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These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to আপনি as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If আপনি are the phone company, I already sent the money. If আপনি are my parents, please send money. If আপনি are my financial aid institution, আপনি didn't lend me enough money. If আপনি are my friends, আপনি owe me money. If আপনি are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4....
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posted by IloveMyLord
Remember, আপনি don't forgive someone for his অথবা her sake - আপনি forgive them for your sake. (On a side note, I just read that as "sake", the drink. I think that means it's time for me to get some sushi.)

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you've প্রদত্ত the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you've let go of the anger অথবা guilt towards someone, অথবা towards yourself. But that can be easier ব্যক্ত than done. If forgiveness was easy, everyone would be doing it.



"When আপনি hold resentment toward another, আপনি are bound to that person অথবা condition দ্বারা an emotional...
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posted by ShadowProve13
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until আপনি find your contact lens.

Punch the body and tell people that he hit আপনি first.

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

Ask someone to take a snapshot of আপনি shaking hands with the deceased.

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

Ask the widow to give আপনি a kiss.

Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.

Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the...
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The three little pigs (edited version)

Once appon a time, There were three pigs named Dakota, Kelsey and Jessica. They had a problem... A নেকড়ে named Gibby was trying to kill them!
"Kelsey, Do আপনি want to come with me to go find Jessica?" Dakota asks.
"Sure." উত্তর Kelsey.
They walk outside and look in the forest only to see Jessica setting up traps for the wolf.
"Jessica, What the f*ck are আপনি doing?" Asks Kelsey.
"What does it look like I'm doing...I'm putting up traps to see if I can catch Gibby." She says as she looks at Kelsey with an annoyed expression.
"Calm yourself..Damn!" Says Dakota as...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I got it somewhere n thought i should share it.

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the ব্যাটম্যান theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with বন্ধু in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If আপনি have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours দ্বারা hooking a ক্যামকোর্ডার to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all...
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I got really bored last night and decided to look these up. So...yeah. Some small roles are included.


Italy and Kid

Narrator and Liz

Greece and Spirit

Chibitalia and Yumi

America and Justin

England and Harvar

France and Giriko

Russia and the clowns

HRE and Jack the Ripper
Austria and Dr.Stein

Hungary and Medusa

Liechtenstein and Patty

Belarus and Tsubaki

Lithuania and Ox

Sweden and Mifune

Sealand and Crona

Rome and Eibon

......Yep. I'm most likely missing some, though.
posted by mehere
শীর্ষ 24 এমিনেম song (random order)




who knew

rock bottom

words are weapons

lighters

criminal

kill you

never 2 far

like toy solidiers

white america

cleanin' out my closet

my name is

till i collapse

when im gone

sing for the moment

the real slim shady

just dont give a fuck

lose yourself

the way i am

mockingbird

infinite

stan

not afraid

without me

just lose it

i hope আপনি like this one better than the first one please leave a মতামত if u like od dont like it i want to hear your thoughts :P
100: CHEEECCKPOOOINT
99: Purple Monkey Dishwasher
98: আপেল pie... অথবা Pumkin?
97: Sit on your pockets! (Well known teacher saying)
96: mom mom mom mom mommy mommy mommmy mommmy mommy luis luis luis luis mama mama mama mama WHAT? hi.
95: Lawl
94: Baby turtles
93: 9000!!!!
92: Da da di da did did do do di da did di do!
91: MY POKEMON BRING ALL THE NERDS TO THE YARD AND THERE LIKE YA WANNA TRADE CARDS? DAM RIGHT! I WANNA TRADE CARDS I WILL TARDE YOU, BUT NOT MY CHARIZARD!
90: Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeck POINT!
89: 88, 87, 86, 85...
84: Online daters are desprete.... they rely on the internt!
83: mama I pooped
82: c'mon!...
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posted by amutokitty
What is Vocaloid? A voice synthesizer. A Toyota Corolla endorser. An amazing group of digitized singers that আপনি can download right onto your computer. My পছন্দ group of singers. From ভোকালয়েড that are so well known that they become viral, like Hatsune Miku, to the ones that আপনি almost never hear about, like Prima and Tonio, these singers have a wide variety of voice types, specialties, songs, and looks. I have been following Vocaloid ever since I heard little Hachune Miku sing her version of Ievan Polkka while swinging her leek, and since then I've acquired a vast knowledge of the amazing...
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"Hey guess what?" Lauren, my best friend, ব্যক্ত as we sat in the computer room of my house, looking at Katy Perry সঙ্গীত videos. I looked over and answered, "What?". She pulled out a small card with a "BK" watermark on it.
"I got a $10 gift card to Burger King!" She exclaimed. "The jellybeans shall be praised!" I jumped up and immediately grabbed the keys of my car, a blue 2012 Ford আমেরিকার বন্য ঘোড়াবিশেষ Shelby GT500.
"We need to go." I begged. Burger King was one of my all-time পছন্দ fast খাবার restaurants. I had to go!
"Take out অথবা dine-in?" Lauren asked, standing up. I thought for a second.
"Both!"...
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1.You abuse our প্রণয় আপনি lose it.
2.When we find the right guy we প্রণয় him and NEVER want to lose him.
3.Our প্রণয় is a privlige NOT a right.
4.Our hearts are delicate items, so when we do give them to the guy we প্রণয় be careful with it.
5.Drinking will NOT impress us in any way shape অথবা form.
6.Guys আপনি should respect our feelings.
7.In our relationship with আপনি (the guy) We have dominance to.
8.We're as good at listening as we are at talking.
9.When it comes to the guy we truly প্রণয় we will devote A LOT of our time to only you.
10.When আপনি (the guy we love) break our hearts, you've pretty much killed us until we heal.
posted by nymph_tonks
Stranger: hi


You: hi asl


Stranger: 20 m


Stranger: u?


You: 15 female


Stranger: nice to meet you!


You: GO GO POWER RANGERS!


Stranger: yeah!


Stranger: what are আপনি up to?


You: ther was this lady earlier who told me i shouldnt be on the internet at 15.


Stranger: lol


Stranger: and where should u be?


You: probably outside ithout any আবর্জনা খাবার অথবা soda


Stranger: fair enough


You: i would survive.


Stranger: do u like talking to strangers?


You: online, through text.


Stranger: where r u from?


Stranger: I am from UK btw


You: im from the us.


Stranger: nice


You: im bored


Stranger: oh...and I am italian


Stranger: we could do something...
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 HAHAHA
HAHAHA
HERE I AM AGIAN BUT THIS TIME WITH MY SIBLING...ya!!!so WE ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE TRAGIC STORY OF STALKERS...SO READ THIS তালিকা AND IF আপনি DO ANYTHING ON THIS তালিকা SEE A DOCTER FAST..SO CALL 555-STLAKER HELP(THIS IS NOT REAL DO NOT CALL AND IF আপনি DO I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR আপনি GETING INVOLVED WITH SOME DILEMA/PROBLEM)PLEASE DO NOT CALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!HERE ME DO NOT CALLL!!!

lIST BEGINS NOW:
1.DO আপনি HAVE THE EURGE TO FALLOW PEOPLE AROUND(FRIENDS,GIRLFRIENDS/BOYFRIENDS অথবা WORSE STRANGERS)
2.DO আপনি TEXT/CALL CERTIAN PEOPLE 23/7(AS আপনি CAN SEE NOT 24/7 BUT 23/7 THAT WAY THEY HAVE 1HR TO RREST)
3.DO...
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posted by smileypop9
Found this on www.funny.com. I find a lot of things there that I post...


A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The দিন came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing আপনি know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied...
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Everything আপনি can do with both a ruler and a compass,you can do with a compass alone.

The number symbol,#,is also known as an "octothorpe".

Cats sleep twice as much as people-up to 18 hours per day.

An ancient Greek vase from around 500 BC shows a boy playing with a yo-yo.

There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia (approx. 40 million)as there are people.

"Almost" is the longest common word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

Human thigh অস্থি are stronger than concrete.

In Alaska's Matanuska Vally,the long hours of sunlight have been used to grow giant vegetables...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
In Japan,people use lots of smileys অথবা emotions in their messaging.

While emoji (graphical presentations of emoticons) are probably most known, “kaomoji” (from “kao” = face, “moji” = character) are the Japanese version of Western/Eastern emoticons and there are practically endless variations available.

The biggest difference to the Western/Eastern and Japanese emotions is that they read horizontally and আপনি don’t need to turn your head to understand them.

For example the Western/Eastern emoticon for “Happy” looks like this :-)/:) while the Japanese version looks like this (^_^).

Do আপনি use these emotions অথবা others in your emails?

Here are some examples:

(^_^) happy

(((º Д º ;))) scared

(-´´-;) problems

(>_<) angry

(?_?) confused

(-.-)zzZ sleepy

(^ _^;) embarrassed

(^O^) very happy

(T_T) sad

(^ ε ^) চুম্বন
-See আরো emotions here: link
1-TIK TOK-Ke$ha
2-NEED আপনি NOW-Lady Antebellum
3-HEY, SOUL SISTER-Train
4-CALIFORNIA GURLS-Katy Perry Featuring Snoop Dogg
5-OMG-Usher Featuring will.i.am
6-AIRPLANES-B.o.B Featuring Hayley Williams
7-LOVE THE WAY আপনি LIE-Eminem Featuring Rihanna
8-BAD ROMANCE-Lady Gaga
9-DYNAMITE-Taio Cruz
10-BREAK YOUR HEART-Taio Cruz Featuring Ludacris
11-NOTHIN' ON YOU-B.o.B Featuring Bruno Mars
12-I LIKE IT-Enrique Iglesias Featuring Pitbull
13-BEDROCK-Young Money Featuring Lloyd
14-IN MY HEAD-Jason Derulo
15-RUDE BOY-Rihanna
16-TELEPHONE-Lady Gaga Featuring Beyonce
17-TEENAGE DREAM-Katy Perry
18-JUST THE WAY আপনি ARE-Bruno...
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Miley doesn't want her parents to break up, and this may be why she is অভিনয় the way she is.

Although Miley wants them to stay together, it looks as though the things that sperate Tish and Billy are আরো than those that bring them together.

Even Billy Ray, Miley's father, has told her to give up on trying to bring he her mom back together again. He has ব্যক্ত that is is not going to work.

“You’ve got to stop trying to get us back together. Our marriage isn’t fixable — we are getting divorced,” Billy told his superstar daughter.

“You’ve always taught me that আপনি have to work hard...
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INTRO-
She sings the songs that she learns from
Jen and all the cool girls
She doesn't know what they mean
But she doesn't really have a care in the world

PRE-
She turn red then she turned redder
What was so funny?
They whispered fierce words about her
She fakes a smile
Pictures the snickers with laughture

CHORUS1-
I said,
Why do আপনি always go on?
I got a grip on reality finally
But why should I hold on?
This is too hard for me.
They said;
Didn't your mama ever tell ya?
I thought she'd taught ya well but
You're livin life in a fantasy
Why'd আপনি treat your life like a dream?

VS1-
She skipped over to the 4th pew
in...
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posted by EllentheStrange
1.Go into the restroom,fall into the toilet and scream at the শীর্ষ of your lungs TOILET RAPE!
2.Go to the toy section,find a large teddy ভালুক and start frenching it.
3.Rip apart books,magizines,ect. আপনি hate.
4.Ask a person if the have ever been toilet raped.
5.Speak pig latin,Russain,German,ect. to the employees.
6.Grap as many balls as আপনি can and start thoughing them at people.If the get mad say আপনি were trying to play dodge ball with them.
7.Bring a portable stero and play the loudest most annoying song ever.
8.Slap a যেভাবে খুশী person in front of a bunch of people and say,"I can not beleive আপনি cheated on me with that whore" and point to a যেভাবে খুশী girl.
9.Try selling "chololate".
10.If আপনি are alone in the restroom,take off your pad and leave it in the sink.
11.If আপনি are alone and no one is coming to your aisle,take a wizz অথবা dump there!
12.Scream ABUSE if someone hits,kicks,slaps ect. you.
13.Find fake blood and right on the walls scary sayings.