বড়দিন is পরবর্তি মাস and I can't believe that this is the last holiday that AJ and I will celebrate as a family of two because my son Prince Michael will be born in February. Things seemed to be going well between me and my siblings for a while and then my brothers got back into the habit of asking me for money. I of course told them that I couldn't অথবা wouldn't give them any আরো money and they are giving me the silent treatment. Once again, with Janet busy with her সঙ্গীত career the only one I can turn to is Latoya. She's been spending a lot of time at the ranch with AJ and I and we've been having a lot of fun together.

We were putting up বড়দিন decorations in the living room and Latoya ব্যক্ত "you know Michael; I feel really bad because no one really acknowledges how amazing আপনি are as a single father!" I started to blush and ব্যক্ত "you're just saying that! I'm not as amazing as আপনি think I am; I have my faults!" She ব্যক্ত "all I know is that I couldn't handle being a single parent and being as famous as আপনি are! I mean sure I'm famous too; but nowhere near as famous as আপনি are! The fact that আপনি can be on stage for three hours and then go back to a hotel to immediately switch your brain into daddy mode is awesome!" I ব্যক্ত "yeah; but I'll be the first to admit that I can be a pushover when it comes to AJ! I'm hoping that I can learn to be stricter once I have আরো kids!" She ব্যক্ত "that reminds me; before the baby is born আপনি should take AJ on a vacation somewhere; just so the two of আপনি can spend some time together before you’re too busy with the rest of the tour also." I responded "I was thinking about that yesterday! Maybe in January I will take her to ডিজনি World because she loves going there. I don't think she really gets the whole concept of having a brother. I don't think she understands that she's not going to be able to be the center of attention anymore because I'll have to বিভক্ত করা my time between the two of them I'm just going to spend as much quality time with AJ before Prince is born."

***

I am still struggling with AJ's behavior and it seems to be getting worse. I've noticed that it's আরো rage filled than it used to be. I was doing the dishes in the রান্নাঘর while AJ finished her dinner. She ব্যক্ত "daddy, I'm done eating." I walked over to the টেবিল and ব্যক্ত "I want আপনি to just eat one আরো bite and then আপনি can get down." Without saying a word, she pushed the plate of পাস্তা onto the floor and looked up at me for a reaction. I ব্যক্ত "that's not okay; you're going to timeout now." She completely overreacted to me putting her in the corner of the room. She took off her light up Spiderman sneakers and attempted to throw them at my head. She always cries almost to the point where she's going to start hyperventilating.

I decided to do something that I normally wouldn't do; I sat down পরবর্তি to her on the floor and asked "why are আপনি so angry?" She ব্যক্ত "I don't understand why I'm in trouble daddy." I ব্যক্ত "because আপনি tossed your plate on the floor." I looked down at her and realized that she must've been so angry that she blacked out and didn't remember anything that had happened in the past few minutes. I let her go off into her play room to watch TV and I still sat there on the রান্নাঘর floor thinking. There has to be something else going on with AJ! A normal temper tantrum isn't supposed to be like that. I have to figure out what's going on before this gets out of control!

***

I had a behavioral specialist come over to the ranch today to evaluate Alanna and I'm currently standing outside her bedroom door pacing back and forth. The specialist opened the door and he ব্যক্ত "you can come in now Michael." I sat down on the পালঙ্ক that's in AJ's room and the specialist ব্যক্ত "I've discovered that I think she has oppositional defiance disorder. That means that she doesn't really think about things before she does them and that she will probably never respect authority figures in her life. When she gets angry she tends to forget why she's mad in the first place." I ব্যক্ত "that doesn't sound like a bad issue to deal with. I'll be able to handle it!" He responded "the prognosis for her future based on statistics is that she will probably end up getting in trouble with the law a lot. It really would surprise me if আপনি end up being able to control her behavior. I know that you'll definitely have to be a strict father when it comes to how আপনি raise her because if you're not she's not going to listen to আপনি at all. There's one আরো thing that আপনি should know, I've also discovered that AJ has all the characteristics of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) I ব্যক্ত "I actually thought she might have ADHD myself; so I'm not surprised to hear আপনি say that. She always needs to be entertained because if she isn't she gets into trouble." The specialist ব্যক্ত "if আপনি would like to, I could prescribe Ritalin to help deal with her hyperactivity." My eyes widened in shock because I was surprised that he would even bring that up as an option.

I picked AJ up and sat her down on my lap as I ব্যক্ত "there's no way I'm going to put her on Ritalin just because she's a little আরো hyper than other kids! I totally disagree with ADHD medication in every way! I've seen kids on that stuff before and all they do is walk around like unhappy zombies all day! I'm not going to do that to my daughter! She's perfectly fine just the way she is; even with a behavioral disorder and ADHD!" The specialist responded "do আপনি realize how difficult that's going to be Michael? Dealing with the behavioral issues is going to be hard enough for আপনি as it is!" I ব্যক্ত arrogantly "I don't care! I can handle her; just like I have been since she's been alive! I'm going to prove to আপনি that AJ is going to be able to beat the national statistics for this behavioral disorder আপনি diagnosed her with! With my help, she will be a well behaved person who will grow up to be a successful adult in today's society! Thank আপনি very much for your help; my bodyguard will walk আপনি out to your car! Don't bother coming back here because I'm very offended দ্বারা the fact that আপনি think that just because I'm Michael Jackson I won't be able to handle my daughter's unruly behavior!"

The specialist just looked at me emotionless and walked with Jeffrey out to his car. I looked at AJ and ব্যক্ত "I can't believe that guy! Don't worry AJ; I won't let আপনি become just another statistic! You're not going to end up in jail as long as I'm around to stop that from happening! You're fine just the way আপনি are and so what if you're a little hyper! I wouldn't change আপনি for anything in this world because you're exactly who you’re supposed to be! I'm especially not going to drug আপনি with that type medication because then you'll just be going through the motions every single day!" She just looked up at me and I asked "you don't understand what I'm talking about at all; do you?" She just shook her head and ব্যক্ত "nope." I chuckled and ব্যক্ত "that's what I thought! That's okay; daddy just needed to vent I think."

***

I've been spending most of my time lately preparing for বড়দিন in a few days and celebrating holidays like this is still very new to me because I grew up a devout Jehovah's Witness. Once Debbie found out she was pregnant with AJ I decided that I would give up practicing that religion because I wanted all of my children to be able to experience the typical childhood. That was a sacrifice I was আরো than willing to make so my children can grow up as normal as possible. I hate the fact that they are আপনি going to unfortunately miss out on what most middle-class children experience. I'm trying my best to compensate for what the children will eventually have to face.

I was counting down the মিনিট until AJ's naptime because I have tons of বড়দিন presents to মোড়ানো and I don't want her to see any of them. I went into the living room and ব্যক্ত "alright AJ; time to go upstairs and watch a movie অথবা something until আপনি fall asleep." She casually ব্যক্ত "but I don't want to." I smiled and ব্যক্ত "I know; but আপনি have to." I picked her up and I could tell that she was desperately trying to stay awake to prove that she wasn't tired. I walked upstairs and put her underneath the blankets on her bed. She started her usual array of excuses; "daddy I need a drink! I'm not tired! I want to sleep downstairs!" I ব্যক্ত "just take a nap and before আপনি know it you'll be awake again."

I'm constantly forgetting that AJ was diagnosed with ADHD and maybe asking her to take a two ঘন্টা nap is unrealistic. I ব্যক্ত "okay; আপনি can stay awake because maybe আপনি aren't tired after all. আপনি are to stay in here; do আপনি understand?" She ব্যক্ত "yes; I'll stay in here daddy." I was far less than convinced that she would actually listen to me; but I locked my bedroom door just as a precaution; that way she would at least have to knock. As I looked at the mountain of toys and things I had purchased for her for Christmas, I realized that I had completely gone overboard this year. The crazy part is that she's probably going to get hundreds আরো presents from other family members and my famous friends. Elizabeth (Taylor) especially likes to spoil her because she is just thrilled with the fact that I decided to become a father in the first place.

I just can't wait to see Alanna's face on বড়দিন morning when she sees all these presents under the বড়দিন বৃক্ষ and around the living room. After I was finished wrapping the gifts, I went into AJ's bedroom and she was sitting on the floor playing with Legos. She looked up at me and ran up to me as if she hadn't seen me in years. I picked her up and she ব্যক্ত "I প্রণয় আপনি so much daddy!" I ব্যক্ত "I প্রণয় আপনি more!" It's times like this that make me almost want to cry because everybody in my family besides my mother and Latoya complain about how AJ behaves! If only they could see what I see in my daughter! All she needs is প্রণয় because in the end she's just a kid!

***

বড়দিন is two days away and it's so cute because AJ is beyond excited. We were downstairs decorating the বিস্কুট that had just come out of the চুলা a few মিনিট পূর্বে and I laughed as আরো frosting ended up in AJ's mouth than on any of the cookies. I ব্যক্ত "okay, okay, okay, that's enough AJ! আপনি don't want to make yourself sick!" I stood there in the রান্নাঘর trying to wash her face off because it was covered in frosting; but I think it stained her face red temporarily.

We went into the living room and AJ started her পছন্দ pastime of climbing all over me like a monkey. A tickle fight ensued and I heard footsteps behind us. I turned around to see mother standing there and figured that Jeffrey must've left her inside. AJ ব্যক্ত "hi grandma" as she shrieked with laughter. Mother smiled from ear to ear and ব্যক্ত "you're too cute!" She looked at the বৃক্ষ set up in the living room and ব্যক্ত "I see that you're still going to celebrate বড়দিন Michael." I ব্যক্ত "it's not because I'm trying to hurt আপনি mother. It's just because I want Alanna to have the childhood I didn't! I'm still going to bring my children up on the same core principles; just in a different way!" I looked at AJ and ব্যক্ত "tell grandma what I told আপনি about Christmas." She ব্যক্ত "daddy told me that it's আরো important to give to a gift to a person than to get one yourself." I ব্যক্ত "don't forget about the other thing that I told you." She thought about it for a সেকেন্ড and ব্যক্ত "Jesus first, others second, and yourself last; no matter what." I ব্যক্ত "see mother; celebrating বড়দিন isn't going to change who AJ is and I have to admit that I প্রণয় seeing how happy she is on বড়দিন morning!" She ব্যক্ত "that's not going to change how I feel about it; but I respect your decision Michael!" I hugged mother before Jeffrey helped her out to her car and I kissed AJ's forehead.

***

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock পরবর্তি to me to see that it was 4 AM on December 25. I knew I had to wake up early so I could start setting up things downstairs before AJ wakes up. Jeffrey started moving gifts downstairs at around midnight last night and I decided it was time to bring the gifts that I had purchased for her downstairs. I walked into the walk-in closet that's in my bedroom and grabbed as many presents as I could carry. I struggled to make it down the stairs because I couldn't see where I was going. Luckily, Jeffrey was walking past the staircase and ব্যক্ত "here Michael; let me help আপনি with that!" He grabbed the gifts out of my arms and I walked back up the steps to retrieve the rest of them.

After I had gotten the rest of the presents from my bedroom, I went downstairs to the living room and that was the first time I noticed just how many gifts there were. I definitely went overboard this বছর compared to the last few Christmases because there are at least 500 presents covering the entire living room. The বড়দিন বৃক্ষ looked like it completely disappeared and Jeffrey ব্যক্ত "I was down here most of the night moving presents over to the বড়দিন tree. I just woke up from a four ঘন্টা nap a few মিনিট ago." I ব্যক্ত "well; thank আপনি for all your help Jeffrey! Enjoy the holiday with your family and I'll see আপনি in a few days." Jeffrey ব্যক্ত "thank আপনি sir; I hope your family ডিনার with the rest of the Jackson's goes well tonight."

When Jeffrey left, I made my way to the রান্নাঘর and remembered that AJ had set out বিস্কুট and দুধ for "Santa Claus." I wasn't hungry at all because of how early in the morning it was; but I forced myself to eat two of the three বিস্কুট on the plate and drink half of the glass of milk. বিস্কুট were definitely not my idea of a balanced breakfast; but of course I would do anything to keep the magic of Santa Claus alive for AJ.

I walked upstairs around 5 AM and had completely forgotten to give AJ the Spiderman pajamas I bought for her. I was supposed to give them to her last night so she would be wearing them when she woke up this morning. I grabbed the pajamas out of my bedroom and had to figure out if I could manage to dress her in them without waking her up. As I walked into her bedroom, she was sprawled out almost to the point where she was falling out of bed. Every time she would move, I got worried that she would wake up; but I was able to get her dressed without a problem.

I waited downstairs listening to বড়দিন সঙ্গীত anticipating AJ waking up. A few hours later, I heard noises coming from upstairs and went to check on AJ. I walked into her room and laughed as her hair was sticking up in all different directions. She didn't notice me at first; but then I ব্যক্ত "Merry Christmas" and she ran into my arms. She asked "did Santa Claus come?" I ব্যক্ত "I don't know; আপনি have to go see! Didn't আপনি have 'Toy story’ pajamas on last night?" She looked down at her pajamas and ব্যক্ত "whoa; Spiderman!" I smiled and ব্যক্ত "let's go downstairs!"

She ran downstairs and I pulled my camera out of my pocket just fast enough to get a picture of her reaction to all the বড়দিন presents. I chuckled as she stood there speechless staring at the Spiderman bike that was in the center of all the wrapped presents. I put her on the bike and her legs were too short to reach the pedals. I ব্যক্ত "that's all right; I'll just fix them later." She got off the bike and immediately wanted to start ripping into the gifts; but I ব্যক্ত "let's go see if Santa ate the বিস্কুট আপনি left for him last night first!"

AJ ran into the রান্নাঘর and looked at the plate with the half eaten cookie on it. I ব্যক্ত "there's a letter from Santa! Let me read it." I grabbed a letter and read aloud "thank আপনি for the বিস্কুট and milk. I hope you're listening to your daddy. I have lots of house to go to; so this letter can't be very long. I hope আপনি like your bike and I'm looking অগ্রবর্তী to bringing presents for আপনি and your brother Prince পরবর্তি year. Sincerely, Santa Claus and the reindeer." AJ jumped with excitement and I ব্যক্ত "okay; let's go open some gifts!"

We sat down on the পালঙ্ক and I grabbed a stack of presents from the gigantic pile that covered our entire living room. I passed her one of them and she ripped it open. Spiderman after Spiderman gifts piled up like a mountain পরবর্তি to her! Everything from Spiderman T-shirts to Spiderman bedding covered her side of the couch. I must've purchased every single Spiderman action figure from the new line of toys that just came out a few months ago! Some of things I bought I had totally forgotten about and it surprised me that I went so far as to buy Spiderman socks and toothpaste.

When all of the presents I had gotten for AJ had been opened, I ব্যক্ত "okay; we have to wait a while until we can open the rest of the gifts because those are from বন্ধু and family. We have to wait until they get here later for dinner. AJ ব্যক্ত "okay; will আপনি open this stuff for me daddy; please?" I ব্যক্ত "of course I can! Did আপনি like everything that I bought you?" She ব্যক্ত "yeah; especially because আপনি didn't buy me girl clothes and stuff this year!" I chuckled and ব্যক্ত "yeah; I'm just happy that you'll play with the stuff that I bought আপনি this year! I bought আপনি a whole bunch of princess toys last বছর and আপনি never even wanted me to take them out of the box!"

I spent over an ঘন্টা struggling to get some of the large action figures out of the packaging. I don't understand why they make the packaging "daddy proof!" It's so difficult to get anything out of the box because they use tape, wires, and everything else আপনি could think of to make it almost impossible for anyone to get out. Let me tell আপনি that me trying to get these toys out of their boxes for my daughter who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder was quite an event! Every 30 সেকেন্ড I would hear "hurry up daddy! You're a slow poke!" I laughed and ব্যক্ত "hang on Alanna! I'm trying, I'm trying!"

A couple hours later, there was a knock at the door and I went to go answer it. It was a huge group of people; which included Janet, rebbie, Randy, Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Marlon, Latoya, my manager Frank, and Elizabeth Taylor, I ব্যক্ত "Merry বড়দিন everyone; thank আপনি for coming!" I went into the living room and AJ was clearly irritated with me for taking her away from the toys that I finally was able to get open so she could greet all the guests that had just arrived. Once she saw that Elizabeth was there, she practically jumped out of my arms and into hers. Elizabeth hugged AJ tightly in her arms and ব্যক্ত "Merry বড়দিন sweetheart!" I প্রণয় seeing AJ with Elizabeth because she was the one who convinced me to pursue becoming a father in the first place.

Elizabeth hugged me and looked around the living room as she ব্যক্ত "well; this is definitely quite the improvement from the first বড়দিন আপনি celebrated with me here back in 1993 Michael! I remember আপনি locked yourself in your bedroom and cried for hours because আপনি felt terrible for celebrating Christmas!" I ব্যক্ত "it makes it easier now that I'm a daddy!" AJ ব্যক্ত "Aunt Liz; daddy got me a lot of Spiderman stuff!" Elizabeth responded "he did? I like your pajamas!" AJ ব্যক্ত "thank you" and reached out for me to grab her from Elizabeth's arms.

As all of us sat there eating dinner, Janet asked "how come AJ has a boy haircut Michael?" I responded "that's what she wanted her hair to look like." She asked "why are there so many Spiderman things all over the living room?" I ব্যক্ত "oh; that's all of AJ's বড়দিন presents that I bought her this year." She asked "where's all the পরাকাষ্ঠা and Princess stuff Michael?" I ব্যক্ত "AJ hates girly things!" Janet ব্যক্ত "you shouldn't buy her boy things Michael!" I cleared my throat and asked "why?" She ব্যক্ত "because girls are supposed to like feminine things like ফুলেরডালি and বার্বি dolls!" I ব্যক্ত "I used to get her girls toys; but she would never play with them! I'm not going to force her to play with stereotypical female toys because she doesn't like them! Who cares if she's a tomboy? She's my child and I প্রণয় her just the way she is!"

After everyone had left, I looked around for AJ and checked in the living room. She had fallen asleep on the floor with a Spiderman action figure in her hand. I picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. I covered her up at the blankets and her eyes slightly opened. She ব্যক্ত "thank আপনি for my presents daddy!" I smiled and ব্যক্ত "you're welcome AJ!" She lightly pecked my lips and I ব্যক্ত "I প্রণয় আপনি AJ; Merry Christmas!" I shut off the light and went downstairs to conquer a huge mess of gift মোড়ানো and bowties that now covered my living room floor.

***

I rubbed sunscreen onto AJ's shoulders and ব্যক্ত "okay; we can go swimming now!" She didn't seem as excited as she normally would be about going in the swimming pool. I was surprised that she didn't immediately get into the pool and she looked distracted. She had been অভিনয় like that all morning and I couldn't get a straight answer out of her. I jumped out of the pool and sat পরবর্তি to her on the ground as I asked "what's wrong AJ? Don't আপনি want to go in the pool? She paused for a সেকেন্ড and hesitated pausing once again. She had a worried expression on her face which only made me wonder আরো what could possibly be going on. She looked at me and I asked "what's wrong AJ?" She whispered "I want to go swimming; but can I go potty first?"

It took me a মিনিট to process what she had just asked me because I have been waiting to hear those words for such a long time now! I picked her up and ব্যক্ত "you don't have to ask me that AJ!" I ran for the nearest bathroom and she started crying. I was completely caught off guard দ্বারা that because all the other times I had brought her in here she never cried! I asked "why are আপনি crying?" She bolted out of the bathroom and I ran after her. She continuously cried all the way upstairs to her bedroom and I followed behind her. I sat down on the edge of the বিছানা as she cried into her pillow. I was so confused and didn't know what caused her to cry. I picked her up and sat her on my lap as I asked "please tell me what's wrong?" She didn't say a thing; so I decided to guess. I asked "are আপনি scared?" She shook her head no and continued to cry.

I could tell that she really did have to go desperately at this point; but the conversation was going nowhere. I ব্যক্ত "you know আপনি can tell me anything AJ!" She sobbed and ব্যক্ত "I want to stay your baby forever daddy!" She must've overheard me talking to mother a couple of weeks পূর্বে about how hard it is on me to let AJ grow up! I ব্যক্ত "AJ; you'll always be my baby! আপনি going pee in the potty isn't going to change that!" I stood up with her in my arms and ব্যক্ত "come on; I want আপনি to go try."

She started hyperventilating and I felt awful because it feels like I caused this. Once we got into the bathroom, she protested "I'm not going to go!" I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and ব্যক্ত "it's okay AJ!" I realized that she wasn't going down without a fight and my হৃদয় hurt for her as she just cried to the point of almost making herself sick. I had to think of something to distract her because if I didn't I would've started crying too!

I thought about it for a সেকেন্ড and started making funny faces at her. I stuck my tongue out, ক্রুশ my eyes, and anything else I could think of. She started to laugh and I smiled; but the সেকেন্ড I stopped making faces at her she started crying again. As I was running out of faces to make, she ব্যক্ত "oh no" and started crying again. That's when I realized that my idea of creating a distraction had worked. I ব্যক্ত "yay AJ; don't cry!" She ব্যক্ত "daddy; I didn't want to go!" I picked her up and ব্যক্ত "it's no big deal AJ! আপনি don't have to cry about it anymore because it's done with! She continued to cry; no matter how much I praised her.

I walked into the রান্নাঘর and we went outside to the swimming pool and AJ was STILL uncontrollably crying into my shoulder. I ব্যক্ত "it's okay AJ; all আপনি did was pee in the potty!" I put her down on the ground and ran over to the cotton ক্যান্ডি চকোলেট vendor a few feet away. I came back and knelt down পরবর্তি to her as she sobbed into the grass. I ব্যক্ত "AJ; look what I have!" She looked up and her eyes widened at the site of the huge blue cotton ক্যান্ডি চকোলেট stick in front of her. It was killing me inside just knowing how much sugar was inside that cotton ক্যান্ডি চকোলেট because I don't like it when she eats a lot of sugar! I just couldn't handle listening to her cry anymore!

As she reached for it, I asked "are আপনি going to stop crying and make sure there's not going to be a lot আরো accidents from now on?" She ব্যক্ত "I promise daddy!" I passed it to her and scooped her up into my arms. I ব্যক্ত "I'm so proud of আপনি AJ! I don't know why আপনি were so upset! I want আপনি to know that you'll always be daddy's baby girl; no matter what!" I never thought this would be as difficult as it has been! I hope I didn't bite off আরো than I can chew দ্বারা adding another baby on শীর্ষ of AJ and her behavioral issues! I'm glad I don't have to deal with what I just had to deal with for at least a few আরো years after Prince is born!"

***

The phone rang and I heard Debbie's voice on the other end say "Michael; my water just broke!"

TO BE CONTINUED :-)