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So, the Harry Potter series is winding down to an official close. There will be no আরো চলচ্চিত্র and, as of yet, no আরো books. It's a bitter-sweet thought. Harry and co. have had a long, amazing journey and have deserved the epic ending they are about to receive.
I really can't stop thinking about how I got into this amazing journey and how I became enamored (and head over heels) with the character Severus. While I প্রণয় him for everything that he is (and everything that he isn't) my initial reason for my feelings becoming so strong for this man, upon reflection, is আরো his figurative supportive role in my life.
I got my first Harry Potter book when I was nine years old, on my birthday. At that time, I was পাঠ করা anything I could get my hands on, and I didn't even think twice about cracking the spine and diving right in. I wasn't impressed with the first chapter, but my friend (who'd also read the first book) encouraged me and, so, I continued on. দ্বারা the time Harry boarded the Hogwarts Express, I was hooked.
The series, as it grew, quickly became my escape. My parents (and entire family) fought about everything constantly. The wizarding world, the train, and Hogwarts were ready and waiting for me to abandon this world filled with screaming, name-calling, accusations, and low-blows. Dumbledore was always at the feast, ready for his warm welcome. Harry was always excited to head out, Hermione had all the answers, and Severus wasted no time in being the biggest গাধা of them all. Severus refused to be bowed দ্বারা tears and whining and I, being completely smitten with him, refused to do anything that would make him turn up his nose. He was my inspiration for being strong, as crazy as that sounds.
I suppose that's really why he's my পছন্দ character – I can relate so much আরো to him than anyone. He kept people at a distance, never wanting to প্রদর্শনী his true heart, lest it be shattered into pieces. He stayed strong throughout; there were so many times when he could have walked away, could have broken down, refused. But he didn't. I didn't either.
দ্বারা the time the fifth book came about, the similarities between Severus and myself (and Harry and myself) were eerie. The image of his parents fighting, while he cried – unseen – in the background literally had me closing the book with shaking hands. Harry being ostracized for “lying” made me warm to him – he, like Severus, had stayed strong. I was ostracized for “lying” as well. I had হারিয়ে গেছে almost every friend I had (I was thirteen at the time) except one. And, again, the world was there for me. I, along with Harry, battled to get the truth out. I wasn't alone, and I was comforted দ্বারা that.
When I was fifteen, I was diagnosed with Celiac (an allergy to wheat and glutton). It's a pretty scary disease, actually: if not controlled, it can (and will kill you) দ্বারা destroying your organs (my uncle and my father both almost হারিয়ে গেছে their livers and my grandfather died from it). It was scary and uncomfortable. Imagine a fifteen বছর old, surrounded দ্বারা বন্ধু at a birthday party, unable to partake in dinner, অথবা cake, অথবা আইসক্রিম (and yes, here in America, quite a few ice-creams have wheat and/or glutton) in it and forced to watch everyone around her eating happily; spending the night at a বন্ধু house and having to have their বন্ধু make আপনি a “special” ডিনার and breakfast; needing to take খাবার to band camp and having to make it yourself with no help, despite exhaustion, and a time limit. And Harry Potter was there: Severus had killed Dumbledore. I knew that there was আরো to it, but it served to distract me from the misery that was calling itself my life. Besides, he'd been there for me: how could I not believe that he wasn't the “evil” guy many অনুরাগী painted him to be?
What Severus was going through was a lot worse than what I was, and if he could stand strong and not break after “supposedly” (yes, admittedly, I was one of the ones who thought Dumby wasn't really dead) killing Dumbledore -the only one who really trusted him - than I could stand strong while battling off the isolation and embarrassment I felt around my friends.
People often call me তিক্ত and, I suppose, I am in a way. Having this allergy isn't like having an allergy to peanuts, where I can just ignore চিনাবাদাম মাখন and be good. Here in America, the wheat/glutton is in everything – from most ketchup, meat, and even some french fries. I battle with weight (I can't really get calories from my food) and various other health issues due to finding out about this disease so late in life (imagine the damage my kidneys, stomach, liver, and esophagus have after fifteen years of ingesting something it was allergic to). My বন্ধু and family (unless they had it themselves as well) never understood, sympathized, অথবা even tried to be supportive অথবা helpful. And through it all, Harry Potter was there, weaving magic, battling villains, and strolling through the magical দুর্গ at midnight to hand over a dragon. There was normal, human drama, and drama that made me realize that what I was going through wasn't that bad.
And there was Severus – snarky as ever, with similarities to me and my own past – standing strong and encouraging me to do the same.
I'm not going to lie – sometimes I think I'm crazy for loving a fictional character. But আপনি know what? I've come to the conclusion that I don't really much care. My “crazy-ness” helped me through the darkest times of my life. I'm glad to be crazy.
