could we have some feed back please , i think my bro is a great writer but he is a little unsure, but i think he has talent

She spun around at the screech that বিভক্ত করা the night. They were letting her and her বন্ধু know they were still there, still coming, still hunting.

Lisa and her বন্ধু had been out for the evening hunting down a party they had heard about. They had taken a shortcut through an alley, and as they were passing a ক্রুশ alley that let to a cul-de-sac, they heard a scream. Running to try to help the person who screamed, they saw 5 men attacking a young man in the middle of the closed in area.
They called out to the attackers in an attempt to stop the attack, but when they saw the men up close their blood ran cold.
They bloody mouth of the men had the classic elongated teeth. Their faces were twisted into a bestial batlike visage. And their eyes were blood red.
They were Vampires.
The Largest chuckled in and evil way and said, "So, আরো prey for our amusement.
Jim, they oldest of the group, yelled "Run!" and pushed at the girls to get them moving back the way they came, breaking their horrified trance. They girls bolted, screaming in terror. The Guys held back, determined to protect the girls as best they could.
As the Girls reached the street, they heard the screams of their dates. They all knew the guys were either dead, অথবা dieing.
: ***
The Virus struck and spread quickly. Most people did not know how and where it started, only that suddenly almost everyone was sick. Only a select few in the U.S. Government had a clue as to it's origins.
Most got better within 3 days. It seemed আরো like a light case of the Flu than anything else. Older people, those who were already critically ill and some younger children died, however.
But others changed.
It seems that a lot of the myths we've read about, watched in movies, and heard rumors about weren't completely mythical.
আপনি see, the virus struck at a genetic level. Those affected দ্বারা it and who got better were immune to any further effects, but they had been subtlety changed. The most wide spread common effects we
 could we have some feed back please , i think my bro is a great writer but he is a little unsure, but i think he has talent
*
sorry all i am very new to this, i didnt realise there wasnt enough room to post the short story, I have পোষ্ট হয়েছে it in প্রবন্ধ :)
sunnysk8r posted বছরখানেক আগে
*
link
sunnysk8r posted বছরখানেক আগে
 sunnysk8r posted বছরখানেক আগে
next question »

লেখা উত্তর

Sylvia_Puffin said:
I read the story in articles, and it's really REALLY good. I am a writer, so believe me when I say this.
select as best answer
posted বছরখানেক আগে 
*
thank you, this will mean a lot to him, he hasnt written for a long time,since he left the army i think. but i do think he has talent and should carry on, thank আপনি so much for your opinon :)
sunnysk8r posted বছরখানেক আগে
*
Oh, no problem! Tell him he's probably better than me. And I can write. It's all I'm good at. I suck at everything elseXD
Sylvia_Puffin posted বছরখানেক আগে
CrystalNeons said:
It is good, but the story goes too fast. He needs to add some characters talking and describe the enviroment. Other than that, great!
select as best answer
posted বছরখানেক আগে 
next question »