*by Stephenie Meyer*



TWILIGHT - chapter 14 - MIND OVER MATTER


A long মিনিট passed. I listened, not sure if I'd heard the door close. Then Edward's cool arm was around me, under the covers, his lips at my ear.
"You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you."
"Darn it," I muttered. My হৃদয় was crashing in my chest.
He hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.
He paused. "Should I sing আপনি to sleep?"
"Right," I laughed. "Like I could sleep with আপনি here!"
"You do it all the time," he reminded me.
"But I didn't know আপনি were here," I replied icily.
"So if আপনি don't want to sleep...," he suggested, ignoring my tone. My breath caught.
"If I don't want to sleep...?"
He chuckled. "What do আপনি want to do then?"
I couldn't answer at first.
"I'm not sure," I finally said.
"Tell me when আপনি decide."
I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.
"I thought আপনি were desensitized."
"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," he whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender... অথবা feesia," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."
"Yeah, it's an off দিন when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."
He chuckled, and then sighed.
"I've decided what I want to do," I told him. "I want to hear আরো about you."
"Ask me anything."
I sifted through my প্রশ্ন for the most vital. "Why do আপনি do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how আপনি can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that আপনি do. I just don't see why আপনি would bother in the first place."
He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and আপনি are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot - they, too, wonder at how we live. But আপনি see, just because we've been... delt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."
I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.
"Did আপনি fall asleep?" he whispered after a few minutes.
"No."
"Is that all আপনি were curious about?"
I rolled my eyes. "Not quite."
"What else do আপনি want to know?"
"Why can আপনি read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future... why does that happen?"
I felt him shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory... he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the পরবর্তি life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."
"What did he bring into the পরবর্তি life, and the others?"
"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to প্রণয় passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her... tenacity. অথবা আপনি could call it pigheadedness," he chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, অথবা excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."
I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He waited patiently while I thought.
"So where did it all start? I means, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on...."
"Well, where did আপনি come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if আপনি don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby সীল and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"
"Let me get this straight - I'm the baby seal, right?"
"Right." He laughed, and something touched my hair - his lips?
I wanted to turn toward him, to see if it was really his lips against my hair. But I had to be good; I didn't want to make this any harder for him than it already was.
"Are আপনি ready to sleep?" he asked, interrupting the short silence. "Or do আপনি have any আরো questions?"
"Only a million অথবা two."
"We have tomorrow, and the পরবর্তি day, and the next...," he reminded me. I smiled, ephoric at the thought.
"Are আপনি sure আপনি won't vanish in the morning?" I wanted this to be certain. "You are mythical, after all."
"I won't leave you." His voice had the সীল of a promise.
"One more, then, tonight..." And I blushed. The darkness was no help - I'm sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Bella, আপনি can ask me anything."
I didn't answer, and he groaned.
"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"I'm glad আপনি can't read my thoughts. It's bad anough that আপনি eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.
I shook my head.
"If আপনি don't tell me, I'll just asume it's something much worse than it is," he threatened darkly. "Please?" Again, that pleading voice.
"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.
"Yes?"
"You ব্যক্ত that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon.... Is that... marriage... the same as it is for humans?"
He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what আপনি were getting at?"
I fidgeted, unable to answer.
"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind আরো powerful desires."
"Oh, was all I could say.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well, I did wonder... about আপনি and me... someday..."
He was instantly serious, I could tell দ্বারা the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.
"I don't think that... that... would be possible for us."
"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that... close?"
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that আপনি are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill আপনি quite easily, Bella, simply দ্বারা accident." His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it on my cheek. "If I was too hasty... if আপনি one সেকেন্ড I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull দ্বারা mistake. আপনি don't realize how incredibly breakable আপনি are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
He waited for me to respond, growing anxious when I didn't. "Are আপনি scared?" he asked.
I waited for a মিনিট to answer, so the words would be true. "No. I'm fine."
He seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I'm curious now, though," he sais, his voice light again. "Have you ever...?" He trailed off suggestively.
"Of course not." I flushed. "I told আপনি I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."
"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know প্রণয় and lust don't always keep the same company."
"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," I sighed.
"That's nice. We have one thing in common, at least." He sounded satisfied.
"Your human instincts...," I began. He waited. "Well, do আপনি find me attractive, in that way, at all?"
He laughed and lightly rumpled my nearly dry hair.
"I may not be a human, but I am a man," he assured me.
I yawned involuntarily.
"I've answered your questions, now আপনি should sleep." he insisted.
"I'm not sure if I can."
"Do আপনি want me to leave?"
"No!" I ব্যক্ত too loudly.
He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.
আরো tired than I realized, exhausted from the long দিন of mental and emotional stress like I'd never felt before, I drifted to sleep in his cold arms.