Little recup in case আপনি read this further on :)
“How long do আপনি think she’ll keep waiting for you?” he prompted him, leaning on one hand to push himself up right.
“If she is…” Hugh said.
Some part of him couldn’t still believe she was. অথবা maybe as Stephen had said, he was just afraid to find out. It was much আরো comforting believing they kept sharing something special that they had had and হারিয়ে গেছে - but that nevertheless would always be there somehow - rather than finding out that what they shared wasn’t so special at all. Not anymore.
Stephen grabbed his walking stick, tapping his leg, motioning him to get up “If she’s, yes…but this is not the real point here and আপনি know it. You’re too smart for such self-induced delusions, are you?”
Hugh kept looking up at the sky, arms crossed behind his head, motionless “What’s the point then…?” he asked flatly.
Stephen’s head peeped out right above his, clouding the sun “The real প্রশ্ন is, my friend….do আপনি really want her enough to go all-out অথবা you’re too scared আপনি might fail to even try?”
Karen smiled sideways at her, like she had just asked the most predictable thing ever “Why the two of আপনি are not together again…of course…”
Lisa straightened up. She was right. She didn’t want to know.
She shook her head smiling with pursed lips, her eyebrows slightly arched as she always did when she felt hit and sunk already “What if I don’t want to?” she pointed out, firmly giving a little shrug.
Karen leaned forwards, resting on one hand “What if আপনি are too scared to find out whether আপনি two might truly work, instead?” she countered promptly, shrugging lightly in turn.
Lisa couldn’t do anything but watching her, speechless; too astonish to counter something that might even make sense at this point. Hit and sunk.
Karen softened her stare, smiling caringly at her this time “I know…it’s annoying when your sister can see through আপনি so much better than আপনি do…right?” she ব্যক্ত patting her hand.
Lisa dropped her shoulders down, giving up “Indeed…”
Some days after....
Thursday, 26 March 2010
Hugh knocked twice on the trailer door, yet no answer came back.
He knocked again, quite harder with his whole fist this time, leaning অগ্রবর্তী on one hand against the doorjamb. He kept his head down, his ears strained…
He licked his lips, anxiously, blood drumming in his ears. He heard a muffled, scratching sound coming from inside, like something being dragged along on the floor; then quick steps approaching. He straightened up, climbing one আরো step. Whatever had been ট্যাঙ্গেল্ড at the pit of his stomach all দিন long was now dangerously on the verge of getting out, bursting out of his chest.
Keys clattered and he heard her talking from behind the door “I’m here…sorry Jess, there’s a little bit of a mess arou…” she broke off, abruptly the very moment she saw him standing on her doorstep and kept the door half-closed, not letting him in.
They looked at each other for a বিভক্ত করা second, but it might as well have lasted an eternity. The quiet coldness in her eyes stroked him harder than he was expecting it to and feelings he couldn’t define yet started roiling inside him, building up already.
He worked on steadying his breath: he had run out of it even if he hadn’t been running.
“You’re leaving….” he ব্যক্ত drily, staring right into her eyes.
Lisa flinched unnoticeably, knowing exactly what he meant, but forcing an unemotional composure on her face all the same “You knew that already…” she ব্যক্ত giving him a frosty look.
He felt his temper rising up. He climbed another step, putting his left hand on the door, ready to push it open. Lisa backed off a little, one of her hands still clinging onto the frame of door, tightly, as if she was keeping herself ready to slam it shut on him, instead.
He gave her a hard look, full of something in between anger and hurt “I MEAN….you rescheduled your leaving….you’re leaving tomorrow…right after tonight shooting…”
She rested her head against the frame, grumbling like he was just annoying the crap out of her “So?” she demanded after a few seconds, an unreadable expression on her face.
This kind of detached indifference wasn’t something he hadn’t gotten himself prepared to. It hurt আরো than words might do. He felt blood rushing faster in his veins
“So? আপনি could have told me, for instance…” he snapped at her, incredulous.
Lisa felt her legs wobbling, her হৃদয় leaping into her throat “Why?” she forced herself to answer “What might have changed?!” she said, giving a matter-of-fact little shrug, never taking her frosty look off him “A couple of days more, a couple of days less….”
He parted his lips, exhaling heavily. He didn’t know which emotion was stirring আরো violently inside him at the moment: whether bewilderment অথবা resentfulness, annoyance অথবা angriness. অথবা just plain, simple pain.
His voice came out hoarse and harsh “Were আপনি planning to leave without even saying goodbye then?” he demanded bitterly.
She didn’t answer to that. She just couldn’t.
But she kept keeping her eyes on him, holding his gaze. She was angry. She was অবিশ্বাস্য mad at him. Fuming even, আরো than she could possibly explain to herself. But on শীর্ষ of everything she was deeply hurt and she felt betrayed, and what was worse was that she knew she had no right whatsoever to feel this way. And this was exactly why she was running away, putting as much distance as possible between the two of them. She should have done this earlier and listened to that voice that kept telling her she’d have better burn the bridges before she herself got wounded in the process.
She averted her gaze, eventually, snorting. She had nothing to tell him.
“What do আপনি want Hugh?” she asked with disdain.
It was like being repeatedly backstabbed, without even knowing why this was happening to you. But he had to know why. No way would he let her walk away this time. They needed to talk about this, whatever this was.
“May I come in, at least?” he asked sharply, arching his eyebrows in a challenging, mocking way. He seemed unable to get a grip on his tone. He didn’t even know whether he would be able to get a grip on himself as a whole. He had truly reached his breaking point.
Lisa stared at him for a heartbeat, his eyes flaming at her: despite of the anger, though there was a silent plea flashing in them she couldn’t ignore. Her lips trembled and she pursed them shut, not daring to answer to his question.
“So?” he pressed on, impatient. He held his breath fearing she would have truly ended up slamming the door shut right on his face. He wondered whether he would really have the courage to kick that door wide open and force his way in.
Lisa swung it open, though, rolling her eyes to the roof. She got herself out of the way and gestured widely for him to get in “Come on in….” she ব্যক্ত as if he was really getting on her nerves, already; as if she didn’t even care anymore whether he stayed অথবা left as long as he didn’t annoy her any longer.
A sharp pang ached in his chest. He stepped inside, keeping quiet, words failing him. She quickly snapped the door shut behind him “I gotta finish packing some stuff I have to bring প্রথমপাতা before leaving, if আপনি don’t mind” she told him in a businesslike tone, without even looking at him.
She headed to her bedroom, leaving him there.
“…Jess will be here any মিনিট to help me”
He heard her sifting through the clothes in her wardrobe, quietly as if he wasn’t even there. “I don’t have much time…”
He thought they would have more, indeed. These last days had passed দ্বারা so quickly, it was almost surreal. And today had flown দ্বারা so quickly it felt like a whirl had first whipped him up from the ground and then…flung him violently elsewhere.
But now, finding out they had barely twenty hours neat ahead was…
One of her bags lay unzipped on the floor, just before his feet. Some clothes had already been stuffed in it. His eyes wandered into the dusk of her living room. Boxes on the table, shoes scattered around…she was empting her trailer of all her stuff before leaving.
She was leaving…
For real…
In less than 12 hours...
He felt a strange kind of melancholy falling upon him, already; the air filling up his lungs like pressing hard against his chest, making it painful the very act of breathing it in.
This was it, then? This was how it was meant to end? Just like this? No আরো উত্তর to his questions? No আরো nothing? Were they supposed to become nothing আরো than a crappy loose end অথবা painful collateral damage? Just like this…?
He clenched his fists, his temper rising up for real this time, suddenly he couldn’t restrain himself anymore. All the feelings he had been fighting back for months were now pushing to burst out, like rivers overflowing their banks.
“Why?” he demanded bitterly, pinching his voice higher already.
Lisa froze and stopped folding her clothes, her হৃদয় suddenly thudding faster in her chest. She closed her eyes, taking a long, deep breath. She wished he would go away and leave her alone. She couldn’t talk about this. She didn’t want to. There was nothing to talk about.
“WHY Lisa!” he repeated almost with real anger this time, taking quick steps towards her bedroom. He stopped on the threshold, his eyes flashing at her again, far আরো intimidating than before.
She threw the clothes onto the বিছানা and sat on the edge, burying her face into her hands. She was tired. Felt warn out. Spent. Both physically and emotionally. She didn’t want to talk about this “Why what Hugh?” she asked harshly, her face still buried in her hands.
Hugh spread his arms open, clenching the doorjamb, his eyes severely fixed on her.
Do অথবা die.
“I want to know what happened…” he ব্যক্ত straightforwardly.
Lisa rubbed her face with both hands, with utter frustration “To what? What happened to what, Hugh?”
She wished she could just run away and avoid facing this. She knew this would happen. She knew it. And this was exactly why she hadn’t told anyone but David. She should have known better and not tell anyone at all. It would have been pointless even just mentioning it to him, ‘cause she knew they would end up fighting and….there was no purpose in all of this whatsoever. There was nothing to talk about.
Hugh stared at her “To us. I want to know what happened to us…” he said, feeling his হৃদয় leaping up in his throat. That was it. No আরো procrastinations. No আরো hesitations. He hadn’t time for this shit anymore. He needed to know why and now.
Deadline had loomed once and for all for him.
Truth time.
End of the game.
Slowly, Lisa moved her face out of her hands and lifted her stormy eyes up, pointing them at him. It hurt her even before she spit the words out “There’s no us…”
“How long do আপনি think she’ll keep waiting for you?” he prompted him, leaning on one hand to push himself up right.
“If she is…” Hugh said.
Some part of him couldn’t still believe she was. অথবা maybe as Stephen had said, he was just afraid to find out. It was much আরো comforting believing they kept sharing something special that they had had and হারিয়ে গেছে - but that nevertheless would always be there somehow - rather than finding out that what they shared wasn’t so special at all. Not anymore.
Stephen grabbed his walking stick, tapping his leg, motioning him to get up “If she’s, yes…but this is not the real point here and আপনি know it. You’re too smart for such self-induced delusions, are you?”
Hugh kept looking up at the sky, arms crossed behind his head, motionless “What’s the point then…?” he asked flatly.
Stephen’s head peeped out right above his, clouding the sun “The real প্রশ্ন is, my friend….do আপনি really want her enough to go all-out অথবা you’re too scared আপনি might fail to even try?”
Karen smiled sideways at her, like she had just asked the most predictable thing ever “Why the two of আপনি are not together again…of course…”
Lisa straightened up. She was right. She didn’t want to know.
She shook her head smiling with pursed lips, her eyebrows slightly arched as she always did when she felt hit and sunk already “What if I don’t want to?” she pointed out, firmly giving a little shrug.
Karen leaned forwards, resting on one hand “What if আপনি are too scared to find out whether আপনি two might truly work, instead?” she countered promptly, shrugging lightly in turn.
Lisa couldn’t do anything but watching her, speechless; too astonish to counter something that might even make sense at this point. Hit and sunk.
Karen softened her stare, smiling caringly at her this time “I know…it’s annoying when your sister can see through আপনি so much better than আপনি do…right?” she ব্যক্ত patting her hand.
Lisa dropped her shoulders down, giving up “Indeed…”
Some days after....
Thursday, 26 March 2010
Hugh knocked twice on the trailer door, yet no answer came back.
He knocked again, quite harder with his whole fist this time, leaning অগ্রবর্তী on one hand against the doorjamb. He kept his head down, his ears strained…
He licked his lips, anxiously, blood drumming in his ears. He heard a muffled, scratching sound coming from inside, like something being dragged along on the floor; then quick steps approaching. He straightened up, climbing one আরো step. Whatever had been ট্যাঙ্গেল্ড at the pit of his stomach all দিন long was now dangerously on the verge of getting out, bursting out of his chest.
Keys clattered and he heard her talking from behind the door “I’m here…sorry Jess, there’s a little bit of a mess arou…” she broke off, abruptly the very moment she saw him standing on her doorstep and kept the door half-closed, not letting him in.
They looked at each other for a বিভক্ত করা second, but it might as well have lasted an eternity. The quiet coldness in her eyes stroked him harder than he was expecting it to and feelings he couldn’t define yet started roiling inside him, building up already.
He worked on steadying his breath: he had run out of it even if he hadn’t been running.
“You’re leaving….” he ব্যক্ত drily, staring right into her eyes.
Lisa flinched unnoticeably, knowing exactly what he meant, but forcing an unemotional composure on her face all the same “You knew that already…” she ব্যক্ত giving him a frosty look.
He felt his temper rising up. He climbed another step, putting his left hand on the door, ready to push it open. Lisa backed off a little, one of her hands still clinging onto the frame of door, tightly, as if she was keeping herself ready to slam it shut on him, instead.
He gave her a hard look, full of something in between anger and hurt “I MEAN….you rescheduled your leaving….you’re leaving tomorrow…right after tonight shooting…”
She rested her head against the frame, grumbling like he was just annoying the crap out of her “So?” she demanded after a few seconds, an unreadable expression on her face.
This kind of detached indifference wasn’t something he hadn’t gotten himself prepared to. It hurt আরো than words might do. He felt blood rushing faster in his veins
“So? আপনি could have told me, for instance…” he snapped at her, incredulous.
Lisa felt her legs wobbling, her হৃদয় leaping into her throat “Why?” she forced herself to answer “What might have changed?!” she said, giving a matter-of-fact little shrug, never taking her frosty look off him “A couple of days more, a couple of days less….”
He parted his lips, exhaling heavily. He didn’t know which emotion was stirring আরো violently inside him at the moment: whether bewilderment অথবা resentfulness, annoyance অথবা angriness. অথবা just plain, simple pain.
His voice came out hoarse and harsh “Were আপনি planning to leave without even saying goodbye then?” he demanded bitterly.
She didn’t answer to that. She just couldn’t.
But she kept keeping her eyes on him, holding his gaze. She was angry. She was অবিশ্বাস্য mad at him. Fuming even, আরো than she could possibly explain to herself. But on শীর্ষ of everything she was deeply hurt and she felt betrayed, and what was worse was that she knew she had no right whatsoever to feel this way. And this was exactly why she was running away, putting as much distance as possible between the two of them. She should have done this earlier and listened to that voice that kept telling her she’d have better burn the bridges before she herself got wounded in the process.
She averted her gaze, eventually, snorting. She had nothing to tell him.
“What do আপনি want Hugh?” she asked with disdain.
It was like being repeatedly backstabbed, without even knowing why this was happening to you. But he had to know why. No way would he let her walk away this time. They needed to talk about this, whatever this was.
“May I come in, at least?” he asked sharply, arching his eyebrows in a challenging, mocking way. He seemed unable to get a grip on his tone. He didn’t even know whether he would be able to get a grip on himself as a whole. He had truly reached his breaking point.
Lisa stared at him for a heartbeat, his eyes flaming at her: despite of the anger, though there was a silent plea flashing in them she couldn’t ignore. Her lips trembled and she pursed them shut, not daring to answer to his question.
“So?” he pressed on, impatient. He held his breath fearing she would have truly ended up slamming the door shut right on his face. He wondered whether he would really have the courage to kick that door wide open and force his way in.
Lisa swung it open, though, rolling her eyes to the roof. She got herself out of the way and gestured widely for him to get in “Come on in….” she ব্যক্ত as if he was really getting on her nerves, already; as if she didn’t even care anymore whether he stayed অথবা left as long as he didn’t annoy her any longer.
A sharp pang ached in his chest. He stepped inside, keeping quiet, words failing him. She quickly snapped the door shut behind him “I gotta finish packing some stuff I have to bring প্রথমপাতা before leaving, if আপনি don’t mind” she told him in a businesslike tone, without even looking at him.
She headed to her bedroom, leaving him there.
“…Jess will be here any মিনিট to help me”
He heard her sifting through the clothes in her wardrobe, quietly as if he wasn’t even there. “I don’t have much time…”
He thought they would have more, indeed. These last days had passed দ্বারা so quickly, it was almost surreal. And today had flown দ্বারা so quickly it felt like a whirl had first whipped him up from the ground and then…flung him violently elsewhere.
But now, finding out they had barely twenty hours neat ahead was…
One of her bags lay unzipped on the floor, just before his feet. Some clothes had already been stuffed in it. His eyes wandered into the dusk of her living room. Boxes on the table, shoes scattered around…she was empting her trailer of all her stuff before leaving.
She was leaving…
For real…
In less than 12 hours...
He felt a strange kind of melancholy falling upon him, already; the air filling up his lungs like pressing hard against his chest, making it painful the very act of breathing it in.
This was it, then? This was how it was meant to end? Just like this? No আরো উত্তর to his questions? No আরো nothing? Were they supposed to become nothing আরো than a crappy loose end অথবা painful collateral damage? Just like this…?
He clenched his fists, his temper rising up for real this time, suddenly he couldn’t restrain himself anymore. All the feelings he had been fighting back for months were now pushing to burst out, like rivers overflowing their banks.
“Why?” he demanded bitterly, pinching his voice higher already.
Lisa froze and stopped folding her clothes, her হৃদয় suddenly thudding faster in her chest. She closed her eyes, taking a long, deep breath. She wished he would go away and leave her alone. She couldn’t talk about this. She didn’t want to. There was nothing to talk about.
“WHY Lisa!” he repeated almost with real anger this time, taking quick steps towards her bedroom. He stopped on the threshold, his eyes flashing at her again, far আরো intimidating than before.
She threw the clothes onto the বিছানা and sat on the edge, burying her face into her hands. She was tired. Felt warn out. Spent. Both physically and emotionally. She didn’t want to talk about this “Why what Hugh?” she asked harshly, her face still buried in her hands.
Hugh spread his arms open, clenching the doorjamb, his eyes severely fixed on her.
Do অথবা die.
“I want to know what happened…” he ব্যক্ত straightforwardly.
Lisa rubbed her face with both hands, with utter frustration “To what? What happened to what, Hugh?”
She wished she could just run away and avoid facing this. She knew this would happen. She knew it. And this was exactly why she hadn’t told anyone but David. She should have known better and not tell anyone at all. It would have been pointless even just mentioning it to him, ‘cause she knew they would end up fighting and….there was no purpose in all of this whatsoever. There was nothing to talk about.
Hugh stared at her “To us. I want to know what happened to us…” he said, feeling his হৃদয় leaping up in his throat. That was it. No আরো procrastinations. No আরো hesitations. He hadn’t time for this shit anymore. He needed to know why and now.
Deadline had loomed once and for all for him.
Truth time.
End of the game.
Slowly, Lisa moved her face out of her hands and lifted her stormy eyes up, pointing them at him. It hurt her even before she spit the words out “There’s no us…”
