Chapter 9: My Futile Attempts to Protect Her (Jake’s POV)

It was the first time ever that Nessie couldn't hold my full attention with her kiss. My mind was racing she appeared to be happy but physically she was a scary sight. Her face was gaunt after a week and a half of not eating অথবা sleeping right. Her eyes had circles underneath them that were so dark they were almost black; her eyes normally bright and effervescent were dull. She was so weak that she was shaking uncontrollably at times. It was Bella all over again only worse. I now was putting everything that I had on the table. My best friend; my wife as well as our child. Our entire future had the possibility of being swept away with a roll of the dice. I wouldn't survive it if I হারিয়ে গেছে them. She looked up at me in concern as she lovingly touched my face, "it will be alright Jacob," she consoled me; her voice barely a whisper. She was the one at risk and yet she was reassuring me? I felt as though I would be sick I knew it was all in my mind but I had to get out of there. I kissed her forehead as I put on my best happy face (which probably was unconvincing as I suck at অভিনয় and she knows me all too well).
"I know Ness now just sit back and rest. I am going to step outside for a minute, can I get আপনি anything?” She shook her head wearily, "Just hurry back." I nodded and wordlessly turned to get up but she pulled me back to her with surprising strength despite the condition that she was in. "I প্রণয় আপনি Jacob Black. Marrying আপনি was the best সরানো that I ever made. Being blessed enough to be প্রদত্ত your child is the most wonderful thing that could happen to me. This is one of the happiest moments in our lives don't weigh yourself down with what could be when we already know what will be. Remember, Amore saw it ending well. I have never been আরো content than I am right now. I প্রণয় you.No regrets, ok?" she looked at me so earnestly that it angered me. I was mad at myself for not being able to share in her exultation. I shook my head it was so like Nessie to say that. She was really something. From the looks of it our child was already harming her and she was happy about that? I was possibly killing her yet it appeared that it was making her প্রণয় me even more. I determined without a doubt that something must be wrong genetically with the রাজহাঁস blood. Her mother had been the same way with Edward. If Renesmee pulled through this I was going to get Carlisle to run some tests on her to make sure that she was mentally sound. I shuddered at the memory of Bella's pregnancy I had to get out of there. I kissed her cheek as I stood up, "I will be right back are আপনি sure that আপনি don't need anything?" she shook her head with a tiny smile, "just you." I winced but she didn't seem to notice. "Hurry back so that we can tell everyone," her eyes flashed with excitement. I nodded and walked out of the room," get some rest," I told her as I quietly shut the door. I flew down the stairs ignoring the curious looks that I received. "Who forgot to let the dog out," Blondie joked but I didn't reply I was too wrapped up in my concerns. I was about as excited to tell her family that she was pregnant as I would be to tell them that she had been issued a death sentence; as that is what I feared this was. When I was in the woods I lay my clothes on a বৃক্ষ branch and phased. Seth's voice rang through my head, "What are আপনি doing?" I growled back, "Leave me alone Seth." I had to try to firgure out a way to make the thoughts of my pack private except for when it was truly necessary. After we were all switched to ভ্যাম্পায়ার we retained our নেকড়ে abilities but they were enhanced. We could listen to each other's thoughts night and দিন if we wanted to whether অথবা not we were in নেকড়ে form. Needless to say it was beyond annoying especially during my honeymoon when I heard choruses of,"Oh gross." Whenever Renesmee and I were together. Seth, Leah and I been working on blocking our thoughts before my wedding in preparation for the need for privacy but it was hard to avoid. "Jake don't be a jerk to my brother, he is just trying to help." Leah's voice pierced through my thoughts. "Seth and I know what is going on. আপনি leaving Renesmee is the stupidest idea আপনি have ever had. Get back here now." I snarled, "Shut up Leah," but I knew that she was right. I ran until I thought my legs would give out. When I came back it was dark out and Edward was sitting on the front porch waiting for me.
Once again he was the burning man. His face pale, circles starting to form under his blackened eyes. His hair in every direction as he was constantly running his hands through it. When he looked up at me he recoiled and I wondered for a বিভক্ত করা সেকেন্ড if it was possible that I looked even worse than he did. He slid over and gestured for me to sit beside him. I sighed and gave in. “How is she?" I asked gruffly. He looked at me, his face stoic, “Jacob she has been worried about আপনি all day. She was frantic she thought that আপনি had taken off for good. Seth, Leah and I tried to reassure her that আপনি were clearing your head for a bit and that আপনি would be back but she was so hysterical that we had to sedate her. I know that this is a lot for আপনি to absorb but আপনি can’t leave her like that again. She needs আপনি now আরো than ever.” I felt as though he had hit me. “How do I not hurt her Edward, I stay with her and look at what happened. I leave and it hurts her. What do I do, how am I supposed to keep her safe?” I was shouting at this point. He calmly placed a hand on my arm, “I know. I was there myself. But আপনি saw what happened to Bella when I left her. It was the biggest mistake in my entire existence.” I snorted in confirmation remembering how broken up she had been, "That's the biggest understatement of the the century Edward." I was the one who put the pieces back together I should know. He looked at me strangely, “Jacob, she wasn’t pregnant when I left her.” I looked at him with my mouth open. He looked down, “That was a cheap shot. I'm sorry. This is as emotionally draining for me as it is for you. That is my baby girl up there. I am as apprehensive about this as আপনি are.” I shook my head slowly, “No its ok, আপনি are right. I shouldn’t have taken off today I just had to get out of here for a little bit. I cannot take this. I thought it was hard with Bella but this…” I felt my voice breaking, “She is everything that I have Edward that woman up there is my reason for being. If anything happens to her…” He looked into my eyes knowingly, “Like I ব্যক্ত I have been there. It won’t be easy and there will be days that আপনি would rather be torn limb from limb and thrown into a আগুন than watch her go through what she will have to endure, but আপনি have to be there for her. As horrible as it is for আপনি what she is going through is a million times worse. She wants nothing but your happiness and your blessing Jacob.” I nodded, “And there is no way that we can talk her out of this?” I asked in vain hopes. He looked at me with a dark smirk, “She is your wife. আপনি know her as well if not better than I do, what আপনি think?” My face fell into my hands, “Renesmee... what are we going to do,” I whispered to myself. He patted my back, “You need to get back in there, go to her. Convince her to eat, Bella and I have tried but she refuses. Then আপনি need to bring her downstairs and put on the happy face for her to share the news with the family.” I felt my face turn to stone as I nodded. I stood up to go inside and he called me, “Jacob?” I turned back to him, “It’s not your fault. I beat myself up with Bella blaming myself for the whole ordeal, and yet it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to us. I cannot imagine my life without my daughter. Try not to be too hard on yourself. আপনি have been very good to her, আপনি tried as hard as আপনি could to protect her আপনি প্রণয় her and I am pleased that she chose you. আপনি cannot escape what আপনি are believe me I have tried; it is not your fault Jacob.” His face twisted in disgust, “From what I have heard in her thoughts it was actually Renesmee who initiated it all anyway.” He shuddered at the memory. I cracked a smile of embarrassment. “Yea…awkward.” I ব্যক্ত as he smiled crookedly at me, “There are times when I wish I couldn’t read my daughters mind.” I looked at him weakly. “What is she thinking right now?” I pleaded. He thought for a moment, “She is dreaming restlessly. She is looking for আপনি and can’t find you. Please go to her. Reassure her, convince her to eat আপনি know as well as I do that she will need her strength. আপনি are both weak apart but together আপনি will make it.” I looked at him gratefully. It was odd I never would have thought that I would someday look up to Edward, respect him even. He wasn’t so bad for a father in law. He chuckled amused দ্বারা my thoughts, “You aren’t so bad yourself, son.” I ran up the stairs to Renesmee. When I got to the door of Amore’s room I knocked quietly. Amore opened the door and pressed her finger to her lips, “She’s sleeping, no thanks to আপনি might I add,” she hissed. I nodded, “I know, listen are আপনি sure that she and the baby will be alright?” She stuck her lower lip out and placed a hand on her hip obviously offended. Her perfect eyebrows furrowed, “You know Jake আপনি are kind of starting to hurt my feelings here. Do আপনি really think I would lie about my best friend’s future? If I had any doubts আপনি know I would have told her.” I hugged her, “I’m sorry Amor; this is just ripping me apart. I hate seeing her like this.” She kissed my cheek, “Relax; man if আপনি weren’t already dead I would be worried about আপনি getting an ulcer অথবা having a হৃদয় attack অথবা something. আপনি are much too high strung.” I shot her a withering glare and she giggled and ran off calling behind her, “Let me know if she needs anything.” I slowly walked up to my wife. She was still beautiful although her face looked like death. The pallid skin and dark circles under her eyes were paralleled দ্বারা the beauty of her face. The pale but full lips, her perfect nose,and her bronze hair that fell around her face in waves cascading down her shoulders. My personal seraph, this was even harder than I thought it would be. She was sleeping so serenely that I didn’t want to disturb her. Her chest rising and falling evenly. She must have sensed a presence because I was being so quiet that she couldn’t have heard me. She stirred and her hand touched her cheek as she stretched and slowly opened her eyes. They were bloodshot. I sucked in a breathe, she looked horrible. “Jake?” She whispered. Suddenly her eyes snapped wide open and she sat up. “Are আপনি ok? Where have আপনি been? I thought that আপনি left, well not that I blame আপনি but আপনি scared me so badly.” Her beautiful eyes filled with tears. It was all wrong my অ্যাঞ্জেল shouldn’t be crying. I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed. I was so tired of making her cry. I pulled her back so that I could look at her as I spoke. “I had to get my head in the right place Renesmee. I am not going to make আপনি cry anymore. I am here I am not going anywhere. If আপনি and Amore both believe that it will be ok that is good enough for me. I am here, I am happy. Relax.” Her breathing evened out a bit and the sobs turned into sniffles. “Jake?”
“What sweetheart?”
“You are a crappy liar.” I looked at her in surprise as she snorted in laughter, “but I will take it. At least আপনি are trying” I smiled at her. I couldn’t help it, Renesmee's laughter had a magical effect and it had been so long since I had last heard it. I picked her up and placed her in my arms. “So I guess we have some important news to share with your family.” She smiled so brilliantly that for a সেকেন্ড her face was almost restored to its normal beauty, but then her smile faded. “I wonder what aunt Rose is going to say.” I rolled my eyes, “Forget about Blondie I can handle her.” I looked at her seriously, “Listen to me, I am going to try to not be so negative and consumed with worry but আপনি need to start eating and do exactly as your grandfather says. আপনি need to stay strong for আপনি as well as…our daughter.” The words sounded funny on my tongue as I choked them out. “I প্রণয় আপনি and I am here for আপনি both we will get through this.” I promised her. She smiled in amazement, “What did I ever do to deserve আপনি Jake?” I grunted, “You must have been a serial killer in your past life.” She laughed as she weakly swatted my arm, “Oh stop it. I meant that আপনি make me so happy I don’t see how I was lucky enough to end up with you.” I stared at her in awe of the potency of her undying প্রণয় for me. I vowed then and there that I was going to do all that I could to pull them both through this. I kissed her nose and then trailed down to her stomach, noting the small protruding bump that was starting to make itself known "it has only been a week at he most!" I thought to myself in alarm "how is she growing so fast?". I kept these thoughts to myself so as not to alarm Renesmee. “I প্রণয় আপনি Sarah, be gentle with your mommy, Ok?” As I kissed her stomach I felt something hit me from the inside. Renesmee and I both looked at each other in shock. Her tiny hand flew to her stomach, “Oh!” She exclaimed. “Did আপনি feel that?” I looked at her in shock, “The kid has a hell of a right hook.” She laughed as the tears filled her eyes again. I kissed them away until my lips found hers. This time, the tears didn't bother me. I knew it was purely happiness that caused them.