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Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting পরবর্তি to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it’s going to shatter. আপনি oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”

The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”

“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give আপনি a nice আসন in the first-class carriage — and a কলা for your monkey.”


Guy in a লাইব্রেরি walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a চীজ বার্গার and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, আপনি know you’re in a library, right?”

Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a চীজ বার্গার and fries, please.”


A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After ডিনার the father asks, “Now, son, what did আপনি want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what আপনি see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “And what do আপনি deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, আপনি idiot, it means that somebody গাউন our tent.”


During a cold winter দিন a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!

Patient: Doctor, please can আপনি help me out?
Doctor: Yes, আপনি may make your way out the same way আপনি come in.


Teacher: John, tell me your তারিখ of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!

What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!

What will be a Math teacher’s পছন্দ dish?
Pi!

Sam called helpdesk to solve his computer issue.
Helpdesk: “Sir click on “my computer” প্রতীকী to the left of computer screen”
Sam: “my left অথবা your left?”!

AND ONE আরো FOR APPRECIATING MY পূর্ববর্তি ARTICLE

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are আপনি at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if আপনি like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped দ্বারা the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$68,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one আরো thing….The house we wanted last বছর is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see আপনি later! I প্রণয় you!”
MAN: “Bye, I প্রণয় you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?

WILL TRY TO POST আরো LATER!
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the টেবিল with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the দুধ carton.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check অথবা charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a টেলিভিশন set in her purse.
"So, do আপনি always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied,...
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posted by McDreamyluva
LOLs!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did আপনি get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been প্রদত্ত your share !

HE: Will আপনি come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make আপনি very happy
SHE: Why? Are আপনি leaving?

HE: What would আপনি say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh...
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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If প্রণয় is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should আপনি believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that সারমেয় প্রণয় to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at আপনি if আপনি blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a বৃক্ষ falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the পঁচকোণ were...
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•    A few clowns short of a circus

•    A few fries short of a Happy Meal

•    A few beers short of a six-pack

•    Dumber than a box of hair

•    A few peas short of a ভাপে সিদ্ধ করার পাত্রবিশেষ

•    Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box

•    The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

•    One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl

•    A few feathers short of a whole হাঁস

•    All foam, no beer...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

•    Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

•    At stop lights, eye the person in the পরবর্তি car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

•    Two words: Chicken suit.

•    Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The আরো it looks like blood, the better.

•    Stop at the green lights.

•    Go at the red ones.

•    Occasionally...
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posted by Rock_n_Roll671
Okay, I;m not saying আপনি should ACTUALLY do this, but if u want to, u can, and put in the মতামত which ones you're going to try out.
__________________________________________________

1. When you're getting a drink of water at the water fountain, and he passes by, get a handfull of water and throw it at the crotch of his pants, and then yell, "HE PEED HIS PANTS!"

2. Run underwear up a flagpoll, solute, and when your princible scolds you, say, "You're just saying that cuz আপনি hate America."

3. When আপনি go to the princible's office, and when he asks why আপনি were sent, say, "I wrote that আপনি sucked...
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posted by musicfanaticXD
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited দ্বারা mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah মিষ্টান্ন and traveled দ্বারা Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an আপেল tree. One of their children,Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened রুটি which is রুটি made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He...
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posted by Alexyss_Cullen
আপনি came into my life as an unknown face
Not ever knowing our friendship,
I would one দিন embrace
As I wonder Through My thoughts and memories of u,
It Brings many Big Smiles and laughter so true

I প্রণয় the special bond that we beutifully share,
I প্রণয় the way আপনি প্রদর্শনী u really care,
Our Friendship means the aboslute world to me
I only hope this is somthin i can make u see,
Not hear

Thank u for opening ur mind and soul,
I will do all i can to help heal,
ur hearts little wholes
Remember ur secrets are forever নিরাপদ within me,
I will keep them under the tightest lock & key

Always Remember..If ur ever in...
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1)At the movies: When আপনি meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question: Hey, what are আপনি doing here?
Answer: Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2)In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't আপনি try again?

3)At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

4)At a restaurant: When আপনি ask the waiter
Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer মাখন Masala" dish good?...
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xD... I found that alot of ppl are posting these ^^

1. Follow them around the house everywhere.

2. Moo when they say your name.

3. In the grocery store, try to stick as many melons down yer pants as আপনি can and then start dancing

4. Say everything backwards.

5. Run into walls.

6. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.

7. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"

8. Snort loudly when আপনি laugh and then laugh harder.

9. Everytime they say your name jump up and down rub yer stomach and pat your head.

10. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!!!"

11. Wear...
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* কমলা Lavaburst
* পীচ (no longer produced)
* Poppin' পরাকাষ্ঠা Lemonade
* স্ট্রবেরি Kiwi Kraze
* Torrential Tropical Punch
* Wild Cherry
* ক্যান্ডি চকোলেট আপেল cooler


[edit] Hi-C Blast

* Berry Blue
* Blue Watermelon
* ফলমূল Pow
* ফলমূল Punch
* Orange
* কমলা Supernova
* পরাকাষ্ঠা Lemonade
* ফলবিশেষ Kiwi
* Strawberry
* স্ট্রবেরি Kiwi
* Wild Berry

[edit] Hi-C টক Blast

* Green Apple
* Strawberry
* Wild Cherry
__________________________________________________

THE WORD HI 61 TIMES

hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
Did আপনি really have to leave?
Without saying goodbye
Leaving me in tears
Wondering why?

I was really hoping
to be আরো than a friend
But for some strange reason
My plan had to end

As I recalled
That very special দিন
I was thinking "hey!
What did he have to say?"

During that দিন
there was lots to be ব্যক্ত
And I realized that
It all went in my head

When আপনি ব্যক্ত "I প্রণয় you"
I ব্যক্ত "I প্রণয় আপনি too"
But now I'm just questioning
Was it ever true?
__________________________________________________

I promised to be your friend.
Always and Forever.
Never had I thought
We would be আরো
What if I did...
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10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
9) সরানো everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an হাতি weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While...
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10. we have a slim chance we might be able to make a non hangover wine.....more amazing things have happened.....Actually that might be a lie.
9. We've all got our বন্ধু and family....And chocolate.
8. We also have light chocolate!
7. we also have dark chocolate!
6. Did I mention we have chocolate?
5. If the "Waters of mars" doctor who special scared the cra* out of you, at least your not alone...
4. Even if আপনি sometimes feel sad অথবা depressed, the sun will come out tomorrow....OR if your used to typical british wheather then this doesn't apply to আপনি sorry, but if your in any other country, then আপনি still have ten reasons to stay sane!
3. When আপনি think of চকোলেট everything seems to go your way...
2. There's someone for everyone!
1. Thats the lot! :)
-Pandawinx. :)
(PS thanks for reading! :) )
posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. If using a touch-tone, press যেভাবে খুশী numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival পিজা place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their প্রশ্ন with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and...
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1. "Do not use if আপনি cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

2. "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

3. "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

4. "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

5. "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

6. "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

7. "Do not use while sleeping অথবা unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

8. "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of...
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Colonel Sanders
There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. আপনি can't do any business from there.

Roseanne Barr
Experts say আপনি should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

W.C. Fields
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Milton Berle
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

George Gobal
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching টেলিভিশন দ্বারা candlelight.

Groucho Marx
I find টেলিভিশন very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the...
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WELDONE!

YOU HAVE FAILED TO IGNORE THIS MESSAGE TO আপনি - THE PERSON WHO FAILED!

dear fellow ফ্যানপপ failures...

i have failed to bring আপনি the news of fail blog sooner...

some of আপনি may know but the rest of আপনি probabley fail to know what im talking about. well fail blog is the brand new fail site. it's stuffed full of posts of your দিন to দিন FAILS. it does have the occasional win... there are the most যেভাবে খুশী posts of failed ছবি shots of failures পোষ্ট হয়েছে দ্বারা dedicated failed fail-er fail finders some are plain stupid but it won't fail to make আপনি laugh! আপনি can take failed pictures your self...
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Hey,it's werewolflover.you seemed to like my other প্রবন্ধ like this so here's another one.I hope আপনি enjoy and please rate and comment.
#1 sit in your front yard and every time someone walks দ্বারা (even a dog) moo where they can hear.
#2 Have a চা party with Mr.Wiggles.If anyone wals দ্বারা say "would আপনি like to যোগদান us?"
#3 scream at everyone to hide because the পরাকাষ্ঠা fuzzy bananas are taking over the world.
#4 go to a park/any large grassy area where people are,sit down and scream.
#5 Start coughing and then say "sorry my chipmunk,Fred was trying to get out of my stomach.Then say to Fred,be good অথবা I'm taking your DS away.
I personally think my first one was better,but what do ya think?
1. Go to a Miley Cyrus সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান with an obsessed Twilight Fangirl, and go up on stage with her in the middle of the সঙ্গীতানুষ্ঠান and talk about Edward Cullen (fangirl অথবা not). Make sure আপনি both wear My Chemical Romance T-Shirts.

2. Make a gossip magazine write about a Joe Jonas and Robert Patterson scandal.

3. Tell Selena Gomez অথবা Demi Lovato that they're bad role models.

4. Diss Selena Gomez's fasion style.

5. Bring Marilyn Manson and Gene Simmons (both with makeup) to the set of Sonny With A Chance.

6. Compare Joe Jonas's জ্যাকেট in "Burnin Up" and a The Black Parade jacket. Farmiliar?

7. Morph Miley...
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