts left in your promotional tour?" I shook my head in agreement and he ব্যক্ত "the record label canceled them." I asked with anger in my voice "what! Why would they do something like that?" He ব্যক্ত "before আপনি get angry, let me explain! The reason why they canceled them is because of how well you've done and how in demand the tickets to your shows were!" I ব্যক্ত "well; if the tickets were in such demand then it would be stupid of them to বাতিল the remaining dates!" He ব্যক্ত "let me finish. As I was saying, they canceled them because they want আপনি to go on your own headlining tour starting February 1 of 2010!"
I smiled and ব্যক্ত "oh okay; I'm not mad anymore! He ব্যক্ত "I had a meeting with the record label executives yesterday and they ব্যক্ত that they want to call the tour the 'Legacy Tour.'" I asked "how many dates are scheduled for the tour?" He ব্যক্ত "87; America, Canada, and the United Kingdom!" I ব্যক্ত "wow; I didn't know that I was জনপ্রিয় in other countries besides the US! I kind of wish that I could do a সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান in জাপান though. I loved going there when I was a little kid!" He ব্যক্ত "you're still young; there's plenty of time to conquer Japan!"
November 18, 2009,
I was woken up দ্বারা the sound of Carter saying "mommy" over and over again. I got out of বিছানা and ব্যক্ত "happy first birthday buddy!" I changed him and took him downstairs to start setting up for the party. My cell phone rang as I passed him a baby bottle with চকোলেট milk. I answered it and Damien's mother Kate ব্যক্ত "hi AJ; how's the birthday boy?" I ব্যক্ত "he's good!" She ব্যক্ত "I'm sorry that I couldn't afford to make it out there to help celebrate!" I ব্যক্ত "it's okay; there's plenty of family coming over today!" She ব্যক্ত "the go Diego go DVDs I bought him for his birthday should be there any দিন now." I ব্যক্ত "okay; did আপনি want to talk to him?"
I tried passing Carter my iPhone and he pushed it away while saying "no mommy no!" I ব্যক্ত as I put the phone up to his ear "it's grandma Kate! She wants to talk to you; talk to grandma!" He pushed it away and I put the phone back up to my ear. I ব্যক্ত "his eyes are glued to the TV right now! He doesn't want anything to do with the phone! Sorry, I tried!" She ব্যক্ত "that's alright; I can't expect too much from a one-year-old! Have a good time at the party today!" I ব্যক্ত "we will and I will take lots of pictures so আপনি can see! Goodbye!"
I stood up on the রান্নাঘর টেবিল as Prince passed me the blue and red streamers. Grandma walked into the room and ব্যক্ত "don't fall AJ!" I ব্যক্ত "don't worry; even if I did it wouldn't be that bad because the ground is only a few feet away!" Uncle Jermaine opened the front door and ব্যক্ত "I picked up that blue cake আপনি ordered Alanna!" He put the box down on the counter and I hopped off of the টেবিল to look at it. It was simple but perfect at the same time. It had blue frosting with the words "happy first birthday Carter" written in green frosting.
Other family members started to arrive and Aunt Latoya came in carrying three boxes of পিজা with a gift bag resting on the top. I ran over and ব্যক্ত "let me help আপনি with that!" I took this stack of boxes from her and set them on the table. She hugged me and asked "how are you?" I ব্যক্ত "I'm okay I guess."
The two of us walked into the গর্ত and sat down on the পালঙ্ক alone. She ব্যক্ত "your grandmother told me that আপনি haven't been expressing your feelings about your dad!" I ব্যক্ত "it's not that I don't care because I do! It's just hard for me; for the first 15 years of my life the only person that ever saw me cry was dad!" She ব্যক্ত "I think out of all our extended family I've been the closest of you! If আপনি ever need to cry I'm here!" I started to well up with tears and ব্যক্ত "I just wish Dr. Murray didn't call Prince and I into the room when he performed CPR on dad! I could tell that he was already dead and I knew from the moment we sat down in that room with grandma that she was going to tell us that he was!" She looked at me sympathetically and she herself tried to picture what I must've been feeling.
She hugged me and ব্যক্ত "cheer up; today is Carter's birthday! আপনি have to try to be happy for him!" I wiped the tears away and stood up as I ব্যক্ত "it's so hard but I'll try!" I opened the door to the গর্ত as my dog পাতিহাঁস jumped up at us.
I sat down at the টেবিল with everyone else as they were getting ready to bring Carter's birthday cake out. We all sang happy birthday and I cut him a huge piece of cake. I put it on his high chair tray and he was kind of afraid of it. I ব্যক্ত while laughing “it’s just food; go ahead buddy!" Prince ব্যক্ত as he walked up to me "I think there's something on the piece of cake AJ! I looked at him confused and ব্যক্ত "I don't see anything!" He pointed "see it right there!" I ব্যক্ত "no; I don't know what you're talking about Prince!" I leaned my face in to get a closer look and he ব্যক্ত "right here" as he smashed my face into the cake.
Everyone started cracking up as I lifted my face off of the cake and wiped the frosting away from my eyes. My face was completely covered with green and blue frosting and Carter started laughing. I ব্যক্ত "he's supposed to be the one covered in frosting; not me!" I knelt down পরবর্তি to Carter and he puckered his lips for a চুম্বন and I ব্যক্ত "I think he knows it's frosting now!" I pecked his lips and he took a handful of frosting off my face. He started licking his fingers and we all continued to laugh as I smeared some frosting on the side of Prince's face.
November 19, 2009,
It was midnight and I was just finishing cleaning up the last things from Carter's birthday party. I walked into the living room and found Prince was asleep on the পালঙ্ক sitting with Carter snoring on his chest. I smiled as I covered them with a blanket and walked upstairs.
I walked into my room and heard something hitting my window. I walked up to the window and saw little pebbles being pelted at the glass. I opened the window and looked down to see who it was. Damien was standing there wearing a white tank শীর্ষ and camo cargo shorts. I yelled "what the hell are আপনি doing here?" He asked "can I come in?" I ব্যক্ত reluctantly "fine but; আপনি better not be an ass!" I walked downstairs and let him inside as we quietly made our way up to my room.
I shut my bedroom door and asked "what are আপনি doing here Damien?" He asked "isn't today Carter's birthday?" I ব্যক্ত "you would think আপনি would know that his birthday was yesterday because you're his dad!" He ব্যক্ত "oh; well I'm sorry!" I asked irritated "sorry? You're sorry? That's all আপনি have to say?" He ব্যক্ত "I don't know what else আপনি want from me AJ!" I ব্যক্ত "you left me without even saying anything! If it wasn't for my dad I would've been doing everything on my own! That's not how it's supposed to be! You're lucky that I had just had the baby when আপনি showed up at the hospital because if I had gotten to আপনি instead of my dad I would've প্রদত্ত আপনি a whole hell of a lot worse than a black eye!"
He sat down পরবর্তি to me on the বিছানা and ব্যক্ত "I can't really do anything about that now except for apologize and promise আপনি that things will be different!" I ব্যক্ত "if you're going to be a part of his life then be a part of it! I don't want আপনি around him if you're just going to abandon him one দিন just like আপনি did with me! Before আপনি ask, we're never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. I tried that once and I'm not willing to try again because my first priority is our son. It's yet to be seen if আপনি feel the same way!" He looked down seemingly disappointed and ব্যক্ত "I was kind of hoping…" I looked at him waiting for an answer and he tossed a condom in my lap I looked at him and ব্যক্ত "fine; but only because আপনি came all the way here from Las Vegas to apologize!" I whispered in his ear "by the way; your new mustache is sexy!"
November 20, 2009,
Knowing that the family would be away until this afternoon Damien stayed the night again. He's only been here at night and I have no idea what he's been doing during the day. He's going back to Vegas today and hasn't spent much time with Carter since he's been here. That definitely gets on my nerves and I won't put up with it for long.
Damien came into my room and I ব্যক্ত "my family will be here in an ঘন্টা so আপনি have to leave soon because I don't want them to know that আপনি were here!" He stripped down to his boxers and asked "can I use your ঝরনা before I leave?" I ব্যক্ত "just try to be fast because আপনি have to get out of here before they get back!" He ব্যক্ত "I will" as he shut the door to the bathroom that was in my bedroom.
While Carter took a nap, I heard Damien turn the ঝরনা on and I looked down at my bedroom floor. I saw Damien's cell phone sticking out of the pocket in his shorts and decided to go through it. I went to his ইনবক্স and started পাঠ করা his text messages:
Damien: I'm leaving in a few hours :-)
Baby: okay! I miss আপনি so much and I hope you're getting along well with your baby's mother.
Damien: I got to go; I'll talk to আপনি later! I প্রণয় you! Hope আপনি have something special planned for when I get back
***
I was fuming with anger as I got up from my বিছানা and used a paperclip to unlock the bathroom door. I opened the door and stormed in. I looked at Damien as he stood in the ঝরনা and pulled him out. I pushed him down on the বিছানা and he asked "what the hell are আপনি doing? I wasn't done taking a ঝরনা yet!" I ব্যক্ত "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME আপনি HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" He looked up at me and asked "why the fuck do আপনি care?" I ব্যক্ত "because we had sex yesterday আপনি jackass!" He ব্যক্ত obviously unfazed "she's not going to find out anyway! Even if she did; the ladies can't resist me!" I ব্যক্ত as I shoved him down the stairs and out the door "so আপনি were just going to hook up with me then leave!" He ব্যক্ত "STOP BEING SUCH A দুশ্চরিত্রা AJ!" I ব্যক্ত as I slapped him across the face "DON'T আপনি EVER CALL ME A BITCH! আপনি CAN FORGET ABOUT EVER SEEING YOUR SON AGAIN! NOW I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING আপনি ব্যক্ত TO ME ABOUT BEING THERE WAS ALL ষাঁড় SHIT!!! He ব্যক্ত "you think I give a damn if I see him again? I don't; I don't even know the kid!" I ব্যক্ত "you're a pathetic excuse for a father! That's really sad! I'm glad I care about him enough to keep him away from you! DON'T আপনি GET IT? I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THERE! THE ONLY ONE YOU'RE HURTING IS CARTER! IT'S GOING TO SUCK FOR আপনি WHEN HE'S CALLING SOMEONE ELSE DADDY! I'LL BE IN PRISON FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER BEFORE আপনি TREAT OUR SON LIKE HE'S WORTHLESS!" I threw him his clothes and ব্যক্ত "get the hell out of here and don't come back!" He quickly put his clothes on and casually walked down the road like he didn't even care!
December 25, 2009,
It was 7 o'clock in the morning on বড়দিন দিন and I lay in my বিছানা looking at the ceiling. I talked to myself "I wish আপনি were here daddy. বড়দিন will never be the same without you! I know you'll be there in spirit but; I would do anything just to see আপনি one আরো time! I know আপনি can hear me up there and my new সঙ্গীত video came out last week! It's really জনপ্রিয় and I hope I made আপনি proud! My album comes out in less than a মাস and then I'm going on tour! I wish আপনি could give me a sigh that আপনি are supportive of everything that I've been working on lately!"
I was interrupted দ্বারা Carter standing up in his ডাবা crying and I walked over to pick him up. I ব্যক্ত "Merry বড়দিন little guy!" Blanket came running into my room and ব্যক্ত "Santa Claus came!" I asked trying to keep the magic alive for him "he did?" Before I got a response from him, he ran into Prince's room and yelled "PRINCE WAKE UP!" Paris and I looked at each other as we laughed at his excitement. My grandmother came out of her room and smiled as she asked "how late were আপনি up last night wrapping Carter's gifts?" I ব্যক্ত "until two in the morning." I whispered in her ear "keep the kids up here for a few আরো মিনিট because I have to go sneak his gift from Santa Claus downstairs, distract him for me!”
After I had put the gift downstairs I ব্যক্ত "okay; আপনি guys can come downstairs now!” I took my iPhone out of the pocket on the red flannel pajama pants that I was wearing and started to take pictures. I smiled as Prince helped Carter walk down the stairs. Carter's been walking for about two months now and hasn't quite mastered the stairs yet.
I smiled as Blanket's mouth dropped as he saw the living room covered with gifts stacked 5 feet high. I knelt down to get a good picture of Carter's face as he saw the giant plastic play রান্নাঘর that I had bought him. He ran toward it stumbling on his feet and falling down a few times. He pulled himself up on it and I asked "oh my gosh Carter; what did Santa bring you?" Grandma smiled and winked down at me. I stood up and she whispered in my ear "is that where the $300 আপনি got from the promotional tour went?" I ব্যক্ত "of course; I wanted my son to have a good বড়দিন and I wasn't about to spend my money on myself!" She sat down in the chair behind her and started to tear up. I put my hand on her shoulder and asked "what's wrong grandma?" She ব্যক্ত "your father would be so proud of আপনি right now! I had no idea that আপনি spent the little money that আপনি got from those three shows on Carter." I ব্যক্ত "well obviously; I may not make the best decisions most of the time but, when it comes to Carter I'll always put him first before anything else!" She ব্যক্ত "I was about to confront আপনি and ask আপনি what stupid thing আপনি bought with your money; I guess I underestimated you!" I winked at her and ব্যক্ত "have a little faith in me grandma, I have a good side too!"
Prince, Paris, and Blanket sat down on the পালঙ্ক as I passed them stacks of gifts. As I sat down on the floor blanket ব্যক্ত "pass me all of my gifts AJ!" I ব্যক্ত "there's hundreds of gifts with your name on them; it would take me hours to find them! Just start with that and I'll grab আরো later." I grabbed a present with Carter's name on it and ব্যক্ত as I pulled him away from the play রান্নাঘর "come on buddy; let's open up some gifts!" He started screaming and reaching for the play রান্নাঘর and I tried to distract him দ্বারা ripping a hole through the gift. He wasn't having any of it and I ব্যক্ত "fine, I'll save your gifts for after everyone else is done!"
We passed out gifts and attacked them one after another. I saw as the gifts started to fade and my siblings had opened their expensive gifts. Paris and Prince both got their own cell phones and Blanket had gotten a laptop. I wasn't expecting much because the most important thing is that Carter got everything that he wanted. I started helping grandma clean up the paper that covered the floor and she ব্যক্ত "I think there's something else for you."
I looked around and ব্যক্ত confused "I don't see anything grandma; maybe you're getting it mixed up with something I already opened!" She ব্যক্ত as she pointed at a little red box that was hanging from a branch on the বড়দিন বৃক্ষ "what's that?" I untied the ribbon that was holding the box to the branch and took it off. I looked at grandma and let out a nervous laugh as I asked "why are আপনি staring at me with that creepy smile on your face like আপনি are going to explode?" She ব্যক্ত "just open it up and you'll find out!" I asked worried দ্বারা her anticipation "nothing living is going to jump out at me; right? Like a bug অথবা something!"
Prince shouted from the other room as he shoved syrup covered কেইকবিশেষ into his mouth and listened in on our conversation "just open it already AJ! I want to know what it is!" I ব্যক্ত "alright, alright I'm opening it!" I untied the bow that was on শীর্ষ of the box and carefully removed the lid. I looked inside and then looked up as I ব্যক্ত "you're joking grandma; আপনি didn't!" She ব্যক্ত "you're right; I didn't because your dad did!" Prince tossed his plate in the sink and asked "what is it?" I looked at him shocked beyond belief and pulled out a set of car keys from the box!
I ran out the door barefoot wearing pajama pants and a তারকা Wars T-shirt. Grandma was laughing so hard she barely got out of the words "PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" I was already out the door দ্বারা that point and my jaw dropped when I saw what was sitting in the driveway. It was the black Ford F1 50 that dad saw me eyeing when I went with him last বছর to the car lot so he could trade-in his Rolls-Royce. I didn't even think he was watching me when I was looking at it!
Blanket and Prince climbed into the বিছানা of the truck. I climbed up into the driver’s আসন and started the engine. I asked as I looked out the window at grandma "can I take it down to the lake that's not too far from here?" She motioned for my brothers to get out of the truck and ব্যক্ত "just don't get pulled over because আপনি only have your drivers permit!" I ব্যক্ত "don't worry, I won't!"
When I pulled up in front of the lake I turned on the radio as I looked around still in shock. I ব্যক্ত to myself "I can't believe dad was able to hide this from me for so long!" I opened up the দস্তানা compartment and was surprised to see a piece of paper inside. I took it out and opened it. It read:
Dated at the শীর্ষ of the paper: 6 – 23 – 09
Dear Alanna,
I don't know if you'll ever notice this note but, don't make me regret buying আপনি this truck! I প্রণয় আপনি so much even though আপনি make me want to rip my hair out because of how আপনি act! Drive নিরাপদ kiddo and enjoy!
প্রণয় আপনি forever, no matter what!!! – Daddy
***
I paused in silence for about five সেকেন্ড processing what I had just read and reread the date. I whispered "that was the দিন before dad and I had that huge fight!" I couldn't fight back the tears anymore as I pounded my fist on the dashboard. I screamed "I'M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHY আপনি PUT UP WITH ME and I fought আপনি every step of the way! I DON'T KNOW WHY আপনি DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME!" I sobbed uncontrollably for 10 মিনিট straight as I gripped the note tightly in my hand. I continue to cry and then suddenly I heard "I just can't stop lovin' you, I just can't stop lovin' you, and if I stop tell me just what will I do cause I just can't stop lovin' you!!!"
I looked up at the station and it ব্যক্ত "jingle bells" was the song that was playing. I ব্যক্ত to myself "that wasn't jingle bells! I thought this radio station was supposed to be playing বড়দিন সঙ্গীত all day!" As I drove back to Havenhurst, I couldn't help but wonder why the radio had ব্যক্ত it was playing a বড়দিন song instead of what was actually playing. I know it wasn't just me hearing things because I heard that song like it was clear as day… That's so strange and যেভাবে খুশী of that radio station!!!
