Episode 1;

Roman: (meets Niko at the নৌকা stop).

Niko: (stressed) What took আপনি so long!

Roman: Sorry.. I was at a party.. But anyway.. (singing) Welcome, home, Cousin. আপনি know that, I missed ye-

Niko: [Off-Screen] NO! [On-Screen] NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR আপনি SING!

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Roman is driving them too the apartment, though he's driving very slowly, much to Niko's anger.

Roman: Do আপনি think Mallorie's mad at me?

Niko: Because you're in the right lane behind a bus and আপনি won't go around it? (sarcastically) No, I'm sure she finds it charming.

Roman: No, because I didn't invite her to come আপনি with me.

Niko: I'm starting to think she dodged a bullet.. The slowest bullet in the world!.

Roman: Calm down Niko.. I thought আপনি had your anger issues under control?

Niko: What are আপনি talking about. I don't have anger issu- (suddenly enraged) OH MY GOD ROMAN! আপনি DID "NOT" HAVE TO SLOW DOWN FOR A BIRD!.. আপনি KNOW THEY FLY RIGHT!?

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THEME SONG;
link

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MEANWHILE:

Billy: Okay Johnny.. I'll ride up in your bike.

Johnny: I- I don't know man.. আপনি a bit of a dick to me.

Billy: Johnny boy. I have "never" been a dick to you.

Johnny: [rolls his eyes] Oh please! All আপনি EVER do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish!

Billy: Johnny, when have I "ever" ripped on আপনি for being a Jew?

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[in the playground when first meeting each other] You're a Jew!

{while they argue} Oh yeah! Well your just a stupid Jew!

[Riding on their bikes} SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN JEW MOUTH!

[at the club house, on the front steps] {angry at Johnny} Good job, Jew!

[leaving his আসন in the club house] Shut up, Jew!

[angry at Johnny for no explained reason] You're JEWISH!

[seated on a curb with the other boys] Dude, he's Jewish!

[staking out a house] Jew!

[on Nightline, seated পরবর্তি to Johnny] Jew!

[in Ashley's dining room] Jew!

[at the side of a road] Jew!

[next to stacks of lumber, as Johnny is about to whack him] Jew!

[at a barn, through a hole on the roof] Jew!

[Johnny reads a Bible] Jew?!

[At a high school dance]

Billy: I told আপনি Jewish people don't have rhythm.

Johnny: Fuck off, Billy!"

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Billy: ... Okay, except maybe for that one time.

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Niko: So, আপনি full of crap অথবা what!?

Roman: What!?

Niko: Where's luxury condo? Where's sports car? Where's Barbara with big titties and Stephanie who sucks like a vacuum?

Roman: What আপনি talking about?

Niko: In your letters to my mother, in your letters to me... all I hear about is Mr. Big, Mr. Roman, living the American dream. Sports cars, condos, women, money, the beach... opportunity! I come here, and the only thing big about your life is the cockroaches.

Roman: That's right. I got the best cockroaches, I got the best dirt!

Niko: SHUT UP! (angrily punches hole into the wall).

Roman: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, I guess I'm okay with আপনি destroying my property.

Niko: I'm serprised your sober enough to realize this.. আপনি were drunk five মিনিট ago..

Roman: Relax... No alcohol was consumed during the party... Just kidding. I definitely passed out halfway through and woke up pissed off that no one woke me up when in fact they all tried multiple times to no avail. I've been low key lightweight casually kind of sick so I think my body was just like "yo seriously with all these shots right now?" and when I responded with আরো shots my body was all like "ok then I'm knocking আপনি the fuck out" and thus began my slumbers. Apparently I was sweating profusely and they were all looking at me like 'is this dude ok?' So yeah when I say I've been low key lightweight casually kind of sick I mean I've been definitely sick. Anyways that stack of money was fake. Yes, it was শ্রদ্ধার্ঘ্য money. I was too drunk to realize it was there, they got it out when I was asleep, but yeah I wasn't trying to "flex" so shut up. And if আপনি don't believe me then why would I have just told all this in such large description? Good one person. This বিবরণ is just dumb at this point and I'm going to stop giving আপনি unnecessary information righttt aboutttt now..

Raman: But anyway.. But here, all I needed was one good guy. One good guy, I could do well. Not take over the world, but do oka-

Niko: (angrily after looking in the fridge) WHERE'S THE FUCKIN MILK!?

Roman: I don't have any-

Niko: (enraged) Then go out and FUCKIN দ্বারা SOME!

Roman: (scared) Okay, okay! (runs out the door).

SOON AFTER:

Roman: (gives Niko দুধ container) আপনি happy now?

Niko: (happily) I'm VERY happy now?

Niko and Roman both sit at the table.

Roman: Anyway.. what about you? What about you, cousin?

Niko: What? What about me?

Roman: Well... why আপনি leave প্রথমপাতা after all this time? First, I hear you're running around with the wrong kind, then I hear আপনি joined the merchant navy, now you're here. আপনি never tell me anything.

Niko: No.

Roman: What do আপনি mean no?

Niko: No, I never tell আপনি anything. Another time.

Roman: Oooh, mystery man... strange and exotic sailor! What happened? Did your captain make আপনি pregnant?

Niko: Screw you! No, no, it's nothing like that. The ships were fine. It was before that, two things. আপনি remember... (sudden anger) WHAT IS UP WITH THIS FUCKIN CHAIR!?

Roman: It's fine. Just keep going.

Niko: Fine., During the war. We did some bad things and bad things happened to us. War is where the young and stupid are tricked দ্বারা the old and তিক্ত into killing each other. I was very young, and very angry. Maybe that is no excuse... Roman?

Niko: (violently pounds table) ROMAN!.. Are আপনি sleeping আপনি FAT FUCK!?

Roman: I'm sorry I-

Niko: FUCK আপনি ROMAN!... Fuck!... Fuck someone!... Fuck a tit!... Fuck a tit hard!... For the প্রণয় of Alan greenspan... FUCK!

Roman: ... Feel better?

Niko: ... (sighs) not really.

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Billy: Line 'em up, my brother... Let me have some of that heroine, motherfucker!

Brian: Yeah! Heroine is tigh-

Billy: (annoyed) shut up Brian!

Billy: (smokes it).

Brian: Guess this means w-

Billy: [high on cocaine, shouting, speaking quickly] আপনি know what I can't stand!? Internet piracy! How would আপনি like it if musicians গাউন from YOU!?... (pointing at Clay) What if Cannibal Corpse গাউন your precious glasses?

Clay: ... [uncomfortable] I think I'll mostly just be confused..

Billy: (after calming down) So, Johnny boy... Where's my bike?

Johnny: আপনি know where it is.

Billy: Uhhh... Let me rephrase the প্রশ্ন - where the "fuck" is my bike, and why the fuck haven't আপনি gotten it back for me?

Johnny: Because আপনি know where it is!

Billy: Are আপনি deaf? Give me that whisky. Are আপনি fucking deaf!?

Johnny: No!

Billy: Then answer the God damn question. Why the fuck haven't আপনি gotten it back for me, friend-brother?

Johnny: One word: business. Like I told আপনি when আপনি were in there, অথবা were আপনি so busy playing holier-than-thou আপনি started believing your own bullshit?

Billy Oh forgive me. আপনি know, I've had a complicated few weeks. It's hard to to pretend to care about people. Espically woman.. Now... GET MY FUCKIN BIKE!

Johnny: What am I!? YOUR FUCKIN DOG!?

Brian: Everyone calm dow-

Everyone: Shut up Brian!

Johnny: Listen, Billy, they were pissed and they had a reason. Your bike chopped that girl's leg off.

Jim: Better than the one Brian got shot.

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(Flashback):

Johnny: Okay Gionna.. Afraid I can't go with আপনি to the drug trade.. But Brian can go.

Brian: I'll take good care of h-

Johnny: (angrily) SHUT UP BRIAN!

Johnny: (calmly back to Gionna) Anyway.. Brian is a good guy. i promise he won't rob আপনি and leave আপনি for dead.

SOON AFTER:

Brian robbed her and left her for dead.

Johnny: My God, Why the hell didn't I see it coming? All right, stand aside. It's about time I did my brotherly duty! (chuckles) I ব্যক্ত "duty," but no time to laugh about it now!

Johnny finds Brian at a bar.

Johnny: (angrily) নমস্কার BRIAN!

Brian: (happy to see him) নমস্কার Joh-

Johnny (leaps onto brian violently) And this is for laughing at all your own jokes during bike rides! (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) Who do আপনি think আপনি are? Ashley Butler!? (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) আপনি think because SHE dose it, it's okay for you? (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) আপনি HAVEN'T EARNED WHAT SHE'S EARNED BUDDY! (drops Brian who crawls away).

Johnny: All right, now where's the guy who betrayed Gionna?

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Roman: Come on, Dardan, what's your problem?

Dardan: I don't have problem. আপনি do!

[Dardan points a ছুরি at Roman while Bledar smashes his computer monitor.].

Roman: নমস্কার I just got that fixe- (get's locked in chock hold) Mommy!

Dardan [choking Roman] Where's your Russian friend now, eh?

Roman: (choking) He's not my friend... he's my loan shark...

Niko (enters and enraged দ্বারা the scene) HEY!

Dardan: Fuck you! (tries to stab Niko, who dodge it)

Niko: (breaks his arm).

Dardan Oh my arm. Oh!

Niko: (mockingly) Ohh, was that your arm?

Dardan: Fuck you!

(Bledar hops over the ডেস্ক to help Dardan).

(The Albanians retreat and run out of the depot).

Niko: And if আপনি come back! I'll kill you! আপনি understand!

Roman: (waving Dardan's dropped knife) আপনি forgot this, আপনি Albanian pricks!

Roman: ... Shit, Niko - what did আপনি do?

Niko HE WAS GONNA STAB ME!

Roman: Now he's going to kill you!

Niko: Relax, they learned there lesson.

Roman: But what if they beat me up later!?

Niko: Don't be silly. That isn't gonna happen..

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Jim: Pretty Boy.

PB Hey.

Jim: Where's the bike?

PB Oh, it's good to see আপনি too, tough guys.

Uhh... what bike are আপনি talking about exactly?

Johnny: আপনি "know" what we're talking about.

PB: Billy's bike? Jesus, man, it's been a long time. I thought he was dead. What's he want it for? To sell it for crack, right, eh?

Billy [walks in] Maybe later.

PB: (scared) Hey, good to see you, Bill! Man, I thought আপনি was dead...

Billy: Where's the bike?

PB: I don't know.

Billy: (disturbingly calm) Jim, start the bike.

(Jim starts the Bike and Johnny slowly holds him down to the real, much to his fear and agony).

PB: Whoa, hold on... Wait please, please... no, nooo...

Billy: (losing patience) Where - is - my bike?

Johnny: Speak, আপনি ugly fuck!

PB Ah, okay listen... ah, the দেবদূত of Death took it to their place in Northwood. Billy Motherfucking দেবদূত of Death. PB That's all I know... please!.

Billy: WHAT!?

PB: I- It's true.

Johnny: (throws Pretty boy down) Thank you.

Billy: Yes.. (smashes hammer onto PB's jaw) THANK YOU!

Jim: Whoo, calm down Bi-

Billy: Shut up!.. Things just keep getting worse and worse for.. I done all this stupid shit from inside jail!.. Even had to take stupid fuckin lessons in becoming less angry. (enraged) But now those দেবদূত have my motherfuckin bike! GOD (smashes hole in wall) DAMN IT!

Jim: (sarcastically) But আপনি 'obviously' became less angry.

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Bleeder: Our problem is your cousin!.

Niko: I told আপনি too stop! Now it's too late!

Niko grabbed one of the two unnamed men, head butted him violently, and violently kneed him in the face.

He defeats both, later finding the last one and tosses him out a window, killing him.

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Billy: WHOO! I GOT MY BIKE BACK! THIS SO AWESOME! I AM HIGH ON COCAINE! মুষ্ট্যাঘাত ME JOHNNY BOY!

Johnnny: (punches him because Billy asked him too).

Billy: WHY'D আপনি FUCKIN HIT ME!?

Johnny: আপনি asked me t-

Billy: Stop making excuses Jew boy!

Johnny: Bu-

অ্যাঞ্জেল leader: (comes into view) Hey! হারিয়ে গেছে and Damned!

Billy: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Why the long faces? No wait, that's your "normal" faces.

Brian: (laughs)

Billy: Shut up Brian.

Brian: Y- Yes sir.

Billy: Anyway.. Might I tempt আপনি in a সত্বর libation, my most trusted and honored guests?

অ্যাঞ্জেল leader: I thought we had a truce going on?

Billy: Did you? Funny thing.. I wasn't aware.

Johnny: I told আপনি five মিনিট ag-

Billy: I wasn't aware!

অ্যাঞ্জেল leader: (growls).

Billy: But, let me tell you, it's a strange kind of truce that makes আপনি think it's okay to gatecrash my party, Deadbeat motherfucker.

অ্যাঞ্জেল leader: I'm sorry. আপনি enjoy your little party. I take it, the good times are over. No problem, old man. [flips him off while walking away].. Have a nice day.

Billy (shoots him dead) DON'T FUCKIN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Johnny: Aah, আপনি moron!

END OF EPISODE ONE: