Creative voicemail greatings?

My friend does this... And gets me every time!!
Say "hello" as if আপনি picked the phone up! Then "this is __ and I'm not here right now...."
I'm for real it's funny!

Call me, beep me, if আপনি want to reach me. CALL ME, BEEP ME, IF আপনি WANT TO REACH ME! Doesn't matter when, doesn't where I WILL BE THERE WITH আপনি 'TIL THE VERY END! Danger, অথবা trouble, I'm there on the double...IF আপনি JUST CALL MY NAME (insert name here...DON'T DARE MAKE IT KIM POSSIBLE XD)

This is my voicemail. I obviously couldn't come to the phone right now because one) I'm masturbating and two) I'm masturbating. Leave a message after the beep.

"Hey, I just met you... and this is crazy! here's my number, so call me maybe!"

:D x3

You've reached Kowalski. Sorry I can't get to the phone right now but if আপনি * explosion goes off and silence*
I'm okay. That was my invention in the lab, heheh.. *nervous laugh* So yeah, leave a voicemail after the beep.. *beep*

Hey, this is ____ and if আপনি don't know what to do দ্বারা now, hang up.

or

*casually like আপনি are picking up the phone* Hello? *wait a few seconds* I'm not talking to you. *wait a little more* *saying perky like* So leave a message after tha beeeeeep!

mine is "hi this is ___" *beep* thts mine XD

*in a seductive voice* hey, this is the voicemail of ___, আপনি know what to do. if আপনি dont...*sings যেভাবে খুশী song*

It is I, the mighty (Insert name)! I never surrender, never waver and always win! If আপনি want to talk with someone as incredible as myself, leave your message after the beep! If not, retreat and run while আপনি still can!