i am depressed,
i am not acting,
you're not impressed,
but it has sent me packing,
i have হারিয়ে গেছে my mind,
i have gone crazy,
it's আপনি i try to find,
but now i have just gone lazy,
i seem to disappear,
i escaped reality,
i coward away in fear,
to escape your lethal ways,
i walk away,
not in front of you,
আপনি ruin my day,
and others too,
আপনি push me around,
আপনি think আপনি are so cool,
i stubble and fall down,
"dude, আপনি are such a tool".

can we go back to the way we were,
after all we went through,
আপনি are not the same as i thought আপনি were,
so why do i still think of you,
because you're beautiful,
আপনি are perfect,
your life was full so i left it,
it broke my heart,
but i suffered through,
and i still stand strong because i প্রণয় you

Imagine two different persons,
and yet, the same.


The person who's living
life for others
will stay.
That's the person who
has no life,
the person who
needed to devote
all these years to someone
who lives in memories,
to someone who
cares for all these past days
they have lived together.


The person who's dying
along with all these memories
is sitting in the dark.
That person remembers.
That person had a dream once.
That person see no light,
tho the other one used to be
the light of all these days
they shared together.


That person was me.

Behind the door
of your destiny
are dreams
that still shine
in the haze
of your memories.


These dreams
are so distant
and invisible,
though your eyes
still stare into them.


Everything is so foggy
like your thoughts.
আপনি sit alone
trying to reach that
small piece of happiness,
trying to find
a purpose of life.


Dreams, that still
live in you
are smothered by
the cruel reality.
But, they still live
inside,
feeding the memories,
reviving the soul.


Dreams,
even if they are
condemned to oblivion,
live within your heart,
in hope,
in remembrance,
shining in
the haze of
your memories.

আপনি don’t even know me
আপনি don’t even know me,
Yet আপনি judge me anyway.
আপনি don’t even know me,
But yet আপনি say hateful things.
The words that come out of আপনি mouth are deadly.
They grind my soul in to dust.
Those words were meant to step on me,
Keep me in the dust
They were meant to keep me from being happy,
Well it didn’t work.
আপনি Fool! Don’t আপনি see that you’re not hurting me!
That you’re not going to get me down?
আপনি don’t even know me, but আপনি want to see me hurt!
আপনি ARROGENT JERKS!
আপনি don’t even know me but আপনি hate me so.
আপনি don’t even know me so JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

I remember that girl.
She used to be stealing cookies.
She used to be so full of happiness.
But then, some thing happened that changed her life.
Its something that can't be reversed.
That girl was shattered.

What happened to that girl was so sad.
It was that bad.

One of her বন্ধু was her পছন্দ person in the world.
She never was seperated from her friends.
They were like family to her
Until one day,
It was hard to say
But she was seperated from them.

She was so hurt
She didn't deserve it.
That's when she decided something that wasn't supposed to happen.
She was tortureing herself.
Everyday,
She saw people that looked like her friends.
She began to cry,
Inside, she was dying
Slowly.
It was hard to সরানো on
She couldn't go on
It was all wrong


How do I know about this? Well, that girl in the story is me.Victoria.

প্রদর্শনী the world and all its people
All the wonders প্রণয় can bring
Give us strength and understanding
Give us all one song to sing!

Let the সঙ্গীত play
Play it loud and make it clear
It's time to stand up to a new world
That is now so near

From the bottom to the top
To the leaders of the land
We all have one heart
Everyone of us must lend a hand!

And let there be joy in the world
And let there be no sorrow
And let there be peace on earth
For all the worlds we've got to see

That love, oh love, what a blessed thing
Say it loud, make it clear today!

All the walls are falling down
No আরো children off to war
If we খুঁজুন in our hearts
All the suffering will be no more

And let there be joy in the world
And let there be no sorrow
And let there be peace on earth
For all God's children
Let them see!

jj9/1998

In a world of his
she unloads his gun

She and he waits for this
he releases his love

In blue and green orbs
she gives him আরো and more

A million miles away
A million years girl

In a black woven chest
he digs his nails deep

She trusts in him for what he does
live in a house in the suburbs

He kisses the pain with blood and light
sleeping it off in the morning

A million miles away
A million years girl

In her world of his
she unloads his gun

In a world of his
she covers the sun

A million miles away
A million years
A million years girl

My sweetness, how your soul has been hurting.

My angel, how long have আপনি been waiting?

My world, slowly crumbling to nothingness.

My loves, how long until we meet?

This pain in my chest is swelling.

I wish it would give in.

My patience, like a thread.

I wish would snap.

Our hearts, beating, I can't hear.

I wish would deafen me.

All your attempts, I could never feel.

I wish would cave in on me.

All voices.

Never to be tasted.

Never to be invited.

Never to be told.

All there is, is loneliness.

Aching in my bones.

Forever more, trying to grasp a cold wind

And make it warm.

Forget the memories

Good and bad

Put away the hope

That flew away

In your own soaked dust

Freeze in solitude

Break under pressure

Fracture and waste away

Get stomped on under the heaviness

Decorate the millions of pieces

Like you're solid

Hide behind a sunken chest

Wither away in the stillness

When no laughter is heard in your chamber

No warmth is encased

When প্রণয় is no longer protecting

Wash away in the seas of icy tears

Be suffocated when the air is no longer there

Just stop

Just stop beating

TM

She floated about my eye, inside.
Torn and featureless.
Jaded words tangle.
Her worlds have been destroyed, mutilated.
Lifting from me, she sees no shine.
Just a morbid hanging light.

Blood coils around her wrists.
Struggling to emerge.
Calling out, but not even an echo.
Her mirror is my mind.
Seeing the outside.
She decides to stay a prisoner.
In My cell.

Her malice never seen.
But the darkness have witnessed the fangs.
Wanting to say she is careful and sane.
The beast is right under her skin.
Laughter is distant.
Now, it is forever tarnished.
আপনি see and I see the neglect.
My untamed beauty.

tears fell down her face
i asked her what was wrong
for her sake
she said
"I'm just sitting here,
feeling sorry for myself for
believing him."
to which i replied:
fuck him.
he doesnt deserve your love
she says:
I know...


Hundreds

a hundred প্রজাপতি couldnt sweep me away
a hundred winds couldnt blow me farther from you
a hundred wrongs couldnt make what were doing right
a hundred people couldnt block my veiw
a hundred rights couldnt make me go left
a thousand oceans couldn't keep me away from you.