btflash I'm really sorry to say this, but I have to. I can't stand to read this. For one thing, you could improve the grammar of this A LOT. The grammar is just terrible. I mean, you have a good concept here, it was just written with horrible grammar. For another thing, you're rushing through this excessively. I can't see any descriptive details except for the words in each parentheses, and those don't even exceed four words each. The words are also way too simple for my taste. If I was an average fanfic reader, I would've turned away from this almost instantly. You have to make this INTERESTING and use complicated words, not words at a 3rd grade level. Sorry I'm being so hard on you, but it had to be said.

Mylittlecute12 oh i didn't realize

btflash A fanfiction isn't something that anyone can write in a couple of minutes. A fanfiction is something that you put a lot of time, effort, and sometimes frustration into. It's important to take your time when writing a fanfiction, or it just becomes bland and "loses its flavor" Again, I'm sorry if I was too hard on you, but think of this as a learning experience. This fanfiction does have potential, and it would be good if you take enough time to make it good.

Mylittlecute12 yeah your right.

applejackrocks I love it! keep it up!