1. If they want to loan আপনি money, tell them আপনি just filed for bankruptcy and আপনি could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are আপনি today?" say, "Why do আপনি want to know?" Alternately, আপনি can tell them, "I'm so glad আপনি asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is অভিনয় up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Ask them how to spell "Milpitas." Continue asking them personal প্রশ্ন অথবা প্রশ্ন about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you're male: Telemarketer: Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter & Siegel services... You: Hang on a second. [a few seconds' pause] Okay, [in really husky voice] What are আপনি wearing? Telemarketer: [Click.]
5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have আপনি BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know আপনি from.
6. Say "no", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if আপনি can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get আপনি to sign up with their Family and বন্ধু plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as আপনি can muster, "I don't have any friends...would আপনি be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can আপনি get out blood? Can আপনি get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?" Alternate: "Sorry, my floor is made of stone."
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "uh-huh", "rilly" অথবা "how fascinating". Finally, when they ask আপনি to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them আপনি couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell them আপনি work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from WaterTronics." You: "WaterTronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are আপনি calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh...Milpitas, California." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business? The weather?!?" Telemarketer: "Sorry, we can't sell to employees." You: "Oh, okay. Bye!"
11. Answer the phone. As soon as আপনি realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, Shout অথবা scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. (Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer your busy at the moment and if they give আপনি their phone number, you'll call them back. Telemarketer will say "We're not allowed to give out our number". আপনি say, "I guess আপনি don't want anyone bothering আপনি at work, right?" Telemarketer will agree. আপনি say "Now আপনি know how I feel!" Hang-up.
13. Breath heavily and tell them আপনি were in the middle of having sex with your wife/husband. Tell them that the deal sounds good, but আপনি are not waiting for another মাস to finish the sex.
14. Sound happy to see hear from them, and ask them if they have (a) insurance (b) a burial plot, অথবা (c) a stock broker and that আপনি are one.
15. Say "speak up" and continue to do so.
16. Keep one of those personal siren alarms near the phone.
17. Ask them if they are aware that আপনি are with the District Attorney's Office, Division of Consumer Fraud, and that the conversation is being taped.
2. If they start out with, "How are আপনি today?" say, "Why do আপনি want to know?" Alternately, আপনি can tell them, "I'm so glad আপনি asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is অভিনয় up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Ask them how to spell "Milpitas." Continue asking them personal প্রশ্ন অথবা প্রশ্ন about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This one works better if you're male: Telemarketer: Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter & Siegel services... You: Hang on a second. [a few seconds' pause] Okay, [in really husky voice] What are আপনি wearing? Telemarketer: [Click.]
5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have আপনি BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know আপনি from.
6. Say "no", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if আপনি can keep going until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get আপনি to sign up with their Family and বন্ধু plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as আপনি can muster, "I don't have any friends...would আপনি be my friend?"
8. If they clean rugs: "Can আপনি get out blood? Can আপনি get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?" Alternate: "Sorry, my floor is made of stone."
9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "uh-huh", "rilly" অথবা "how fascinating". Finally, when they ask আপনি to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them আপনি couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell them আপনি work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from WaterTronics." You: "WaterTronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are আপনি calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh...Milpitas, California." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business? The weather?!?" Telemarketer: "Sorry, we can't sell to employees." You: "Oh, okay. Bye!"
11. Answer the phone. As soon as আপনি realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, Shout অথবা scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. (Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer your busy at the moment and if they give আপনি their phone number, you'll call them back. Telemarketer will say "We're not allowed to give out our number". আপনি say, "I guess আপনি don't want anyone bothering আপনি at work, right?" Telemarketer will agree. আপনি say "Now আপনি know how I feel!" Hang-up.
13. Breath heavily and tell them আপনি were in the middle of having sex with your wife/husband. Tell them that the deal sounds good, but আপনি are not waiting for another মাস to finish the sex.
14. Sound happy to see hear from them, and ask them if they have (a) insurance (b) a burial plot, অথবা (c) a stock broker and that আপনি are one.
15. Say "speak up" and continue to do so.
16. Keep one of those personal siren alarms near the phone.
17. Ask them if they are aware that আপনি are with the District Attorney's Office, Division of Consumer Fraud, and that the conversation is being taped.
