I stagger forward. My footsteps fall heavily beneath me. I don’t know why I keep on running. Why am I doing this? Why have I ever done anything? I attacked Faith! She’s dying! Why don’t I turn around?
I’m selfish. I’m so selfish. Because I’m afraid. Because I’m afraid of Bernard’s wrath. Because I’m afraid to watch her die. “Turn around!” I scream at myself. But I just keep running, stumbling through the woods.
It feels like I run for hours. The darkness is so deep. I’m so tired. I’m so upset. I’m so lost. What have I done? I hurt Faith. Everything I’ve done in the past, it doesn’t seem to matter. What has my life been worth? What good have I done? My vision begins to grow blurry. The trees seem to twist and tilt. My legs feel wobbly beneath me.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so selfish. What have I done? There’s no point. I attacked Faith. She’s dying. I’m so selfish. I’m so disgusting. I don’t know what to do. My life; what have I ever done? What good did I ever bring into the world? Tears begin to fill my eyes. What have I done? I’m so angry at myself, all I can do is reflect on my life, on all the mistakes I’ve made. Mistakes that can never be reversed. I continue to ask the question, “What have I done?” but not just regarding what I did to Faith. What have I done? How could I have made so many mistakes in life? I’m so selfish. I hate my life. I hate what I’ve done. I hate who I am.
Ahead of me, I see a small, open area in the shape of a বৃত্ত within the trees. The closer I get, the আরো heavy my footsteps become. My dizziness increases. I start to feel strange. “Dammit,” I think, frustrated and sad. “What’s—what’s going on?” I stagger forward, losing my balance. I stumble into the center of the small, open area. I can’t stand anymore. And I have no will to fight what’s happening. I collapse onto my hands and knees. Tears drop from my eyes. “What’s happening?” I say aloud. “I can’t move.”
Then it hits me. I mentally replay the scene when Bernard walked into the cave right after I slashed Faith. “Guys, you’re really gonna’—” he said, before stopping out of confusion and shock. He sounded like he was excited about something. He went to fetch the petals of a poisonous plant; so this must mean—“I’ve been poisoned!” I think. Reaching back, I grasp the shaft of the অনুষ্ঠান- অ্যারো sticking into my shoulder. I didn’t even care to pull it out, though it pained me, but now I rip it out of my flesh. I gasp, falling onto my side. Blood surges from the hole in my shoulder. I’m losing feeling in my legs, now my lower back. The poison, it’s crawling up me.
As I feel my blood run down my back, I realize—emptiness and depression filling me—that it’s all the same. It’s like I never left my home. Here I am, bleeding out. I thought I wanted to die though. After attacking Faith, I thought it would just be better if I died. But now I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m helpless. I don’t want to die like this, having nothing good to look back on. But I don’t even think of redeeming myself. I don’t think of surviving. It’s too late.
My back loses all feeling, and another moment later, my neck is frozen. I’m scared. I start crying. “No!” I sob. But there’s no one to hear me. I’m alone. Then my breath catches, and I can’t breathe anymore. I can’t move. And just as the poison slowly overcomes me, I slowly resign myself to death. It’s over. The world goes black in an instant.


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Copyright 2015