Am I tough? Am I strong? Am I hard-core? Absolutely.
Did I whimper with pathetic delight when I sank my teeth into my hot fried-chicken sandwich? You betcha.

"Pity you can'tattach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you."

Redvines:what the hell can't they do?

Hufflepuff's are particulary good finders

Hahaha, now your just being cute. I can't GO to Pigfarts. It's ON MARS. You need a rocketship. Do you have a rocketship, Potter? You know, not all of us inherits enough money when our parents die to buy one out of NASA. Oh! Look at this! Rocketship Potter, Starkid Potter, Moonshoes Potter, using his rocketship for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!

Dumbledore!? What an old gof. His nothing like Rumblerore. Rumblerore is the headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk.

Where did the poster of Headmaster Zefron go!?
I don't care for Zac Efron. Tayler Lauthner's my man.
What do you want, you horried bitch!?!?

Cleaning my room: 1% cleaning, 39% texting, 60% playing with stuff I just found.

These are paraprosdokian, which are a figure of speech in which the latter part of a phrase is unexpected and causes the reader to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


I live off funny quotes, so yeah, I'm just leaving a few here :P