Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always ম্যাক্সি pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ অথবা Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding অথবা সালসা dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the সৈকত in tight, white shorts. But my পছন্দ feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that ম্যাক্সি pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell আপনি how নিরাপদ and secure I feel each মাস knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have আপনি ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing আপনি haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few মিনিট from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with ছুরি skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, আপনি must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. আপনি surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written দ্বারা drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, আপনি of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always ম্যাক্সি pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”
Are আপনি fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a দিন in which আপনি have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so আপনি don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting রাইফেল and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the প্রণয় of God, pull your head out, man. If আপনি just have to slap a moronic message on a ম্যাক্সি pad, wouldn’t it make আরো sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” অথবা “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? অথবা are আপনি just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one মিনিট miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
See? This person had the guts to write that. now, i thank them and also insist for your health, no riffles, hammers, অথবা running over people. now, u got that?
I have been a loyal user of your Always ম্যাক্সি pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ অথবা Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding অথবা সালসা dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the সৈকত in tight, white shorts. But my পছন্দ feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that ম্যাক্সি pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell আপনি how নিরাপদ and secure I feel each মাস knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have আপনি ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing আপনি haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few মিনিট from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with ছুরি skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, আপনি must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. আপনি surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written দ্বারা drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, আপনি of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always ম্যাক্সি pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”
Are আপনি fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a দিন in which আপনি have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so আপনি don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting রাইফেল and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the প্রণয় of God, pull your head out, man. If আপনি just have to slap a moronic message on a ম্যাক্সি pad, wouldn’t it make আরো sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” অথবা “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? অথবা are আপনি just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one মিনিট miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
See? This person had the guts to write that. now, i thank them and also insist for your health, no riffles, hammers, অথবা running over people. now, u got that?
