1. After she returns from a তারিখ with Edward, ask her how her তারিখ with Mike went. When she corrects you, say, "Sorry, I forgot! So tell me about your তারিখ with Jacob." Keep doing this for as long as possible, getting the name wrong every time. Say names that don't even make sense: "So how was your তারিখ with Emmett?"
When she finally snaps and starts screaming at আপনি that it was EDWARD, say "Ohhh, the vampire boy. So how was your তারিখ with Dracula?"
2. Tell Mike/Eric/Jacob/any one of Bella's fanboys that Bella will agree to go out with him if he wears fake vampire teeth and body glitter. She's into that kind of thing.
3. Explain to her that, not only is Edward technically dead (Necrophilia), he is also technically about a hundred years older than her, give অথবা take. (Pedophilia.) Ask if her father knows about this. When she says he doesn't, (or even if she lies and says he does) go and tell Charlie all about it.
4. Send her a fake marriage proposal from every single one of her fanboys, over the course of about a week. (Or আপনি could do it all in one day, I suppose.) Also, add at the bottom of each one: "If আপনি won't marry me, I'll kill myself, I can't live without you, Bella!" Word it differently each time so it sounds less suspicious. Make sure none of the fanboys actually know anything about this.
5. Point and laugh hysterically whenever she falls, and "accidentally" trip her whenever she walks by.
6. Hide behind things and jump out at her, saying "I vant to suck your blood!" in the worst Transylvanian accent আপনি can manage. Bonus points if আপনি wear fake vampire teeth/a black cape/ect.
7. Put a small piece of "Team Jacob" merchandise somewhere in an inconspicuous place in her room. Then put another "Team Jacob" something অথবা another in her room the পরবর্তি day. Do this gradually, adding আরো and আরো Team Jacob to her room until she notices. (Or until Edward notices, whichever comes first) Then, don't try to make it un-noticeable after that: Cover the walls in posters, put Jacob pillows on her bed, steal all her shirts and replace them with Jacob shirts... (Alternative: Do this with Edward's room. See if she notices before he does.)
8. Go to Bella's house while she's sleeping at night, and find Edward- He's sure to be around somewhere, watching her sleep as usual. When আপনি find him, scream at the শীর্ষ of your lungs, "HI, EDWARD. :D WATCHING BELLA AGAIN? THAT'S COOL. আপনি HAVE FUN WITH THAT. ^.^ "
9. Prick your finger with a needle and run up to Bella, screaming "AAAAAAAABELLA, I'M BLEEDING, HELP MEEE!" and pretend to faint. Make sure she sees the blood before আপনি "faint", though.
10. Get a vampire doll/plushie/whatever আপনি can find, and put it on Bella's dresser when she isn't home. Put some যেভাবে খুশী stuff in front of it so she won't notice it. Put a walkie talkie in it অথবা hide one near it. Then, when she's sleeping, say through the walkie-talkie, in your creepiest stalker-voice (Bonus points for a Transylvanian accent) "Bellaaa.... I am waaatching yoouu~" Followed দ্বারা maniacal laughter.
11. Ask Charlie, at a time when Bella is within earshot, if it bothers him that his daughter is dating a heroin-addict vampire.
12. Tell Mike that, আপনি weren't supposed to tell, and Bella's going to be SO mad at you, but... Bella has a secret crush on him. (Note: It doesn't have to be Mike, Bella has plenty of other fanboys আপনি could use.)
13. When she and Charlie are not home, steal all the খাবার in the refrigerator and hide it all under Bella's bed. Tell her Edward ate it.
14. Tell Bella that Edward told আপনি that he's been hearing Bella saying Jacob's name in her sleep for the past few weeks, and he's getting very upset, but he was too afraid to tell her himself. Tell her আপনি think it's time Edward knew about her secret affair.
15. Tell her Edward is planning on leaving her for Rosalie.
16. Put in fake vampire teeth (I know, I'm using the vampire teeth too much in here, ভালুক with me) and "topaz" অথবা স্বর্ণ contact lenses and say, "Look, Bella, Edward made me a vampire!"
17. Send Charlie an invitation to "Bella and Mike's wedding." See what happens.
18. Hide in Bella's room when she's not in there, and wait until she comes in, and Edward sneaks in through the window অথবা something. Then say "HI EDWARD. :D WHAT ARE আপনি DOING HERE SO LATE AT NIGHT?" Loud enough so Charlie can hear you.
19. Hit her in the head whenever she says "Edward."
20. On her birthday, give her a great big colorful card (One of the ones with confetti inside that makes all kinds of noise when আপনি open it) that says "CONGRATULATIONS. আপনি are now ____ years older than Edward (pretends to be)!" Then, follow her around for the rest of the দিন shouting things like, "EVERYONE MAKE WAY FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!", and encouraging everyone to sing Happy Birthday with you.
21. Take that Dracula doll from #10 (Or a different one if আপনি never managed to get that one back) and name it Edward. Make it sit on her shoulder অথবা on her head and say, in a ridiculously high voice, "I প্রণয় আপনি Bella! I প্রণয় আপনি Bella!" over and over, and when she finally snaps say, "You hurt Edward's feelings!" and make the doll cry in the most pathetic, annoying, high-pitched, whiney way possible. Tell her she should apologize. If she gives in and apologizes, make the doll slap her in the face.
22. Buy her a ridiculously flashy, tacky dress and tell her she just has to wear it; She always looks so plain and boring পরবর্তি to Edward.
23. Tell her that Edward really prefers blondes. If she dyes her hair, say, "Oh wait... That was Emmett... Edward prefers red-heads." Keep doing this for a while. (Note: If she *doesn't* dye her hair, keep pestering her about it until she does.)
24. Tell Alice that Bella told আপনি to tell her (@_@) that she has permission to redecorate Bella's room any way she wants to. Before telling her this, find out where Bella's diary is. Then, when Alice is redecorating the room, hint at the diary's location until she finds it.
25. When Edward's doing his watching-Bella-sleep thing, go wake up Charlie and tell him there's a stalker outside Bella's window. (Note the fact that Charlie is a policeman, as well as being Bella's father.)
26. Run to Bella, looking very distressed, and tell her that Alice just foresaw a monster coming to kill Bella. When Edward walks by, scream "THERE HE IS! ALICE WAS RIGHT!!"
27. Constantly remind her that Edward is old enough to be her great-grandfather.
28. Become good বন্ধু with Alice Cullen, to the point where আপনি go on many shopping trips together. Force Bella to come along on every single one of them.
29. Freak out and demand that Bella go to the hospital every single time she gets a paper cut, trips, hits her head on something, ect. (Alternative: Freak out whenever she's using a ছুরি for cooking, standing nearby the চুলা even if it's not on, walking down stairs, অথবা basically touching anything অথবা being near anything that could potentially be sharp/too hot/ect. অথবা in any situation where she could possibly get hurt. When she insists she'll be fine, cry that Edward's going to be so heartbroken if she gets hurt, how could she do that him!)
30. Come to school one দিন bragging endlessly about how আপনি went on a wonderful, romantic তারিখ with Edward. (Explain to Bella later that it wasn't Edward Cullen আপনি went out with, but a different Edward. =P )
When she finally snaps and starts screaming at আপনি that it was EDWARD, say "Ohhh, the vampire boy. So how was your তারিখ with Dracula?"
2. Tell Mike/Eric/Jacob/any one of Bella's fanboys that Bella will agree to go out with him if he wears fake vampire teeth and body glitter. She's into that kind of thing.
3. Explain to her that, not only is Edward technically dead (Necrophilia), he is also technically about a hundred years older than her, give অথবা take. (Pedophilia.) Ask if her father knows about this. When she says he doesn't, (or even if she lies and says he does) go and tell Charlie all about it.
4. Send her a fake marriage proposal from every single one of her fanboys, over the course of about a week. (Or আপনি could do it all in one day, I suppose.) Also, add at the bottom of each one: "If আপনি won't marry me, I'll kill myself, I can't live without you, Bella!" Word it differently each time so it sounds less suspicious. Make sure none of the fanboys actually know anything about this.
5. Point and laugh hysterically whenever she falls, and "accidentally" trip her whenever she walks by.
6. Hide behind things and jump out at her, saying "I vant to suck your blood!" in the worst Transylvanian accent আপনি can manage. Bonus points if আপনি wear fake vampire teeth/a black cape/ect.
7. Put a small piece of "Team Jacob" merchandise somewhere in an inconspicuous place in her room. Then put another "Team Jacob" something অথবা another in her room the পরবর্তি day. Do this gradually, adding আরো and আরো Team Jacob to her room until she notices. (Or until Edward notices, whichever comes first) Then, don't try to make it un-noticeable after that: Cover the walls in posters, put Jacob pillows on her bed, steal all her shirts and replace them with Jacob shirts... (Alternative: Do this with Edward's room. See if she notices before he does.)
8. Go to Bella's house while she's sleeping at night, and find Edward- He's sure to be around somewhere, watching her sleep as usual. When আপনি find him, scream at the শীর্ষ of your lungs, "HI, EDWARD. :D WATCHING BELLA AGAIN? THAT'S COOL. আপনি HAVE FUN WITH THAT. ^.^ "
9. Prick your finger with a needle and run up to Bella, screaming "AAAAAAAABELLA, I'M BLEEDING, HELP MEEE!" and pretend to faint. Make sure she sees the blood before আপনি "faint", though.
10. Get a vampire doll/plushie/whatever আপনি can find, and put it on Bella's dresser when she isn't home. Put some যেভাবে খুশী stuff in front of it so she won't notice it. Put a walkie talkie in it অথবা hide one near it. Then, when she's sleeping, say through the walkie-talkie, in your creepiest stalker-voice (Bonus points for a Transylvanian accent) "Bellaaa.... I am waaatching yoouu~" Followed দ্বারা maniacal laughter.
11. Ask Charlie, at a time when Bella is within earshot, if it bothers him that his daughter is dating a heroin-addict vampire.
12. Tell Mike that, আপনি weren't supposed to tell, and Bella's going to be SO mad at you, but... Bella has a secret crush on him. (Note: It doesn't have to be Mike, Bella has plenty of other fanboys আপনি could use.)
13. When she and Charlie are not home, steal all the খাবার in the refrigerator and hide it all under Bella's bed. Tell her Edward ate it.
14. Tell Bella that Edward told আপনি that he's been hearing Bella saying Jacob's name in her sleep for the past few weeks, and he's getting very upset, but he was too afraid to tell her himself. Tell her আপনি think it's time Edward knew about her secret affair.
15. Tell her Edward is planning on leaving her for Rosalie.
16. Put in fake vampire teeth (I know, I'm using the vampire teeth too much in here, ভালুক with me) and "topaz" অথবা স্বর্ণ contact lenses and say, "Look, Bella, Edward made me a vampire!"
17. Send Charlie an invitation to "Bella and Mike's wedding." See what happens.
18. Hide in Bella's room when she's not in there, and wait until she comes in, and Edward sneaks in through the window অথবা something. Then say "HI EDWARD. :D WHAT ARE আপনি DOING HERE SO LATE AT NIGHT?" Loud enough so Charlie can hear you.
19. Hit her in the head whenever she says "Edward."
20. On her birthday, give her a great big colorful card (One of the ones with confetti inside that makes all kinds of noise when আপনি open it) that says "CONGRATULATIONS. আপনি are now ____ years older than Edward (pretends to be)!" Then, follow her around for the rest of the দিন shouting things like, "EVERYONE MAKE WAY FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!", and encouraging everyone to sing Happy Birthday with you.
21. Take that Dracula doll from #10 (Or a different one if আপনি never managed to get that one back) and name it Edward. Make it sit on her shoulder অথবা on her head and say, in a ridiculously high voice, "I প্রণয় আপনি Bella! I প্রণয় আপনি Bella!" over and over, and when she finally snaps say, "You hurt Edward's feelings!" and make the doll cry in the most pathetic, annoying, high-pitched, whiney way possible. Tell her she should apologize. If she gives in and apologizes, make the doll slap her in the face.
22. Buy her a ridiculously flashy, tacky dress and tell her she just has to wear it; She always looks so plain and boring পরবর্তি to Edward.
23. Tell her that Edward really prefers blondes. If she dyes her hair, say, "Oh wait... That was Emmett... Edward prefers red-heads." Keep doing this for a while. (Note: If she *doesn't* dye her hair, keep pestering her about it until she does.)
24. Tell Alice that Bella told আপনি to tell her (@_@) that she has permission to redecorate Bella's room any way she wants to. Before telling her this, find out where Bella's diary is. Then, when Alice is redecorating the room, hint at the diary's location until she finds it.
25. When Edward's doing his watching-Bella-sleep thing, go wake up Charlie and tell him there's a stalker outside Bella's window. (Note the fact that Charlie is a policeman, as well as being Bella's father.)
26. Run to Bella, looking very distressed, and tell her that Alice just foresaw a monster coming to kill Bella. When Edward walks by, scream "THERE HE IS! ALICE WAS RIGHT!!"
27. Constantly remind her that Edward is old enough to be her great-grandfather.
28. Become good বন্ধু with Alice Cullen, to the point where আপনি go on many shopping trips together. Force Bella to come along on every single one of them.
29. Freak out and demand that Bella go to the hospital every single time she gets a paper cut, trips, hits her head on something, ect. (Alternative: Freak out whenever she's using a ছুরি for cooking, standing nearby the চুলা even if it's not on, walking down stairs, অথবা basically touching anything অথবা being near anything that could potentially be sharp/too hot/ect. অথবা in any situation where she could possibly get hurt. When she insists she'll be fine, cry that Edward's going to be so heartbroken if she gets hurt, how could she do that him!)
30. Come to school one দিন bragging endlessly about how আপনি went on a wonderful, romantic তারিখ with Edward. (Explain to Bella later that it wasn't Edward Cullen আপনি went out with, but a different Edward. =P )